House Arrest
by wordsaremyescape
Summary: {AU} After three years of cat and mouse, Officer Morgan has had enough. Realizing that proper punishment is hardly the answer, Derek plans to take matters into his own hands. He intends to teach her something that might just put an end to the constant back and forth. As Chicago's favourite runaway, Emily Prentiss has plenty to learn. So why is Derek the one being schooled?
1. Midnight

**A/N: Okay so, this has been nagging me for the last few days now...**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds or any of its characters. If I did, things would be a little different.**

* * *

As much as she tried to keep a straight face, Emily Prentiss couldn't resist the urge to roll her eyes. She knew the look of this place too well to be even remotely intimidated by it. The voices around her had begun to fade before the officer even had a chance to finish reading off her rights. Not that it mattered. She knew those words so well she could say them in her sleep. So here she was, watching the officer's mouth go up and down like he had something damn important to say, something she was apparently supposed to care enough about. Out of the corner of her eye, she kept a steady focus on the wall behind his head. Considering how many times she'd seen this place, she was pretty close to finding out how many bricks held this room together. Sure it was boring as shit but anything was better than listening to him drone on about rules she was just going to end up breaking by the end of next week.

For a population that claimed to be "protecting the city", they barely gave people like her a second look. And why would they? Home for her was the three stretches of sidewalk and a blanket that looked a lot like Swiss cheese after three years of use. For the slums of Chicago, things like this were considered "normal". She smirked. Normal got her thrown in this place on a weekly basis. A few times she played with the idea that the city might actually be looking out for her. A cot in a cell was a five star hotel in her world. She had some kind of roof over her head and shitty or not, they fed her some. For at least one night, she wouldn't have to go hunting for it. Funny thing was, Emily had to be caught trying to survive before anyone gave her as much as the time of day.

Her first year was a heart attack waiting to happen, anxious about every squad car that went past. Now, she saw them as old friends, something or someone that might keep her safe for a while. As weird as it sounded, time in this place allowed her to feel human. Hard asses or not, they at least seemed to care, even if she showed them she wasn't going to care either way. Maybe the fact that she was always brought in by the same arresting officer was their version of concern. She barely said a word to the guy but there was something nice about knowing who put you in cuffs all the time. In a life so unpredictable, one could count on at least one familiar face. At least then she knew who it was she'd have to pretend she was listening to.

Officer Morgan was apparently the most intimidating they had to offer. The problem was, once the guy twists your arms around your back enough times, there wasn't anything to be afraid of. He'd rattled off to Emily so often that she didn't even have to be listening anymore to know what he was trying to say. They were always told to give some variation of the same speech. It came off like some stupid pre recording or whatever. As bored as she was, she'd come across the last brick on the wall ten minutes ago. Now she would have to look interested.

"Prentiss, do you understand why you're in here?" Emily laughed. For his sake, she kept it relatively contained while falling back lazily into her chair. The scowl on his face told her he was less than impressed.

"Let's be real here, Derek. I'd be fucking stupid if I didn't know why I was in this place," she muttered. She watched him pull his hands back, crossing them over his chest. The fact that this guy was trying so freaking hard to act professional only added to the thrill she got when pissing him off. At least he wasn't trying to take her head off about the name thing. Any other officer would be breathing fire or correcting her if she tried. Either they'd done this often enough that doing so was allowed or he was just a really chill dude. She decided it might be a bit of both. In a way, she almost called the guy a friend.

"What was this time?" She wasn't sure if it was because she was forced to zone back into the conversation or just the fact that she knew him that well but he sounded almost as bored as she was. "Another pack of smokes?" Emily rolled her eyes with a quiet snort. He knew exactly what she'd taken. It was never even about that, more a little reward for a job well done. But it ended up being talked about anyway.

"Among others," she mumbled. With a bit of a sigh, Emily watched him take the opposite chair and sit himself across from her. If she didn't know any better, he looked kind of...sad for a second. The thing about it was that she did know better. He wasn't supposed to pity people like her. They were trained to be tough, take no shit. "What do you care? Been dancing this dance for close to three years now. S'always the same," she shrugged.

"You enjoy doin' this?" he asked. She laughed. Who wouldn't? It was a rush like nothing she ever felt before. Something exciting, something out of the box. No matter how many years she'd been out there, stealing was its own quiet drug. Out there, no one was around to tell her what to do. This was nowhere near their first rodeo and he still thought he had a shot at giving her rules to follow.

"You know, for a cop you got some pretty stupid questions." She watched the officer roll his lip; his hands placed level with hers. Instinctively she stiffened letting her face go hard again. He must have noticed it too because the minute she did, he quietly pulled back, for which she was grateful. Maybe there were some decent Five-Os in this place.

"You've been at this for ten years, Prentiss. We bring you in here like clockwork. Pretty sure you're the only person who thinks this place is some kind of Holiday Inn." Emily kept her mouth screwed shut. If he knew how right he was, she'd never hear the end of it. He would probably set her up in a shelter or something. In no time at all, any shred of freedom would be gone. Where was the fun in that?

"This shithole?" she laughed. "You've gotta be kidding. You're the one who puts me in here. You really think that these little talks we keep having are going to change anything? Are you still hoping that one day I'm going to start giving a damn about what you have to say? Well I've got news for you Officer Morgan, I've never really been the type of girl who likes to be told what to do. Just ask the old lady."

From where he sat, Derek struggled to blink exhaustion out of his eyes. He could very well put these talks on video and play them side by side and they would be virtually identical. There were a few times he wondered if their exchange was practically verbatim. He'd cuff her, read the woman her rights, put her in the squad car, and here they would sit for close to an hour, some of it in a kind of stony silence. No wonder it was he and his partner who were always sent on these calls. He seemed to be one of the only guys who still gave a damn about doing his job, no matter how routine this arrest was.

The problem with Chicago was it had more than a few regulars. Emily Prentiss was her own kind of consistent though. Most of the guys Derek brought in barely paid attention because they hardly seemed to care. She just seemed to zone out because they'd had the same conversation for three years running.

As many times as the two crossed paths, there was something different about her tonight. Her eyes were still as hard and guarded as they always were but she still looked...oddly spent. He knew her to be a lot more biting than she was now. Sure she did her part looking bored out of her mind, like this was the last place she wanted to be. But something in her stance spoke to how tired she looked. Derek wasn't sure if it was entirely true but at least during this interrogation, she seemed to be trying to care. Or maybe that was just his hope that something might sink in.

"Emily," he whispered. He watched her shoot right up then, her gaze bordering on fire. He'd either brought her back to some kind of reality or she was ready to snap his neck for using her name. "This has gotta stop. We've found you on every street at least three times. They don't even radio a situation anymore. All we hear is 'she's at it again'. You don't even get a decent description anymore. We've been around the block so many times everybody knows what you're about. Is that really the name you want to make for yourself?"

"If I was decent, we wouldn't be here," she mumbled. I really don't see the big deal. If it was such a chore for you, you don't have to come get me. If it's so 'routine' for you, just ignore the damn call. Everybody wins."

"You know I can't do that."

"Uh, yeah you can. I know this place blindfolded. I don't need a fucking babysitter." Derek quietly shook his head. As hard as he was supposed to be in here, he'd faced Emily often enough to know that no one in her shoes actually enjoyed being in them.

"This is the job, Prentiss. I can't just ignore an order so you can rob every place within a six block radius. I'd get kicked to the curb in a hot second." He watched her shrug, forcing him to bring up a curious brow.

"It's not half bad. You get to make your own rules. No dragon lady breathing down your neck all the time. I mean, not all of it's sunshine and rainbows but you do what you gotta do."

"You don't have to do any of this," he mumbled. The woman let a smirk crawl across her face. For someone who claimed to have learned so much about her, the guy knew nothing. Of course she had to. That's the only way anybody like her made it out alive.

"You know what? Let's just stop right here, okay? Just 'cause you've thrown me in the back of your car over two hundred times doesn't mean you know the first thing about me or what I have to and don't have to do," she snapped. "So why don't we just make this easy on both of us? You give me my stuff back and we'll hang out in another week or so. Sound good?"

"Sit down," he demanded. She had to give it to him. Anybody else would be red in the face and screaming at her. He seemed so...calm. "You're not going anywhere just yet."

"Hard to do that when I still have these guys on," she muttered rattling her wrists. She watched him then, a hint of a smile on her face while he tried to hide his obvious frustration. With his hands over his face, the officer slowly met her gaze from behind his fingers.

"Save the smartass for someone who cares," he said with narrowed eyes. Of course. As friendly as they had become over the years, at the root of it all, he was just like everybody else.

"Right. My bad," she scoffed. "Point is, I'm here and I'm listening. I just don't know why I have to when I've heard the same thing so many times I dream about it. Just thought I'd save us both some time. 'Cause cool dude or not, you're just like everybody else in this place. You don't care. I'm just part of your paycheck." She waited a full minute, somewhat pleased when he didn't answer her. "I'm right aren't I?" she smirked. "You play the part of this big hero and behind all of that...I'm just another stupid girl you have to take off the streets."

"Emily, you don't need to be here," he said quietly. There it was again. Her name. One she hated so much that she made sure none of her "neighbours" bothered to use it. Even Officer Morgan knew that much. But he'd said it twice now. It had become this quietly unspoken code for a rare moment of sincerity. For those few seconds he often looked like he might actually care a little bit.

"No, I don't need to be here," she bit. "But you throw me in here anyway trying to teach me some lesson. Not sure if you remember this Derek but I'm not a kid anymore. I'm sure I looked the part when we first met but even then I was twenty-one. Just a little on the short side. By law that means I'm legally allowed to do whatever the hell I want, so long as it doesn't hurt anybody." He wondered just how unaware she was of the fact that she may not be hurting other people but she was doing a damn good job of hurting herself. "But I'm sure I don't have to remind you that I've been at this a lot longer than you've been a cop. I was out there by the time I was sixteen. There's something kind of cool about it, comforting," she mumbled. "When you've been at it as long as I have, it doesn't really matter too much after a while. Just a way of life."

"You're right," he nodded. She had to hide the quiet shock that wanted to flutter across her face. Friendly as they were, not even Derek Morgan ever said as much to her. "By law, you're allowed to make your own rules. There's always a line. And you always seem to be crossing it. But I also have mine and if I want to keep my badge, keeping you off the streets is one of them."

"I'm not here 'cause you wanna keep me off the streets," she pointed out.

"Right about that too. But you know what? If you weren't, you wouldn't be staring in every surveillance video in Chicago."

"I walk six blocks, Derek. That's hardly all of the city of Chicago."

"Alright look, I have every right to keep you here. In fact, it's my job to make sure you don't see those streets for awhile—"

"You say it like I'm trying to stop you." She wouldn't exactly be complaining if they decided to give her a bed for the night. The street would always be there to get back to. A little time away wouldn't be all that bad. Some kind of win-win situation.

"This is a game for you, isn't it?" As much as she wanted to laugh, anger flared inside of her that she had to bite down on to keep it from spilling over. When was he going to get it through his thick skull that what she did to stay alive was hardly a game? When was anybody going to understand that if she stayed in this place long enough it would almost be worse than running? Still, her voice remained even.

"Maybe, maybe not," she shrugged. There was that sigh again. Officer Hero was about as done with her as she was with him. Good. Maybe that meant she'd be letting her go soon.

"You'd better lose the attitude. Rules or no rules, I can hold off on letting you have your call."

"But officer, it's the _law_ ," she stressed, her tone dripping with sarcasm

"I never said you weren't getting it. I was just thinking of holding off a bit, let you sit here and think for a few minutes."

"There's nothing to think about, Derek. You got me. Again. I'm sitting here, letting you do your job and once you do, you're gonna drag me into a cell and throw away the key. We've done this before. So why don't we just...I don't know, forget the call and just skip right to the end?" As many calls as she'd gotten, none of them ever did any good. The world was hers and hers alone. The time to be saved had come and gone. So why was he always trying to push an issue that wasn't even an issue in the first place?

"At the very least your mom's gotta be wondering where you are." Emily blanched, the old fire in her eyes burning its brightest in those few seconds. Who'd given him the right to talk about any part of her personal life? This was supposed to be about the stuff she took. She didn't need a therapy session. He was hardly qualified to give her one. Worse was the fact that he acted like he understood or something. She'd gotten to know a lot about the guy over the last few years. As much as she bitched about him, she knew he was one of the decent ones, one of the only ones who might be doing what he's doing for more than the badge he wore. Not that she'd ever tell him that to his face. But this, brining up her mother was more than crossing lines she was supposed to be avoiding. Derek didn't know a thing about her mother. His attempt at concern was starting to grate on her nerves.

"Cut the crap," she bit. "My mother's dead. Told you this the first time. Dead is dead. She doesn't give a damn where I am. From what I hear, you don't care about a lot of things after your heart stops. You just get to sleep forever." She watched that stupid brow go up again. She didn't care if she was talking crazy. This wasn't Dr. Phil.

"There's gotta be somebody..."

"There isn't," she snapped. "Emily Prentiss is a one man show. Lucky for you, I'll be here all week," she mused. He sighed. Considering when her arrests started, it was hard to believe she didn't have a single person out looking for her at one point. Maybe that was no longer the case but that didn't mean someone wasn't out there quietly wondering.

"Well you and your one man band can hang out in here for a few minutes while we figure out what we're gonna do about this."

"You can't just throw me in a box and call it good?"

"We've been doing that for the last three years, Emily. This place is meant to teach you something."

"Never was a good student," she shrugged.

"It's high time we see if something else might get through your head." She tapped on it jokingly, a slight smile coming to her face when she saw him roll his eyes.

"I dunno...It's pretty solid. Just...tell me when I get to go home," she grumbled.

"You mean the streets?" She shrugged. Streets...home. It was all the same to her by now.

"Like I said. It ain't half bad. I promise I won't steal anything for a while."

"Right..."

"You don't believe me?" she smiled innocently.

"If I did, my job would be a whole lot easier," he mumbled.

"Workin' hard for your money," she teased. "Alright well, if you're gonna go tell on me or whatever, can I at least lose the bracelets? It's not like I'm going anywhere special." Derek bit his lip, thinking for a minute before making his way over.

"Sorry princess. That's how it goes." A growl echoed through the room as the door came closed behind him. "Ye of little faith..." she quietly muttered to an empty room.

* * *

Making his way out toward the break room, he groaned, letting the breath settle along each of his tired bones while he poured what felt like his sixth cup of coffee in the last three hours. As many times as he brought her in, as many similar situations as he'd seen, there was something painfully different about Emily Prentiss. A lot of them thought this was all fun and games. Those who didn't gave themselves away in seconds. But even so...tonight he saw something else.

He was trained to watch for tells. All of them were. No matter how long they stayed in interrogation, something always gave them away. But Prentiss was always...strangely honest. As hard as she was, there was nothing she blatantly hid from him. Sometimes it seemed as if there was nothing _to_ hide. Maybe she just had a solid act on her side. More often than not, she just wanted to get in and get out as soon and as painlessly as possible, seasoned enough to know exactly what it was they needed to hear. And even then she never gave them anything useful. She might as well be shootin' the breeze with an old friend. Downing the last of his coffee, Derek made his way toward the chief's office. Tapping lightly before he entered, he let out a slow breath.

"Still nothing," he muttered. Finally looking up, David Rossi eyed him skeptically. "As often as she's been here, I still don't see any obvious flags. Holding her for the night doesn't do anything."

"Oh I'm sure she's got plenty holding her here today. Store manager wants to press charges. We can keep her here for shoplifting and see what that gets her."

"Rossi, she's been at this for nine years. How is this the first time anybody wants to put her away?"

"I guess somebody's finally had enough," he shrugged. "I think we all have."

"A pack of cigarettes and a can of soup," Morgan muttered. The chief closed his eyes. "That's not even twenty dollars worth."

"Stealing is stealing, Morgan. No matter how small the offense." He nodded. He got that. Anyone with good sense got that. But what was any of this really teaching her? He'd just be driving the same beat a week from now.

"I get that, alright? But this has got to stop. I'm the only one who ends up going 'cause everyone else is sick of hearing it. Where we got her and where she's going, it might as well be Disney World. I thought we were all about punishment."

"We are."

"So, why the hell do we feed it?"

"Derek, if we didn't we wouldn't be—"

"...doing our jobs, yeah I've heard that already." He wasn't sure what it was that snapped his nerve. Maybe it was the hours he was working tonight or the fact that he wasn't getting anything out of his arrest. His boss hardly seemed to notice his tone, probably just as annoyed as he was. "I'm just done with it. She _likes_ it here. That's not the point of this place. Making her do time isn't going to guarantee she'll figure it out. I can bet my next check on the fact that she won't and we'll be doing the same shit six months from now."

"What do you want me to do, Derek? Ignore the call? That's not how this works."

"I don't know...I just know that her being here doesn't do what it's supposed to do."

"You want me to make up charges to keep her in here longer?" Leaning against the nearest wall in his office, he carefully shook his head. That would likely make Prentiss feel like a kid in a candy store.

"What if we...tried something?" The older man turned to face him, a cautious eye aimed at the officer. Only one thing came out of talk like that. Especially from Morgan. "I'll go back to the store and cover the cost of whatever it was that she took, maybe talk it out with the manager. Maybe she could...work it off or something. She always talks about being out for herself. Makes sure to remind everybody that she does what she wants. If she's working for somebody, she'll have no choice. The only other option she's got is coming back here."

"You need a court order to give out community service. And even if we did, where would she stay to get it done?" He stopped for a minute. The officer hadn't exactly thought that far ahead yet. She made it pretty clear she didn't have available parents. He never heard her say anything about having any friends. Then again, her circuit was hardly the place to be making them.

"If we get her in front of a judge and work that out, I could do it," he offered. He wasn't exactly sure how many codes he was breaking but he was damn near the end of his rope with options here.

"You could do it," Rossi echoed not quite believing him.

"Well yeah. It can't be that hard. It's not like she's a minor who's going to need—"

"...constant supervision to make sure she doesn't run off and botch this hypothetical plan?" Well saying it like that showed him just how spontaneous the idea was.

"Alright, I get it. She's gonna need a freaking watch dog. Once she figures out she's not dancing to the beat of her own drum anymore, something's bound to click." Even as he spoke, he had to wonder why someone waited this long to do something about her shoplifting. Was she really that stealthy to the untrained eye? Did she steal so little that it somehow always seemed not to matter enough to take action? Derek was pulled out of his own thoughts when his boss breathed thoughtfully

"What happens if something like this goes through? You know how many rules we'd be breaking here? It's highly unethical."

"With all due respect, sir, I don't think it matters whether or not it's ethical. Prentiss practically lives in here. Tax payer money's putting a roof over her head. And she has no problem turning around and shitting in their faces. I think it's high time we put an end to her little charade, even if that means getting a little creative."

"As valid a point as that is..."

"You know I'm right about this."

"This isn't about being right or wrong. It doesn't even make sense. I don't even know if it's been done before. Hours are set aside for juvenile acts. The woman is now twenty-five. She knows exactly what got her here. We can't just turn a blind eye."

"There are no blind eyes here. It's just an alternative. If it wasn't required, I would skip her Miranda rights. No one's been known to come in as often as she does. It's gotten so bad that I'm the only one who brings her in anymore. Everybody else is sick of it. It's like she's laughing at us. One big game of cat and mouse. Didn't we all take an oath to protect and serve? This way everybody wins. And maybe she'll learn a little something."

"I can't make this an official order..."

"It's my ass on the line if this blows up in my face. I wouldn't be bringing it up if I didn't already know that."

"Morgan, if anybody asks..."

"It's on me."

"Derek I'm your boss. Of course it's going to come back to me. But that's not even the biggest problem. This would put an ax on the entire department."

"Chief, I've willingly taken orders from you to the letter for the last three years. I've got a good feeling about this one."

"For the record, I have absolutely nothing to do with this."

"Exactly. I'm the one making this call. I got no problem going to bat for you if they smoke you. I just...Something's gotta give. I wanna get back to putting people in here who deserve to be here. I want to scare guys who don't see it coming. I was put on this team for my interrogation skills, right? They don't work on her anymore. I'm not sure they ever have. I'm late in the game. She thinks I'm her friend."

"Considering the call I just got, I'm pretty sure you won't be her friend for much longer."

"You know what I mean."

"If I allow this...she's your responsibility. In here, out there, I know nothing." Nodding, he carefully backed away from his desk. "And Morgan?" He had the door open before he froze, slowly turning back. "If this plan of yours fails, I expect your badge and gun in my office the next morning." Derek swallowed hard biting his lip.

"Yes sir."

"Good. Let her know she's got a hearing in three days. I'll call in a couple of favours and we'll see if your genius plan does her any good."

"Got it," he mumbled.

* * *

Standing just outside the room, she looked like she was ready to fall asleep. The chances she was going to pay any attention to this were slim but considering what he had to do to get a deal like this, she wasn't going to have any choice. Taking the chair across from her again, he leaned back tiredly. "Seems like somebody finally wants to press charges." Watching her swallow hard, he had to fight a slight smirk.

"So what?" she muttered. "Not like it's gonna stick." The words fell out almost immediately. A careful attempt to hide the fact that no one had ever actually squealed on her before. Not that it was meant to make her the slightest bit uneasy. This was how it was supposed to go. Nights on the outside were hell. This was supposed to be some wayward reward for putting an end to her little adventures. So why did the prospect of a saving grace feel worse than death? She'd had a good run. Nine years flying under the radar was bound to get back to her eventually. She could only hope that her own heart would stop before this became her life.

"Oh no, this one's gonna stick. You know how long we get to keep you when it does? Six months. Six months of living in a little tiny box, following everybody else's rules." Emily felt herself stiffen. There was no way in hell that was gonna happen. There had to be some other way. The last time she'd done that...

"Bullshit," she snapped.

"Run that by me again?"

"That's not happening. It...It can't," she whispered, hating herself for how quiet she'd gotten. She hoped against all hope that he hadn't heard such a drastic change in her tone. Maybe he'd be nice enough to ignore it. Morgan didn't need to know that she wouldn't survive more than an hour in a place like that. Derek blinked. As many times as he'd been here, he'd never heard that before.

"Why can't it?" he asked.

"It's not going to _do_ anything! But you don't understand that, do you? Some of us don't have a _choice_! This is my _life_. And yeah it's like walking on landmines all the time. And yes it gets me thrown in this hell almost every other day but that's _home_. That's how I _survive._ Some of us don't have nice fancy homes like you do, Derek. It sucks but that's how it is. You learn to live with it."

"Emily..."

"Don't," she growled. "Nobody calls me that."

"I know," he said quietly. She froze. If she dared imagine it, his tone sounded almost...gentle. How stupid of her to let him slip those in. It didn't matter that he used them sparingly. Letting him use them at all gave him the impression that he was someone special enough to be rewarded with it. It had taken her well over a year before she stopped reacting when he let it fall out. Right now, Emily wished she still did. "I have another option for you," he mumbled.

"I don't need you feeling sorry for me, Officer Morgan."

"I don't." His eyes sharpened when she laughed outright. "Prentiss listen to me. You can either let me finish or prepare to do your time like everybody else does." He wasn't even sure why he'd put such an option on the table. Maybe it was the fact that she'd slowly stopped fighting him. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that her story never changed, leaving her nothing to really be guilty for taking. Or maybe it was the fact that, if she wasn't trying so damn hard not to, if he pushed her enough she would unravel in this very room.

"Didn't they teach you anything in cop school? I don't have a choice."

"Tonight you do."

"What? You gonna call the dude who sent you and cover my ass for me?"

"Sort of..."

"Well I got news for you, Derek. It's been me, myself and I for the last decade. I don't need anybody looking out for me. Especially you. So really, if you need your Boy Scout badge so bad, you won't find it here."

"If you can shut up and let me finish, I'm trying to cut you a deal," he growled. Emily just smirked. What the hell kind of deal could he even find her in this place?

"Service and a slap on the wrist? That won't _teach_ me anything," she laughed. "So really, what's it gonna get either of us?"

"Shut up!" She laughed while rolling her eyes at him. "If you want a hearing for service in three days, I would stop talking right now. If you'd rather be in here, keep going." Blinking slowly, she tried to hide the careful shiver of blood run cold. She was joking, trying to be a smartass to get him off her back. And here was pretty much confirming her suspicions.

"You're serious?" she almost scoffed. It earned her a nod, even if his mouth was a hard line of frustration. "It's up to you how you wanna play this. You'd be in holding for a few days, until we can arrange a hearing. If the judge sees that you don't need to do it like this, you'll be staying with me."

"With you?" she snorted. "For real?"

"Do I look like I'm joking?" She felt herself go still, unsure if it was simply because she felt so worn down. Or maybe it had more to do with the fact that she let herself believe him, just this once. Whatever the case, she silently shook her head, suddenly feeling stupidly small.

"No..." she whispered. Nodding slowly, he stood.

"Understand that I'll have to set you up with a parole officer. If you decide to run, I won't be there to save your ass. You'll be doing your time like you're supposed to and deal's off." Despite her attempt to keep a straight face, Emily fell forward, trying hard to hide her surprise as it finally dawned on her. As often as she'd seen this place, cops didn't make these kinds of deals. Not only was it unheard of but impossible to even achieve it.

"You'd put your ass on the line for _me_?" she asked, pointing to herself while trying hard not to laugh. When he said nothing, she fell back into her seat, arms crossed as she tried to process what she'd just heard. "You...would put your job...for me?" Derek made sure to stay as professional behind the badge as possible. Tonight, he'd become everything he fought to prevent. Unsure of whether or not it had anything to do with the so-called "bond" they'd formed over several years worth of arrests or the fact that Emily's guard was quietly peeling away right in front of him, he nodded again. "What's in this for you?" she muttered. "Brownie points, a promotion, what?"

"Nothing but making sure you get somewhere. Sometimes you gotta bend a little, right?" Emily just stared at him. What the hell was he aiming for? Rule books had it that people like her got caught by people like him. And here he was trying to _help_ her. It didn't make any sense. He wasn't supposed to do any of this. Sure, she was allowed to make his job a living hell but no part of that asked him to be nice to her.

"I don't understand..."

"There's nothing to understand. You either cooperate and take it or let the charges stand."

"I'm not supposed to...like live with you," she pointed out.

"Well, not sure about you but I've been known to keep a good secret now and then when I had to." Her head bobbed slowly, still all together skeptical about this so-called deal. But at this point, it hardly mattered that it made her feel weird, or that the idea was all together unheard of and impossible. If it kept her out of the box, she'd try it. She wasn't too good at this being grateful thing but the fact he was ready to stick his neck out for her had to count for something. "Good." She wasn't the biggest fan of the first part of this plan but three days sure beat six months.

"Can I go now?" she mumbled. I ummm...I never got to have any of that soup." Any hint of familiar flame in her words had somehow disappeared and she had him to blame for that. Derek had to go and be all nice to her, give her options. Not just any options but choices that made her out to be a person in his eyes and not quite the caged animal she was supposed to be.

"This isn't Burger King, Prentiss. You get what you get," he warned. Rolling her lip, she carefully cleared her throat. Given the last few days she'd had, she wasn't exactly looking to be spoiled. What she'd just been handed was luxury enough.

"Look, I'm just really tired, okay? Tired and kinda hungry. I don't get to eat like normal people." Nodding silently, he walked up beside her, pleased when she willingly offered him her wrists. When he finally walked her over to her cell, Emily had to fight a thin sheet of moisture that was starting to shape in the back of her throat. "You know, for a badge, you're not half bad," she barely smiled.

"It's all part of the job," he mumbled. Since finding out about the alterative, she kept to herself the small list of rules he'd probably broken for her. Convicts didn't live with the people they weren't supposed to like. Homeless people went years without one. She hadn't exactly done anything to earn a real roof over her head. As far back as Emily could remember, she didn't have time to keep a job, let alone find one. She had a sinking feeling that some kind of work was the unspoken part of his plan.

But she had to remind herself that right now, he hardly sounded anything like the policeman he was meant to be. She quietly wondered if what he planned to do for her would land him in the one place he threw everybody else in. They both knew that wasn't part of the job and still he'd gone out of his way. Just before he turned to leave, she barely registered grabbing lightly at her wrist.

"Thank you..." To say he was surprised by her actions would be an understatement. Emily Prentiss hardly looked like the kind of person who felt comfortable being thankful to anyone. Even if she felt it necessary, the phrase sounded painfully foreign in her mouth. For the moment, she agreed to brush it off. The officer had every right to treat her less than dirt, and he hadn't, no matter how much she deserved to be.

When he returned with her change of clothes and a tray of food, she gave him nothing but a subtle nod. "I'll be back again tomorrow morning. You'll see me about every three hours until then."

"You've got to sleep at some point," she mumbled. "I don't need a bodyguard." Anything else she was ready to say was swallowed up by the not so subtle glare he shot her. "I can't go anywhere. I'm not setting up for a prison break or anything. I promise I'll be good." Hardly one for promises, she at least owed the man this one. She could go back to being a hardass once this was over.

"I'll be by around six. You should be able to get some decent sleep for a while." She almost laughed. Compared to where she'd been, a good sleep was almost guaranteed. "You really think we're buddies?" She knew better than to say anything to that. "For the next little while, I'm either your best friend or your worst enemy. The choice is yours." The young woman swallowed hard, the knot in her throat getting thicker. What would happen if she admitted that the first was more true than he knew? They weren't exactly hitting the town together but none of his buddies had ever been this...kind to her. What the hell had she even done to earn even a minute of his mercy?

 **A/N: As much as this show has taken over my life, I'm still trying to get a feel for characterization and whatnot. In time, channeling them should get easier. Until then...hope you like :)**


	2. Caged

**A/N: Wow! Thank you all so much. I really wasn't sure how well this would do. For that, I have a present for you :)**

 **Disclaimer: *See chapter 1***

* * *

When she was sure Derek was completely out of earshot and sight, Emily found her place on the cell cot wringing her hands impatiently. Taking a handful of "deep cleansing breaths", she swallowed hard. She'd already been given enough of a free pass. They didn't need to know that the four walls she was sure would grow faces if she wasn't careful were slowly caving in on her. With a throat as thick as sandpaper, she fought to keep her own eyes tightly shut. If she didn't see anything, she'd be fine. That's how it usually worked. But with all the information thrown at her moments before, there was no way in hell she'd be able to keep her centre. Sure it worked for some people but meditation didn't do a lot for a person who had to sleep with one eye open just to make sure her bed wasn't ripped out from under her ass.

She knew she wasn't the only one to live so recklessly. There were dozens of people on her own stretch of sidewalk who were at it so long they couldn't even remember what decent living was like. But reckless wasn't exactly optional and anyone with half a brain would know that. Being locked away in a cell should be able to lift her spirits at least slightly. Instead it only served as a quiet frustration. Not that she was angry anymore. Any hint of it quickly deflated by the time the cell was closed. Still she found herself digging for any hint of the feeling that might still be lingering in small quantities.

Emily needed a focal point, a feeling that overpowered the sudden loss of air in the room. If she didn't redirect her energy soon, she would probably be giving her cellmates some late night pay per view. After that it would be off to the hospital while they shoved an oxygen mask over her face and stick her with fuck knows what else. Always a quick fix so it wasn't like she was staging her escape. Guards would have her back in here by morning at the latest. But it wasn't going to solve the problem. She'd just come back smelling like ozone or whatever it was they put in purified oxygen. And to think she had two nights after this one.

Taking a deep breath, she groaned. The careful snap of tense muscles reminded her just how long they'd been sitting in that room. Cringing slightly when they sounded in succession, she forced herself to close her eyes. Maybe if she kept herself in some kind of sleep-like darkness until the feeling actually came she might have a chance. If she let herself believe they never left interrogation (which was one of the only places the walls didn't actually come in on her), she might be able to avoid the ER.

Hell on everyone else, hospital emergency felt like some kind of fantasy just barely out of reach. There was no doubt she was supposed to hate it. That was the feeling for most everyone, no matter how rich or poor you were. She had an even stronger feeling that once she knew what it was like, there was no way she'd go back there. For now, it was cool enough to dream. For just a few minutes she was like every other kid in America. For just a split second her mother wasn't a super combination of every member on hospital staff just to save a few dollars. The smell of antiseptic was fleeting (she knew the smell from the few bottles she swiped from a clinic for her druggie friends). Just as quickly as it had come it was gone forcing her to blink. _Don't look..._ she thought. Avoiding the wall, her head shot up toward the bars. Pretty sure she'd imagined it; she quietly welcomed Officer Morgan's booming voice.

At least in the silence, unwatched she allowed herself the briefest smile. Of course he sounded ready to yell at her. Emily couldn't remember a time where they dared to have some kind of decent conversation. Tonight would be the first and probably last of those. No eye rolls this time. A distraction she would take willingly. The guy didn't have to know the annoying hum of his voice in the back of her head was keeping her from guaranteed hyperventilation. Not sure why she couldn't make anything out clearly, she let the hum of his presence be enough to keep her head from spinning. What he had to say was likely something she'd heard a billion times anyway. Just to have another person there, real or otherwise, might help her sleep. If it didn't, well at the very least she wasn't alone.

Shit, now she sounded like a nut job. Maybe she really did spend too much time in the slums. Half the people she knew were well on their way to some kind of psychotic break if they hadn't already had one. If this was hers, at least she took comfort in the fact that she'd be having it privately. If she managed to make it through the night like a normal person, even better. Laying down with a heavy sigh, Emily took in the eerie silence that followed, a subtle chill dancing down her spine that kept her even more awake than she already was after their little exchange from earlier. No surrounding voices to help her keep her head.

"Alright I lied," she muttered. It certainly wasn't the first and it certainly wouldn't be the last time she did. If it was really this calm, the quiet was bound to make her want to scream in no time. Then she'd really look like a crazy. Not a far reach considering where she "lived". Sanity had its own expiration date and if she wasn't careful hers would come tonight or in the few days ahead. Did they really expect anybody to keep their shit together in this place? She then realized that this was likely the whole point of the exercise. Claustrophobic or not, this was home for the next little while. Hopefully life was kind enough to let her look half decent when Derek showed up again in the next few hours. Not even sure what time it was, generalizing the passage of time helped at least a little.

* * *

"Prentiss!" The sound of her name shot her straight up, forcing her to blink several times to readjust her eyes and try for a steady breath. She wasn't even sure why she turned to see who it was. Only one person in this place cared to acknowledge her. It also helped that he was kind of her babysitter. Rubbing sleep from her eyes, she slung her arms through the bars while trying to contain a yawn.

"Sir?" Morgan raised a brow, surprised the word fell from her mouth. Noticing his expression Emily rolled her lip trying to figure out how the word fell out. Unless it was a deeply buried memory, she'd never once said that to anyone. Clearing his own throat, Derek nodded, his gaze directed at the tray he carried.

"Not exactly IHop but you can down this with a clear conscience." Emily just rolled her eyes making sure her stance showed her thanks while she backed away enough for the door slide open. "The chief made some calls. You got a hearing in a couple of days. You'll represented by Erin Strauss. She's reviewing your case now." Biting the inside of her cheek, she had to wonder who would be stupid enough to take on her rap sheet. "This woman ain't the tooth fairy, Prentiss. Rossi's lucky she even picked up the phone for something like this."

"Did he pay in sexual favours?" she mumbled. Morgan just narrowed his eyes, his gaze shutting down any further comment. "Yeah, yeah, I'm lucky she gives a shit." As easily as it came out, the fact that the woman was willing to try for her should be enough. Sleep hadn't come easy so naturally she was up considering every single fuck up she'd ever been a part of. Thinking long and hard, that list was more than a little bit long. How in the world did she have a chance at freedom anyway? Emily hadn't exactly done anything commendable in her "free time". She wasn't getting off on good behaviour. "I'm hoping for a miracle, aren't I?"

"Well...this is technically your first real...'offense'," he pointed out. They both knew that was a good lie, even if there was a fraction of truth to it. "Strauss is one of the best we've got. She's famous for some pretty good hardball."

"Well that's great but...how does she plan to sway twelve angry people to cry for a homeless chick?" Derek just shook his head trying to answer that question for himself. If the city had any hope of putting an end to these otherwise useless arrests, this seemed to be the only thing that might work. Emily snorted despite herself. "See, not even you know how this is gonna work. Thanks for trying though."

"This hasn't even started, Prentiss. I'm the cop, not the attorney. I don't know the specifics. But I do know she's one of Chicago's best. Even if she looks like she doesn't wanna be there, which I bet just about anything she will, she's the only one standing between you and some kind of freedom."

"Yeah but not before I throw three years of my life into slave labour," she muttered. There it was. Her typical sarcasm that hardened her to something unbearable. The sad part was, Derek was pretty sure she had to stop trying for the attitude too long ago.

"You wanna talk slave labour, I'll really hook you up," he muttered. She unconsciously sent her eyes to the back of her head and sighed.

"I guess this is one of those 'I should be grateful' moments, huh?" The woman expected him to nod but instead he barely shrugged.

"It's not always about being grateful but when people are given chances like this, they don't piss on it and make it worse for themselves." She said nothing to that knowing that he was right to some degree. As many times as she'd gone over it in her head, she still couldn't shake the idea that there was something wrong with this plan. Criminals hardly did anything to deserve any of this. And even those who busted their asses trying to make it better for themselves hardly got anything remotely similar. Maybe part of it was that so far as she knew, nobody was stupid enough to pull this trick out of the book.

"So what is it? I'm supposed to dance for you now?" she laughed. "Show you a good time for trying to pull a rabbit's foot outta your ass?"

"What?" he whispered, brows knit in utter confusion.

"Forget it," she mumbled. No matter how many years he'd been working to get here, any variation of those words made him sick. And that said a lot when he thought about all the shit he'd seen after just three years on the force. Her words struck him with a clarity that nearly knocked him off balance. All these years of hearing about all of the things Emily had done, the countless nights he'd put her in holding. How did he never make the connection? Though he didn't say as much out loud, he was pretty sure she'd just found herself some kind of weak spot to stand trial.

Sure the first time had been a bit of a joke, just something to get under the guy's skin. But something about saying it a second time allowed her to add another layer to walls that were already painfully thick. For a minute, she thought it would be easier to just brush it off, pretend somebody else had said it. No matter how often the words formed in her mouth she always let them feel foreign anyway. Pinning it on somebody else would be easy. Too easy. They weren't the ones subconsciously wringing their hands and clawing invisible dirt from their skin. That was her. Emily's hands scratched Emily's skin. Emily's mouth had shaped the words that made her wish they would let her shower for a good two hours before she felt even remotely clean. She didn't even realize how automatic the reaction was until she felt a callused hand on her arm. Even if she refused to meet his eyes, his momentary touch was enough to layer her mouth with sandpaper again. This place was so quiet she could literally hear herself breathing. Or at least trying to. Emily wasn't even sure how she was doing in that respect until she caught a second pair of shoes out of the corner of her eye while they stayed trained on the concrete floor, the sight of them somehow bringing her breaths out faster than they already were and incomplete.

Too focused on keeping herself standing, she wasn't even aware she was being walked back over to her cot until she was forced to sit down. She let her head fall between her knees while she hugged them tightly trying to find a spot on the concrete to draw her focus. Whoever was in here with her had to go. They had to go now. Nobody had to be a part of this. These were the reason she made sure to stay tucked in an isolated corner when these things took over. As loudly as she wanted to scream, beg to be left alone, her cracked lips refused to form the words.

"Shh...Save it," Derek whispered. Save what? The guy had to leave. Didn't he get that? This was hers to do in private. And here he was trying to be helpful. Didn't he know when to stop? Emily could feel her lungs struggle to fill with a big breath of air while simultaneously asking her body for permission to scream. Inhaling sharply she readied herself. After trying and failing for three minutes to at least lift her head, she allowed herself a growl of frustration, glad that he couldn't see the tears of anger that followed. "S'okay. Just stay low." _Yeah I know. I've fucking done this shit before_. Instead she fought a quiet whimper as it tumbled from her mouth hoping to anything she could think of that he didn't comment on it.

"I...I can't," she rasped pathetically hating herself even more for it. "Hurts..." The single word came on a staggered wind that seemed to shrink her down even further.

"I know. Nice and slow..." As much as she wanted to punch the man's lights out for not listening to her, she barely complied. "That's it...Good." Once she was at least relatively steady, the officer brought himself back to his own thoughts. He was walking through a panic attack. The fact that it wasn't his own was a nice change of pace. He had to wonder though what triggered the reaction in the first place. Was it something he said? Something she'd said? A memory? "Look at me," he murmured. The narrowed eyes he found when she did were a slight comfort. "What'd you see?"

"Nothing," she snapped. "It was nothing. I got asthma or something. Acts up every once in a while. You just happened to walk in on it." Emily went stiff when she saw him shake his head, quietly glancing down at her flushed hands. As soon as she saw them, instinct tore them away. But not before letting herself have a moment to reflect on how genuine his touch seemed to be, even if it lasted only a second before she came to hate it again.

"Alright," he nodded silently backing away. "M'sorry," he muttered. "Just didn't want you on the floor." It was then that she remembered that Derek made himself responsible for her. Her freak out was bound to make him look bad. Of course he'd cover it up with what looked like a good gesture.

"Right...I forgot," she laughed. "Can't have me pulling my hair out. They'd send me to solitary." Just the thought of that place made her blood run cold. "You'd be done chasing bad guys and life as you know it, goes to shit." Morgan contemplated for a minute how he would even bring it up in a way that would get her to hear him.

"If you wanna end up dead in here, be my guest." There. Something biting since it seemed to be the only way she spoke to anyone. "Just let me know when not to show up. I'll ask them to throw you in a body bag and you'll be good to go." Even if she knew he wasn't serious, the thought of just how small the bag was unsettled her. Yes she'd be dead but that wasn't even the point.

"And lose out on getting to make your life hell? I don't think so." Giving a slight bob of his head, he inched himself to his original position. "Too much fun."

"Oh I'm sure," he said under his breath. The reply earned him a slight smirk. "What did you see, Emily?"

"I told you it was nothing. Just leave it alone, Derek. You've done enough."

"If I walk out now, I'll just be back in three hours to ask you again."

"You're not my therapist," she muttered. "It's none of your business anyway." Standing over her, his hands rested on his hips while he quietly stared her down. "Fuck off, Officer Morgan."

"Anything that happens in here to you _is_ my business, Prentiss. Whether it helps your case or helps you while you're in here it is my business."

"Why? 'Cause you're 'in charge of me'?"

"If you ever shut your mouth long enough to listen to anything else but the sound of your own voice, maybe you'd have figured out by now that I show up to look in on you. I stuck around to make sure you didn't go giving yourself a concussion if you passed out over there. I'm asking you what I'm asking you 'cause I guess I give a damn about whatever it is you have to say."

"Well that's a first..." she whispered. Words that strangely enough were not necessarily directed at the officer specifically but his entire gang of losers.

"I'll ask you again. What was it?" She had to wonder if the distance he put between them was intentional. Not to mention the touching. Even if he'd only done it a handful of times since they'd met. His momentary brushes were meant to deliver some kind of message. A stupid message in her book but whatever. The morning was already such a whirlwind that she didn't even say anything to the fact that his hands were settled on her knees as a gesture of patience she'd only ever seen in him.

"I said something stupid," she said with a simple shrug. "Sometimes I remember stuff and it makes me feel weird. That's it." Weird like panic attack weird but so what? It wasn't like she'd never had them before. The nod she saw made her scoff. What gave him the right to act as if he had a clue what it is she dealt with? "Don't pretend like you get it," she muttered. The thing about it was that he wished he had no clue. But he stayed silent; letting the quiet hang over them if she let herself say anything more. Ten minutes came and went before he saw even a shadow of communication in her eyes. "It's dark," she whispered. "Real dark. And cold...Always cold. I...I don't know. I guess I'm just not used to any of this. A real bed. Not having to look over my shoulder. Not something I'm used to. My body just..."

"It's okay," he mumbled. No. It wasn't okay. Part of Emily knew that no matter how good anything was, nothing was ever just...okay. Something or someone always hung back in the shadows ready to take from you. Letting her eyes dart momentarily, she noticed him watching her closely. "Prentiss it's alright. It's just us in here, okay?" She felt herself nod robotically daring to study his much larger hands.

Part of her expected him to rip them away like she had done to him. Another wanted to ask him why the hell he was touching her and demanded that he stop. But something about their quiet would let her question even more later. Because an even bigger part hoped he would keep them there. That same piece of her was digging for the words to make him stay just a little bit longer. Because no matter how she looked to him, she was relatively fine now. His only duty was to make sure she ate. She figured he wasn't doing so well with that because until she let herself think about it, food wasn't even a flash of a memory.

"What?" she muttered sharply. The slight smile he always gave her made him so unreadable. The look could mean so many different things there was no point in guessing anymore. It was then that she heard it, the sound making her want to punch herself in the face, now red with a flush so rare that the warmth it brought her face left her confused.

"There's a tray over there with your name on it." While she stood to collect it, Derek watched her carefully; unsure of just how much of her own balance had come back. When she returned taking her spot on the bed once more, the officer stood. "Can I get you anything?" _You can get gone_ she thought. For him, she quietly shook her head, keeping to herself what she really wanted to ask him. "Alright. I'll be back in a couple of hours." Emily just rolled her eyes.

"Are you really that bored? Did the bad guys take the day off?" Morgan studied her carefully. Was she really that much of a solo act? Just because he was an officer who normally put the fear of God in people like her, it seemed expected that he did the same to her.

"We're people too, you know," he whispered. Emily blinked. Of course she knew that. But people had enough sense not to care. And maybe she was stressing that like a broken record but it still didn't make any sense. She was supposed to hate everything he stood for. Crime fighter or not, she was a contagious disease. And here they both were trying to be people. The opposite sides of the spectrum almost made the situation forbidden.

"No..." she mumbled. "People have jobs. People pay for the food they eat. People do all of that in the houses they can afford to pay for. I get what you're trying to do, Derek but that doesn't change what this is...what I am."

"What are you, Prentiss?" Closing her eyes, she shook her head. _Lost...Confused as hell...Scared_. She hated herself for admitting the last one. She wasn't supposed to be scared. Scared didn't get her anywhere. She didn't have to open her mouth for him to see the flutter of emotion that came across her face. When he noticed her mouth had stayed a firm line, he let his own soften. "What are you, Emily?" He could feel the air around them tighten. If the girl wasn't tense already, his word choice surly did it. Quietly reaching into his holster, he let his gun slide quietly across the floor out of reach. Sending his taser in the same direction, he found a spot opposite her on the cot. "They're gone," he mumbled. "Now I'm just Derek, alright? Whatever comes out here, it's just you and me." Emily swallowed, refusing to make eye contact.

"Cancer..." she whispered. For a moment he wondered if that was how she'd lost her mother. He was quickly corrected with the look of disgust that washed over her. From their many conversations, the two were never exactly buddy, buddy. She didn't look close to crying either. "A disease...They're afraid of me. You know a lot of us make stupid signs. A few of us actually know how to play some music. Those are the ones who actually get anything out of it. They just look like street performers, it's okay to give 'em your extra dollar. But when you can't shower...When you put yourself in clothes that doesn't fit you right anymore 'cause you have nothing else, you're contagious. And the worst part is, it's not the kids that laugh at you, it's their parents. A kid actually tried to give me his bag of chips one time but his mom intercepted. 'We don't feed her, honey.' He actually had the guts to ask her why. 'I don't want you to get sick'. He didn't say anything else after that and just nodded. I...I didn't expect him to come back but he did. When I looked up, I saw that she had her back turned. He actually opened the bag for me, gave me the whole thing. 'I can ask Mom for another one'. I'm sure he was about eight or something. Before he ran to catch up to her he whispered it to me. "Mommy said you can't get it two times' and he smiled. It took me a minute to figure it out. I guess he's never had anything worse than chicken pox. And yeah, I'm pretty sure she still tells him shit but...for like five seconds..."

"...you were just like him," he said softly. She nodded blinking back tears. He carefully slid in closer to her, his hand coming over hers. Derek could feel his stomach give as he replayed her story in his head. Concerned parent or not, she might as well be an itch that can be scratched and ignored. "Sweetheart, look at me," he murmured. He watched her wince as her head shot up, tears pooling at the corners of her eyes. "There is nothing wrong with you, alright? Nothing." He heard a choked laugh through her tears.

"Of course there is," she whispered. "Why else am I in here? Or out there? I'm not like you, Morgan. You chose to be a cop. I didn't chose to not have somewhere to live. That's just how it is. I'm a cancer. For that kid, for the city...for you. I'm nothing. Of course you wanna get rid of me."

"Nobody said anything about getting rid of you."

"Isn't that what this is about? Making sure you don't have to come get me anymore?" He froze. He couldn't deny he'd said something like that before. But it seemed that she saw it as something completely different.

"I didn't mean it like that." Emily scoffed shaking his hand off, but not before letting herself be thankful for how warm it was. "Prentiss, where do you get your running water? What's the one thing we almost always talk about when you get here? You sit in that chair like it's the best thing you've seen all week. If I didn't yell it at you every few minutes, I'm pretty sure you'd fall asleep sitting up. Because you don't sleep. The circles under your eyes are so dark it looks like somebody put your lights out."

"Stop pretending like you know me," she muttered angrily. As defensive as she was to every assumption he ever made of her, there was always some truth to them and she hated him for that. "If I sleep, I get stabbed," she growled. "Or jacked. Sometimes both. I don't avoid sleep because I have to. I shove toothpicks in my damn eyes because as shitty as it is, I prefer living."

"And that's exactly my point. We're not doin' this 'cause I'm sick of you," he whispered. "Three years and not once has your story changed. Three years and it's always for the same reason. We're trying for this because we're both tired. Not necessarily of each other but the reason we keep meeting like this. And it's something we can fix," he added softly. "You never killed anybody. We don't pick you up for drugs. You never took more than you need. And it's always well under twenty dollars. We can talk smack about these streets for the next two hours. But people around here know. They get it. You're going to find that kid's mother in almost anyone that walks past you. But why do you think managers never said anything until now? Why do you think we just get the call to come get you and nothing else happens? You're better than all of this, Emily. You tell me that you're not the only one who does what she does to survive but I don't think that's it. We're not always there to find you. We've brought in a few of your friends a dozen times. Cortez is high as a kite almost every time. Johnson's track marks have track marks. They've been at it so long that they just accept it. If that was you, I'd have you in this cell for crack. But I don't. You're in here for trying to make it out of there alive. And you know how I know? It's more than being sober. You don't rob 'em blind." In the silence that followed, he heard her sniffle quietly.

"Stop doing that..."

"What am I doing?" he mumbled. She inhaled while trying to find a spot on the wall to keep her gaze. Anything to avoid actually looking at him because she knew that if she did, his words were going to make her no more than a puddle of stupid tears.

"I sound like a person...You...You always make me sound like a person..."

"Because that's what you are. We're all just people. No matter what anybody's in here for, they're just people. I'm not a cop. I'm a person who chose to _be_ a cop. It doesn't sound like there's a difference in that but it's there. There are some guys who live and breathe what they do. I think you've figured out by now that I'm not like that. I go home every day and watch stupid reruns with my dog. Sometimes when the day's really been shit, my friend comes by and we just watch movies for a while."

"That's nice..." Emily couldn't remember the last time she'd seen one of those. Derek let the silence fall between the again hoping she had a little bit more to offer. This was the first time in years he'd been able to bring up something that wasn't crime related. "Don't you have somewhere to be?" The words were nowhere near as harsh as they usually were. This question came out as a courtesy to the rest of his job.

"Not for a while yet." Even if that wasn't entirely true, he wasn't all that ready to leave her after what he walked in on not too long ago.

"Derek, I'm fine," she mumbled. "You can't be here every time I freak myself out over something. In fact, I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to be here at all. You've already broken enough rules because of me."

"Prentiss, I broke more rules than you think before you came along. Pretty sure I'll be breaking them after you too." He smiled when she gave him the slightest quirk of her lip.

"And here you are telling the world how good and wholesome you are. You better hope somebody doesn't give me a reason to tell them the truth." Derek just rolled his eyes collecting his forgotten weapons before he faced her once more.

"I'll be—"

"...back in three, I know."

* * *

And that's how it went for the next three days. Emily would see him every three hours until lights out. She decided early on to just let it be. He was going to come by whether she bitched about it or not. For a while she wondered if he was this frequent because he didn't want to get caught for going against the system. After some time she realized it didn't really matter. He'd told her before that he was either going to be her friend or her enemy and since her attempts at making him an enemy weren't working out as well as she'd hoped, friend was the next best option.

She wasn't about to admit that she kind of liked the company. It was a far cry from what she was already so used to. But on her last and final night, when she asked him if he could just stand watch when he wasn't doing other stuff on the night shift, she guessed that was the closest she was going to get to saying it to his face. It also helped that by now she didn't have to tell him why. Her head seemed to think it was a good idea to freak out on her more than a few times a day. Some of them seemed to start up just as he walked by her cell. About an hour into it, she'd told him she was fine now, that if she was the only thing keeping him from going home, to just go.

"Clooney will understand," he said, dutifully taking his post on the other side. She made a mental note to thank his friend personally for being so willing to give up a movie night to have him help her fend off her own stupidity. She said nothing more to that letting herself just lay there while periodically drying her hands on the blanket. When it seemed that they fell into a deeper silence with nothing but the florescent lighting to see by, Emily could feel her heart rate pick up again while she instinctively clamped a shaking hand over it as if that alone would keep it quiet. It was when her breathing became ragged that she heard the door slide open carefully, the sudden noise only serving to quicken her breaths. "Hey, hey, it's just me," he whispered. Whether it was the time of night or simply how bare she'd already been around him, she didn't have it in her to stop the tears as they flowed freely down her face. "Shh...Slow down..." The sound of his voice brought the sense of calm she always hated about him.

"I...I can't," she sputtered. "It...It's too small."

"What's too small?" he asked brushing a thumb along her forehead.

"The room...It...It's too small...The walls...They...They move. The ceiling was..."

"Shh...Slow." Derek's chest gave when she allowed herself the slightest whimper, even if she struggled to keep it back, almost choking on it as it betrayed her. "Emily, I need you to breathe. I know it's hard." When she finally did, he sighed. "Good...That's good." It wasn't until her breathing steadied completely that he realized where she was. Somewhere between asking her to breathe and the sudden calm, he'd pulled her in closer against him. Whether it was the steadiness of his own breath or his own heart, she fell silent. "Good job, baby," he murmured.

Even though she knew the slip wasn't meant to be taken in any specific way, Derek's quiet whispers melted her resolve. Taking a fistful of his uniform, she let the tears continue. She wasn't even sure what they were for anymore. All she understood was that they came hard and fast as if they'd waited years to be set free. And maybe...Maybe they had. Even though the crying continued, she could feel the rest of her body return to some kind of normal. He must have sensed it too because she could feel him start to pull away. She knew it was out of respect, that she had never shown signs of anything less than wanting to be left alone. But this felt different. Despite the darkness, she felt completely and utterly exposed to him...to anyone.

"No..." she choked. "Please...Please just...Just stay." At this point the words she spilled felt like nothing more than echoes to her own ears. She probably sounded so fucking pitiful. He wasn't going to hang around for that. She couldn't think of a single person who would. But when she heard his steady heart once more, relief washed over her in an ocean wave.

"Not so tight, sweetheart. Still right here." Even as she nodded, he eased an arm under her knees. In all her franticness Emily barely felt the shift. But something must have changed because his arm hadn't been there before. Stranger still was that she let it stay there, wrapped loosely around her waist to keep her comfortable in his lap. At least five more rules he'd broken for her and she knew it.

"I...I'm sorry," she whispered tearfully. "I...I'll be good. I'll do better..."

"You're doin' just fine, Emily. Relax," he murmured brushing his lips to her temple. If the situation itself wasn't already so alien, she very well could have imagined such a touch. But they'd already been to Looney Toons and back again more often than she could count. If in fact it was real, if Derek was real and not just imagined like she'd already done a few times before, she couldn't help but notice how genuine he had been to her. How she would even begin to thank him for this shit, she had no idea. What made her feel even worse was that he seemed to notice even the most subtle things. As much as it creeped her out there was something nice about that too. He noticed the tension in her shoulders lessen and smiled briefly. "There you go. Is that better?" She nodded slowly swallowing past the knot that pulsed in her throat. She couldn't for the life of her remember the last time she'd been talked to like that, let alone held in the way that he was holding her now. "You wanna try for some sleep?" All the relief in her muscles gave way to quiet tension when she realized what he meant.

"No..."

"Prentiss you have to sleep," he mumbled. No. No she didn't. If she gave in, he'd be gone. As many times as she'd chased him away in the past, he couldn't leave yet. Not this time. "I'll be right here."

"Promise?" she asked meekly. The fact that he hadn't moved her seemed answer enough. When finally she let her eyes fall shut, she realized that this might be the first time she'd actually slept in ten years.

* * *

Emily instinctively swatted the hand away that tried to shake her awake. Didn't they know she was sleeping? Really sleeping for once. When her hand brushed against a sturdy chest, she startled, now fully awake.

"Shit, sorry..." she muttered more than a little confused to see him in her cell. Even more confusing was the fact that he was holding her so closely and...stayed. She must have really been out of it because she didn't remember any of that at all. "What...What are you doing in here?"

"You were supposed to be up an hour ago." Well fuck.

"Great...Now she's gonna think I'm..."

"Strauss won't be here for another hour. Just thought you wanted a couple of hours to figure out how to string a few sentences together. You know, without the f bombs?" he smirked.

"Thanks..." Nodding, Derek finally went to stand.

"I'll be back in ten with your tray."

"What, no pointers?"

"There's nothing to point. Just tell them what you tell me. Strauss will take care of the rest. Just...turn on those filters, okay?"

"What filters?" she smirked back. When she was finally left in her silence, she gave herself room for one heavy breath. How the hell was she supposed to do this? She understood her standing charges but that was about it. She hadn't even met the woman who was supposed to be begging for her freedom. From what Derek said about her though, she was almost glad for it. _How_ did she plan to beg? She hadn't exactly been a good standing citizen for society. It was kind of hard to feed the hungry when you _were_ the hungry. "I guess I'll just...wing it," she mumbled.

Even though it was just the tray coming through to her, she sighed with some relief while going to retrieve it. Expertly avoiding his gaze, she bobbed her head in quiet thanks.

"You're not gonna wanna wing it," he warned. Of course he'd heard that. Morgan always seemed to be an expert when it came to timing. "Just be real. That's it. Tell the truth."

"It can't be that simple," she muttered.

"This time...it is. Let 'em know where you were when we picked you up. If they talk about what you were doing out there, make sure it's right. If they twist it, you fix it. _Nicely_. All they want is facts, Prentiss. Once they realize you haven't done anything _against_ the law, service is an easy bet."

"But I was against the law, Morgan. I _broke_ it. For ten years."

"Did you have a choice?"

"Unless I wanted to get dead, of course not."

"Well there ya go. They can't throw you in here for petty theft when you have a reason for it."

"Even you know that doesn't make sense," she mumbled. "You just want your Boy Scout badge," she teased. All Derek did was shrug.

"I mean, it's an awesome plus but that's about it. Honestly, I'd rather you make me wanna rip my hair out over the water or cable bill. This is just gettin' old. It's not even fun anymore, is it?"

"It never was in the first place. It was necessary."

"Just keep saying that. Strauss will back you up. The lady's a bitch but there's a reason she does what she does."

"Thank you, Officer Morgan. You always have such...kind words." Both heads shot up at the sound of a new voice. Emily half expected the officer to fluster his way out of his description of her but instead she saw him smile.

"Nothing but the truth. Emily Prentiss this is Erin Strauss. She'll be representing you in court today." The younger woman barely managed to mumble what she hoped was a polite greeting before going completely silent again.

"I sincerely hope you have more to say to the jury than that." Emily felt herself hardening again. Even if Derek was in the room, she knew nothing about this woman.

"I guess it depends on what they ask," she said honestly. Part of her wished she didn't have to talk at all. If she had any hope of being seen as more than her reputation, hoping to stay silent was only going to get her thrown back in here.

"At least I don't have to worry about you talking over me," she muttered. Emily had to swallow hard on a snide remark she would have offered if the words had instead fallen from the officer's mouth. This woman was hardly intimidating but she also happened to have Emily's freedom in her back pocket. Sit down and shut up was about the only thing that was going to work here. Not that she enjoyed that for a second. She could feel her attention being brought back when the woman opened her mouth again. "It says here that Officer Morgan has brought you in an estimated 200 times over the last three years?" Well, when she gave it a number like that it just made her sound pathetic as hell.

"Yes ma'am."

"Please clarify your last instance." Even though she knew it was just a question, something about the way she talked made her feel like they were already in front of a jury.

"Officer Morgan and his partner found me behind the convenience store. I had a can of soup and a packet of cigarettes on me. That's all I ever take. Food. The cigarettes don't happen as much. Just when I run out. I'm...actually trying to quit. It's not good on my lungs and...when you're forced to be on the move all the time it just makes it worse."

"How much would it have cost you if you hadn't stolen it?" Emily's temper flared. This woman talked about it like she was a well-practiced criminal who seemed to do it just for the high. Watching her shoulders tense, Derek gave her a look of warning.

"Like two dollars or something. I don't exactly remember. The pack of smokes was probably...twenty or something, I don't know. I never take them both at the same time. This one was different though."

"Is that all you've ever taken?" _They're all chalk full of stupid questions_.

"Mostly. Sometimes I switch it up a little. I think it'd be pretty boring if you just had soup every single day for dinner for the rest of your life, right?"

"What else have you taken, Ms. Prentiss?"

"I don't remember everything. Just that it wasn't ever more than like...five dollars. I just get what I need and go. It's never anything fantastic either but when you live like I do, you don't have room to be picky."

"Is it alright that I ask why it is you've been roaming the streets of Chicago for close to a decade?" _No it's not alright!_

"At sixteen you don't have a lot of options."

"And where are your parents in all of this?"

"Dead," she said flatly.

"I see... Has their passing ever made you consider—?"

"Drugs? Suicide? No never." _But other stuff sure did._

"So it's safe to say you've never taken products to—"

"With all due respect, lady, if I've never done drugs or drank in my life, why would I need stuff to make it?"

"Because there are people out there who don't consume but choose to sell."

"Well not me. My life already sucks enough as it is. I don't need to get all jacked up to make it worse."

"Prentiss..." Turning at the sound of her name, she raised her brows with an easy shrug. If this woman was going to be insulting, she had every right to defend herself. And she'd done it nicely just like he said. She'd only sworn once so far.

"Can you tell me why it is you've elected to take the plea deal?" _Because being in here feels like being buried alive_ she thought.

"I don't think it's going to work for me. If all I have to do is sit in here for six months, I'm not sure I'm going to learn anything. I'll probably just 'think about what I did' and be back in here for the same exact reasons once I'm out. People don't really get why we do what we do. Most think it's just a game, that we come in here to piss off the officers just 'cause we're bored. I'll admit that it's true for some people but this is all I know. The streets are my home. And if I had any hope of staying there, I had to make sure I didn't piss off anybody. Sure I'm well into my 20's now but back then, I wasn't gonna go home crying to my dead parents. So I made damn sure I had a place on the streets. Something to come back to. Something dependable. Something that wasn't going to decide to get sick on me and die. To keep it, I played by the rules. Sure I bent a couple of them but by then people knew why. The only reason I'm in here talking to you is 'cause the manager's a new guy. He doesn't get that I'm not gonna take from the register or put a gun to his head. I just go in there to eat...Like everybody else..."

"How do you think community service will benefit you?"

"Giving back," she said simply. One of the lamest answers she'd ever heard but in some respects it was true. She had no idea what they'd have her do to make up the hours but at least she would be _doing_ something. In wide open spaces.

"And if you are awarded your time, you do understand that you will be under Officer Morgan's watchful eye."

"Yes ma'am."

"And that you have a 10pm curfew during this time?" Okay, that she _didn't_ know. As much as it sucked, it made sense in a way. And it wasn't like Derek was going to keep her like a caged animal. Knowing him, he probably had more space than he knew what to do with.

"Yes."

"Good. Now when we go in there, I expect you to sit quietly. Do not speak unless spoken to. Let me do all the talking. Is that understood?"

"Yes ma'am."

Emily hardly remembered walking into the room, much less what was said once they sat down. For the moment, she was simply struggling to settle her nerves. The last thing she needed was to have an episode in here and be sent to get a psych evaluation. The world around her seemed to fade. All she could really make out were the mutters around her, heard as though she was left with her head underwater. For once she let herself be glad Strauss grilled her with specifics. Now she would have to do even less talking than she thought. Her head shot up when an elbow flew into her side.

"Ow!" she hissed.

"Ms. Prentiss, do you understand the conditions of your sentencing?" She was glad that for at least the next few seconds her ears decided to work properly. Otherwise she would feel really stupid about her next few words.

"Yes sir."

"Good. I sincerely hope you learn something useful from this experience. Ms. Prentiss will serve a total of 1,000 hours of service to this community. Given her specific circumstance, it has been requested that she spend her time paying back store owners for the goods she has taken over the extended time period." Oh okay so that was doable. She would just have to give the guy she took from the money to restock the items. "This will be done via employment free of charge for those who maintain these storefronts." Storefronts? As in more than one? How the hell was that going to work? "If at any point Ms. Prentiss refuses to or simply does not show up for her shift, her time under the care of Officer Morgan will come to an end and she will serve the allotted six month sentence here." She swallowed hard when his eyes landed directly on her. "Also be aware that you will periodically report to Ms. Penelope Garcia as she is your assigned parole officer. If you chose not to attend these meetings, you will be sent right back here to finish your time. Is all of that understood?"

"Yes your honour." It wasn't until he spoke that Emily realized he had come to listen in on the ruling. For that she was grateful since she had no hope of getting the appropriate words past her thick tongue while it seemed to rest at the roof of her mouth.

"Very well. Court dismissed." She didn't even realize she'd come in with cuffs on until Derek gently wound them around her back quietly nudging her forward. She wondered if he could feel them shaking while he kept them close together. At least her breathing was still relatively normal. If it decided to act up at all, she hoped it had the decency to wait until she was alone.

"Relax..." he mumbled. "It's over." Even though she didn't feel relaxed, she nodded. She almost fell over her own feet when he stopped suddenly. Morgan instinctively jerked her back to standing and removed the cuffs before leaning her gently against the wall. "Hey, what happened in there?"

"I...I don't know," she admitted. "I just...I checked out. Too much going on."

"Prentiss it was literally you, Strauss, the judge and me," he muttered. "And a jury you had your back to the whole time."

"Not the people. Just...this whole situation...I couldn't think. I swear I was like swimming or something...without water. All the voices were kind of...distorted. I got my hearing back when the judge talked to me though so I guess that's a good thing." He knew there was more to it than that. He never knew her to lose herself without taking herself somewhere first but left it alone for now.

"Alright, let's get you home." She wondered if he said it like that intentionally. And even if he didn't, there was something about it that made her feel...warm for once. Shaking her head, she sighed.

"Derek...You...You don't have to do this," she mumbled, hoping he knew how thankful she was despite the words coming out of her mouth.

"I know I don't. But you remember what I said, right? I don't live and breathe this place. You'd send yourself into a tailspin five times a day. I know you don't want that. You're a pain in my ass, Prentiss but I sure as hell don't want you dead."

"You're a bullshit liar," she muttered. She wasn't even sure which part of that comment she was addressing anymore. She was pretty sure that both of them were true enough. And Morgan, always the gentlemen went ahead and denied any of it in one swift lie. He never seemed to act as though she was a real pain in his ass. She was also pretty sure that at least part of him wished she was good and dead. She hadn't met a single person who didn't at least entertain the thought once or twice. And yes, even she knew that was a bit of a contradiction.

"Only when I have to be," he said fluidly. She expected even the slightest smirk to follow those words but to her surprise he was completely serious. If this community service thing was supposed to teach her anything, she wondered how much more she'd pick up from being forced to live with the officer.

* * *

 **A/N: Jeez...I didn't realize it was that long...Hahaha. I guess that means this story will hopefully get some pretty frequent updates!**


	3. Safe

**A/N: Hey guys! I think that at this point, they're kind of writing themselves. I'm really just the messenger. Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: *See chapter 1***

* * *

It wasn't until she'd been cleared to go and they were making their way out to his car that realization finally washed over her. This was different than any other visit she ever made to the station. Today, Emily wouldn't be wandering the streets of Chicago hoping to go unnoticed until she found her little corner in the hood. Someone was taking her home. Someone was taking her to _their_ home. She would have food to eat and a roof over her head, two things she had done nothing to earn. People had to _work_ for the food they got. And sure she had to do it in ways that most didn't have to but never had anything just been _given_ to her. Not like this. The concept of a home was another battle entirely. In theory it was a small box that people lived in, the idea one that should have scared her senseless. Hell, the man behind the wheel should have been the one thing to scare her most of all. And yet here she was in his car just letting him take her to it.

Derek was taking her to his home. The one place where his job and his personal life shouldn't collide as much as they were about to now. He shouldn't care about her, about any of it. Still, she couldn't shake the feeling of his arms around her the night before. She knew how scared of them she should have been. To have him as close as he was, period was something she never imagined herself allowing. And more than that, the greatest shock was how safe Emily felt in them. For just a moment, the walls weren't about to creep in on her. For just a second she could breathe. They weren't regular by any means but his arms, the sound of his voice, his touch kept her from drowning.

Catching him out of the corner of her eye, she had to fight the steady pulse in her throat that threatened to spill over in ways she never permitted. Who was this man to take mercy on a woman who spent her life on the streets? How had she earned the right to be spared? If she wasn't so focused on him (something she would kick herself for later), Emily would have missed the momentary quirk of his lip as a smile fluttered across his face. For a minute, she let herself wonder what he could be so happy about. It probably had something to do with go home after a long night of putting up with her. How long would that smile last when he realized that going home just meant more of her and her plethora of problems? Did he consider any of this before he made the deal?

As he made his way down a number of moonlit streets (had they really spent that many hours in the courtroom?), the officer couldn't help feeling significantly lighter. Why, he hadn't exactly figured out yet. Part of it might be the sigh all of them let out after shift. But more than that, it seemed that most of his peace had something to do with the brunette beside him. He could rest easy knowing that they wouldn't be getting the call for a while. The streets of Chicago were one problem safer. _She_ was safe. Derek didn't understand the gravity of that until a couple of nights ago. No, he certainly wouldn't be doing this for everyone he brought in but three years of...whatever they were had changed things.

It didn't take much to see that the woman's trust in humanity was shot to hell. And why wouldn't it be? She'd spent a tenth of her life letting people like him pick her apart. Even more of it was spent hoping she'd come across resources that he could go up to a store and take home without any problems. He knew all of this and yet, it took watching her make it through three days in lock up to really _get_ it. From where he stood, holding wasn't a joke but a necessity. Just because he was the one to pick her up and take her there didn't necessarily mean that she was there because someone told her to be. If he had learned anything about her at all while knowing her it was that she never did a single thing with others in mind. Derek was quick to notice that it wasn't necessarily because she was selfish but because she never had any reason to. Emily Prentiss was there for herself. And it was never because she'd done anything either. Everyone deserved something human. Unfortunately, she had to come across as less than one to be seen as one. Officer or not, the irony of it all still made no sense to him.

The smile that came across his face was an even bigger surprise. Maybe he spent more time at the station than he originally thought. It felt odd and somehow foreign to him that it was there at all. Or maybe it had more to do with the person next to him. Rarely did they exchange them. Both of their attempts at something besides sarcasm had only come about recently. The last couple of days had been genuine and honest in ways they shouldn't have been. But still, the expression was there anyway, aimed at her for no reason at all. Perhaps part of it was the fact that he wasn't going home alone for once. Maybe it had something to do with knowing that he was helping someone. Whatever it was, he let it stay there for a minute before letting it fall again.

"You can stop looking at me like that," Emily mumbled. "I'm not going to freak out in here. I mean, it's small but not _that_ small. Plus, there's a window and I know how the door works so I'm good." Turning his gaze back to the road ahead, he nodded.

"Good," he said quietly. Knowing his house was a couple of streets up, he spoke again. "He can be a little nosey," Derek mumbled. "Just give him a few minutes and he'll be fine. He might even like you," he smirked. For a minute she wondered who he meant but then she remembered. He had mentioned some guy named Clooney a few times.

"Okay either your best friend is your roommate or you gave your dog a really stupid name," she said rolling her eyes. As soon as she laid out those options, the first one left her uneasy. What would the guy say when his friend brought home a stray? A stray he'd put in handcuffs no less. Emily was a stray who broke the law over 200 times. The guy would be more than nosy. If he had any sense at all, he would hate her and maybe question Morgan's sanity.

"It's not a stupid name," he said. If she didn't know any better, she'd say he sounded slightly offended. Shaking her head, Emily laughed, but not before releasing a breath she didn't even realize she was holding. From what she could tell, dogs weren't anything like them. Animals didn't have time to pick you apart. _Animals_. For a long time she was no better than that. There was a good chance that she still was. Maybe in some ways, she was just going to be a companion to his four-legged friend in ways the man couldn't be.

"We're all just people," she whispered. She let those words float in her head as quiet reassurance of what Derek had taught her. It wasn't until she saw him nod that Emily realized she said it out loud. Worse than that was the flush she felt warm her cheeks when she heard herself. But he didn't seem to notice, hopefully too focused on driving to hear the light tremor in her words.

"We're all just people," he echoed. It struck her to see that as distracted as he was, he still kept an ear on her. She'd been heard. This should have made her face a light pink. Rare or not, she'd done it before. Emily even let it happen recently, the thought of which just made punching herself in the face appealing as ever. She was after all just embarrassing herself now. Instead it dared to warm her on the inside a little. Even if he was too focused to turn his attention toward her, it didn't matter. Derek Morgan had _heard_ her. He had listened to her. More than that, he'd _seen_ her for everything she herself knew was never going to be true about her. All of it was some kind of potential she knew would never come to be. But the fact that he was trying to uncover it was more than anyone else had ever done.

Too focused on her train of thought, Emily hardly noticed a change in the speed of the vehicle. She had to feel his eyes on her while the car sat completely still before she looked up. Glancing out the window, she froze. Before her stood a house with sidewalk glowing by streetlight. She didn't have much to compare it to but already she wanted to take back earlier thoughts of where the guy might be living. She knew better than to think it was anything extravagant. There was an air of simplicity to it she couldn't help but liken to the man who lived in it. Even so, it towered over anything she'd ever set foot in, making the sight of it that much more intimidating. She wasn't sure how long she sat there just staring at it before warm fingers brushed her shoulder. Instinct turned her over quickly, hands at the ready. When she finally saw that it was just Derek her hands dropped quickly into her lap. Either he was way too used to her by now to think anything of it or she'd really been that quick about her defensive stance.

"You ready?" he asked quietly. He said it as if it was entirely up to her when they stepped out of the car. Emily waited a full three minutes before concluding that he wasn't going to move until she did; a notion so simple and still something that quietly touched her in ways he would never know. She was about to set foot in his home and here he was waiting for her to tell him when. Despite all of that, she quietly shook her head. There was no telling when she would be ready for something like this. In only moments she would cake his sanctuary with filth just by stepping through the door.

Derek frowned, wondering what exactly they were waiting on. The glow of light allowed him to take in the slightest tremor in her hands. For someone so ready to take on the world, there was a lot that seemed to scare Emily Prentiss. Something as simple as looking at his house left her frozen in place. Gently resting his fingers over hers kept so close together, he waited until they went still before pulling the keys out of the ignition. He watched while confusion clouded her eyes and just smiled. She was moments from opening her mouth to ask him how she'd earned another one of those but he had already opened his door and slipped out.

She knew better than to just sit there but something inside wouldn't let her move just yet. When the latch on her door gave, she looked up, a slight breeze kissing her arm as it opened quietly. He remained silent even while he gently took her hand in his, at least twenty degrees warmer than her own fingers ever were.

Emily swallowed the rising lump in her throat as he quietly coaxed her forward. There was that arm again, resting quietly at her hips. And once again, she let him keep it there. She didn't know if it was nerves that kept her from fighting him or the sense of safety that surrounded her when it was there at all. Despite knowing that they were moving forward, she hardly felt it, her legs were ten times heavier than they usually were. When her toes finally brushed the bottom step, she shook her head frantically, shuffling back unsteadily. Now that she was here, there was no way in hell she was actually going _inside_. The minute she did, the dirt she'd leave behind was something he would never be rid of, even after she was gone. She couldn't do that to him, not after everything he'd sacrificed to get her here.

"What is it?" he whispered eyeing her with something she'd only ever seen in him. Concern. A look she should have known better than to let herself see because the minute she did, her legs began to shake violently. So much so that she felt both of his hands on her shoulders as he eased her down on the step. Biting her lip until a familiar copper coated her tongue, she shook her head.

"I...I can't," she mumbled. Now that they were actually only a few feet away from it, reality was too much. He'd already seen how much trouble she was, their many encounters spoke for themselves. The countless times he sat there while she screwed her head back on should have been strike number two. And now the guy was crazy enough to invite her into his home where he would have no way of escaping any of it.

"If you need a minute, we can wait," he said softly. No. She didn't need a minute. What she needed was to get away from here, away from him. She had to go home. At least there she would be nobody's problem. Unsure of where she found the surge of energy, shaky legs allowed her to stand as they slowly carried her back across the walk. Unfortunately, she only made it a few steps before fingers settled on her shoulder. "Turn around," he whispered. Her breaths came heavy while she let the phrase bounce around in her head. There it was again, him talking like she had somewhere to be, some kind of destination she didn't have to wander aimlessly to find. "C'mon." Looking up at him, she couldn't help the fact that her breath hitched slightly. None of this was normal. What he was doing, where she was going, how she was acting, none of it made any sense. None of it was supposed to be happening.

Before she had time to process anything, her legs seemed to fall out from under her, knees hitting the cement so quickly she didn't even have time to cry out on impact. If she didn't already feel bad enough, Emily watched a body fall in beside her, still waiting for her. She knew better than to think that a light wind settled a piece of her hair behind her ear but there was still something so unfamiliar about how it ended up there at all. They weren't her hands. Anything so careful had never been her own doing.

"Do you want me to take you?" he asked gently. Even though she knew it meant more touching, more closeness, something in her gave him a nod. Derek knew better than to invade her personal space more than he already had but if they didn't somehow find a way inside, they could be here for hours. It wasn't exactly the coldest night Chicago had to offer but he also knew that she would have no problem staying out here if he let her. Resting an arm at her knees, Derek let her arms find a way around his neck as he made his way back up the steps. When the door swung open, he was greeted by an all too familiar furry face. Emily on her part startled slightly as the dog craned his neck to meet the side of her leg with his wet nose. "Get down," Derek warned, the command earning him a slight whine. "You'll get to say hi in a minute," he promised.

When he finally lowered her to the floor, it took Emily a minute to steady herself. After a handful of steady breaths, she allowed herself to take in her new surroundings. In only minutes he would be covering his floor with the dirt that seemed to follow her everywhere she went. Derek was either too good a person or too unaware to care. Just as the outside had been, the inside was nothing too special. His wood finishes were dark, the colours he used just as warm. She didn't have to know what other houses of single men looked like to assume that he hadn't done any of this himself. Did he have a girlfriend? Maybe a wife? Did they know about the arrangement he'd made with the attorney? At least now when she tracked mud it wouldn't be as obvious. That gave her at least the slightest peace of mind.

"You can sit," he said softly. If he didn't already know what a nervous wreck she was about being here, Derek would have laughed. Watching her sink down onto the cushion, he finally let it fall out when Clooney wasted no time curling up to her. "Clooney, watch yourself," he warned. "Give Emily some space." Despite being a mess of nerves, the woman smiled scratching lightly behind the dog's ear, a trigger that served to pull the animal's tongue out of his mouth and lightly across her cheek. Morgan just rolled his eyes. "He'll lay off in a minute. He's just running you through security," he teased. Emily shook her head softly.

"He's fine. I'm the one invading," she mumbled.

"You're not invading, Prentiss," he countered. Even though a part of her knew he was right in saying so, she couldn't help herself. For all intents and purposes she had no right to be here. Her place was under the stars curled up in a blanket that barely kept her warm. She was only here because she spent way too long being the city's problem.

"You ever notice that he's way too good for his own good?" she mused. He knew better than to assume it was directed at him.

"Trust me, half the time he thinks I'm the worst," he mumbled. Whether it was the light in the room or a genuine moment of amusement, he watched a light spark in her eyes he was sure he'd never seen before.

"Maybe because you are," she agreed. Derek raised a curious brow to which the brunette just laughed. "Come on, even the dog knows it," she teased. Watching Clooney's head come to rest on her lap, he quietly groaned.

"Why do I get the feeling he's not even going to know I'm here for at least the next week?"

"Because I'm me," she smirked. "Trouble follows me wherever I go," she shrugged. Derek opened his mouth to reject that but her gaze made him think better of it. There was something light in it tonight, something that would almost startle him if he let it. It wasn't self-deprecating and demeaning as it usually was. For once, it seemed she was laughing at herself. Something told him not to get used to it but he wasn't about to shut it down either.

"Okay well I guess he'll be giving you the tour then," he said. As easy as it was to engage with his dog, the thought of tracking the rest of her presence through his house brought back the sense of unease she tried hard to keep down. After giving herself a couple of minutes and a handful of even breaths, Emily stood, comforted by the fact that Clooney wasted no time and followed close behind at her heel. Now that she allowed herself to take notice, the kitchen wasn't exactly hidden away.

The sight of it served to stop her in her tracks. More than the fact that she hadn't seen one in years was the fact that she was actually allowed to set foot in it. As many times as they'd interacted, Derek hardly knew her at all and suddenly here she was, allowed to be a part of something so private and personal. Stepping forward, Emily ran her fingers across the granite countertop, startled by how sleek it felt under her fingers. Even though she knew better, those same fingers dared to turn on the tap and let it run with warm water while she rested her hand underneath. The sensation that came over her while her hand warmed was almost too much of a dream to even consider it being real. It was while she kept them under running water that his question came back to her. She didn't get running water. The best she managed was bottled for drinking. If she was really lucky, she'd find her way to a gym and sneak in to use their showers. Other than that, nothing.

As much as he knew he shouldn't be staring, Derek couldn't keep from watching her while she inched her way across the kitchen. Even something as basic as his countertop intrigued her. It was when she turned on the tap that he really let himself quietly fixate on her. This wasn't even about her but rather watching her carefully give into something he knew better than to think was normal. That little known fact was what kept him quiet as the water ran aimlessly into her hands. When she finally turned it off, he silently handed her a towel which she took more quickly than he expected. Her method seemed slow and careful, as if she might be concerned with what she left behind. Or maybe it was the fact that comparatively the fabric was soft between her fingers. Whatever it was, Emily was careful about putting it back down, sure to fold it back up neatly before laying it on the stove.

As if they needed directing, Clooney gladly raced them up to the top of the stairs which Emily couldn't help barely shuffling through. She herself had no concept of just how slow she was going; unaware that he met his master's gaze with question.

"We'll be there in a minute," he said. Once hearing those words, Emily quietly let a twinge of guilt take over. She was the one walking around their home. She was the one who felt as though she hardly belonged in it. And here they both were catering to her stupidly anxious nerves. The thought seemed to plow her forward, her step more natural on the rest of the way up. Barely three steps down the short walkway and she saw it. The bathroom. A real bathroom with the same running water she let go through her fingers down below.

Derek watched her meet the bathroom with the same fascination he'd seen moments earlier. She honestly looked like a child exploring the world around her for the first time. And all of it was over the most basic of everyday things. Standing outside the door, he watched her grip the counter with wide eyes. As much as he knew this would be hers to use, something told him to give her something more, at least for her first night.

"This one's yours," he mumbled. Hers? No. That couldn't be. None of this was hers. And this time, she wasn't even being technical. All of it was just too nice to disturb with her...mess. For the first time in what felt like a long time, she had nothing to say. With exception to the small exchange in his living room, Emily had barely uttered a word since being allowed inside.

"No," she barely whispered. "I...I can't," she barely mumbled. Blinking slowly, Morgan sighed.

"Prentiss, you're allowed. I invited you here. I asked you to be here. Everything in here is just as much yours as it is mine."

"I...I can't," she said shaking her head.

"Quit saying you can't," he said gently. "I'm telling you that you can."

"This is your home."

"Yeah...One that you'll be living in too. What's mine is yours, alright? Whatever you need, all you gotta do is ask. And once you know where it is, you don't have to keep asking," he mumbled. That didn't sound right. That didn't sound right at all. Who was she to come in here and just _claim_ all of this? Derek spoke as though they were roommates when all she really was, was a guest in his house.

"I..."

"I know," he said quietly. "But it is. This is your house too, okay? As long as you can stick to the plan, it'll keep being your house. I don't want you to be afraid of being here," he murmured. But that was just it. She was afraid. The more she uncovered about this place the faster it escalated to being downright terrifying. None of this came without a price of some kind. Not for her. And the deal they'd struck in court hardly seemed like anything when she considered all he was giving her. Noticing the death grip she had on the sink, he quietly unfurled her fingers and smiled. "It's not going to disappear." Ummm...Yes it was. Any minute now she'd wake up and this would all be some crazy whacked out dream. She had no place here. No place at all. No matter how much Derek tried to say otherwise. Emily was too much in a daze to care that he'd taken her hand, quietly leading her to other rooms. All she needed was to know where the shower was and overwhelmed or not, she'd seen it along the wall in the room he'd just pulled her from but she knew better than to say anything about it. That is, if she could say anything at all.

Coming to the next room, her breath almost stopped entirely. This one was too big, too well-kept to be hers. She didn't even need that much room. She quietly exercised her tongue, hoping it had enough sense to tell him she could just take the couch but even that wasn't coming through. Knowing Derek he would probably be one of two things. Insulted or insistent that she wasn't spending her first night on it. Finally, she mumbled words she never thought would pass her lips.

"It's too big...I don't...I don't need all of..."

"This is my room," he mumbled. The clarification just made her feel dumb. It was one thing to show her to a nicely kept bathroom. It was an entirely different set of nerves to know that he'd allowed her into his room. "The shower's bigger," he provided. "Figured you might wanna give it a try for your first night." If she wasn't already so touched by what Derek had already shown her, she would have turned to hug him. As it was, she was currently too shocked by his consideration for her to do much of anything. Releasing his hand, she immediately felt its absence and the sudden emptiness pulling away from him had filled her with. It wasn't even so much about him but the simplicity of touch overall. Stretching her fingers, she let them glide over the tile as she let the door to the shower open just enough to let her arm inside. "Towels are in the cupboard over there," he indicated just across the medicine cabinet. "I'll go ahead and give you a few minutes to freshen up." Emily decided to keep to herself just how long she'd need to feel clean or anything like it. Even though she knew he was giving her the privacy she would need, she found she regained a slight grip on his wrist.

"Could you just...wait?" she whispered quietly hoping he could ignore the tremble in her words. "Please?" Even though the shower was bigger than she'd ever seen before, she would still be closed in. The few she took in public places often just had curtains she could pull to the side when she got overwhelmed. Even though she knew she could do the same here, she somehow feared being more confined. Emily was pretty sure he knew why she'd asked but the fact that she even felt she had to made her feel stupid. The guy was already doing more than enough for her. But she couldn't find it in her to take it back either. He nodded quietly pressing a kiss to her forehead before going back out to his room. Once the door was closed, she couldn't help but stand completely still.

This was all way too much. It seemed that all the man knew to do was give, the realization making her feel significantly smaller than she already was. Never in her life had she done a single thing for anyone. And it wasn't even about the fact that the opportunity never presented itself As unrealistic as it sounded, she hoped the feel of his lips on her skin would still be there when she was done. Now enveloped in quiet, she dared to brush her fingers over where he had touched her, a single tear warming her cheek as she stepped inside.

When the shower finally began to run on the other side of the door, he silently pulled away using this time to get into something more comfortable. Clooney quietly circled the foot of his bed letting his head rest on his paws while he waited. Derek laughed. Whether she wanted it or not, Emily would have more than just him as some kind of bodyguard.

"You like her, huh?" he laughed scratching just under his chin. The dog gave a soft bark while he buried his nose in his owner's blanket. "Good, she'll be staying for a while. That gonna be okay with you?" The swish of his tail seemed to be all the answer he was going to get. Pulling a shirt up over his head, Derek laughed. Even though he knew he didn't have to, the man's eyes stayed fixed on the bathroom door, straining to hear if anything chose to go wrong.

Emily lost track of just how long she'd been in there letting the water wash away at least six layers of dirt and grime. It was only when it started to run cold that she realized it best to wrap herself in a towel. As soon as she did, she realized that she had nothing besides that to wear out of the room. "Shit!" she hissed.

"Everything okay?" he called _No! I'm about to come out practically naked!_

"Y-Yeah," she stammered. Even though she sounded less than convincing, he didn't say anything. When she finally dared to step out, Emily just closed her eyes, too embarrassed to meet his gaze. "I...I forgot to get—" Shaking his head, Derek let his drawer slide open offering her his own t-shirt and sweatpants. "Thanks..." she whispered. Before she could find the tongue to say anything more, the door had already slammed behind her. Leaning against it with a heavy breath, she threw the shirt over his head, suddenly overcome by the scent of him. That alone could send her on shaking legs down to the bathroom floor. How had she just gone out there without hearing so much as a comment about her nakedness? Derek just handed her a set of his _own_ clothes without a word. And here she was freaking out about how it wasn't supposed to be like that. Maybe because for the most part, it wasn't. But the man whose hot water she'd taken all for herself was something else...Someone else completely. Clearing her throat, she quietly inched the door open, head ducked while she muttered a meek thank you.

"You're welcome," he nodded. "If it's easier, you can use that whenever you want," he offered. Emily shook her head so harshly fresh water leaked freely onto his carpet. A quiet fire she always kept at the pit of her stomach was finally starting to feed on itself, providing her with a familiar flame.

"Stop!" There it was. She'd only gone the last two hours without it. As soon as it slipped out she found herself regretting the fact that she let it slip out unsupervised. More than shocked Derek looked confused. "Stop being so _nice_ to me! Shit, you just showed me my own bathroom. One that works perfectly fine. You didn't need to show me this. It's fucking beautiful, like nothing I'd ever used in my life but it's _yours_. I'm not going to just...use it whenever I want. That's not..."

"Emily..."

"Stop. Just...stop. I know why you showed it to me, alright? But you can't spend the next...however many weeks you're stuck with me catering to the fact that I can't do small spaces. I have to get over myself. And I will. You can't just...wave your magic wand and fix everything for me. It's not fair."

"Prentiss, I'm not trying to fix everything for you. I'm offering it to you because it might help."

"I don't need your help, Officer Morgan. I didn't need it then and I sure as hell don't need it now. I've done perfectly fine for myself for the last ten years. You don't get to just swoop in and kiss everything better!" That stopped her in her tracks all together, her words growing the knot in her throat that only he would ever put there. Biting her lip until it bled, the tip of her finger brushed where he had briefly touched her. She knew it was long gone by now but even just knowing where it was let tears pool in her eyes. Before he could do anything about them, she hastily brushed them away refusing to meet his eyes. Not brave enough to say anything more, she shot down the stairs to her own bags, tearing them open and grabbing her own clothes. Even after ripping Derek's off her body, she unconsciously folded them neatly as she made her way back up to his room and quietly placing them on his dresser. Rolling his own lip he said nothing when just as quickly as Emily came back in she flew right back out.

With Clooney close at his heels, he sighed when he reached the bottom of the stairs. It didn't take much to know where she'd ended up. Deciding it was best to keep his distance, the golden took the rest of the walk on his own, offering a shallow whimper when he finally found his new friend. Emily gently shoved him off tucking her knees under herself and looking away. She had to bite back a snarl when his furry head and wet nose found their way under her hand.

"No," she barely whispered. "I can't right now." The last of those words stayed caught in her throat behind her own whimper. Though he'd stopped insisting, Clooney sank his head quietly into her lap, gently licking her fingers. "What the hell is this? Even you're nice to me...I don't...I don't deserve nice. I-I'm bad. Don't either of you get that? Dirty..." Inching his way over, Derek dared to perch himself on the coffee table letting his fingers rest on her knees. Within seconds she threw them off, curling up even tighter into herself.

"Prentiss?" Knowing exactly what he wanted from her, Emily shook her head. "Alright, if you're not gonna look at me just listen." Even though she bit down harshly on her lip, she sat silent and waiting. "You're here because we want you here," he mumbled. As much as she wanted to deny that she knew that interrupting him would only make this thing go on longer. "That means that when I offer you something, I'm not doing it 'cause I'm required to. You're not here because I want a promotion or a badge or anything. I'm not here for karma points either. I'm here to _help_ you. And part of that, for me, is making sure you're comfortable. If that means letting you use the bigger shower so you feel safe, fine. If that means letting you drain the hot water for a couple of weeks, fine. House arrest wasn't part of the deal. I'm not going to put limits on what you can and can't do in here. We're saving that for out there," he mumbled nodding toward the front door. "Nowhere in the rule book does it say that you're going to be chained or tracked like an animal. This is your place too. When Strauss said 'watchful eye' she meant giving you somewhere to stay. I offered to put a roof over your head. I said I would give you a bed to sleep in. What you do with it is entirely up to you. Just know that they're open to you." Great. More than a real kitchen, probably stocked with every food ever made and a shower of her own, Morgan gave her a bed too.

"The couch is fine," she mumbled.

"Okay, just know he likes to get real close. He takes up about 75 percent of this thing. If you can handle having a quarter of the room, go for it." Looking over at him, Emily groaned. "What? You thought he'd follow me up to bed?"

"Doesn't he usually?" she muttered.

"That dog doesn't give a damn about me right now. I told you he was going to be your shadow."

"Christ," she whispered shoving him away. Clooney of course barely seemed to notice quietly curling in closer. "Go bug your dad..." she grumbled. Derek just laughed shaking his head.

"I'll let you two figure it out. If you need more space, second door on the right. Nodding, Emily sighed. Watching him leave out of the corner of her eye, she instinctively shook her head reaching out to tug lightly on his arm. Her gaze wasn't exactly pleading but the fact that she'd called his attention let him sink down on the other end of the couch.

"I hate quiet," she admitted. He wondered if that's what she really meant or more to the effect that she wasn't used to being alone. Emily wasn't even sure why the words slipped out, let alone what she meant by them. As often as she begged for peace and quiet, where she slept at night was hardly the place for it. As nice as being alone sounded, there was something about it more terrifying than the presence of another person. When a few moments of silence fell between them, Derek cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry if I overstepped," he whispered. As well as she knew where the apology was coming from, she found herself shaking her head.

"I...It's a lot," she admitted. "You have to remember that I'm a street rat. I eat every three days. I get to shower every couple months. I don't get a lot of sleep. The fact that all of that is about to change, it's a lot. It shouldn't be 'a lot' but it is. I never...had anybody to take care of me like this, not even as a kid. There wasn't a lot of time to be doted on." He wanted to ask her why that was but stopped himself. "It's going to take me a few days to—"

"I don't mean to rush you, Emily. I just want you to be comfortable."

"I know you're not. This is mostly just me being an ungrateful bitch."

"You're not—"

"Derek I am and I know that. I just...I don't know _nice_. I don't know _kindness_. I don't know how it is that some people just give because they _want_ to. And I can't tell you how annoying it is that you're...all of those things. The fact that you do it without thinking is just...I should be afraid of you. I should be running in the opposite direction. Instead I'm here. I'm in your house. I just used your shower and all the hot water in it.

Your stupid dog's head is in my lap. And the worst part? The part that makes me sick inside? I _like_ it when you're here. I shouldn't. You..." _You make me feel safe_ she thought. Emily Prentiss had felt an array of emotions over her last 25 years but safe was never one of them. Even though her thought seemed unfinished, he didn't push it. The fact that she was talking about it at all, about anything was more than he ever expected from her, no matter how many of these they'd had over the last few days.

'You wouldn't be here if somebody made me do it," he mumbled. "I've taken a lot of orders over the years. Some of them have been pretty damn stupid. But this was me. Having you here was my idea, my choice. I don't expect anything from you. All I'm looking for is that you follow through because as stupid as it looks from where you're always sitting, I kinda like what I do. But my badge isn't the point. This is for you. You're here because you deserve to have a bit of a choice."

"No. I just can't live in a box," she muttered. He couldn't help but shake his head. How many different ways would he have to say it for her to actually let it sink in?

"Sure that's part of it but not everything," he said. "You're not a one man, band, Emily. You're someone who's been dealt some pretty crappy cards and made the best with what you had. You've _earned_ the right to be humanized. I know it doesn't feel like it but you have."

"And you're volunteering," she mumbled rolling her eyes. Derek nodded squeezing her hand carefully. For what felt like the sixth time that night, she let him take it, letting herself feed off of how warm it was in hers.

"I'm not your enemy," he confirmed.

"I know," she whispered. "I just don't know...people," she admitted. "It's always just...me," she swallowed. "That way I'm not anybody's problem," she added in a whisper.

"Prentiss, you're not a problem. Especially mine, alright? And even if I have to say every night for the next three months, it's going to get through your thick skull one way or another." No matter how confident he sounded in saying that, she knew he wasn't entirely right. She was at the very least society's problem, something that anyone with a brain was afraid of. She had to admit it was with very good reason. She knew how barbaric she looked. And even more disturbing than being painfully aware of herself was the fact that Derek didn't seem to care.

He had put his mouth against her skin for fucksake. Who knew how many diseases she gave him every time he did. The man held her without a second thought, allowing all of her dirt and germs to pass onto him. Derek had done that for hours. He very well could have laid her back down once she fell asleep but he'd gone ahead and sacrificed his few precious hours for her.

"Can I get you anything?" Even though she hadn't eaten in hours she shook her head. "Okay. Remember you don't have to ask." This time she nodded, knowing that at least for the first few days she was going to end up doing it anyway. Something told her that he knew it too. "Alright, I'm gonna let you two get some shut eye," he said gently pulling on Clooney's ear. The golden retriever just panted happily running his tongue along Morgan's hand. "You make sure she stays outta trouble, okay?" Emily just rolled her eyes.

"There's not even anything worth stealing in this place," she muttered. She saw a gentle smirk on his lips and couldn't help but itch to wipe it right off. "Shut up..."

"Goodnight, Prentiss." Turning off the lamp as he turned to leave, he sighed before making his way back up the stairs. For a day that didn't even consist of a decent take down, the officer was exhausted.

When she was sure he was fully up the stairs, Emily sighed, pulling the light afghan over her while eighty pounds of dog ambled on top of her. She groaned as he made three full turns before finally settling down. "Superstitious much?" she mused. Clooney just sighed, his head coming to rest on her stomach before he finally let his eyes close. Big dog or not, she hoped this would be one of her better nights. So why was it that she let an hour pass without even thinking about sleep? "It's too damn quiet," she mumbled, even while the fridge hummed in the next room. Struggling past the dog's enormous weight, she turned on her side letting her head rest along the cushions before sleep finally decided to take over.

* * *

 _Emily found herself waking in a cold sweat trying to contain shaking hands while she struggled to keep herself up right and whatever was left in her stomach from spilling out onto Derek's couch. Though she knew that Clooney was still there (it was hard to ignore the feeling of someone or something watching you as closely as he seemed fond of doing) she had no problem moving him as she staggered into standing position._

 _Despite only being there once, her legs seemed to carry her directly to the kitchen and over to the fridge. She only noticed having bare feet when she realized how hard the floor was against her soles. Half asleep or not, she knew she'd put socks on. It was pure habit to wear at least four pairs where she came from. Ignoring the slight chill, she thought it weird for only a minute that her feet weren't shriveled with a similar cold. When she finally dared to open the fridge, she let herself hate Derek for five minutes before quickly replacing it with more gratitude than she knew she possessed. For a man who seemed to live by himself, this thing had anything and everything Emily could think of. Hundreds of options and all she cared to pull out was the carton of orange juice. Feeling around for a glass, she let it fill to the brim before taking it to her lips._

 _Not even seconds after it brushed her tongue she had to keep from spitting it out across the counter. This wasn't juice. It took her a minute to realize her tongue tasted like pennies. It took her even less time to decide what it really meant. Emily practically gagged as she groped for the sink dumping what was left of it down the drain before clearing her mouth of the rancid taste. Washing it down with what she hoped was real milk she took what she needed directly from the jug itself._

 _What started out as a liquid felt like razors going down her throat. Throwing down the jug, she coughed and sputtered while desperately running her tongue across the top of her mouth. She felt her stomach drop as it darted through empty spaces in her gums. Reaching for the light, she used the metal off the tap to get a partial look at herself. What reflected back at her was barely a smile. The sight of it made her stomach twist harshly, letting anything the juice didn't already pull out of her to spill into the sink. As if she wasn't sure about what she'd lost, the quiet crunch of what she could only assume were a handful of her teeth sounded under her barefoot. She had to bite her tongue with what remained of them to keep from making any noise as they buried themselves in shards along the sensitive skin. Great, now she wasn't just tracking mud into the house. Derek would wake up to find streaks of blood in his kitchen too._

 _It wasn't until she was back on the couch with an expectedly worried dog that she realized just how much she'd gotten all over herself. When she went to sit down, he wasted no time in attempted to clean her up with a quiet and constant whine as he did so._

 _"M'fwine," she mumbled. There was no telling just how stupid she sounded with most of her teeth missing. The dog hardly seemed to notice keeping to his task of cleaning her up. When he finally made his way to her belly, Emily froze instinctively shoving him away while she guarded it protectively. "No!" As much as she tried to stop them, there was nothing she could do about the multiple parts that spilled from her gut onto the carpet. "Fwuck!" she muttered. It was when she felt a gentle pulsing in her hand that she froze completely. In it she held a heart so small it sat perfectly in her palm. She couldn't help but stare at it with some kind of twisted fascination before letting it fall at her feet._

 _The sharp breath she took brought the bloody hand to her side while she fought the pain that shot through her. With it went at least three more teeth. When she finally managed to regain control of herself, she carefully laid back down, more grateful for the dog and where he put his head than ever before as it seemed to keep what was left of her organs tucked inside of her. Reaching for the small blanket, Emily let it cover her almost completely, even though logically she knew it would never be big enough for that._

 _Clawing at the cushion she found herself almost begging to bury herself in it in an attempt to find sleep. As soon as she touched it, the all too familiar smell of copper almost choked what was left of her teeth down her throat. Blood. More of it than she'd walked in with. More than she found at the bottom of the carton. Even more than Clooney fought to keep inside of her body. If Emily didn't already know the feeling so well, she would blame it all on her period. It was while staring at her bloody hands that she choked on a round of sobs before they spilled out into the dog's fur, not even caring about where the rest of her teeth would go because of it._

* * *

Emily sat bolt upright, unconsciously reaching for any part of the dog she could find. Taking hold of a piece of his tail, she immediately dropped it, not sure how she would explain the caked in blood when Derek found them in the morning. _Derek_. Without so much as a second thought, she shot off the couch and bolted up the stairs. She wasn't even sure how she was able to find the room without any light to guide her. But when she did, something about it was so hard to miss. Even with the door closed, the room emanated his familiar scent. She wasn't even standing there that long before she felt a lamp light on her, the brightness of it forcing her eyes shut.

"Emily?" As comfortable as the man always seemed to make her, something about her step was more careful, her approach more timid than she ever imagined. "What is it?" he whispered. She didn't even know where she found the guts to just crawl into bed with him but before she could think anymore of it she covered herself, even while she sat curled up in the tiniest ball she could make of herself. Seeing this, Derek carefully reached a hand out, his fingers tenderly brushing the side of her face. It wasn't until he felt it on his own skin that he realized she had been crying. "What is it, baby?" he asked gently. As soon as the words left his mouth, she had to fight from sounding just like one. As many times as she'd had the dream, there was no proper way to explain what she always saw. The things she felt, the things she tasted could never really be put into words.

"This is gonna...sound really weird but...can you just...hold me? Like before?" She waited a couple blinks before he nodded quietly pulling her in against him. "On my belly," she barely whispered. "I...I have to keep everything inside." She watched him give her another nod. It was almost like he knew exactly what she was talking about. "Almost" because he didn't know anything about it. Derek had no clue. But he went along with it anyway, no matter how crazy she was sure it all sounded.

"Please don't make me go," she barely sputtered. If he wasn't still in a daze, he would have let confusion take over. Instead he shook his head, his hold on her tightening slightly.

"You're not going anywhere. Not for a long time," he murmured.

"Promise I'll be good..." No matter how often he heard it come out of her, his heart still gave every time. The vulnerability she showed him was the one thing he knew she hated more than anything. It was those words especially that made her sound years younger than she really was.

"You're doing just fine, sweetheart," he whispered daring to take in the smell of her hair. She was still damp from hours before but dry enough that he could see the nest of knots that formed. He heard her gasp when he let his free hand barely make through only a part of the cluster on her head. "Hey Em, you think you could sit up for me?" Derek watched it go back and forth so forcefully that the wet tips lightly sprayed what was left of them across his skin. If she moved, everything was going to fall out. "Hug the pillow really close so it all stays inside, okay?" Even while she did as he suggested, her expression stayed blank. "Good. Turn around for me," he mumbled softly. Pivoting so that her back was to him she somehow made sure the rest of herself was packed in tightly against him.

Reaching into his nightstand, he pulled out a small brush, tenderly easing what he could of the knots. For a minute she thought to ask why he kept one there but stayed quiet. She had to bite back the sob that threatened to tear through her when the brush struggled. Whether it was more for that or the thought of exposed insides, she let fresh tears come down her face.

"I know it hurts, babe but there's a lot in here," he said tenderly. "I'm going really slow, I promise." Even while she nodded, Emily found the tail of his shirt and held a grip with newfound strength. "Shh, I'm not gonna hurt you, sweetheart." And she knew that. She wouldn't have found her way up to his room if she didn't know just how safe he was. The reminder seemed to only bring them on faster. How she had only ever broken down like this in front of him she would never really know. "Shh," he whispered when her body began a new tremor. Watching her shiver, he let a gentle brush of his lips settle at the top of her spine. The thought of it seemed to freeze time for her.

As gentle as the man always was with her, no matter how careful, the feeling of his mouth was never anything she expected. They only ever seemed to serve as a way to quiet her nerves. And even more confusing was the fact that they seemed to do just that every time. "Better?" he asked softly. Emily barely nodded letting herself sink into him even further.

When she caught the brush being put down out of the corner of her eye, she desperately tightened the grip he had on her with her own hands, the actions forming a tight ring around her. "How's that?" he asked. If she wasn't so well-practiced in keeping herself together, Emily would have allowed her shoulders to fall as she gave into everything she'd only ever dreamed of feeling. Instead she just nodded not daring to move her hands.

"It has to stay inside," she mumbled. Still at a loss, he made a mental note to ask her about it if she ever came to him like this again. Based on the things that she'd already showed him, he had a feeling he would be trying to get those answers out of her sooner rather than later.

"It's in there nice and tight," he whispered. "You think we might be able to lay back down now?" If he didn't already have such a grip on her, he had no doubt Emily would fall to one side in a way her body parts weren't going to thank her for later. "Careful..." Easing onto her back, her gaze met the tall ceiling before she dared to meet his eyes. With her head to one side, she could do nothing to hide the pain in them.

Derek Morgan had seen a lot of things but looks like that were rare and gut wrenching. He didn't have to know the source of her pain to feel for her. If she grew to trust him enough, that would come later. For the moment it was enough that she'd shown him that at all. Her cheek as he brushed it with the back of his hand was cold to the touch. "Close those pretty eyes for me, okay?" Those words alone brought the taste back into her mouth. Sleep was only going to make everything worse. "I'll be right here," he promised.

"Y-you won't leave?" she asked.

"This is my house," he pointed out. Being reminded of that only made her feel worse, her gazed washed over with guilt. She had no right to be in such a beautiful home. She had even less reason to be curled up in his bed. This wasn't the first time she'd had such a dream and it certainly wouldn't be the last. And here he was playing along with her little fucked up fantasy like she made all the sense in the world. " _Our_ house." Even after he'd made that clear, Emily still felt apprehensive. "Nice and tight," he whispered. She could only hope that he also meant about as much in the way he was holding her.

"It can't fall out," she choked. Pulling a piece of hair behind her ear, he nodded. "It has to stay in."

"Shh," he whispered letting his fingers work across her abdomen. The pressure and sudden contact let a hiss leak through her teeth, the sound of which pulled his hand back quickly. When the pressure disappeared all together Derek watched her begin to shake violently, only slowed to a steady whimper when he brought it back. He had to wonder if Emily knew how consumed she let herself become when these episodes took over. "I'm sorry..."

"They're going to take her away..." she barely managed. By this point, Derek knew better than to ask for clarification and instead just waited to see if he would be getting any.

"Nobody's going anywhere," he promised. She found herself curling up even tighter now, shaking her head while she helped him keep her parts inside.

"They're going to take her 'cause I was bad..." she whispered. He would definitely be asking about this one. For the moment he left it alone, trying to keep her as calm as he could.

"I need you to try and get some rest, baby. I promise I'll be right here."

"You won't let go?" After offering a steady shake of his head, Derek gently turned her on her side, gathering her to him so that her slight frame rested just below his chin.

"There you go. Good," he whispered. It was his final whisper that let the bubble in her throat finally pop, a steady stream of trembles and whimpers washing over her in such waves she had to wonder how he didn't think of her as a complete mental case. "Shh," he murmured letting his free fingers glide through her hair. "Nice deep breaths." As many of these as he'd walked her through, what triggered any of them was still a mystery. Tonight's mantra didn't exactly give him any answers. "I've got you, Emily," he said softly. "I need you to breathe..."

"I...I can't," she whispered, her limited air supply feeling like knives in her mouth.

"Nice and slow. Can you try?" Even though she knew it wasn't going to work, she used all of her strength to pull the most shallow breath from her lungs. "Good, that's it. One more." If her hands weren't so small and unsteady, they would be white and pricked with limited circulation. It didn't take him long to realize that the grip was something she fought for, for a good ten minutes before she finally seemed to give up. "I know it hurts," he murmured. No, he really didn't but Emily gave him a few points for trying to sympathize with her pain. He watched her entire body ride the wave of an obvious chill, her attempt to keep it contained making her shoulder pop loudly. Despite knowing how natural a reaction it was, the pain she was feeling was anything but making the crack some kind of final straw that made her whimper softly.

"Please don't let them take her," she pleaded. "You can't let them take her..."

"I won't let anything happen to her," he promised. "Or to you. I need you to try and close your eyes for me, alright?" She couldn't help letting her gut twist with terror. Closing her eyes had brought her up here in the first place. Who knew what else waited for her if she tried.

"Tight..." Nodding slowly, he let his arms come around her more firmly before he finally felt her relax. Her eyes weren't about to close but at the very least a good amount of the tension was gone.

"Good girl," he whispered pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. She wanted to tell him she was anything but good, that she practically bled disgrace but the praise was too rare to reject. He would find out soon enough just how bad she really was. For the moment, the fact that he didn't think so was something she couldn't help but selfishly cling to.

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 **A/N: There you go! I think I lost control at about page seven. After that I just wrote what they asked me to...**


	4. Touch

**A/N: Surprise! If you can believe it, this hit me not even two hours later. No idea where this came from but the words just kind of...fell out onto the page. ALSO! My finger slipped last chapter and I didn't catch it until long after. Emily is** **25** **while Derek is about 28. Their birthdays are still the same, the age difference is just flipped. Okay, I'm gonna shut up now so you can read :)**

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Emily groaned tiredly, forced to squint when the sun pouring in threatened to blind her. She instinctively buried her head in her pillow in an attempt to fight it off. Her natural tendency to stretch was more of a struggle than it usually was. The breath she took stayed trapped in her throat, her middle weighing more than it ever had. It took her a full five minutes to notice what hindered her morning routine. Derek's arm was wrapped tightly around her, the feeling of it confusing her more than ever. Last she remembered, the only weight she had to put up with was the pressure of his enormous dog and _his_ natural tendency to lie directly on top of her. How she'd gotten past that and into his human's bed was one of many mysteries. Whether it was the haze or how stupidly warm he always felt, the dominating instinct to throw it off was strangely silenced. In its place was the much quieter whisper that gave her permission to keep it there. Unsure of whether or not they were just shy and finally allowed to scream or the fact that her defenses were still half asleep, her demeanor with anything that involved this man left her in permanent confusion.

There was no way they would be placed like this if she hadn't outright asked for it. No matter how fiery their exchanges were, how many times she tried to fight him off, everything he'd done for her was hers to decide. When in the world did she ask for this? Morgan laid there completely out of it, his arm wrapped around her in a way she knew better than to ask for in daylight. It was no secret that she had thousands of her own, hidden so far inside of her that she still wondered how he managed to carefully tap into her rock-hard defenses. Even worse was the fact that she knew he didn't have to do anything. Depending on where she was in her head, his touch, his voice, his presence were all she needed to let them tumble out of her mouth. One of the three was dangerous enough. When he decided to lay out all three of them, well then she was flat out fucked. And that sense of doom had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he was a well-trained officer with interrogation skills that drove her batshit crazy.

Even his stupid breath was something soothing. It was subtle and unconscious effort that periodically warmed the skin of her neck. For a moment, she wanted to see exactly how he chose to surround her, quick to realize that it hardly mattered. Derek was there. He was warm and somehow aware of everything she needed. That much was confirmed when her fingers met the tips of her hair. Where a mess of knots should have been, her path through it was uninterrupted. She couldn't even remember the last time that ever happened. Rolling her head to get a better look at the man beside her, she sighed. Yet another one of his unspoken graces, one she didn't even have to ask for. He'd gone ahead and done it anyway and she couldn't for the life of her remember the feeling of bristles across her scalp.

She stayed stone silent as she turned to face him, his blind grip tightening around her back. Swallowing hard, her eyes could now see more than she ever really wanted. They took in the smooth path down his nose and the way the ends of it barely brushed the top of his lip. He kept the lightest shadow. For a second she considered tracing it, just to see how it might feel under her finger. _You'll wake him up! And then you're going to have to explain yourself. You really want to do that?_ Oh yeah, that would go over fantastically. He'd crack an eye open the minute she started the lightest trace of his mouth. Everyone who was anyone knew what that implied and there was no way in _hell_ she was going to be caught in that conversation.

Emily instinctively ran to hold her chest when it suddenly tightened, her ability to find air coming through nothing bigger than a straw. But just as quickly as it came, it went. What the hell was this? She was in wide open spaces. The sun was threatening to pull them out of bed. Her heart rate was perfectly normal, her breaths coming out the way they should. She had absolutely no excuses for limbs that refused to listen to her. So why the _fuck_ was her index finger barely a whisper over the man's top lip? Noticing it should be enough of a warning to pull it right back against her. Yet the stubborn thing decided to track around it completely before finding a resting place at the side of his face.

These lips...this mouth miraculously had the power to make anything that threatened to swallow her whole stop in its tracks. Subtle reminders to keep breathing when all the air was sucked right out of any room that sent her over the edge. Disgusting that all he had to do was open it and let quiet music spill out. Worse was the fact that every bone, every cell in her stopped to listen to him.

"Who are you?" she whispered fighting the weight in her chest. Over the years he had been forced to learn everything that made her unworthy of the title of human being. And she selfishly never even so much as hinted at curiosity in any form. Derek Morgan was just a uniform hellbent on taking her from the only place she ever belonged. That was it. That's all she ever cared to know. And somehow, in that time he dared to spare an hour or two to hear what her file didn't have time for. So far as she knew, the words "I can't breathe in this place" had never passed her lips. Something in her said he'd uncovered that himself. How else did he decide to go over his boss's head to keep her out of there? How else did he know how to say her name without making her blood boil? The fact that Derek did this all so privately made her realize just how little she'd done for him in return. "I'm sorry," she mumbled. The words were a weak apology that was supposed to wrap around everything she'd ever put him through. Even Emily knew it wasn't going to be enough.

Biting the inside of her cheek, she struggled to silence the chorus of voices that echoed in her head. If she had any hope of offering him at least a sliver of everything he continued to give her, she had to find a way to be louder than her shadows of doubt. Rolling her lip, a trembling finger glided over his cheekbone, soft as the sound of his voice when she stayed locked in the darkest corners of her mind. Emily silently eased over the shape of his eye, stopping only at the bridge of his nose before she continued forward to the other. The quietest sigh passed her lips when she finally came to rest on the opposite cheek, suddenly frozen where she was. What was it about his nose that made her so nervous to touch it? Not too long after she considered the question did the small puff of air that came from it give her an answer.

She should have had enough sense to pull back. What if in moments his eyes opened and he slowly came to, confused as to why she was touching him? Despite how logical a thought it was, she pressed on, finally coming full circle at his lip. The breath that came through her own mouth stopped cold when she was met with just a fraction of his dark brown eyes. Not until he pecked the pad of her finger quietly did she realize she had yet to move it. The sleepy smile that followed it made the situation no better, her heart picking up for the most unfamiliar reason.

"Hey," he whispered. Just the sound of that word made her flush. How stupid that there was absolutely nothing special about it. He'd said it to her at least a hundred times. Most of them weren't as friendly as they could have been but that didn't mean anything. And here she was chasing a voice that took off at a run so fast she had no way of reaching it. From what she could tell, the silence that washed over them again didn't even faze him. Instead, she watched his finger come in closer letting it tap her lip softly. Emily gave him the smallest smile after returning the favour. "Pretty..." he whispered.

Derek quietly chuckled watching a gentle heat crawl up her neck. He knew it was the result of his later comment. He also knew (probably better than he should) how private a person she was. Whether or not he should have let it slip, there was no taking it back now. Morgan had always been nothing short of honest and no matter what the situation was, she deserved to know the truth. He watched Prentiss shake her head slowly in complete silence. With each passing day the list of things she'd never heard before continued to grow. Realizing just how often they came to this, he couldn't help the sadness the came over him. How had Emily never once heard the most basic of truths? To anybody else it looked like modesty. Watching her by moonlight as he sheltered her had taught him better. Like the fact that it was best not to mention what he'd seen the night before. If she found out just how much she showed him, he could kiss any further progress goodbye.

"You ready for some food?" he mumbled. His lip inched upward when a gentle roll of her stomach spoke for her. "Is that a yes?" he mumbled. She quietly shook her head even though she knew it wouldn't do her any good. "You can take the shower. I'll go make us something and come back." As much as she wanted to turn the idea on its head, she'd already fought him on the subject. At this point, waking up first was the only solution to having it go her way.

When she was sure he had his back completely turned, she let her eyes innocently travel along the muscles in his back. Even while they stayed neatly tucked behind the softest skin she would probably ever come across, each of his defined muscles played their part in making her feel safer than she'd ever felt in her entire life. How he did it so effortlessly she would never really understand. It was only by the sound of his voice that she was pulled out of her own thoughts. The fact that she let herself blush when she realized how distracted she got made Emily glad he wouldn't see it.

"You like eggs and bacon?" To be fair, as many times as she'd heard of them, the opportunity to try them just never came up. She let herself shrug before she realized he didn't exactly have eyes in the back of his head. Whether they'd ever touched her lip or not, her lifestyle didn't exactly give her any room to complain.

"Derek I'm good with something as boring as cereal," she mumbled. It was one of the few foods that could last her the entire week if it had to. She was sure it had more health benefits when she poured milk over it but she was never as lucky as those kids on TV.

"I heard yes." She rolled her eyes when she heard the smirk in his response. To that she gave nothing and just shook her head. She waited until Clooney barked happily at the bottom of the stairs before the blanket came off. When she went to make sure her side of the bed looked at least partially decent, she stopped. _One night scared out of your mind doesn't make this yours_. She groaned. Since when did she dare to consider such a thing? Shaking the thoughts loose she pulled the sheets over tightly, brushing out any wrinkles before taking hold of Derek's abandoned pillow. Even though she knew better, Emily hugged it to herself, letting the essence of him wrap around her.

Approaching the shower, she silently scolded herself for once again turning the faucet until she couldn't anymore. To do so was selfish and inconsiderate beyond anything she'd ever tried before. And still, she allowed it to wash over her until stars clouded her vision. She let them close while she lathered herself in fragrances she was almost certain weren't used by him. Emily couldn't help but entertain the idea anyway. Everything about him was a quiet surprise. She saw no part of his demeanor in any of the other men she'd crossed. Derek was hard, yes but it seemed he only took that on when he needed to. In the quiet, behind closed doors, he seemed to turn himself inside out. Especially where she was concerned leading her to once again wonder why that was. Playing with the idea that they might be taking from the same bottle was a laughable comfort but one she gladly took. When she let her eyes open again after ten minutes of feeding on the cloud of soft smells she realized just how long she'd been standing there, the jets beating down on her chest angrily. Stepping out, she had to take a few minutes to collect herself when the world took on a gentle spin.

"Dammit!" she growled. In no more than a towel and dripping wet, she was a whole flight of stairs away from clean clothes. Out of the corner of her eye she caught the ones she'd folded the night before, still happily perched exactly where she left them. Breathing heavily through her nose she let the fabric of his sweater glide softly between her fingers. Even with the intention of slipping back into the bathroom to change, she found herself checking on the bedroom door too, convinced that if she didn't he might come in and find her. And why wouldn't he? She was the one who didn't belong here. Combing tiredly through her hair she let the sweater come up over her head. She inhaled at the elbow somehow hoping that at least traces of him were still there. Even when she caught the slightest of them, she sighed, more relieved than she thought she would be this early in the morning.

She met Clooney at the landing lightly rolling her eyes when he tucked his head under her hand forcing her to pay him some attention. Softly scoffing, she padded over to the kitchen table. After only a minute she was met with a familiar gleam in the set of eyes across from her, seeing them always provided more comfort than Derek would ever hear about.

"Is he always this needy first thing in the morning?" When she saw him work his way up to a reluctant nod she groaned. "Fantastic..." Before she could say anything to that the smell of eggs and bacon met her nose. Even if she couldn't exactly recall the last time she used one, the fork she took hold of sounded like a better option than to force him watch her eat like a savage creature. Prior to letting anything meet her mouth, habit broke the food into even fourths, three of which she let sit at the edge of her plate.

Even though he knew where it came from, watching her take only a fourth of what he'd laid out for her opened his eyes just a little bit more. When only the piece closest to her had gone into her mouth, he couldn't keep from shaking his head. His hand came out when she pushed the plate into the middle of the table leaving most of it untouched. Silently he sent it back over, the motion met with confusion he should have known to expect.

"Finish it," he mumbled. "There's plenty where that came from." Even though the idea of more was always an unanswered dream she nodded swallowing the morsels with measured curiosity. "You're allowed to clear your plate, Prentiss. There'll be more tomorrow." _More tomorrow_. Just thinking it made her mouth water. Even after hearing this she couldn't help inching her way through it. She wasn't even sure if it had more to do with the fact that she'd put something new in her body or the fact that she didn't want it to disappear. Whatever it was that slowed her down gave her time to take in everything. The smell of it, the taste, how it felt on her tongue. Taking her time also gave her enough of it to keep a wandering eye on the man across from her.

Derek still looked half asleep, ready at any moment to crawl back into bed. For a split second she toyed with the concept that maybe she'd join him if he let her. Unsure of whether or not it was the eggs or the permission she gave herself to think these things that she wanted to gag. Why was it that curling up with him didn't sound like the worst thing in the world? What did that make her? Three years of being his favourite project hardly said that she knew the guy well enough. Even while she reprimanded herself she knew better than to think he would look into it. When most woke to kiss her good morning, he'd kissed her damn finger. And the weirdest thing was he left it at that. How could she not have returned the act? It was really the very least she could do. Not once had he put his hands where she didn't want them. His soft kisses always fell in friendly territory. The only time she met disgust was when her tongue worked faster than her brain could process the proper information. Most men would be over the moon.

"You're not like most men," she whispered. Emily felt her gut twist when again she refused to keep that in her head. The small shrug he gave her made the woman shake her head. "Course you don't see that," she mumbled.

"I'm just me, Prentiss," he said quietly. Despite his easy answer, anyone with a few brain cells would know where her head was. The fact that it had to go there at all made him angrier than anything else ever could. No matter where they came from, women in his eyes deserved respect, even if for some it came in small doses. Meeting Emily's gaze, he wished that more than ever. But he had no idea what she'd seen outside these walls. All he had ever been a part of was the aftermath of whatever the world had done to her. For his own selfish reasons, Derek had never been happier to see a Saturday morning in his life.

"See there you go again, shrugging it off like it's some kind of common sense." He waited a beat while he processed the sound of those words and how carefully they came out of her mouth.

"Because it is," he whispered. The fact that she felt the need to deny that made the lining of his stomach simmer. "A lot of them just don't care," he added. She sighed, a light shiver travelling her body while she fought the urge to nod. The fact that he gave a damn about her was still something she couldn't figure out. As recent as this arrangement was, everything in her warned to wait for the other shoe. Once it came down she had no doubt it would hit her right in the face.

"Why do _you_ care?" she whispered. Even as she asked she knew the answer. Derek dropped his fork leaning back into his chair.

"I guess the first person you could go looking for is my mom. Besides the fact that it's decency, she made damn sure my sisters and I knew how to treat people. When we hit junior high, it got a little bit more specific. And as dumb as it sounds, it stuck. You could say that it's a big part of why I chose to be a cop. But...that's just part of it." She didn't need to hear about other reasons. The rest of it gave Derek his own ghosts.

"You make it sound so simple," she laughed. And despite everything, she knew that it was. But the world that she knew liked to complicate things. They didn't seem to care that every part of her would remember every waking moment long after they were gone. The worst of it was that most of them came back for more, forcing her to give off the illusion that she enjoyed herself.

"You okay, Emily?" He watched her blink repeatedly, sure that she was struggling to find the words. Whether or not she would feed him a lie he couldn't be sure. She let her eyes close, a small battle rattling in her head while she considered being as honest as he was.

"I don't know," she mumbled. He didn't have to know why she was so quiet but he deserved better than a lie. There would be better opportunities for that. Giving her a slight nod, his fingers brushed lightly across her knuckles. As much as she tried to keep a straight face, the brief contact invited the smallest smile to her face. "How do you do that?" she mumbled.

"This?" he asked softly, letting their fingers intertwine. Well yes, but he sometimes did less than that and her entire body warmed. She let her head bob sheepishly, eyes downcast. When she didn't hear anything, her head shot back up.

"No," she quietly clarified. "You say something...do something and it's all better," she breathed. Emily wanted to kick herself for sounding so fucking pathetic. At 25 she sounded twenty years younger in those few seconds.

"It's just a shot in the dark," he said truthfully. He'd only really gone off the few things that helped him, hoping they would do the same for her. "If you want them to stop—"

"No!" She watched him jerk in surprise, finally alerting her to how loud she'd gotten. "I...You don't have to," she said. As much as it might have sounded like permission to do what he wanted, she hoped they would continue. "I-It's nice," she said shyly. Emily kept to herself just how much they helped her keep her head. Dammit if she let herself admit that she actually _needed_ them.

"Whatever makes you comfortable, Prentiss." How little would he think of her if she entertained the idea of being wrapped in his arms at night? The few times she'd been there, all the darkness in her dreams gave way to light. For the first time in her life, she woke up hoping she would be able to remember what she saw. She made a mental note to be sure that she made it up to bed tonight, even if it wasn't his. At the very least it would keep her away from the kitchen and the godforsaken orange juice.

She didn't even notice her plate had been cleared until she saw him reach over to collect it. Her own hands quietly covered his in an attempt to bring them back toward her. The small fire that started in her veins when she did made her throat dry.

"I got it," she said, pleased when she regained at least a fraction of her confidence. "I don't get to use it as much but I'm pretty sure I know how soap works," she teased. When he seemed to put up no argument she carefully cleared her throat. "Thank you..."

"Anytime, Emily." To see her be this grateful for something as basic as breakfast was a notion Derek was sure he would never really get over. "Alright, I'm going to head up for a few minutes. If you need anything, feel free to tear it up," he smirked. Even while she reflected his expression, she hoped it wouldn't come to that. For a guy who lived by himself, he kept it this neat for a reason. "His breakfast is in the fridge somewhere. If you could—"

"I got it." When he finally disappeared up the stairs she sighed letting the water run warm before adding some soap. It was damn sad how even the prospect of doing dishes excited her some. Clean. Soap worked to keep everything clean, something she was still getting used to. A quiet chuckle found its way out when a wet nose brushed her hip. "Yeah I know. Give me a minute." Clooney took that as invitation to follow her around the kitchen until his food was placed in front of him giving his thanks with a light flicker of his tongue across her hand. "You're welcome," she smiled. "Do you know if there's any specific way he likes these done?" Not that she expected an answer.

Letting the water warm and wash her hands, she tried to fight a moronic sigh. There was no need to lose her shit over this. As long as she was at Morgan's house she would be seeing more and more of it. So why did she take her sweet time with every dish? Why the hell was she so careful about making sure it was each of them was practically sparkling? _Because he deserves some effort after pulling you from six different kinds of hell_ she thought.

"You looking for your own reflection in that thing?" She had to fight the urge to jump at the sound of his voice.

"I uhh..." she said dumbly. "Just making sure I didn't miss anything." One of her more pathetic replies and she was pretty sure even he saw that.

"They look great," he smiled. Studying the curve of his mouth, Emily couldn't help but fixate on it. What she wanted with them spoke to at least fifty different kinds of wrong. Derek had said it himself. She didn't owe him anything, especially gratitude like that. Add the little known fact that he was her arresting officer and it was pretty much illegal. If only she was tall enough to just...trace them. A gesture as simple as the one from this morning was fine. Instead she forced herself to back away after drying her hands.

"Your dog's been fed. I'd check and make sure he doesn't eat human. Apparently he thinks we taste good," she joked.

"Nah, I just taught him to be grateful," he teased. Sometimes she wondered if that was a little bit too well learned. "How do you feel about parks?"

"You mean sleeping in them?" she mumbled. Even though she had a gut feeling that wasn't at all where he was going, her experience in public places didn't exactly fall under "extracurricular activity".

"Not exactly. I was thinking about the stuff you do in the day time. Like lunch or something. Maybe even a few swings." Even though she knew better than to look so animated at just the idea of it, the smile that broke out across her face took up too much of it to hide fast enough. _What are you, five?_ "Did I hear another yes?" he laughed. Even the sight of his ridiculously white teeth couldn't stop the frantic nod she gave him. "Good." Balancing on the edge of her toes, Emily let her finger quietly shape the curve of his lips. She let her eyes fall closed as if just feeling it might make the brush of his lips last longer against her skin. She couldn't help hoping that this one lasted longer than the one she'd received an hour ago.

* * *

Emily found herself riding a wave of unfamiliar surprise as they took the quiet drive to Lincoln Park. This was the first time she wasn't making her way on foot. The fact that she would be there when the sun was still up was even more of a novelty. When an even bigger realization came over her, every muscle in her body froze. People would see her. She would come face to face with those who looked right past her. People so concerned with themselves that they didn't even know when they spoke in hushed whispers. When the air in the car became airtight, Derek let an eye wander toward her and even while she kneaded her hands, Emily knew she was being watched.

"They're going to see..." she whispered. She said nothing as Derek gently took her hand and gave it a soft squeeze. She damn near shuttered when she let the feeling wash over her.

"Whoever's out there is going to have to go through me," he mumbled. As comforting as those words were to hear, she knew that not even Derek could do anything about the way they looked at her. There were even some who didn't take to any warning he might give them to keep their comments to themselves. Even if it was only for a second (and unlikely to happen), she wondered if he thought to keep his badge on him, even during a harmless outing like this. Not that it would do very much but it still relaxed her little bit to hope so. "Badge follows me wherever I go," he mumbled. "If it needs to come out it will." If she didn't already know differently, Derek had mastered a freakishly accurate ability to read her mind.

"Doesn't that violate the first amendment or something?"

"Freedom of speech doesn't translate to freedom to be an asshole," he pointed out. "No, I can't take them in on anything but I can get them to shut their mouths."

"Like I don't already have enough on my back," she muttered. "Who knows what they're going to think when they see dirt on your hands," she whispered. It took Derek a minute to read behind her words. Once he did, he had to bite back a snarl. Even if it never came, Emily could see the tension in his jaw. "I'm an animal," she mumbled letting shaking fingers brush his jaw hoping it might go slack. "That's all they're going to see. I know you see other stuff but...not everybody's like you. I think...the only thing we can really is just...let them talk. It's nothing I haven't heard before. And a lot of them are right." He wanted to tell her that not a single one of them was "right" but kept that to himself.

"Has anybody ever...come at you, Prentiss?" Biting her lip, Emily struggled to keep from nodding. As hard as she tried to deny it, she knew he saw the battle to stay honest. It didn't matter that she didn't want to, the careful nod came anyway. He would be in for a surprise and unprepared if instead of her they found reason to go after him. She wouldn't let that happen. She couldn't. "Did you want to take this somewhere else?" For a minute she considered it. Somewhere else she might have a chance to feel safer, like less of a target. But they were already here. _I have you_ she thought, the idea giving her enough room to shake her head.

Instinctively padding his pockets for his badge, he quietly came over to her side of the car. Emily took a deep breath before she let herself out using the door to make sure her muscles had enough sense to listen to her. No matter how many times she found herself on these grounds, the sun on her face on this side of town was one thing Emily was almost certain she would never feel. Moonlight spilled over her more often than she would have liked but to be warmed by the big ball in the sky was unheard of. She braced herself for the many questioning faces, so preoccupied that she barely felt Derek take his familiar place around her waist.

Slipping off her shoes, she let bare toes make their way through the grass, a slow smile splitting across her face. For the grand total of two minutes she let the world around her fade, only aware of his arm across her back and how warm her feet were. Finally pulling herself back in, she caught sight of a familiar bench on the other side of the park. She had to wonder why even now it remained unused. Realization let a quiet whisper laugh at the back of her head. _It's got your name all over it._ Even though she knew that wasn't entirely true (there was no way she could be the only one of her cohorts who found safety here), she found herself leading them even further away from it.

Derek remained silent while he followed her lead. Even though it came up like a joke, he had to wonder what kind of memories this place held for her. Considering the little he already knew, they couldn't be good. True surprise came when he watched her sink down on the grass dead center. Even though it was the middle of the afternoon where children and families could be seen for miles, she still managed to find something secluded and private. _Baby steps_ he had to remind himself. After laying out the contents of their small basket, Derek stretched out shooting Emily a lazy smile.

Damn her heart and how it spent at least thirty seconds in overdrive every time she saw it. To anyone who watched them now, the reaction would be common sense. They probably looked like every other couple in this place just enjoying a quiet afternoon. But the truth was much bleaker than that. She was one of the lucky ones who would hopefully never have to use this place in shadows again. She spent nights scared out of her mind wrapped up in an officer's arms because her own head was a darkness she never wanted to be. No. Nobody here knew anything.

They had no concept of the quiet fear that fed on her bones. That she'd spent nights in alleyways fighting the natural urge to cry. Nobody knew how lucky they were to be kept warm at night. Most only knew how to be degrading and cruel to the things they didn't bother trying to understand. Rolling her lip, Emily inched closer to the man beside her, letting a finger trace his defined upper arm.

"Hi," he whispered. Taking her free hand he laid it flatly in his, gently tracing the lines in her palm. He knew better than to verbalize anything, aware of just how quickly she would deny any of it. The fact that she had yet to rip her hand away was probably the best he was going to get for now. Watching the slow progression of his index finger out of the corner of her eye, Emily felt her breath catch quietly. The fact that he was willing to touch the tainted parts of her would probably always come as a surprise. When he sat up moments later, she silently settled between his legs urging his arms to wrap around her tightly. Noticing where she'd asked him to keep his hands, Derek let a darker frame of mind take over. Did being here serve as another trigger tied to the night before? Feeling both her hands as she took his face between them, he couldn't help the smile he gave her, all earlier thoughts pushed back. When she quietly traced his lip, he brushed the tip of her finger softly.

He had to wonder exactly what it meant when she did. Did it substitute for thank you when she didn't know how? Was it the smallest sign of trust? As much as he knew the latter was hard to come by for her, the fact that she was here with him now let him play with the idea for no more than a minute. The feeling of his skin across her finger was a feeling her body always felt the need to sing about. She even seemed to hum when he so much as looked her. There was something so stupidly safe about him. For a man who had every right to crush her like a bug under his shoe, the way he held her, the way he spoke to her in those brief moments made her feel invincible, untouchable for an entirely different set of reasons.

Reaching over she carefully unwrapped the sandwiches he made for them. Folding the plastic slowly, she tucked it into the basket before taking a careful bite. Derek followed suit, though handled his with far less care. Watching her dive back in to fold in perfect fourths, he had to wonder what made her so neat and intricate about everything she touched.

"We don't have to keep those," he reminded her softly. That seemed to be the only reason she salvaged them. And even if it made perfect sense, the fact that her life had come to that made him wish he'd considered the arrangement sooner. Looking over at him, her hands froze just over the open box. Of course she didn't have to save them. Not for the moment anyway but her motions were the result of muscle memory and an engrained practice to make sure that absolutely nothing went to waste. Even though she knew it made her look compulsive, she was relieved when Derek said nothing more.

She couldn't even help handling the food she ate with a bundle of nerves. How much of this was just a bunch of vivid dreaming? How long before Cruz shook her violently from sleep, where she would find herself tucked between to sturdy walls of the convenience store? There was no way this could go on for much longer. Emily had to wonder how he managed to inhale the one she barely had time to watch him eat. "There's always more," he mumbled. Despite the fact that those words stringed together felt like a foreign language, she nodded meekly.

No matter how much comfort that was supposed to give her, the spare sandwich tucked in the corner was picked up timidly. Her chronic practice of perfect fourths allowed her to hand over two squares which he took with another one of his famous smiles. Though she was sure she had kept her judgments in her head, Derek was slower with the second helping. Whether it was supposed to warm her or not, she wasn't sure. The guy had a right to eat how he wanted to. But he let these ones last, almost as if to make up for the fact that he'd eaten the other in one swift bite. Did she really just call him ungrateful? No, at least not that she could tell. But her quiet critical eye probably said otherwise.

Emily wasn't even sure how many hours had passed until she realized how much natural light had really disappeared. She barely found her hands, unable to make out no more than their outline. The subtle breeze that swept her shoulder barely felt like anything. She'd spent weeks in the midst of much worse. There wasn't much she was aware of at all until she felt something come flying toward her.

"Hey!" She tried not to jump while a voice she hadn't heard in days echoed beside her. "Watch it!" Biting the inside of her cheek, she finally caught a slight figure out of the corner of her eye. As soon as she felt the blood drain from her face she begged to make herself smaller against her protective wall. Despite being years older, the gaze she met was one she swore she would never forget. Now she wished more than ever that she could. Today she couldn't mistake him for eight even if she wanted to. The boy only feet from her had grown into himself, his face more angular than she remembered.

"Hey Officer, you get demoted to trash picker?" Even though she knew time had passed, the words she remembered hearing years before were a stark contrast from the ones he spat at them now. She didn't even bother to consider what he'd thrown at her. His words packed a much harder punch than whatever landed just inches from them. Emily felt every inch of her harden while she let her defenses fly right back up.

"Back off, kid." The rumble in his chest had a beastly quality to it. No matter how evenly Derek spoke, she knew a nerve had been struck.

"Really, I thought you were better than that," he laughed. "You trying to save her from being euthanized?" _Like I said...Animal._ And even knowing that, the way he talked might as well have confirmed that she was less than a dog. No matter how well-loved Clooney was, he wasn't the only of his kind to be talked to with kindness. She'd seen dogs on the street treated better.

"Step...off," he warned slowly. Derek could feel his ears ringing with agitation, his eyes ablaze when all the kid did was shrug and saunter off. He didn't need asking to tighten his grip on her as the boy and his friends passed with skateboards at their sides. In an attempt to burn holes in the back of their heads, he kept a steady eye on them as they grew smaller and smaller. When they finally disappeared all together, the tension in a tight bubble around her was palpable. "Shh," he murmured. She could feel her knuckles shift almost immediately to white, her nails digging harshly into his wrists. To his credit, Derek hardly seemed to notice. "Relax," he whispered. "They're gone." As promising as that sounded, she let her eyes dart back and forth frantically, trying to decide whether or not hiding behind him was even worth the effort.

"Home..." she whispered shakily. Taking a deep breath he carefully slid from behind her fully aware that she tracked his every move with her eyes. Taking up the empty basket, he let her stay almost entirely hidden against him. How she managed that in the first place he had to wonder. It was after they were well on their way, with one hand used to keep her occupied that he made a mental note to look into that kid.

He quietly shook his head when Emily practically raced him out of the car. It wasn't hard to see how quickly anxiety took over while she waited for him. As soon as the door flew open, he was barely inside before he caught her barreling up the stairs. Dropping their belongings at the foot of the stairs, he took them two at a time before he found her hunched over in his bathroom.

This was a bad idea, a terrible idea. The worst. Even if scolding herself wasn't going to turn back the clock, quietly lecturing herself was supposed to do much as she didn't want to be crowded, she finally let out a held breath when she heard familiar footsteps behind her. Derek had just enough time to pull her hair back before she heaved. "Shh," he whispered. "It's over," he mumbled. "You're safe." If that was meant to be of any comfort to her, it only made her gut twist more harshly. It didn't seem to matter how grateful she was for everything she'd eaten, or how long she made sure it lasted. Breakfast and lunch were now meshed together while all of her insides worked to reject any piece of perfect fantasy she dared to imagine. If the world was trying to remind her that she wasn't allowed to be normal, message received loud and fucking clear.

Derek had to fight to keep his straight face when she finally fell back on her haunches. The woman was white as a ghost and shaking like a leaf. Pulling a strand of hair behind her ear, he came up beside her and lightly brushed her temple. If he didn't know any better, Emily looked about ready to revert back to some variation of fetal position.

"You want some help to bed?" he whispered. She had to fight the bile in her throat before she barely managed a shaky nod. Already down on his knees, it was even easier to let her arms wrap around his neck. She hated herself and how easy it was to shutdown. She had heard shit like that her entire life. What the hell did it matter if they hit her while she was wrapped in his arms? If anything it should let them bounce right off of her. At least, that was the hope. Laughable now that she considered it. The blades in those words were sharper than she ever remembered. The thought that one day they would make perfect sense to him was unthinkable.

When she was finally allowed to sink in amongst the sheets she kept steady and empty eyes on the fan pinned to his ceiling. The fact that he didn't even know half the reasons she acted so dumbly and still handled her so delicately was astounding. She knew she owed him some explanation but the words wouldn't dare fall out, even if she begged them to.

As soon as Derek curled up beside her, a hand gravitated to her stomach, a frown shaping when he noticed how erratically his hand rose and fell. "Breathe," he mumbled gently. As much as she tried to listen, her gasps for air came through in dry heaves, her legs tucked against her while she tried to settle her stomach. "Stretch..." When she managed to get one leg out in front of her she brought the rest of herself up to compensate for the sudden exposure, chin tucked against her chest. "In and out," he whispered. "Real slow." When she managed something steady, ne nodded. "Good job. Stretch..." Despite being shakier and taking an extra five minutes to achieve, her other side came to rest flatly against the bed.

"They're gonna come," she mumbled. "They're all gonna come..."

"Who?"

"Them..." Who the hell was "them"? Clearing hair from her forehead, he sighed. Even Emily knew she didn't make any sense and she hated herself for it. How else was he supposed to know how to keep her safe if she couldn't even form a sentence? "They can't come..."

"Through me, remember?" he whispered. No matter how good it sounded, not even Officer Morgan could save her from this. The fact that he was always trying though counted for more than he would ever know. "Is that better?" he whispered. Breathing heavily, Emily nodded Pulling her close he let her cling to him like shrink wrap while he traced aimlessly along her shoulders. "You did really good today," he said softly. And to think they would come home and he would be asking her if she enjoyed herself. Even though it had nothing to do with him, something about it felt like a slap in the face.

"I'm not going anymore," she whispered hoarsely. Nodding he ran a finger along the side of her neck, the proximity of his touch trapping the air in her throat. "Everybody saw," she mumbled, her words almost unheard in such a large room. "Everybody knows...I..."

"It's just you and me in here," he mumbled. Yes. Yes good. And that's exactly how she wanted it to stay. For as long as he put up with her, this is exactly where she wanted to be, the only place she needed to be. "I promise they can't touch you," he murmured. Now it all made sickeningly perfect sense. Why she said absolutely nothing. How they ended up in what could be considered the middle of nowhere. How swiftly she even avoided a particular bench, no matter how far off into the field it was.

It wasn't fear that kept her quiet and careful. It was the whispers that practically screamed in her ear, the shadows that followed her no matter where she was in that place. Nowhere was safe. Not really. Just here. Behind these walls nobody knew. Him. He was safe. Derek kept everything out.

"Never..." If he wasn't so caught in the conversation and what brought it on, he wouldn't have been so quick to nod with her. "It isn't safe..." But God did he wish he could make it so for her. For all of them. "Garbage... That's where we go. But we're there when it's dark so nobody sees. Today they all saw..."

"Hey, keep them right here," he mumbled turning her to keep track of her eyes. "They don't matter. None of them. What matters is right here in this house, you hear me? Right here. Let them talk." He knew it was much easier said than done. He'd heard the exact same words and only recently did he really let them sink in properly. Quiet swirls against her stomach lurched her forward with several attempts and failures to keep it from rising. "Easy," he mumbled.

She wasn't sure how long she laid there letting his gentle tones sink in. The room came in parts through hooded eyes while she fed into his rhythmic motions. She instinctively turned to face him as sleep crept in, the tips of fingers brought in against his soft skin. Letting his face rest between her hands, she couldn't keep the sigh from blowing lightly against his face.

"Where did you come from?" she breathed. A guy like this was not of this planet. His immeasurable patience and gentle touches were unheard of. How he managed to stay completely composed while she was everything but brought tears to the corners of her eyes. The fact that she was allowed to cry at all, and he had nothing but kind words for her made this entire arrangement a dream.

"Same place as you," he chuckled. The answer made no sense. It couldn't. Morgan wouldn't be caught dead with the likes of her. There was absolutely no possible way. The warmth he radiated was probably the only similarity they had between them. The only difference was that it seemed she could never find hers. Everything else about them put her on the opposite side of any spectrum.

"You're nothing like me, Derek," she barely whispered. "I think you see that now..."

"I don't see anything," he countered.

"You've got to..."

"You know what I do see?" He gave her a small smile when she met him with curiosity. "I see these," he mumbled weaving through five of her fingers. "I see that there's one...two...three...four...five of them right here...and here. I see five toes...here...and over there," he said brushing her calf with one of his. Emily bit down harshly on her own lip to keep from becoming a quiet puddle under his words. Though what he said and his every intention was genuine, a bigger part of her refused to believe there to be any truth in it. How could there be? What he saw was nowhere near what came through her eyes. There was no way in hell the world outside saw anything like it.

She nearly gasped when his finger brushed the curve of her ear. "And two of these..." he whispered, the answer barely a wind against her skin. "And two of these," he said, his feather touch along the shape of her eyes making her shutter. "One of these," he murmured sliding down her nose. "And then there's this," he mumbled his finger stalling while he took his sweet time along her mouth. Despite feeling flushed and pathetic the small kiss she settled on the pad of his finger lingered. How he saw any of this she would never understand. Despite their relatively similar shape, there was no way the two sets of eyes were anything identical.

"I..." Emily let him carry her hand over his chest where he placed it just over his beating heart; the realization of his intentions making hers beat erratically.

"And we both have this," he affirmed gently. Derek kept her gaze while quietly finding her own heart, the small smile he wore for her growing when he noticed how quickly it was beating in her chest. "You hear that?" he mumbled. "That's where we come from."

"No..."

"Mhm...Exactly the same," he promised. "The rest is just specifics." Yeah but specifics counted for a whole lot. Specifics either kept people quiet or got things thrown at you. "I mean, other than the obvious," he smirked winding her hair around his fingers, "you're just like me."

"I'm...not," she mumbled. Now she couldn't help letting shame take over for an entirely different reason. They may have been the same in body but she feared never being as open and accepting as he was. As much as she criticized Chicago for treating her as less than human, her sharp tongue made her no better. "I don't...I treated you like shit," she whispered.

"Everybody has walls up. You still do and that's okay." The fact that he was still so painfully sweet to her made Emily want to vomit. How could he take everything she gave him and just...pretend it didn't matter?

"I can't let them see..."

"Nobody has to see. Not right now."

"Not ever," she breathed letting her body tremble. He chose to keep to himself that her guard would come down eventually. Even if it came down for one specific person and went back up around the rest of the world, there was no way she would stay like this forever. "They can't see..."

"I know," he mumbled. Nodding slowly she silently brought his hand across the side of her face. No, he wasn't going to wash everything away. Not for a long time, if ever. And even though she was certain none of it would ever disappear, Derek made it so that she just might be able to cope. "Can I get you some soup?" Even though it felt like ten steps back, that seemed to be the only thing that could keep her knotted stomach calm.

"Please come back..." she mumbled. He blinked, not quite sure how she interpreted the question he'd asked. "After...Please come back. I...I'm cold."

"The dryer's almost done. I have a sweater in there. You want to get it for you?" Rolling her lip, she nodded hoping she wasn't asking too much of him. Watching him leave she wanted to kick herself. Hard. Of course it was asking too much. Since getting here all she did was ask. To be held, to be carried when her legs gave out. She even had the audacity to ruin a perfectly quiet afternoon that he seemed to be enjoying a whole lot more than being cooped up in the house with her. And the idiot barely blinked about any of it. As giving as Derek was, she was just as self-serving. How he was going to be able to stand that until further notice...

Emily felt her heart as it practically leapt from her chest when he reemerged. No matter how ached her muscles were she scrambled forward. It surprised her that she didn't even have to ask that he come in behind her. Once he did, she let her head rest heavily on his chest further calmed by the measured beat behind his shirt. Her throat dried when she pulled the fabric tightly to her, drowning in it before letting it come up and over her head. She quietly choked when he offered her a gentle friction across her arms. So many little things she didn't even have to put words to.

"Those hands are going to have to slow down a bit," he warned. Not until he said as much did she realize how unsteady she really was. "Here," he whispered encircling the bowl for her. God! If she didn't pull herself together soon, the guy would be ready and willing to feed it to her.

"I can do it." The phrase came out so slowly she probably dripped doubt everywhere.

"I know you can. Deep breaths." She couldn't even roll her eyes. She knew what a mess she was. Nobody had to tell her. But to get to the point where she couldn't even put a spoon in her mouth would be the lowest of the low. Even though she knew it would taste no better than paper, she ladled half of the spoon and brought it to her mouth. Just as she suspected all of her senses betrayed her. It was a damn miracle her muscles worked at all. And considering how long it took her to get to the last of her soup she was even more shocked that Derek wasn't a ticking time bomb of irritability. "Good," he murmured reaching over to place the empty bowl on the nightstand.

"I...I wanna sleep," she confessed.

"Do you want me to help you across the hall?" As much as she boasted about migrating to her own bed when the night finally came, she steeled herself at the mere mention of it. Playing methodically with his fingers, all she seemed able to do was stare at them. How they managed such dynamic interactions with people was astonishing.

"Can I...Can I stay? I promise I'll go tomorrow. I just...I hurt," she whispered. If he asked her to point out where, she had no idea where she would even begin. Her stomach and the fact that it twisted and tumbled without warning? Her legs and how they didn't give a damn about what she asked them to do? Or maybe she could start with her hands and the fact that they were almost never warm. When she slid out from behind her for the second time that day, she had to fight to silence herself, the absence of him more than she was able to bear.

"Scoot back," he whispered. Nodding robotically she did as she was told quietly picking at the duvet while she waited for him. So focused on the fabric in front of her, she barely noticed him sliding in beside her, the only indication a gentle tug on her dark locks. Turning her head, all of her muscles stood at war, unsure of weather to create a barrier or settle comfortably among her bones. "Hey..."

"Hi..." There were times she wondered if he had a history with children. Fuck knows she spent a lot of time acting like one. It was either that or old people who had lost their marbles. She still had no idea where she came in. Hell, most of the time she had no idea who the fuck he saw but at the very least she wasn't old. Not yet.

"I'm proud of you, Emily." Eyes once uncertain were wide with surprise now. He was proud of her? They really did see the world through different lenses. She couldn't help but despise herself. So far as she knew, there was not a single reason to be left with more than complete disappointment. "You knew today was going to be hard. Really hard. And you didn't run from it." She snorted. Of course she ran from it. They wouldn't be in her otherwise. "We had a nice quiet afternoon in the park. A place that should send you running before we even got there. But we did. We got there and you stayed. No matter how it ended, I saw this a lot more today," he whispered, the sound of his voice forming a smile on her mouth he gently lined with the tip of his finger.

"Did it hurt?"

"What?"

"When you fell from the sky," she mumbled well aware of how stupid she sounded. He shrugged.

"I fell off my roof a couple times. Football gave me a few concussions in high school. I've been shot about a dozen times but unless I rattled it around in there too much...I don't remember coming out of the sky..."

"That explains so much..."

"What explains what?"

"You are fucked in the head," she mused. "How else would you be able to put up with all of this? I can't go twelve hours without shaking out of skin. Going outside scares me shitless." She held up a hand to stop any additional comments. "You don't have to tell me it's backwards. I know it's backwards. I can't even sleep by myself. I'm 25 years old for shitsake. None of this crap is normal." The urge to tell her otherwise, that he had once been exactly where she was now vibrated in his chest. That would have to wait a while. A different story for a very different time.

"I'm not putting up with anything," he muttered. She quietly rolled her eyes. Of course he was putting up with it! He was the one to come up with this stupid...She didn't even know what to call it anymore. He was the one willing to wake up without a job if something went wrong.

"Yes you are," she snapped. "If I wasn't such a frequent flyer you wouldn't give a damn about me." Alright that one stung.

"Prentiss..."

"I'm just being honest," she shrugged. "We both know it's kind of true..."

"If you really believe that, you still have a lot to learn."

"Right," she bit. "Because I don't know anything."

"About me? Not really. There are still a few things you gotta figure out...If you're willing to turn on those ears for a bit, you might get some answers. But to think that I walked those streets and never came back thinkin' about it..." When he slowed into complete silence, Emily blinked. Derek looked...pained. And once again, she was the cause of his drastic change in mood. To some capacity she always was. How he was going to handle this back and forth without wanting to strangle her...

She froze, her own thoughts were manifesting in ways she never planned. He would never...Would he? Every person reached the end of their rope at some point. What happened when he got to the end of his? Hands like those weren't capable of...that. No matter how well she'd done all freaking day, the tears finally streamed down her face, her muscles tight with fear.

"What?" he whispered, his tone changing dramatically. "What happened?" Closing her eyes tightly she breathed heavily through her nose. Taking his hand she studied it as if doing so would give her answers for that which felt inevitable. "Talk to me," he murmured, his unused hand resting on her cheek.

"Please don't hurt me..." It came out much quieter than she anticipated. If she sounded small it definitely went right along with how she felt. She watched him spring back as though he'd been slapped. The guilt that coursed through her veins when she dared to look at him was a feeling she wouldn't soon forget.

"Give me your hands," he demanded. Even though they shook she took to the order with her head kept low. "Look at me..." She visibly gulped before meeting his eyes. Emily struggled past a breath when her clammy fingers met his skin. No matter how many times she touched him, the heat that came off of him in waves always stole her ability to keep air in her lungs. Gentler than he'd ever seen him, Derek inched her hands along every peak and valley of his body. Where she should have felt sturdy web of mistrust, the man seemed to shine with honesty she would never be used to. Gliding along his chest, her hands went still. Despite the amount of touching she managed to do today, she never imagined to get this far. Derek was so...defined. Even just thinking it made her blush violently. Past his stomach she toyed with the hem of his shirt, the sudden debate to keep her hands against his skin throwing her off balance.

"I-I'm sorry," she whispered. "I just...I scare myself. I know how I come off to people. I'm...hard. All the time. Pretty sure I don't have a filter to save my life. But out there you don't have time to watch what you say. Especially when there's a knife at your throat. I do what I have to do to keep them off. This shit happens so much that I almost have to get ahead of myself. I've been blinded before." The scars she'd gotten from surprise attackers would come at another time. Most of them involved a lot less clothes than she needed to wear tonight. More than that though was the fact that Morgan hardly knew her. Sure he was a gentleman now but what happened when he got a look at more? She could only come up with a grand total of three very distinct solutions. Nothing, something, and everything.

She'd lost count of just how many times she wanted to put her head through a wall. Not only was that a total disregard for his character but any variation of the three, as long as it was him didn't sound all that terrible. The fact that she considered this at least twice today left her with so many questions. Did the purely innocent desire to be looked at as more than a blowjob really make her as trashy as they said she was? There wasn't much she knew about Derek Morgan but she did know that he fought to see her through very different eyes than most of Chicago. If he was going to do anything to her one of two things (or both) had to happen.

Emily had a right to want it, not just offer for the sake of making happy customers. More than that, she knew the words had to fall out of her mouth before he so much as kissed her. Even knowing all of this she still waited for the day when the words slipped out of his mouth. How could she blame him? These were the wants of every man alive, no matter how strict their morals might be. There were even times she kept a breath of nerves when he held her hoping that when she had to go there he didn't notice it. And when he didn't so much as wander? She had to bite her own damn tongue to keep from falling apart.

Before she had time to pick it apart, she settled right up against him, only the fabric of their clothing keeping from something more. She lightly grazed the contours of his jaw wondering how it was that the life managed to pack so much good into a single human being. She made no motion to second guess her arms and how easily they wound around his neck. Despite only lasting the length of a day, the ritual of circling his mouth came almost as second nature to her, the kiss she earned just as much a habit. It scared the living hell out of her to realize that she could very well spend days in these arms and need nothing more than that. The way he wound around her without words spoke to just how quickly he'd learned her most basic needs.

"You good?" he asked. Keeping her face buried in his shoulder, she nodded. Just like this she was more than good. She dared to consider that she was damn near perfect. It took her a good ten minutes to pull away from him, the sudden chill of parted bodies making her need to touch him more crucial than she realized. Letting her fingers dance across his abs she smiled, the heat against her fingers making her entire body quiver. Testing the fabric of his shirt between her fingers, she was relieved to see that she wouldn't have to ask him. From the bottom up she undid every button on his dress shirt, periodically licking her lips to keep focused. It wasn't even off his shoulders before she wrapped herself completely around him, her ear pressed to his steady heart.

The tears that flowed didn't exactly ask permission to be set free but she was too drawn to the natural hum of his body to stop them. Emily knew from where her head was that they would slide quietly down the center of his chest. The melody that sounded from inside of him intensified her grip. How she'd earned a place in that thing would never make one bit of sense to her. Despite the salt racing to the top of her lip, she took her time in placing a careful kiss at his heart. Even though she never asked for it, his natural tendency to hold her closer when crying was involved was about the best thing to happen to her.

"I...I'd like to stay," she whispered. Derek nodded slowly, his fingers finding a steady pattern along her scalp. "I...I don't want to go," she added, her pleas barely audible. If he wasn't already so hyper-focused on making sure no sudden urges took over, he would have missed the implication entirely.

"Who said you're going anywhere?" he murmured.

"C-can we just stay?"

"Think we might be able to figure out pillows first? Realizing they were still completely upright, she blushed nervously. Whether it was just because she was small enough or he was kind enough to keep her exactly as she was, laying on their sides gave her more of those eyes she loved so much. Even then she couldn't help the urge to cling to him. For the first time in what felt like forever she wasn't pleading with him. Tonight she just needed him close. As close as they could get with fabric hugging their bodies.

To say that Derek was surprised to see her take it this far would be an understatement. No, it wasn't sex. It would never be about sex. The fact that she challenged all these doors with him was more than he ever expected.

"Touch me..." she mumbled. An open invitation for the willing and all the man wanted to do was kiss her forehead. Unsure of whether or not it was the act or the consideration, the touch made her lips tremble. "Who are you?" she whispered. The exact same question she considered this morning. And hours later the same phrase carried so much more.

Emily wasn't even sure when sleep finally found her. All she knew was the safety and silence she found in his arms, hardly bothered when her brain woke her up periodically. All she needed to know was that he was there and no matter what she saw, he would be exactly where he was ready to chase it all away. She was pretty sure that not even he knew the gravity of his abilities. And true to Derek form, he probably never would. He would never know that just the sight of his face chased off every evil, every doubt, every worry she ever chose to let inside. And even better, he probably had no idea how he did it. These were secrets and questions Emily would keep close to her own heart. She couldn't help hoping that they never found answers. To find answers meant sharing and there was no way in hell she was going to do that. She didn't even care how selfish it sounded. Emily Prentiss was selfish by nature and even if she hated that side of herself with a burning passion, if it meant that Derek stayed her own private escape, she'd embrace it.

She was in too deep to turn back now. She was pretty sure there wasn't even a name for this. She didn't know the first thing about love but certainly wasn't it. Maybe that meant that Derek Morgan was something all his own, an undiscovered peace that she wasn't about to expose to the world. Her own little wonder of the world.

"Get some sleep pretty girl." If it wasn't already so quiet she would have missed it. She suddenly felt bad for waking him, but glad all the same. To hear him say it, even if he was half asleep and would probably never remember it, made her heart swell. He would never know just how much she fed off the smallest compliments. Though none of them were true, he said them in a way that gave her hope that one day they might just be.

Despite his hazy state, Emily smiled when he pulled her in closer, as if he intended to erase all of today's wrongs with just a touch. The fact that he didn't have to think about it told her just how aware of her he really was. Finally letting her eyes close, she couldn't help but tighten his arm around her. If she could stay tucked in this little tiny bubble she'd be fine. Nothing and no one would even dream of touching her now. She was pretty sure it'd be death if they tried. Wrong as it sounded, the thought brought a smile to her face that wasn't about to go away anytime soon.

* * *

 **A/N: There we go! I realize it seems like something so pointless but at this point, Emily's just relearning who she is what it means to trust. Purely innocent touching is the best she's got right now.**


	5. Him

**A/N: Here we go again!**

 **Disclaimer: *See chapter 1***

* * *

No matter how many promises he made her, Emily had to wonder just how many mornings would have to follow this one before they stopped feeling so foreign and new. Even more consuming was the fear that one day it would all just stop in general. Even though in theory she knew it was temporary (there was no way Derek could put up with her and all of her problems long term), she often let herself believe otherwise. That was the thing she hated the most about hope. No matter how small the thread might be, a person was always given just enough to cling to. Her roommates did virtually nothing to quiet it either. Morgan was always so painfully reassuring, no matter where she let her mind wander. He had a way of making it sound like he would be some kind of constant for her. How was that supposed to work when she was for all intents and purposes his "charge"? And no matter how sweet he was, how much she secretly loved him, Clooney was in fact her constant shadow, one of very few things she would find impossible to let go of when the time finally came.

She let herself smile for all of a minute at the thought. Much like she'd been warned, the golden took up most of her bed, often times without even asking. _Her bed_. The concept was almost a near fantasy. It really didn't matter how many times she slept in it, there was always a heavy air of warning that loomed over her. She had actually managed quite a few nights in it leaving her prouder of herself than even she thought she would be. Alright so really, it was three nights. And no, they weren't all in a row. There wasn't much of a track record when she was just coming up on her first full week of living in it. Emily found herself evenly dividing her time between where she _should_ have been and where she almost always ended up. And the worst part was that he hardly seemed to mind. If she considered it hard enough, he almost _welcomed_ her. For a guy who took down every kind of criminal imaginable, he had an air of calm and gentle about him that made her head spin. How he was able to flip between them almost effortlessly was unreal.

They both came from such different worlds and here she was using his shower. He fed her three square meals a day. Derek never so much as blinked when she found her way to his room. At the rate they were going, she was only days away from not having to say a single word about it. No matter what it was she told him she saw, no matter how lost she felt, all he had to do was wrap her in his arms and everything just vanished in a plume of smoke. How could he be doing this with no return in sight for all of his efforts? Making sure the house was clean, the dishes done, or the laundry folded was hardly a dent in paying him back. Then again, words could never truly convey just how safe he made her feel, even if she did use them frequently.

Her lack of communication seemed to be a fair balance to the store manager who was currently talking her ear off. She'd only been here two hours today and already her fingers brushed against the cool metal of the emergency cell phone she kept in her pocket. Derek gave it to her with strict instructions to call if she needed anything. For a minute, she wondered what "anything" really meant. With each passing minute, Steve looked more and more like someone who might just fall into that category. She'd heard the same shit at least twelve times. "Be courteous to business, they keep this place open". "I know you're used to taking what you want, but that's not how it works here". "You're here until I say otherwise". Not only were those the most obvious but the fact that he had to harp on them was outright insulting. History or not, he didn't have to be such an ass. By about the fourth time, Emily had to fight the natural urge to roll her eyes.

"Yeah, I got that the first twelve times you said it," she muttered.

"You best watch yourself, Ms. Prentiss. I could very easily retract my invitation to have you work here," he warned. _Here we go again_ she thought.

"Okay, I'm putting this as nicely as I can," she started slowly. "You keep me at the back of the store. I'm pretty sure it's because you're afraid I'm going to jump everyone who comes through here. Second, even when I was sleeping outside of it I wasn't that desperate. Now if you could please just lay off for the next few minutes, I might be able to store these boxes in less than ten minutes." No, it wasn't the best of impressions but it seemed this guy lived to get under her skin. She'd expected as much but if all she ever heard about was her random little moments of theft, the next few weeks were going to be hell.

"Excuse me? Do I have to remind you that you're only here because I agreed to this ridiculous idea?" It was those words that made the brunette turn on her heel while trying desperately to bite back a laugh. "The only reason I'm here is because Officer Morgan made some calls. I'd be lying if I said that I'm here to help your cash flow."

"The only reason you're here, Ms. Prentiss is because you have yourself a damn good lawyer and made nice with law enforcement," he muttered. Taking a handful of calming breaths, she met him with a steady gaze.

"Alright, I'm done," she muttered. "If the last twelve times wasn't enough for you to know that I'm not going to jack anything from your precious store, I don't know what you need to hear." She saw the manager's face harden. If they each pushed enough, there was no doubt he would be blowing smoke right out of his pointy ears.

"What I need to hear, Ms. Prentiss is the sound of you stacking those boxes," he bit. _Well maybe if you shut up, I can get back to it_.

"Yes sir," she muttered.

"Good. You know, if this is going to work, I'm going to need some cooperation." _Well it's really hard for me to 'cooperate' when all you seem to do is blow cigar smoke in my face_. Thankfully she didn't have to provide an answer to his last comment, not even looking up when he made his way back to the front counter. Though she knew better than to call or text about her latest little incident, running a thumb across the rim of the phone gave her some comfort.

And that was how many of her days under Steve's "care" went. She had to bite back multiple snorts throughout the day when he dared to say that she wasn't moving very efficiently. How exactly did he expect her to do anything, let alone move around efficiently when the man insisted on breathing down her neck every twenty minutes? Emily made a mental note to keep away from this place when all of this was finally over and done. If he couldn't look at her any differently when she was showered and properly dressed, she could only imagine what he came up with when she had no other choice.

* * *

She had honestly never been happier to see 7 o'clock in her life. Already here since opening at 9, ten hours of being put on surveillance was nine more than she really needed. When Derek's car finally pulled out from behind the shadows, she almost sprang with excitement. Whether it was more for her sudden freedom or the prospect of seeing him, she didn't know. Considering the day she'd had, the first was probably the most likely. Without so much as a hushed goodbye to Steve, she almost threw herself into the passenger side, her head resting against the window while a yawn slipped out.

"Good day?" he asked already pulling off the curb. The brunette shrugged. Nothing she wasn't already getting used to. The constant harping was getting on her last nerve but she wasn't about to tell him that. He probably had to bribe these guys with winning lottery tickets they could cash in when they were done with her.

"Same old shit," she muttered. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw one of Derek's brows go up but was glad when he said nothing to that. "He always has me do the same thing every day for my entire shift. Pretty sure that by the end of next week I'll be able to do it in my sleep. Easy enough. I'll be in and out of there soon anyway. I just have to add that to my list of places," she mumbled.

"List of places?" Even though he had a good idea where she was going with it, the fact that she felt the need made him want to shake his head.

"You know, I won't be stopping in to say hi later," she supplied. Nodding slowly as he came to a light, Derek's fingers instinctively brushed hers. Emily had to remind herself to keep from looking at him. She'd learned over the last little while that there was some variation of truth serum in them that unlocked everything. Still she let their fingers intertwine while they lay across the armrest. As was his custom, Emily could already feel at least half of her nerves go quiet "You beat some losers up tonight?" she teased. She watched just smile and shrug.

"Same shit, different day," he mumbled. To be fair, he wasn't even sure what that meant anymore. Was it all just so much of the same reasons for crime that it didn't even feel...exciting anymore? Or did he really just wear the professional mask too well to let any of it show?

"No strays?" Emily smirked. Despite the joking manner, a part of her always wondered. Derek had a heart big enough to see come right out of his damn chest if you looked at him right. The likelihood of a fellow "neighbour" sparking his concern wasn't that far off. The other more selfish side of her couldn't help but hope that she would only ever be it.

"No strays," he nodded with a slight smile. "Clooney doesn't let me have a lot of company. Only puts up with my partner and my friend. I think that's about it. And you obviously." She couldn't hide the surprise even if she wanted to. A dog who didn't like people? That was a new one. His breed specifically thrived on human attention. Derek must have noticed because as soon as she tried to pull it back in, the smile grew. "He can be private too, you know. I'm pretty sure part of it is that he just likes all the attention for himself."

"No...Really?" she joked. Behind the sarcasm, she let herself wonder. He didn't exactly look like a shelter dog so that took that one off the table. This man and his dog it seemed didn't know the definition of a straight answer if their lives depended on it. As much as it frustrated her, the unknown felt safe to explore. At least in this respect. "I had no idea..."

"I don't exactly blame him. I'm pretty sure he thinks he's one of us. So that whole thing about eating human? He probably looks at it like cannibalism." She just quietly rolled her eyes. "She likes to show up randomly. I was dumb enough to hand her a spare key. Now she won't let the damn thing go." As much as she planned to just let him keep talking (the calm wave of his voice just...did things for her mood), her ears paid special attention to mention of this "friend". Never having asked outright, she never let herself entertain the idea of a girlfriend for long. Emily had come to accept that much of it was for her own selfish benefit. What would she say when she found out that Officer Morgan was being less than professional in regard to his civil duties?

Though she'd been able to keep them silent, mention of this mystery woman made her tense. Frowning slightly, Derek squeezed her hand, to which she instinctively retracted from his touch.

"I...I can't right now," she offered lamely. No matter how much her body said otherwise, she knew better than to be seen touching him, especially around strangers. She was already being offered more than anyone like her should be allowed. Even if she'd come to accept his generosity, the opinions of anyone outside of their extremely tiny bubble could offer a variety of perspectives on the situation.

"That's okay," he said quietly. Emily watched as one of his ridiculous grins cracked clear across his face. Though she knew him to be simple and easily entertained, the thought that it might be there because he let himself think about this woman made her uneasy. Was she like him? Another cop he asked to come provide some extra security? Did she really cause a mess of problems that Derek was too nice to point out? Looking up to see any potential reason for it, her heart caught in her throat. Just a few feet ahead of them was a car probably older than she was. "That's Esther," he laughed.

"Huh?" He really had a best friend named Esther? Well fuck. No wonder this guy didn't have a lot of friends. If he had some kind of pattern going, it really couldn't get as bad as Esther, could it? "Dammit Morgan, I thought you had good taste..." _What the hell was that? Good taste? Really Prentiss?_ This had absolutely nothing to do with her. Who his friends were and the unfortunate names they carried were none of her damn business.

"Wha-? Oh, no she named her car. You'll learn pretty quick that she's...different," he said softly. Even though she wasn't trying to, the habit to read into his words for slight undertones was too much of a sick habit. The way she spoke of this unknown woman made her seem almost...special. _Of course she's special, dumbass. A guy's girlfriend is always special._ Despite knowing she shouldn't be, with every word he said, Emily felt increasingly nervous to even be in the same room with this person. Where once it was just a possibility that she might be forced to talk to this woman, there was no escaping it now. "Prentiss, she's harmless. I can't even kill flies in the house. She thinks it's 'taking an innocent life'". It didn't matter that it came out in humour. Something about his unintentional metaphor struck a cord, a familiar sandpaper coating the back of her throat. "She passed the tightest security system I've got," he muttered, already hearing a familiar bark from the other side of the door as they approached.

"Geez, with that attitude you're going to wake the neighborhood."

"He already does," Morgan smirked, already stepping forward to take his friend in a hug. "Hey baby girl, you leave something good?" he teased. _Baby girl_. Just the sound of it made Emily's stomach turn. There was much affection in it. Affection he'd only ever shared with her. As often as she tried to believe him, she could already tell she wasn't going to like this person, no matter how sweet she sounded when she opened her mouth.

"You know I did, hot stuff," she shot back seductively. Watching the exchange made her cool skin crawl. "I've been in here an hour trying to find you something that doesn't already come in a box or a can and it's bone dry. When's the last time you've been shopping, Mr. Morgan?" Derek shrugged, somehow not at all swayed by the lecture he'd gotten. That in itself was another surprise for thee brunette.

"A couple weeks ago?" he mumbled, his tone sounding oddly shy and small. She watched the blonde, for who she was not yet given a name shake her head slowly, a mother hen stance washing over her entire body.

"I'm starting to think I'm going to have to go shopping for you," she grumbled. The grown man said nothing, almost as though he had no qualms about the suggestion. Who was this lady and what the hell gave her the right to think she could just run the show? And what was the deal with Derek? He just...took it. He let her prattle on as if she hadn't just insulted him in four different ways.

"Might not be the worst idea. It might save us all some time."

"Course it's not a bad idea," she drawled. It's a _great_ idea. Why? Cause it's mine," she chuckled. He just gave her a half smile, finally turning to Emily and gently pressing two fingers into her lowerback. Her first instinct was to shy away from it given their guest but she was sitting on too many pins and needles not to need something.

"Emily, this is Penelope, my partner in crime." She knew better than to take that literally. She had never seen the woman in her life. And that was saying a heck of a lot considering how many times she and Officer Morgan bumped heads. No, his partner at work was a guy. One she was sure didn't know how to smile worth a damn. The blonde had thrown them at least six different ones and they'd only been in the door about five minutes tops.

"Hi Emily, it's nice to meet you." She could only give her the slightest nod, thankful when she wasn't approached. Derek must have warned her ahead of time that she was a ticking time bomb. One wrong move and everything was blown to shit, no matter what might be standing before her. She was also glad that the lady didn't press for anything else. She'd easily earned a couple of points for that but it didn't mean much. Penelope could earn close to a hundred by the end of the night and Emily would still offer nothing more than absolutely necessary. "Are you guys hungry." Not surprisingly, she saw him nod while his belt went up on the wall. Halfway through shaking her head and yet again, her body said otherwise.

"She makes a mean lasagna," he provided. The grin that spread across her face made Emily's own face hurt. Was she really always this _happy_? Not only was it fake as fuck but by the looks of it, pretty damn painful to keep up.

"I hope you don't mind that it's vegetarian. I prefer to keep our friends alive. Fish are friends, not food." Regardless of her stance on the woman, the reference earned her a small smirk.

"Says the one who will eat a whole shrimp cocktail by herself," Derek shot back.

"We don't talk about that," she warned in a low breath. The brunette was itching to slap him for being so forward and...mean but reluctantly resisted the urge. This wasn't her fight. Penelope could defend herself. Shock came again when she stayed silent and just stuck her tongue out at him. She didn't seem bothered by it at all.

"I won't tell if you don't."

"And risk my flawless reputation? I think not."

"Wouldn't want that." Emily stood in complete awe of the entire exchange. The two sounded like children. Or at least, that's what she kept telling herself. The only element pointing in that direction was her reaction to his earlier comment. No, these two looked comfortable. Really comfortable. Ducking out quietly, she made her way to the kitchen leaving the two to continue whatever discussion they were still having. What she saw at the kitchen table stopped any intention she had of making it to the fridge.

Before her were three plates with a steaming pan of freshly baked food. Watching the steam rise almost brought tears to the young woman's eyes. More than the fact that she could never even dream of a meal like this being available to her was the idea that no one had asked her to do any such thing for them. At least, that's what she took from their little talk out in the car. She seemed to be the kind to come and go as she pleased, a notion that made Prentiss feel more than a little bit uncomfortable. But that feeling was one she could overlook for the moment while she carefully approached the small table. Even knowing she had just as much right to sit at it as anybody else, something in her refused until at least Derek was present.

"You can sit," he offered just as silently as a week or so before. If she wasn't so stumped, Emily would readily bang her head to a wall for being so absentminded. The setting, the company they were keeping tonight made her feel painfully out of place. It wasn't until both of them were seated that she found it appropriate to take her own, though with more caution than she knew she should have. "This looks great, babe."

"You sound like you've never seen it before," she laughed. Well, she sure hadn't but she knew better than to say that out loud. From what she'd gathered of the blonde, her first step would be some kind of pity that she just didn't want to put up with. Instead she chose to say nothing, carefully splitting the piece she placed in front of her in quarters and brushing most of it to the side of her plate. She saw Penelope eye her curiously but remained thankful when she didn't say anything

"Always something different," he mumbled. Garcia almost laughed. She followed the same recipe to a T, knowing better than to change anything about it after Derek had mentioned how much he loved it.

"Always the charmer," she chuckled. _Yeah_...Emily thought. Right now the man didn't know subtlety if it bit him in the ass.

"Didn't know honest meant charming," he shrugged. _Of course he doesn't_ she thought. Derek was so used to being honest that anything else just didn't make sense. If only that was how the rest of the world was willing to operate. Across the table, he watched Emily while she took painfully small bites, almost seeming to chew mechanically to make sure the taste lasted. No matter how many times he'd already seen it, every time tore at him in new ways. The brunette instinctively took her time. Maybe it was too much time from where the other two sat but she had never come across this in her life. It wasn't so much the unfamiliarity as committing the taste and texture to memory. The chances she'd see this again were slim to none. The silence around them hung in the air, so thick that she almost choked on it.

Garcia let it continue, watching the young girl out of the corner of her eye. She'd been warned that her eating patterns were only natural of someone less fortunate but to see it broke the blonde's heart. She wasn't her first homeless client but it was more in the way she handled the situation. Many of them didn't seem to have a care in the world for authority. Despite her quiet demeanor, there was more respect than she was used to seeing, especially for Derek.

"I see you're adjusting well," she finally smiled. The young woman looked up at her giving nothing more than a shrug. She didn't mean it to be rude but there was just nothing to say. What else was she supposed to do about it? Prentiss knew that "adjusting" was really her only option. Otherwise, she would be the reason they were both hung out to dry. She was already the reason for so many other things gone wrong. But she could control this. She had to. It helped that Morgan made it so easy. He almost made it too easy to feel like she might actually have a place here. "That's good," she nodded. "And your job at the store? Her head shot up then, eyes suddenly widening with realization. There weren't a lot of girls with the name Penelope. That could only mean one thing.

She felt herself swallow hard, shuffling back from the table with her shoulders tight. Watching her quietly, Derek frowned. He shared a brief look with Garcia before he mirrored his roommate with his hands stretched out across the table. Emily shook her head hard with rejection hoping he understood what she had just stumbled on. No wonder he managed to pull this off. He had connections. A lot of them it seemed. But this was probably the worst. His best friend was a probation officer. _Her_ probation officer. Her moment of uncertainty in the car was just proven correct. How _could_ she be his only stray when he surrounded himself with the right people?

"Prentiss," he whispered. Good. At least he had the sense not to use her name in front of her. While hearing any variation of it usually turned her attention to him, this time she deliberately refused. She knew this was coming, that it was expected. Hell, it was a court order. But the idea that this woman had the right to come and go whenever she wanted in Derek's house was more than unsettling. Even if unexpected visits were part of the deal. What would she think when they crossed paths on mornings at breakfast? Random dinner invitations? Where was she going to go when her own bed wasn't enough?

Emily wasn't even aware that she had migrated to the couch until Clooney's immense weight pressed on her legs, forcing her to sit on it. Bringing her legs up onto the cushion she let her body press against him in an attempt to steady herself. When it seemed she managed a steady breath, his head fell quietly into her lap where she couldn't help but bury her face moments later. This was bad. This was worse than bad. This was fucking awful. She wasn't sure which version of Penelope was more intimidating. The part that was Derek girlfriend or the side that could have her thrown in that tiny box if she stumbled wrong. Just thinking of the box made her chest hurt, eyes screwed tightly while she tried not to cry.

"Emily?" Even though she tried hard not to, her head shot up at the way her name fell out of his mouth, a wave of relief washing over her when she saw that he was alone. Derek rolled his lip, dropped to his knees while he asked for her hands. It didn't hit her until now that they were shaking and clammier than ever.

"It's her..." she choked. Almost wishing he didn't, the nod he gave made her head spin. "She..."

"Penelope's my friend. My closest friend."

"Convenient," she whispered. "Your girlfriend's my tracker." She almost laughed when he shook his head in denial, too sick to even try for it.

"Penelope isn't my girlfriend," he mumbled. "We met in college. I knew her before either of us became officers. We went out to movies together, dinners, lunches and she kept coming. Now with all our crammed schedules, we bring movies here. Sometimes I cook, sometimes she does. It all depends on who gets off first."

"You...You have a key to her house too?" she whispered. Why the question came out so timidly she didn't know, again wondering why she cared about either response. Derek quietly nodded. "If she runs late I go ahead and check in on Molly." Well that was comforting. The woman sounded like she had a daughter. How her husband agreed to this friendship left her curious. "She's worse than he is," he muttered. "If Molly doesn't like you, good luck on keeping your hand." She found herself taking his hands in her own and studying them. Besides the wear from his job, they looked virtually untouched. "She...She likes you," she mumbled. She watched Derek nod with a slight smile. It was in that moment she let herself consider whether or not she might feel the same way about her. "Does she...stay over too," she mumbled wanting to punch herself in the face for asking such a direct question that was also none of her business.

"Sometimes," he nodded. "She likes her wine," he chuckled. "I don't let her out on the roads then. She tends to take the guest room." Her room, the idea making her more stupidly excited than it should. If that ever happened, she only had one other choice. The better choice. The safer one.

"Why is she my...?" She let Derek slide in beside her, his hand resting in its familiar place on her back. Knowing she shouldn't, Emily leaned into it silently.

"I trust Penelope Garcia with my life. She's damn good at her job. She's reliable...honest. And she knows."

"She knows you cut corners for trash?" she barely managed. It was impossible to miss the sickened expression on his face when it fell out of her mouth. "For me..." she corrected quietly. He nodded twirling her dark hair around his fingers, his touch making her whimper. Tracing along her ear, his finger eased over her lip.

"Garcia's not going to hurt you, sweetheart. I can promise you that. We all just want this to work, alright? If there's anything you need when I'm not around she's your girl." Letting out a quivering breath, she let her head bob slowly. "She's even good for things you _don't_ want to tell me." _Like the fact that Steve treats me like shit?_ she thought. She'd just met the woman and already knew she wasn't about to share that with her either. His attitude was expected no matter how much she tried not to let it get to her. He wasn't the only ne she'd taken from. There would be worse than Steve, that she was sure of. "We ready to try again?" he mumbled. She found herself squeezing his hand so tightly her own turned white. "Shh..." he whispered kissing her temple.

"She hates me...I could probably go back to that place just because of that..."

"She doesn't hate you, Emily. I can think of three people she puts her energy into hating and you definitely aren't one of them."

"I left..."

"And Clooney followed you like he always does. That was all she needed to see. And even if that wasn't the case, she gets it. That's how I get away with shit when I need a minute to pull myself together. She doesn't have a mean bone in her body. Wherever furry people are involved, it makes even more sense to her. All you have to do is go back in there, _finish_ and you're fine."

"I'm so stupid..." she groaned. The only thing that kept her from dropping her head in her hands were his, still mindlessly twisting her hair.

"You're not stupid. You just didn't know. It's okay. And I'm not even saying you have to embrace her with open arms. I just mean that you don't have to feel threatened by her. She's on our side."

"I just...You called her..." Derek let a wide grin spread across his face. "You don't say that to..."

"Yeah I know. But...I guess you could say we're a little different around here. It's just fun. That's the way we've always been. Doesn't mean anything, it's just how we are. Everyone at the station knows it too. I'm sure we're breaking some kind of code of conduct or whatever but we both still have our jobs. They don't even flinch when they listen to us on the phone. That's what happens when you spend every waking minute with your best friend. Everyone around you gets exposed to it and has to put up with it. The talk doesn't get in the way of how we do what we do. Just helps with the stress level sometimes. And...Honestly that's just how she is. Everyone's got a name at work. Some of 'em still roll their eyes but that's how she handles it. A little bit of comedy goes a long way when you're in our line of work. I just get the best ones," he smirked.

"You've got more than one?"

"Penny's got a whole book on me. That kinda tends to happen when you can't get rid of her." Even after all of his reassurances, Emily couldn't fight the disgust she let wash over her for the way she acted moments before. Even if she wasn't going to be judged for it, she was sure the lady had her own observations based on just that. "Are we ready to try again?" Even while she silently agreed, Emily knew how pale she was. She didn't need the chill that ran through her to tell her that. "Relax..." he murmured. Swallowing a knot in her throat, she couldn't help silently pleading not to be left alone with her. "C'mon. She cooks for twelve," he joked.

Walking back into the kitchen slowly, she eased back down into her chair. Her eyes glided across the table, unable to find the plate she left. She looked up when it was placed in front of her again, newly warmed with what she knew would quickly become a familiar smile.

"Thank you..." she barely mumbled.

"It's much better warm," Garcia said softly. "I...tend to excited," she blushed. "It might be a little much but...I can't really help myself," she shrugged. Emily just nodded letting her shoulders fall into a relaxed state. As standoffish as she looked, anything more would send her into an emotional tailspin. Their friendship suddenly made all the sense in the world to her. Both seemed to have hearts bigger than themselves.

"You...You didn't have to," she whispered slightly embarrassed.

"Trust me, sweetie. If you're living with this man, my interceptions are necessary."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he mumbled around a mouthful. Garcia just turned to him with a knowing grin.

"Nothing baby boy," she said sweetly. "Just that I like to treat my favourite officer," she shrugged.

"Right..."

"Oh hush up. You know you love it," she teased.

"You make it sound like I have a choice," he laughed. Blonde curls fell in around her face while she adjusted her glasses.

"Well...You don't but it makes me look better if you think you do."

"You give a man so many options..." Penelope just grinned rubbing his shoulder.

"You love me," she drawled.

"Unfortunately yeah I do." He outright laughed as she feigned disgust. "Thank you, sweetness. This is great." She just nodded knowingly. Across the table, the brunette quietly picked at her food, even if she intended to make sure that all of it went into her mouth. Besides the obvious reason for it, the blonde's presence left her uncomfortable, made worse when Derek told her there was no reason for it. The only thing that kept her at least relatively calm was Clooney's presence under the table, the dog not seeming to mind that she used him as a makeshift footrest.

The quiet that fell between them went on for what remained of dinner, the lack of conversation making Emily feel guilty. Even though it wasn't brought up when she managed to come back inside, there was no doubt that she was the reason for it. She wasn't even sure how much time had passed since but it was bound to get awkward soon if someone didn't just say something. Clearing her throat, she let herself sit taller, as if the action alone would give her the confidence she had yet to find.

"W-what made you wanna do this?" she whispered. Two sets of eyes landed on her, the pair of brown ones making her blush with embarrassment. She couldn't come up with a gracious sentence to save her life. That was becoming increasingly obvious. Penelope hardly seemed to notice, a bright smile taking over her face.

"I think...a lot of things went into what I do," she said. This lady was one of few people who could smile just through the words that came out of her mouth. How she managed to keep the energy in her line of work was a feat in itself. "For me it's...knowing that the people I help want that second chance. It makes me happy that most of them want to do better. Sometimes we're not so lucky but that's to be expected. A lot of who we help are just...lost. They want that help but just don't know how to ask. They'll do what they have to do to get the care attention they can't find. There's a lot of misconception in police work. I know that most look at us and see someone that they have to fight off. A few want us to be there. It's not many but...for those who do I do everything I can to make sure they stick to it. The sad truth is a lot of them end up throwing all of that away because a life of crime is all they know. What a lot of people miss is that...nobody likes it. It might be a temporary high or a moment of rebellion but...no one goes out _wanting_ to hurt people. They just want to be helped. It's those ones I like to focus on. When you've been doing as long as I have, you can see it in their faces," she whispered. "We're all just..."

"...people," Emily whispered. Even if she couldn't quite muster one, her table mates radiated with smiles. So much so that she didn't even have to look up to see them. "I...I'm sorry about before," she mumbled. "It...It takes me..."

"I understand. It's smart," she commended. "Not everyone can be trusted. Some people spend their lives learning that." No matter how lightly the compliment came out, Garcia was more than a little sad for the woman next to her. She'd learned these skills in ways that no one should have to. "I don't expect that we'll become fast friends," she offered gently. "You don't even have to like me. Just keep in mind that I'm not here to hurt anyone. Officer Morgan is my dearest friend in the world," she smiled. "Anyone who matters so much to him matters just as much to me."

"I...I shouldn't," she mumbled. "I...I know that I'm disposable. Just because you care doesn't mean you should have to sweeten it up for me," she added with a whisper. Her breath caught when familiar knuckles brushed her skin. As soon as she met his eyes, she aimed her gaze to her own lap.

"Look at her, Prentiss..." he said softly. As disrespectful as she knew it was, Emily just couldn't. If her tone was enough to go on, the sincerity she would find in her eyes would just make her feel worse. Sensing only a hint of manicured fingers, she instinctively shrank back from it letting her eyes dart in every direction before she found Derek's. "It's okay," he mumbled.

"I know it's hard," Penelope offered. "I won't do it anymore." The brunette just nodded, a hand pressed to her chest in an attempt to ease her heart. "Would you feel better if I went home?" Even if she knew the intent, she hated how pathetic it made her look. "I can come back at another time," she smiled. "I know that me just dropping in wasn't all that helpful." No, it wasn't really but the fact that she did wasn't even her fault. The woman just came by to do something nice for him...for them. The fact that her behaviour was running her off just made her feel like shit.

"No...I...I need a shower anyway. Those usually work. I'll...I'll be better," she whispered. Derek gently raised his brow, slowly shaking his head. "I...I'll go. Y-you can stay," she nodded. Despite the holes she could feel Derek carefully burning in her head, she almost instantly shot up the stairs.

"Follow," Derek whispered watching Clooney catch at her heels. When the two disappeared, the officer sighed, his head buried in his hands. "It's not you," he mumbled. Though she made no motion to say so, Garcia knew otherwise. "Girl's skittish as hell. I know she's hiding something, I just can't figure out what."

"We've all got something to hide, Derek. She's got more reason than most." Nodding slowly, he took an empty seat at the kitchen table.

"Whatever they did to her, poor woman doesn't trust a single person..."

"I'm not sure that's entirely true," she countered. Looking up at her, he offered a curious look. "I've worked with this before, hot stuff. We both have. People who 'don't trust a single person' prefer to be where they are. She wouldn't—"

"Prentiss is claustrophobic," he interjected. "That place would kill her faster than just about anything else. Part of why I wanted to try this. She had at least twenty in just those three days. She couldn't handle six months of that."

"Listen to yourself, sweetie. What did you just tell me?" Derek blinked completely lost now. "That's the kind of information you _earn_. I've poured over her file cover to cover. I've read every misdemeanor, every holding. Nowhere in there did it say anything about anxiety. They tend to leave that out. Many times it's because they're afraid or...some officers just don't care enough. Your unit isn't like that, I know. But I don't see Hotch or JJ putting in the time and energy. And that's not to say that they don't have the heart because they do. But it takes a very special person to do what you're doing. They don't like to be touched. They have very good reasons for it. But I noticed you do it a number of times. I saw her relax every time you did. What you said to her, the little things you've done, they makes a difference."

"The things she says about herself..."

"I know. But, I don't see how she can think very much else when she's lived the life she has." Derek barely managed to quiet a gulp when he realized his choice in words.

"I...I don't know how to help her," he whispered. "I want to help her..."

"Keep doing this," Garcia mumbled. "Work with her. She trusts you immensely, Derek. I've only been here for about an hour and that's all I see. We don't know why but...typically, when people have...

"I know," he whispered, realizing that he too had broken the typical mold. "You for me..." Garcia just nodded with a small smile pressing a kiss to the grown man's forehead. "I just want her to know she's safe here..."

"And she does," she confirmed. "That's probably the only thing she knows for sure. And that's all she has to know right now. That you're safe, that you'll do anything to keep her safe. Because we both know what that does."

"Yeah...I probably should have warn—" Before he could even finish his thought, the blonde shook her head.

"I needed no warning. I knew what I would find. She's scared, honey. Just like you were. And she'll be like that for a while. We just have to stay consistent. Remember to give her a place where she can just...be. Even if that means saying a lot of the same things over and over again."

"It's all I've done, Garcia. It's like talking to a little girl...Sometimes she's not even here." The blonde nodded, a hand resting on Derek's bicep.

"Because that's who she is right now. Her records say she's been out there a long time. That mask she wore to stay alive...It has to come off," she whispered. "And I don't care what it looks like but I personally don't know of a better place she can do that than right here."

"I...Why me?" Penelope just shook her head and smiled.

"Why not you? Derek you have more patience than anyone I know. Every single person you've ever touched lives a better life because you make them see."

"See what?" he mumbled.

"It's different for every person," she whispered. "If I had to guess, she just wants to be a person." The officer looked up, almost sick with the constant realization of truth. He could feel his mouth going dry, too aware of what surrounded his frightened roommate. "You have the heart to keep reminding her," she smiled. "Most would just...give up after they feel they've said it enough. Some just think they should be able to 'get it' and you know that's not how it works. This is going to be every day. Depending on how much she's overcome by on her own, for the rest of her life. And I could think of no better situation than this to help her understand that."

"She may never let you touch her..." he muttered sadly. No matter how real an outcome that was, a part of him hoped otherwise. "I...I still don't know why." Garcia just smiled sadly, letting a hand rest at his thigh.

"You don't?" she whispered. "D, I'm not one for assumptions but...if she's afraid of touch, there's no telling..." Derek felt himself flinch at the mere thought of it, sickened no matter how much he quietly entertained it with disgust. He hated how blaringly the truth showed itself with every passing day, almost wishing he could ignore it completely.

"Penny, I can't..." he choked. "I can't think about..." He let his head fall into his hands, heavy breathing patterns too well learned going through his head.

"Shh...No better person than you, baby boy. Just take it day by day and I promise you..." The man had to blink back tears while he dared to meet her eyes.

"I'm doing the right thing..."

"Yes you are," she smiled. "You've done so much good, Derek. And it's never because you were asked. It comes from in here," she said softly, fingers brushing against where his heart rested. "And I'm not the only one who knows that." Nodding slowly, he stood from his chair offering his friend a hug.

"I should probably go check on her. She usually makes her way back by now. I'll be real quick." Now that he had refocused his attention, Derek could only hope it was as simple as "real quick", something in him already telling him otherwise. As he entered his room, Clooney held what was probably a consistent whine. He had to wonder how long it had been going on for, the possible reason for it instilling a subtle panic. Testing the doornob, he was slightly surprised that he was able to turn it. Emily usually checked the locks half a dozen times before she even started the shower. Carefully stepping through the door, what he saw left him confused.

The golden retriever held himself like a full-body shield, his stance almost a warning that he wasn't about to leave his perch as her protector. Stepping in closer, the texture of the shower door gave him only a blurred image of Emily low to the ground. Standing before him, he was only slightly surprised when the dog gave off a warning growl, stopped almost immediately when he seemed to notice who it was.

"I'm going to need some room, big guy," he mumbled. Even if he didn't get very far (only moving a couple of feet to another corner of the bathroom) he obliged, still keeping a watchful eye. Derek made a mental note to reward him later. "Emily?" he called in an attempt to be heard over the running water. He let himself wait three minutes before resting a hand on the door. "You okay in there?" Even if he already knew the answer to that, he thought it courteous to ask if in fact she did come to. "Can I come in?" he mumbled. While the silence continued, he inched the door open carefully, turning off the water that now ran ice cold before addressing her. Usually so meticulously careful, Emily now sat fully clothed and soaked to the bone. He didn't need to see the string of tremors to notice just how cold she was, the tips of her fingers slowly turning blue. "What happened?" he whispered. She just looked on with expressionless eyes. "Baby, we need to move you. You're freezing. You think you might be able to come closer so I can help?" Ten minutes passed, and still she hadn't so much as budged.

No matter how much she might be quietly begging for it, not a single part of her could move leaving Emily completely frozen in every sense. Unsure of whether or not it was the show she felt she had to put on for Penelope or just the sheer desperation for warmth, she did nothing to stop the sob that ripped through her, not even caring that she did absolutely nothing to hide it. She did even less to second guess her arms and how timidly they went up for him, her gaze pleading with him to keep her warm. Derek it seemed didn't even have to think about it, stepping in and pulling her to him. It was there that she fell apart completely, gripping her with intensity she only knew under moonlight.

"Shh...You're safe, pretty girl," he whispered, the man's tone making it impossible to stop from shaking and the flood that gathered in the shirt he wore. Slipping into the bedroom, he let her fall into him, still completely dressed. It was there that he sat completely wrapped around her for a full twenty minutes before her breathing began to even out. "There...That's better. You think we might wanna try something a little bit drier?" he murmured. Realizing that it required leaving, Emily just clutched him harder, a string of whimpers buried in his chest. "You're going to get sick..." The brunette just shook her head. If staying got her sick, she didn't care. She had to stay. Her own life depended on it. "Do you want me to help?" She swallowed hard, nodding frantically. "Okay...Promise I'll be really careful."

Sitting her down gently, Derek could feel all too familiar eyes burning a hole in the back of his head. After finding his warmest set of clothes he brought himself down to his knees in front of her. It seemed that as hard as the woman shook, she cried, not even bothering to contain it tonight.

"Emily, I need you to slow down for a minute," he whispered. "I need you to listen. If you want me to help, I'm going to have to see..." Usually mortified, she barely nodded. He had to wonder if it was more the shock or withdrawal that left her so willing. "We're going to go really slowly, alright? I promise I won't touch...I need you to lift your arms for me." Though the act was an obvious struggle, he managed to pull her wet top over her head. As soon as it was set aside, she seemed to get even smaller, her arms instinctively used to protect herself. Standing up slowly, he unhooked her bra from behind, frowning when he realized how covered in chills she really was. Quickly puling his sweater over her head he eased a gentle kiss to her temple.

"I need you to stand for me, baby." On shaky limbs she did as directed taking a firm grip on his shoulders to steady herself. "Step out," he whispered once they formed a pool at her toes. "Good..." Once fully dressed, she sat hunched over, waiting only a second for him to find a place beside her before she dared to crawl into his lap again. "There's my sweet girl," he murmured. Sweet was the biggest lie she'd ever heard, even like this. He had to know that by now. Still, she let sharp nails dig tiny slits along his skin while she tightened her hold on him. "Easy..." Letting one of his arms come around her, she managed to make herself that much smaller in his lap. "You wannna go tell Penny goodbye?" She did nothing to indicate either option, just resting her head tiredly against his shoulder. "We'll go for a minute and come back. Does that sound like a plan?" Even as silence fell between them, he made his way down the stairs. With the kitchen cleared and lights turned low, Garcia sat waiting, her face falling when she took in the two of them. Derek barely sat down before Emily readjusted in his lap. Even with a small smile of support, the blonde's chest hurt.

"I guess he's got a pretty comfy lap," she grinned. The brunette just nodded stiffly. "He's nice and warm and safe..." That just earned her a second nod. The safest place she'd ever been, the world be damned if they thought they had a right to take it from her. "He's good at that. Keeping people safe and warm," she offered shooting her friend a smile. "What's he do to keep you safe?" she whispered. Where would she even start? He did so many wonderful things for her and she could barely manage a thank you.

"Holds me when I'm scared," she whispered. Derek watched his friend nod in agreement. "Rubs my tummy to make it not hurt..."

"Do you hurt a lot?" she asked. Fighting a familiar knot in her throat, the woman nodded. "Where does it hurt the most?" Derek and Garcia both watched her visibly pale, a kiss to her temple doing little to nothing to settle her nerves.

"My tummy," she almost choked. Nodding slowly, she readjusted how she sat in her own chair. "Makes it better."

"How does he make it better?" she asked. Emily just provided a shrug. There were too many to give the lady just one.

"Keeps everything inside...Makes sure they don't fall out." Meeting Derek with a curious stare, he just shrugged. "It can't fall out...It can't," she breathed rapidly.

"Shh...Keep going..."

"They don't come...They can't come."

"Who does he keep away?" she whispered. Despite being able to feel a string of tense muscles, he watched her press on.

"Daddy and his friends..." she mumbled. Derek shot the blonde a pair of wide eyes, his hold on her just a little bit tighter than the last. "They...they can't. He...he's too strong. He makes sure they don't come." No matter how ready he was to hear something, the tone Emily took paired with a person just made his blood run cold. From where she sat, Garcia knew better than to delve deeper into the subject, for which the officer was silently grateful. Instead, she stood, giving Derek a light squeeze before slipping out of the room.

When quiet washed over them again, he let himself bury his head in her hair, unsure what would even come of his simmering anger. Now it was his turn not to move. All he really kept was his rock hard grip and Emily curled up in his lap. Anything else seemed to fall effortlessly into the background.

"I will always be right here, you understand?" he whispered. "Right here." Even if she doubted that he had it in him to show up at every crisis, he always pulled through when it got too dark to see.

"Cold..." she whimpered. Of course she was cold. The tips of her hair were still soaked. "So cold..."

"I know..." he whispered wrapping around her that much tighter. When his hands came to rest at her stomach, she took her own and practically glued them there. "Are we ready to go to bed? It's nice and warm." Emily barely nodded with her knuckles still freakishly white. "I'm not going anywhere," he promised. As much as she already believed that, Derek couldn't let her go. Especially now. Once they reached the top of the stairs, Clooney waited patiently, splayed out across the closed door, only willing to relocate when the door opened behind him.

Once put on the foot of the bed, Emily wasted no time in finding her place among the sheets while trying and failing to keep her tremors under control. Sliding in next to her seconds later, a hand already came to rest at her stomach, the protective actions letting her dissolve once more. Derek started in slow circles, watching her struggle to keep composure each time he offered a slight pressure.

"Take my hand," he prompted quietly. "I want you to squeeze whenever it hurts. If you need to scream, you can." He already hated doing this in general, her sudden changes in mood leaving him at a complete loss. Now that he at least had one name, one reason, his insides caught fire with quiet rage. Though she hadn't exactly been direct, Derek felt he had all the information he needed, at least for the night. He was only left to wonder what in God's they had done to her. Starting and ending a small circle with added pressure, he felt her grip intensify, a sob tearing through her while she screamed. "Good girl," he crooned. Even if they killed him, at the very least they eased some of her pent up aches and pains. Letting his thumb come across the underside of her stomach, he once again lost feeling in all of his fingers, the scream she let bubble out rattling her tiny frame. "That's good, sweetheart. Really good," he mumbled. The warmth of his fingers slowed her to a quiet whimper, caught in her throat when he let himself press down serving as a small button that allowed her to curl into herself, eyes void of all but a single emotion.

Derek found he had to fight to keep her gaze, barely able to face the familiar pain in them he remembered from nights before. Brushing his fingers tenderly along the side of her face, he had to fight the sandpaper in his own chest when he saw just how easily the pads of his fingers collected her tears. His touch seemed to bring them down faster, missing her lip entirely and falling down along her neck. Letting one of them come to rest at his side, Emily almost seemed to roll into him, tiny hands gripping him for dear life while she stayed buried in his chest.

"You did so good today," he whispered. "I know it was hard. Really hard. But it's over. We're done...You're safe."

"Please don't let him come. I'll be good, I'll do better. I...I won't be bad anymore." Derek had already come to the conclusion that as helpful as this arrangement was going to be, he might as well kiss a perfectly kept together heart goodbye.

"He won't come, I promise. I just need you to take nice big breaths for me, okay? Try and calm down." As much as he knew that was going to fail, Derek still allowed himself to completely wrap around her. Though not intentional, Derek's body provided the heavy weight that eventually drew her to steady breathing. "Good job, baby girl. Can you close those eyes for me now?" Emily just went on to stare at him letting him hold her so closely that she allowed all available limbs to be intertwined, the brunette wasting no time while she practically crawled onto his chest, his steady beat pulling a trembling air from her lungs. "Is that better?" he whispered working gently through her knots with his fingers. She seemed to barely nod, even while she clung to him. "Tomorrow will be better," he promised, though if he said it for her or himself he wasn't even sure yet. Hearing this, Emily couldn't help but pray that he was right, well aware that he could be painfully wrong.

Emily watched his brow quirk when shaking fingers made their way along the outline of his mouth. As soon as he did, she became painfully aware of just how cold her hands were. Watching him take them carefully, she let out a strangled whimper when he blew his warm breath into them. She watched while he let them rest on either side of his face, the warmth of his skin quieting the shivers. The brunette let herself nuzzle into his neck, her nose barely touching the collar of the shirt he wore.

"Can you sit up for me?" he whispered. Sliding himself up against the head board he let his tshirt come up and over his head. A shot in the dark but he figured it was worth trying. A worthwhile guess when he saw the smallest smile come across her face before she buried it against his chest practically inhaling him. Knowing better than to move her, he rummaged through his nightstand letting the bristles gently work through her hair. Even though he'd done this before, Emily quietly clung to him, letting the motions attempt to sing her to sleep. Even then she knew that there was no way she would ever be able to thank him enough, to return any favour. The man had done too much, far too many small gestures that were just as unnecessary as they were necessary. "How's that?" he whispered. Emily met him with a small smile, wishing he had the heart to thank him in ways she knew he would appreciate. Instead, she kept herself there, wondering just how small she would have to be to stay tucked behind his bones. Nothing could reach her there. With him, in him she would always be safe.

"Sleepy..." Derek nodded kissing her forehead. He smiled when he heard her breathing fall in perfect synch with his pulse. "Derek loves me..." she mumbled. The man in question rolled his lip and nodded slowly even though he was fully aware her attention was elsewhere. "Even when I'm bad..." Bad? When in the world had she ever been...? Then it hit him, once again reminded how they ended up here.

"No matter what," he whispered. He had a sinking feeling this conversation would go along like a lot of their other ones, forgotten when she came back to her own. This wouldn't be the only time she needed to hear it and Derek found that he wouldn't even have to think about repeating himself. It was no secret that Emily had never heard such words in her life, giving him yet another reason to put an end to this man's miserable life.

"Derek doesn't leave..." He swallowed hard while the tips of his fingers worked small patterns along her temple.

"Close your eyes," he murmured letting a finger glide over her lids.

"No..." she whispered. Closing her eyes meant sleep and when that was over, she would have to go. She couldn't go. He was too warm, too safe.

"I'm not going anywhere, Emily. You get to stay right there."

"All day?" He hoped she didn't want to stay curled up in here all day, even if they had nowhere to go tomorrow.

"It's just you and me. All day," he nodded. Clooney's quiet whine and claw against his bedroom door turned their attention. "I think he wants to come inside," he laughed. Emily let a small smile come across her face when she heard him. "I think I stand corrected...You want him?"

"I can have both?" Derek shrugged. Clooney had a way of living in his room anyway. Chances were, the three of them would be migrating to it pretty consistently.

"I just need you to move for a minute." Slowly, she slid off his lap watching the retriever climb on at the foot of the bed, inching closer on his front paws to rest his nose in her lap. Waiting until he was laid back down, she let herself stretch out completely, her arms wrapping around him almost without thinking. "You ready to try?" She bobbed sleepily, a yawn stopping any attempt to say otherwise.

"Touch..." As soon as he brought two fingers to the small of her back, Derek felt any and all tension melt away.

"Right there?" She nodded, the sense of peace topped with a soft smile when Clooney's head met his fingers. He stilled when the dog dared to let his tongue brush against the crevice in her back. "Watch..." he warned.

"He's allowed," she mumbled. "Nice and warm. Like you..." Pressing lightly on her eyes, he breathed a light sigh when she let them stay closed.

"Sweet dreams, pretty girl." He felt the smallest kiss land on his neck before she went completely still.

* * *

 **A/N: I knew this story would break my heart into a million pieces but dammit...**


	6. Her

**A/N: Fair warning...This one's pretty heavy on really touchy subjects...If you wish to proceed, best of luck to you.**

 **Disclaimer: *See Chapter 1***

* * *

She wasn't even sure when sleep finally came. All she could register was the warmth that seemed to wrap around her like a blanket. No matter where she turned, she took in quiet and steady breaths around her, wishing that by now hers was one of them. Instead she found them to be erratic and spearing, some caught in her throat so tightly that her chest hurt while she struggled past them. New panic gripped her then, her hand gravitating to her abdomen without so much as a thought. Emily hoped that in her attempt to squeeze a hand between their bodies to protect it, she wouldn't wake him.

She'd learned over the last few days that Derek was anything but a sound sleeper. She knew this because it was her who often brought him out of any attempts to get one. She couldn't decide whether it was his job or his natural tendencies toward her that made her disturbances acceptable to him but she continuously reprimanded herself for constantly forcing him out of bed. She even did so now while a shaky finger ran along his jaw. Part of her hoped that he wouldn't even feel it. Just the periodical tracing was enough to remind her that he was still there. Another selfishly prayed that he might be able to stop the ache in her chest.

There was no ice cold shower in the world that would wash it away. Even after her skin had turned a terrifying purple-blue, there was no escaping it. The disgust, the betrayal, the terrifying realization that even when she wished it to be the last deep down Emily knew different. Her only saving grace was the warmth of a man she barely knew. It seemed that she skipped right over 20 Questions and dove head first into Hell, dragging Derek right along with her. The reason for it still escaped her. Just because you know how a person likes their coffee in the morning, it doesn't mean they've opened a padlock door to all of your most buried truths. He might be able to do that on the job with a handful of questions and a dash of intimidation but at home (She still couldn't say that without subtly looking over her shoulder every once in a while) he just had to be present. Whether it was through touch or a quiet whisper, she gave him parts of her that only she would ever know about.

But there was no taking this back. She couldn't remember anything after the ice cold water hit her. All she remembered was heavy. Her chest was heavy, her breath was heavy, the water sprayed over her seeming to weigh an extra ten pounds on her already slight frame. His comforts came through from such a distance, her insides rattling so hard, Emily found herself begging to close the growing gap between them. The arms that came out felt so far removed from her own body that she wondered if he would ever take notice. She wasn't even sure when he found her. The only part that made any sense was that the ice had stopped. He put an end to the rain that pelted her so hard she was still surprised that she could feel her arms at all. Derek had picked her up, her legs and arms winding around him so tightly she wondered why they didn't snap right off.

And so began the sirens blaring in her ears. Had he called an ambulance? Was she really in there for so long that she was nearing hypothermia? Even with no concept of time, enough of it had come and gone that she vaguely came to the realization that the trill in her ears was the sound of her own desperation. He was going to be taken from her the minute she so much as moved. He couldn't be. They'd already taken her. They couldn't have him too. She needed him. When she finally dared to release him, a sob sat unused in her throat. She'd just watched him, praying to whoever she could that he would come back for her. When finally he did turn back, the most terrifying words had fallen out of his mouth. He would have to see. He had seen. Knowing what was under there, she had no doubt that by sunrise Derek would send her back. Now the woman's presence made even more sense. Emily was too much work. She would have to be sent back to the box.

Unsure of how many times she'd circled his face, her finger froze, her insides begging to spill out all at once. Maybe if she pulled herself together and made the trip on her own, he would see. If she proved herself to be independent like she was supposed to, Derek would let her stay. If there was any chance of that happening, she had to move now, before it all came up all over him. The sudden movement she'd forced on herself, caused Emily's neck to snap painfully, an unexpected cry tearing from her throat. She watched as his eyes snapped open in shear horror, hating herself even more for the panic she saw in his eyes. Her best chance was to ignore him. Ignore him and get on her own two feet for once. Placing a hand on his chest to steady herself, shaky elbows finally brought her to an upright position. Even though she knew they were there, she tried her best to ignore his gaze, knowing that it screamed concern for what he'd just heard.

As soon as she managed to slip off of him, Derek sat up, his muscles rigid. An attempt to take hold of her arm was thrown off; though it lacked the usual force she always had behind it. Putting his hands back into his lap nervously, he flipped on the lamp, watching her knees tremble in an attempt to stand on her own. He wasn't sure what took over then but he found himself wrapping tightly around her stomach. That seemed to be the one place she never rejected and considering how much her legs were shaking, it wasn't even a guess where she would end up if she tried to move much further by herself. He let a wave of relief wash over him when she gave him no fight and instead fell into him, the weight of her entire body pressed up against him.

"Let me help," he whispered. Emily shook her head vigorously, begging her body to let her step away from him. Instead she did nothing but stand there completely still. "You trying to get to the bathroom?" The surprise she'd felt earlier allowed her to forget the twist in her gut for just a moment. His unintentional reminder started the not so subtle spin of her insides again, so harsh that she barely managed a nod. "Let's go," he murmured brushing her heels with a socked foot as a subtle reminder to keep moving forward. When her own socks brushed tile, she all but fell to her knees in front of the toilet bowl, not even aware enough to mind that Derek pulled up right behind her, straddling her legs to keep his hands where they were.

The second pair of painfully constant hands was barely a shadow and still had the ability to make her blood run cold. Derek felt a hand grip his own stomach forcing it to clench when he saw her pale considerably. When he chanced moving one of his hands up to her hair to pull it back, Emily jarred winding the hand that remained completely around her.

"Inside. Inside. It has to stay inside." The words were barely out before she gave one big heave, the contents of her stomach poured out into the bowl. He bit his lip trying not to let the scene get to him. He could liken this to his nights roaming the streets, the bodies, the shots that rang out across town. Doing that would make all of this at least fractionally easier. It wouldn't hurt to watch her so hunched over he was left to wonder if she might roll back on her heels and just sit on the floor with her head between her knees. As disturbing as those often were, not even they could compete to how helpless he felt while watching her grip the sides of the toilet, at least half of her entire body weight spilling out of her. At least when she panicked he found small ways to be helpful. The little he was doing now wasn't going to lessen this pain.

"Shh..." he whispered twisting the ends of her hair around his fingers lovingly when her head emerged. That seemed to work for a total of two minutes before she pulled forward again and a second wave of nausea took over. As weak as she now felt, no number could be put on just how many it would take to make his hands go away. All the places he dared to touch her without any consideration to how rough they were, how carelessly they handled her. _"See Emmy? This is what it feels like to be all grown up"._ The venom in his voice was inescapable, the whisper in her head making her shiver. Even opening her mouth to get the necessary words out did absolutely nothing. He must have seen her try because the next thing she heard was his sick twisted laugh, nowhere near as gentle as the man who kept her organs inside her body. The sharp contrast pulled her back on her heels, the voice so familiar she couldn't even cry out in horror. She knew that once she did, it would be far from over.

So instead she stayed silent, asking Derek to hold her so tightly that her breath caught again. She knew he wanted to question it but he thankfully remained silent, the force of his grip barely bordering on something that might snap her bones. With her stomach finally settled, she let herself curl up on the floor, the uncontrollable sobs finally taking over after what felt like hours of silence. Despite silently begging for some kind of control over her own body, she was no match for the colossal wave that nearly drowned her, her entire frame shaking so hard that she wondered if doing so would leave her with no tears left to cry, despite knowing that the throb in her heart was a raging bull in her chest.

Just as he suspected, Morgan watched as the young woman seemed to shrink against the tile floors, a string of sounds he didn't even know she was capable of pouring from her lips. Knowing he would run the risk of a clenched fist in his face, the officer pulled her to him where it looked like she only grew louder and more desperate. She hadn't given him a single word, save for the few that begged him to keep her broken pieces together.

Though everything in her pleaded to be left alone, she barely noticed the quiet shuffle that moved her from the floor and into his arms. Emily was so spent from moments before that any slim chance of fight was impossible. She quickly learned that no matter what she might say to keep him off, at least half of her implored to be exactly where she was. She chalked her next trill up to pure exhaustion and an inability to move, her arms wrapping around him so hard that she was sure she would leave unwanted bruises on his neck. What made her feel even worse was the fact that he just let her. Derek sat there and he held her like no one else ever had, like only he could while the weight of the world, her world, left in shards and tattered threads, slid off her small shoulders in a muddy mess.

"Shh princess, I know," he whispered softly. If this had anything to do with hours before, he knew the pain better than he wanted to. He knew it was one of many risks he'd already taken concerning the brunette but the natural urge to cocoon around her came to him before he could even think it through. Kissing her temple while she cried, he let his lips rest on the side of her head for a good minute before pulling back. _Again with the sympathy_ she thought. With her energy completely zeroed out, she reluctantly let his comforts wash over her. "You're so brave, baby...So brave." As laughable as the first one was, she believed this one even less. Nothing about what she let him do to her was brave. She'd lain out in front of him willingly. Her cooperation should have been rewarded somehow. Instead he was just left to haunt her until she was good and dead.

Emily wanted to scream in his face, right all of his misconceptions of her. The words he murmured into her ear made her want to be sick again. Sweet as they were, none of them were right. There was nothing right about any of this. And yet, like she'd done days before, she found herself clinging to those promises until her knuckles turned white. Derek for his merit hardly flinched when she clawed feverishly at his neck, hoping to the universe it would be kind enough to let her keep him. Because the truth was, Emily Prentiss was hardly allowed anything good. And when she was, those were but blips in a painful lifetime.

* * *

 _She was good as trash on the side of the road. It only made sense that she would find herself there months later. That's what happened when hiding a small bump was no longer possible. People were bound to find out, people were bound to see. As much as she tried to avoid it, even the largest of her sweaters couldn't hide her forever._

 _That's how she found herself in her first little tiny box. The first week had been fine. After seven days, her punishment was bound to be over. They had to know that she already felt terrible enough, completely responsible for the unwelcome surprise of a life growing inside of her. But one week turned to two, three, four. With each passing day it grew harder and harder to breathe. Maybe part of it was the scarce amount of air flow she was allowed in such a small space. Maybe it was the guilt that practically swallowed her whole. Whatever it was, panic came harder and faster with the passage of time._

 _By the fifth, she crept out only long enough to use the bathroom, saying nothing when Bear caught sight of her and followed her into the tiny space. She knew it was going to be a tight fit but it wasn't like her parents were going to miss the dog. The only way she was even allowed to keep her was an agreement to take full responsibility for her. Feeding, watering, bathing, even vet bills were all on her. They were likely reluctant to even feed her now that Emily was locked away. At least this way she could sneak food and water for the two of them, not having to worry. Now she would not only be warmer at night but with a friend. Much like when she dared to talk to the baby, the Australian Shepherd wasn't too good at holding conversation. But that hardly seemed to bother either of them._

 _Another three months would come and go before either of them would hear footsteps. Terror gripped her in new ways when Emily heard the familiar cock of her father's gun. Bear let out a quiet whine, immediately going into protective mode, resting her head on Emily's growing belly, even though she was sure she didn't quite understand what was in there. Without so much as a shush, Emily begged her to stay quiet, petting her in hopes that she would stay calm._

 _The teen swallowed hard when she caught a pair of familiar shoes out of the corner of her eye. Just that made her entire body stiffen, his presence demanding that she look him in the eye. The man didn't even offer a word in greeting for which the young girl was thankful. She knew as well as her own how haunting his voice was. Instead, he snapped his gun against his thigh, the sound making the young dog jump with a small squeak. The reaction made Emily close her eyes up tightly, the snarl that followed it telling her everything she didn't want to know. In only seconds, the Australian's entire weight was up against her used as a selfless shield, a string of snarls and snaps falling out of her mouth in ways that Emily had never heard before. She barely noticed the nose of her father's gun before it snapped harshly against the dog's nose, the sound of her instinctive whine tied with the sound making her stomach turn._

 _What came next was the single most horrifying noise she would ever hear in her life. Before she could even process what she'd heard, the blood matted in her puppy's fur and her constant whine brought tears to her eyes. She sat completely helpless while her paws gave way underneath her sending her toppling to her side. The brunette found herself on her knees, hovering over Bear while she silently willed her to live. Even like this she knew to keep her tears quiet, despite the fact that they poured in rivers down her face as she frantically searched for the source of the bleed. When finally she found it, she applied all the pressure she could muster, somehow thinking that doing so would eventually stop the bleed. Rather than stop the flow, it only seemed to make for an easier bleed. As blurry as her vision was, she watched the life drain from her baby's eyes, her noble protector offering her one last lick of affection before her eyes began to close all together._

 _In too much shock to form words, an endless stream of sobs took over as she lay across her lifeless body, crying that much harder when she heard her heart stop completely. At this point, it hardly mattered what happened to her. There was no way the baby inside of her had any hope of living, let alone thriving on the little food she was able to find when her parents weren't looking. Letting it all be over was almost an act of mercy. A decision that would walk with her for the rest of her life. Her breath still staggered and sparse, she came up on shaking legs, swallowing hard as she summoned a look of determination with her hands coming around to protect her belly. She wasn't even sure why when it wasn't going to do anything. Her stance was no match for the bullet that sat ready and waiting. And yet, she did so anyway, letting the blood pour down her fingers when the sound rang loudly in her ears. Not even something so deafening could drown out the only words her father spoke to her in four months. "Not even a bitch can spare the whore"._

 _He must have gone after that because Emily sank back down, laid over her dog, both hands clutched to her belly protecting an equally lifeless child. She wasn't even sure how long it had been since she'd gone in search of food but that night it hardly mattered. Nothing mattered. Not anymore. Her only two reasons for trying had been ripped from her in a matter of seconds. Emily couldn't even recall sleep and when it finally came over her. Only her tears and how they soaked Bear's warm fur. It was when her body finally grew cold that she dug deep to find what remained of her strength to leave that very night and never look back._

* * *

"I need you to breathe, sweetheart," he murmured, the request somehow making tears that much easier to come by. Derek wasn't even sure where she found so many tears to cry. With every word he whispered to her, the faster she seemed to dissolve. "Em? In and out please..." he mumbled. "I know it hurts, babe but I need you to try..." The young woman shook her head quickly, buried in his chest as she struggled for any degree of warmth she might still be allowed. How ironic that was, to seek warmth when all she really wanted was to be nothing. She didn't deserve to breathe. She wasn't allowed. No murderer was allowed such pleasantries in life. The degree of pain inflicted was a world's just punishment for so many wrongs.

"He took my babies," she barely whispered, the words adding an extra twenty pounds to her heavy heart. "He took my babies 'cause I was bad...I didn't listen...I tried...I tried to keep them inside. There was...There was so much blood. Too much blood," she cried. Derek blinked, all her muddled reasoning finally lining up. Despite knowing there was nothing there to protect (the realization making him wish to take his own turn at the toilet), he gripped her almost impossibly tight. He wasn't sure how he knew but the sob that rang out in the tiled room wasn't one of physical pain. At least none caused by the pressure he applied. These sounded like pains Emily let crawl up from deep within. The new piece of information only added to his sense of helplessness. Nothing could bring back the life of a child. He could only imagine how much more it took out of her when there were two of them.

"Let's get you to bed, baby girl," he murmured tenderly. He only realized his poor choice in words when she went completely still, a new string of cries muffled by his bare chest. _Nice job, Morgan_ he thought. He knew better than to let her go, somehow managing to sink them back down into bed. Tonight, he didn't even need to ask where his hands needed to be. Winding around her completely, he sighed, sending butterfly kisses through her hair while she shook with new strength. As right as he was about half of it, he could say nothing to this. What had been done to him hadn't produced a child. Even if it had left virtually everything else in its wake.

"You...You have to bring them back...Please bring them back," she pleaded. At this point she didn't even care if it made her crazy. What he'd taken from her was everything she had, everything she ever loved. There was virtually no logic in what she wanted. He knew that. But everything in him wished more than anything that he could do that for her. Derek had done his best to be what she needed in every other way but in a sick twist of fate, he couldn't give her the one thing she wanted more than anything else he'd ever given her. "You have to find the bleed...You have..." He felt her body tension subside when Clooney's wet nose brushed her shoulder, saying nothing while she gripped the retriever and sobbed openly into his coat. Naturally, the dog quietly let her, offering periodical licks to the side of her face to clean up the tears she let spill over. "Please don't let them go...You can't let them go...She tried...She tried to...protect us," she whimpered.

Derek bit through his lip when yet another piece of the puzzle fell into place. For a young woman so terrified of everything, she took to Clooney so willingly. There hadn't been two babies but that didn't make the truth that much easier to hear. Her own puppy, her baby, was a casualty in a selfless attempt to keep them alive. This truth kicked him square in the gut, almost hard enough to leave him gasping for his own breath.

"Nobody can hide from him," she whispered. The only way she stayed so tucked away was because she'd been put there, forced to stay insignificant while life went on below. "Daddy put me in a box...When he found out...I couldn't come out. I wasn't allowed..." The officer could feel his blood begin to simmer, coming to a quick boil when he registered the confession.

"Is that why the walls move?" he whispered. He didn't need words for that. The growing pool on the edge of his pillow was all he needed to see. More than the boy they ran into at the park, Derek wanted to find and end this man. He had to. He'd seen far too many nights of this not to put an end to her suffering. Even though it was just a question, said in the most gentle way possible, she still felt her chest tighten, her breathing quicken, and her attempt to push herself closer against him intensify. "Big breaths for me," he prompted softly. "You're safe now. He can't hurt you anymore." Yes. Yes he could but Derek didn't know anything about that. No matter where she was, he followed. His voice, the last words ever spoken to her, they would be with her forever. No matter how well Morgan's presence kept him quiet, her father would somehow always be there.

"Please save my puppy..." she pleaded. "She's so strong...She...She was trying to protect me..." Even though her father hadn't aimed directly at her, he might as well have. In just two shots, her life as she knew it was virtually over. And still, she tried to salvage what she could of it by making her quiet escape. As she suspected, Emily didn't live much of one after that. She barely ate but only because it was expected. How would it look if she just withered away in front of dozens who fought to make it out alive? She wasn't sure whether it was the haunting memory of the blood on her hands and the final beats of Bear's heart that gave her some twisted courage to stay out of the line of fire but something had. Poetic justice if ever she'd seen it.

"I'm so sorry, sweet girl," he whispered, his own words now caught in his throat. As annoying as he often was, the very thought of Clooney coming face to face with the same fate was unacceptable. "So sorry..." They both knew that those words weren't going to do anything helpful but Derek had to say them anyway. Not because they were expected of him but because they seemed to be the only ones he could find worth saying.

"Four weeks..." she whispered. Morgan let his gut twist again while another light bulb went off in his head. "She would've been so beautiful..." Considering the explanation she gave, he had to wonder how she knew. It had to be as simple as a mother's intuition. He'd seen it before but oftentimes it was used in a joking manner with husbands and fathers. He'd seen Will and JJ go back and forth for months before Henry was born. For Emily, it seemed to be all she had. There was no way she could make it to the hospital without her absence being noticed. "Skye..." As corny as it was, the little girl inside of her was all the blue sky she was going to see for a while. Even she knew that. Everything else around her was clouded and black with harsh realities. Instead, she let the sky fall in on her in more ways than she ever thought herself capable.

"That's a beautiful name..." he mumbled. How ironic when your mother was a murderer. She had to think that at least a criminal deserved to make one thing of beauty. How Emily had gone a whole eight months in virtual silence made him wonder. There was no question she made sure the baby had enough to eat. But then how...?

"Daddy had a gun...Bear got mad. Really mad. I never saw that side of her before. She...She stayed in front of my belly...But he shot and she fell," she whimpered. No wonder she had a problem with guns. Derek had learned rather quickly that he wasn't going to get a word out of her if she saw it. He would catch her just following it, her eyes hard while she eyed it in his belt. He tried his best to keep it out of her line of sight during interrogation. Other times she seemed completely fine when it slipped his mind to keep it hidden, barely flinching when she caught sight of it. "There was so much blood...I...I tried to make it stop," she sobbed. "It wasn't enough...I...I...I didn't mean to..."

"I know you didn't, sweetheart," he whispered. "It was an accident. It's not your fault." Not willing to turn over and face him, Emily sent an elbow to his chest that made the man shuffle back slightly. Despite it being her doing, her chest filled with panic when his grip around them loosened slightly. He had to keep the baby safe. He had to keep her babies safe. He had to. She wasn't sure how he would stop the bleeding and keep her protected at the same time but he would find a way. Derek always found a way. "Shh," he added tenderly. "I know it hurts, pretty girl." No he didn't! Derek didn't know a damn thing about pain! Not this kind. As much as he knew she didn't want hear it, the cry she let flow from her when he said as much was hardly a necessary indication. He made a mental note to throw that into the pile of things he shouldn't say tonight. Not when she was like this. As mad as she was at him for lying to her, she almost pleaded with him to run his fingers along her belly. Maybe if he was gentle enough, the baby would see his good and fight to stay alive.

Easing Emily onto her back gained a yelp of protest before she met his eyes, the warmth in them quieting her to a soft whimper. The tears it seemed were endless but she couldn't help letting them come in ocean tides, the world around her becoming some kind of comfortable haze while she focused on the motions of his hands on her baby. Each one seemed to pull the impossible from her chest, her own ears ringing when it echoed around the room. This time, Derek knew better than to say anything as she clenched with frustration. Like they always seemed to, each one took a piece of him with it. He expertly avoided her knee jerk reactions when he offered heavier pressures on her abdomen regularly. As expected, the more weight he put into them, the louder and more heartbreaking the pushback. Every cell of his body hated doing this at all but there was something relieving about it too. At least from what he learned. To be able to vocalize to the abuser brought a sense of empowerment he was sure Emily didn't see just yet. Right now all she seemed capable of was pain. At this point, he would expect nothing less.

"Daddy watched you touch!" she howled, taking hold of Derek's shoulders so tightly she was sure she would leave him with lasting marks across his perfect skin. "He let you put a baby inside of me! He let you hurt me! And then he took her away! He took both of my babies from me! I...I have nothing! _You_ did that to me!" He raised a concerned brow when she herself forced his hand to a level of strength he hadn't dared put on her. Knowing it was better to be agreeable than argue it, he allowed her to lead him, wishing he could cover his own ears to lessen the blow. Swiftly avoiding a knee in the face, he raised himself up on an elbow while she made herself a tiny ball trying blindly to comfort herself from the self-inflicted weight. As much as he knew that for the moment his place was here, Derek fought his every nerve not to remove his hand and take her in his arms.

"That's it...Let it all out," he whispered, forcing himself to keep her attention. She had to know that he wasn't going to turn away from this, no matter how ugly it got. He also had the smallest hope that eventually she would look up and see him, somehow calmed by the look in his eye. It was a stretch and a half to think so but it happened before. When finally she was struggling just to breathe, he chanced the removal of his hand, the act only serving to upset her more. "I think you're all out, honey..." he mumbled softly. Watching her eyes dart back and forth frantically, he smiled sadly keeping his fingers soft while they brushed through her dark locks of hair. Kissing her forehead seemed to be all she needed to realize her next move.

"My belly..." she breathed. "I...I didn't kiss her goodbye..." the realization putting an even bigger hole in her heart. It wasn't enough that she'd practically killed her child. Dipping down toward her stomach, he waited for her natural rejection, bringing his lips to it tenderly when it never came. Despite how soft and gentle he made it, the tears that answered him were nothing but, though she managed to stay quiet when they poured down her face. "She...She can go to Heaven now..." Emily whispered. Now that her daughter had been brushed by something good, someone filled to the brim with nothing but love, she had somewhere good to go. Somewhere her mother could never send her.

He wasn't sure what made the reference so easy to understand, even though it was near impossible to digest. It was likely something to do with how frequently she made these references. Or maybe he was just a quick learner, someone who knew more about loss than he would ever openly admit. No matter how quick he was to pick up on it, the fact that she even had to say that made his heart hurt. Even like this she thought absolutely nothing of herself.

"I asked him...I asked him to take her..." she confessed, the words putting a knot in her stomach that never truly subsided. Derek's head jerked from where it rested on her stomach, the shock washing over him tenfold. "I...I couldn't live like that...Like me...I couldn't let them hurt her...He did everything to me but I...Skye needed better. I...I let Daddy hurt her so that they wouldn't," she cried. Catch 22 at its finest.

Sitting up now, he had to wait all of ten seconds for Emily to find her place in his lap, holding onto him for dear life. She was glad he didn't have to be asked to hold her as close to him as he possibly could. No real surprise really when most conversations of this nature went on like that. Derek just did what needed doing and for that, especially tonight, she was more grateful than he would ever know. No matter how much of a monster she knew she was, she drank in every bit of his love for her no matter how self-seeking it was to do so. She needed this, needed him to keep her present.

"You were so brave..." he mumbled. If any of that was true, she sure as hell didn't feel brave. Especially right now. But even knowing that about herself, she also knew that Derek was there to be reassuring, even if his words spoke of a fairytale she would never be a part of. "I'm so proud of you..." She'd heard that one before, the compliment more false tonight than it had ever been. There was absolutely _nothing_ he had to be proud of. Was one of the best police officers in Chicago seriously applauding her actions in what was practically a double murder? And still she took it greedily, clinging to the collar of his shirt while he continued to lie to her. "You did so good, Emily. So good..." The third (and hopefully last) of them made her want to vomit again. She'd done nothing but bad. How the hell could he not see that? Was Derek really that blind? Did he really care about her so much that he was willing to overlook the fact that she was the reason her baby was dead?

As wrong as he knew it sounded, even her confession made her nothing but brave to him. To know that she didn't even think before sparing the life of a child made the woman stronger than she would ever know. He also knew that these thoughts made him one of the most terrible human beings, again making him wonder how he had been the one to open the door for Skye to walk into a better part of the afterlife. But what more could she really do? Emily Prentiss was nothing more than a scared little girl who knew better than anyone that no matter what she did, they would never be able to escape the constant torment of her father. The station could strip him of his badge for that alone and he wouldn't even have to blink. Her daughter had been a mercy killing that she'd carried for what he had to guess was the last eleven years of her life. It was hell to know that she carried it but better that than an innocent child, bound to be made a victim along with her mother.

"Tell me about your puppy," he said softly, pulling the small hairbrush out of the drawer and through her hair. Hearing her breath catch, he watched a sad smile come across her face. Clooney didn't even need directing. The dog's head landed softly in Emily's lap letting her run her fingers mindlessly through his fur while she gathered her memories. She had just enough in her to recall the image of her dog and let the calm of the bristles call forward some of her better stories.

"Bear was smart. Really smart. I'm not just saying that as her mama," she said wistfully. "She was a lot like you..." she mumbled. "Sometimes she could read my mind. She knew what I needed before I did. Sometimes it was just a kiss...A lot of the time it was just cuddles. Bear was always there, even when I didn't want her to be." Derek could hear her attempt at laughter and how it quickly died on her lips. She'd follow me _everywhere._ She wasn't allowed upstairs. Daddy made it a rule. That's why he put my box there...He made me stay in the attic. It was...It was really small. Lots of boxes. Daddy liked a big house. But he liked to have a lot of stuff too. Stuff we didn't use. The stuff we never used was put in even smaller boxes than me. I didn't have pillows so I slept on one of them." Derek didn't miss how quickly she seagwayed but let her keep talking. If she thought so highly of her dog there was no doubt she'd get back to talking about her, already pretty sure he knew how she would come back into play. "I was upstairs for about a month...I went down to find food when they were at work...Bear followed me upstairs. She cuddled with me a lot. The attic was cold so it was nice to have that. Daddy never showed up, so it was okay to have her there without hiding. He didn't show up for three months. When he did...When he did he had his...and I knew. The baby was coming soon and that wasn't allowed. He...he was gonna take her away. He let me hold her for so long but then he just...I didn't have to ask why he was there. It all made too much sense. Then he hit my baby...He hit her nose with the back of his...and she cried. Not for long though because when he came closer, she snapped at him. I...I don't know if she bit his hand or not but I like to think she did. But then she fell. She fell right up against me. She didn't even cry when the blood came. She looked at me...with love and...she...she kissed me goodbye before her eyes closed. It wasn't until then that I looked for the hole. But there was already so much...I...I let her die right in front of me. And I...I didn't even get to say thank you...Or that I loved her. I didn't even tell that to Skye. Or that I was sorry. I didn't say anything. I stood up...and I let him. I let him take my babies away because I was bad. I was always bad."

Derek's stomach did a complete summer sault as he tried to take in her every word. As hard as they were to hear, he knew that somebody had to. He made a mental note to make a couple of phone calls first thing Monday morning. There was no way that carrying any of this around wasn't slowly killing her. Letting her wither away was the last thing he intended to do. He would be out himself before he let anything more happen to her.

"Hey, you know I love you, right?" he whispered. Even though they sounded nothing like they usually did when she heard them, her heart still skipped several beats. The way he said it, it was safe. What he said was warm and promising in a way that made him believable. No matter what her reservations were, something about Derek was always believable. As nice as they were, she still didn't know how in the world he did. Still, she nodded anyway, hoping she conveyed just how thankful she was to hear them said so kindly to her. The brush he had used was now replaced with his fingers. He took a minute to go through her hair (probably to make sure it was all done) before his arm dropped back around her waist. Emily fell into his chest without a second thought, her arms wrapping tightly around her neck while she went in search of his heartbeat.

"Derek always loves me...Even when I do things I'm not supposed to." The man in question nodded sadly, a kiss brought to her temple that pulled out the smallest whimper. "Even when I kill my babies," she whispered. "He doesn't put me in a box like he's supposed to..." Again, he nodded slowly, sick by the sudden clarity of it all as her story came together. Her fear of small spaces, of firearms, her love for his dog and complete and utter fear of every human being alive. Even though her trust in him made even less sense now than it did before, he wasn't going to question it unless absolutely necessary. It was good enough that she trusted _someone_.

"Never..." he murmured. "I'm just going to put you right here," he smiled. "Is that okay?" he asked tightening his hold on her. The smile he earned was enough to at least begin the process of putting his own heart back together.

"It's my favourite..." she whispered brushing her fingers along the side of his face. "He's safe. He's always safe...Makes it so I don't have to be scared." Again he nodded placing the lightest of kisses at her collarbone. "I wish he was Skye's daddy..." He didn't have to look up to know the distant look in her eyes. He'd worn it too often not to know exactly what it sounded like. "She woulda liked him a lot..." He only looked up when she choked, folding up again in his arms.

"You're okay..." he mumbled bringing light kisses across her knuckles. No. No she wasn't and the scary thing was, Emily had no idea if she would ever be okay again. But at least here, at least he would help her find it. Or at least, she hoped as much. Derek had lost complete track of time, only made aware of it when the sun crawled up against his window. "I'm gonna have to go make us something to eat soon," he said quietly. Emily felt her stomach knot at the mention of it, not sure if she would ever find it in her to eat again. "If he stays, do you think you could hang out for a few minutes while I go find us something?" The brunette felt terrible, so terrible she didn't dare tell him that she didn't want to eat. He was already going through enough trouble just making it for her. Instead she just nodded, burying her face in the retriever's fur and holding on tightly. The dog hardly seemed to mind, sinking down in the one spot his owner left vacant and pressing up against her.

He knew better than to be gone for very long, returning in no more than ten minutes with bacon and waffles. Considering how shaky she was, there was no way he trusted her with silver wear. Making sure it was food she could eat with her hands was a safe enough bet that she might actually try, even though he knew the chances of that were slim to none. The dog easily allowed him his space back on the bed, pulling up on Emily's other side and resting his head on his paws.

"Can we try some of this?" he asked carefully. She tried not to hold her stomach as the smells washed over her. There was no hiding the subtle shake of her head though. Her clamped together mouth wasn't allowing a single piece of food inside of it. Not after what she'd gotten rid of hours before. The woman wasn't about to put all of his work to waste again. He set the plate on the side table, waiting only a minute before she found her way back into his lap. Breaking the strip in half, he carefully brought it to her mouth. A whole fifteen minutes passed before she inched it open, realizing that his overabundance of patience wasn't going to abandon him now. She let it sit on her tongue for another three before swallowing it, the edges of the crisp meat scratching the sides of her throat. "Good girl..." he mumbled kissing her forehead.

And thus it continued. She offered a brief battle before allowing the food to enter her mouth, each piece washed down with something much better than milk. She wasn't even sure where he found the patience to repeat himself countless times, let alone touch her as often as he did. She'd even reached a point where she anticipated them, only aware of how much so once they stopped all together. Shaking her head she sighed, hoping that she was allowed to keep it all inside this time.

"Can...Can we stay?" she mumbled nervously. She was almost certain he would want to go somewhere today. When someone did what he did so well, there was no doubt he'd want a day to just escape it all. And here she was asking him to stay inside with her. How selfish was that? "I...I just wanna stay here with you...I...I hope that's okay," she said meekly. After what he just heard, it was damn near expected.

"Yeah, we can stay," he whispered. He took a minute to wonder how his hand came to rest on her bare stomach under his incredibly thick sweater. Just hours before she was begging to stay hidden and even though she still was for the most part, she still invited his touch, even after everything he'd already heard.

"I...I like it when you touch..." she mumbled. "It's warm..." Derek smiled bringing it back out only long enough to outline her mouth. Emily gave him a trying smile with her quiet kiss to his finger, making sure he knew just how much she appreciated every one of the little things he did for her. "Will you touch more...?" The man blinked unsure of exactly what it was she was asking. "You...You can see..." she whispered. "I know you won't hurt me..." He watched her pull away from his arm for only seconds. "Please..." Biting the inside of his cheek, he let his sweater come up over her head shocked as hell when she didn't even think to pull away. Instead she traced along his collarbone and kissed. Emily placed the lightest kiss where his heart would be. Watching her pull back, he smiled softly, placing the tenderest kiss just over hers. He chuckled when she shivered slightly. "Can you hold me...? Like this..." she whispered. Nodding slowly, he brought her hair over one of her shoulders, earning him the quietest sigh when she came to rest on his. "I...I like that. It's...It's safe...and warm," she mumbled.

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 **A/N: Alrighty then...If you were lucky enough to survive that, have a complimentary tissue. We also have cookies.**


	7. Them

**A/N: Another not so pretty one...Good luck.**

 **Disclaimer: *See chapter 1***

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Derek hardly blinked as hot tears progressively made their way down his chest. Even while knowing that it was hardly his place to mourn with her, Emily was doing for herself the one thing he had never been able to. The sound always seemed trapped in his throat, his eyes crawling with sand that never became more than an irritation behind his eyes. So instead he gripped her in a way that provided the strength he never found in his own time of need.

There were times the pain came softly in the slightest whimper and shake of her tiny body. Every few waves Emily seemed to be ripping clear down the middle, the sound falling from her mouth almost inhuman. And even with the rise and fall of all her grief, her hold on him didn't lessen for a second. When she came up off his lap she held him even tighter, almost as if to prove to herself that if she didn't, something would float her up over his head and away.

Emily for all her efforts could barely hear herself. Even while knowing that she was being torn limb from limb, the sounds that spilled out of her were being made by somebody else. They had to be. She had never had reason to cry this hard in her life. _Until now_ she heard herself say, the smallest of voices tucked so far back in her mind it was a wonder she heard anything at all. Where the hell had she been able to find this much grief? Who in the world had enough patience to let it spill all over them? She couldn't for the life of her make out anything he said over the screaming of her own anguish, which only served to make her cry harder.

She may not have known exactly what he was trying to tell her but she knew he continued to try. The comforts came through in shells of their former selves, nothing more than distorted noise heard from the bottom of a swimming pool. But he wasn't giving up, likely convinced that something would make its way through once she broke the surface. Even while knowing it still hung in threads on her own body, a hand that felt nothing like her own had taken hold of his, pressing it so firmly against her stomach she knew she would fold right over and snap at the waist if she wasn't careful. But there was no longer any need to be careful. She had been given one tiny person to protect and she had failed.

The officer swallowed hard, biting his tongue when she forced his hand so much that her breath caught. It stopped so suddenly that his own heart remained suspended until another one sputtered out of her. It wasn't until the slightest warmth gathered in his lap that he sighed, taking her closer while he inched them off the bed and back toward the bathroom, but not before grabbing a clean pair of sweatpants from his drawer. Once he set her on her feet, Emily screamed as though the bottoms of her feet were subject to third degree burns.

"Shh," he whispered letting them gather at her feet before sitting her down carefully. "I'm right here, sweetheart." Derek let her wind around him from where she sat, waiting a few moments before helping her to her feet again. Her entire weight almost collapsed into him, wet cheeks pressed to his chiseled chest. "There...That's gotta feel better," he murmured.

Better? What about any of this felt _better_? Everything inside of her was coming apart. Even in all her pain Emily had to wonder if the parts that kept her human would eventually become small enough that she became nothing more than dust. She was certainly being shredded violently enough. So much so that finding her voice was virtually impossible. As much as she wanted to scream in his face, maybe spit in his eyes, he'd drained her completely.

If Derek put her down now, they were going to come. They were all going to come. If they were really feeling up to it, they would probably make him watch. Not that he would take that sitting down. He was a police officer for godsake. But they were all strong enough. With enough man power her one protector would be deemed powerless. What would he think of her then? If now she thought of herself as no more than garbage, what would he say after what he'd seen? There was no question that he'd put her right back where she came from. Maybe not in that icebox but the streets were always home. At least he would have the decency to put her back out in open air. Not that inhaling it was the best thing in the world. But all the same, she wouldn't be calling this place home anymore.

She almost laughed at the irony. Emily had been taken in by a man of the law. Only moments ago she'd confessed to not only something illegal but morally unheard of. Her baby wasn't taken out by her own hands but asking someone to do it was far worse. Especially when the universe had given her someone so precious to watch out for. The slight woman wasn't even aware of just how cold she was until his voice came again, pressed right up against her ear while he wrapped her in a blanket. Panic gripped her when she realized what that would mean. She didn't need to be warm. She needed them to see. She needed them all to see. If at any moment her dad and his men came crashing through that door, it was far better to be seen letting Derek use her body than any of them. She owed him so much anyway. Now was as good a time to pay up as any other.

Slowly letting the blanket fall away, she took his hand, allowing it wander the expanse of her breasts, looking him right in the eye while she did so. When Derek shook his head slowly and slipped away, she could feel her heart in her throat, a sickening realization washing over her. Then again, karma was going to come for her in due time. The one she trusted not to hurt her wouldn't hurt her, ever. She knew that. But it also dawned on her that the reason he never would is that she wasn't even worth touching. Of course that was how this worked. She'd been made impossibly small by hundreds of men; given them exactly what they wanted when they asked. Hell she'd even given when they didn't. And this one wanted nothing to do with her. _There's nothing wrong with you_...Now those words almost stung. There were a million and one things wrong with her and just now he'd reaffirmed it.

Even though it scared her right out of her skin, she slowly inched away from him, studiously ignoring the look of confusion he offered her. She waited until she was at the very edge of the bed before curling up into herself. Even though he knew exactly how it looked, he couldn't help the confusion. Here she'd just pulled out her deepest and darkest (far too similar to his own reality to sit comfortably) and Emily still wanted him to touch her. He'd done it before but something in her gaze said she would want for more if he agreed.

"It's okay," he mumbled quietly. "You can come back." As cold as she was, Prentiss shook her head. Derek was just saying so because he felt he had to. In reality, he wanted no part of her. There had even been hesitation when she asked him to hold a hand to her chest. "Emily..." he sighed. "That's not what that meant, baby." She quietly shook her head harder. Of course that's what that meant. She knew herself to be a biohazard. It only took him this long to see it himself. "Please?" he whispered. They sat for a full ten minutes in absolute silence before she hesitantly inched her way back over, shocked when his arms opened right back up for her. As much as she told herself she wouldn't, Emily felt her body fall right back into them, hating herself for seeming so pathetically desperate for his protection. Tears pulled at the corners of her eyes when his finger feathered over her mouth, coming apart completely when his lips brushed her collarbone. "Shh," he murmured. No. He wasn't making any sense. One minute he'd rejected her and the next he _wanted_ to have scum under his fingernails. That was the one place where it was near impossible to get rid of her and all of her filmy traces. "I'm still right here," he promised softly. Pulling the blanket down slowly, a sad smile tugged at his lips. Prentiss on her part let a sharp tooth sink as far down into her lip as possible, hardly reacting when it drew blood. She was already scum of the earth. What was a little bit of blood too? Her throat went dry when he carefully pried it free, too afraid to ask him to fix it in ways that might just line all of her missing pieces back up. There was no way they would fall into place but at least Derek was a start.

"Please touch," she pleaded, her voice so small he had to strain to hear it. "If you touch they know..." she reasoned. She wasn't even sure if this was true but she had to hope that it was. At the very least if they were walked in on, she would be otherwise occupied. If they were made to wait there was the slightest chance that he would make it so she didn't have to... Her whispered words widened his eyes. "Please...I don't wanna do it anymore...He's going to make me...He's going to put another one inside and I...I can't keep it safe..."

"He's not coming, sweet girl, I promise. I won't let him." Just the thought of these men finding a way into his house made his blood boil. There was no way in hell he would let them anywhere near her, but to watch her be plagued with the fear that they would was just as painful. The thought of this man forcing himself inside of her was worse than any of them. She couldn't have been more than fifteen years old.

"Please don't let him touch..." she whimpered. "It...It hurts...It hurts so bad..." Even though it would make her look like the slut she knew she was, Emily couldn't stop her next request, despite knowing it was probably better if she kept it to herself. "C-can you take them off?" The tone of her voice cut like glass. "They're...They're tight...Really, really tight. It's gonna hurt the baby..." Derek kissed the crown of her head and nodded, even though he also knew exactly where it could lead. He also knew that she was jumping tracks faster than she probably rationalized but there was absolutely nothing rational about a nervous breakdown. Leaving her in just his boxers, he sighed against her temple. Emily let herself curl up into him, almost begging to settle behind his ribs. There, she would be safe. There, no one could find her.

"Is that better?" he whispered. Swallowing hard, she nodded, nails carving tiny half moons across his skin when she finally realized what she'd done. It wasn't about being completely bare for him. She'd already done that in more ways than she wanted to and Derek had only held her closer. No. This was anger. Anger at them. Furious at what had come over her. But more than that, she was mad at herself. She was under the impression that by surrounding herself in him, letting him fill her, the touch would go away. Emily always knew better than to entertain something like that and here she was doing it anyway. "You sure you're not too cold?" Again she shook her head. How would she explain that this was the warmest she'd been in years? How would he make sense of the fact that being skin to skin with him was a level of safety and protection she'd never gotten?

"Please don't send me away...I'll...I'll do better..." She wasn't sure how that was going to be done, or what he wanted from her. All she did know was that she had to find a way to make him happy. She couldn't go back there. What she'd just attempted probably gave him no choice but to consider putting her right back where he found her.

"You're not going anywhere, honey, I promise..." he crooned. "We're just going to stay right here, okay? We might want a change of scenery in a little bit but nobody's going much further than the living room." Even though she couldn't help the slightest bit of doubt, she found herself nodding.

"There were five...Five different ones. The only day they didn't come was Sunday. I...I don't know why but I never asked." Derek's stomach turned. Just brushing the surface was hard to hear. Now she dared to go into detail, the willpower she had to find for that making this woman braver than she would ever know. He had to swallow rising bile at the mention of Sunday. There was no question that they used it as a day to repent for all their sins. They were probably all under the impression that God would be watching them especially close on that day. "It...It was like they took turns. It...It was never just one...It...It was like they would just wait." He watched a hand come to rest on the side of her face, the grimace she wore a mystery until she spoke again. "When I got really tired...Sometimes I...Sometimes I fell asleep. And when they...When they finally noticed they would...They would hit me. One of them would get so mad that...He would...He sometimes broke my jaw with his hands curled up. The pain...The pain was so bad that everything...went black. Then I could just...feel them inside me until I woke up again." He let her press up against him even closer, her face buried in his neck as she took a moment to breathe him in.

"Did anybody fix it?" he asked gently. That much had to have an answer. From what he remembered, the guy wasn't a widow. He was just a sick twisted monster who used his daughter's vulnerability as rip off Pay per View. Slowly, she nodded, the grip she already had on him intensified. "Was it your mama?" he mumbled. Again Emily shook her head yes, her entire body stiff as a board now. "Did she make it better?" When she shook her head, the officer's blood ran cold.

"When...When she came to...to fix it, she was always mad. It hurt so bad that I didn't really pay attention to what she said. I just know she was always mad at me. When she came to fix it, her mouth was a line. She never said anything to me like mamas are supposed to. She didn't even look at me. It was like it was my fault I didn't listen the first time, like I made him hurt me so bad I broke." No wonder she'd gotten the hell out of there. It wasn't without scars but at the very least her body parts stayed in one piece. Then again, once she'd run, she was out to face an entirely different set of demons. "I never listened good. I always did it wrong..." Derek visibly blanched, the urge to throw up even more so at those few words. How the fuck was there a right and a wrong way to...? Then again, these were power hungry bastards who looked for any excuse to show their authority. "When he didn't fit...When I moved wrong...When I didn't wait...I...I didn't even know what that meant...What was I supposed to wait for?" There were way too many answers to that. Each one more twisted than the last. "And then he put her inside...He put her inside and just left me there. The...The floor was so cold. Everything hurt for such a long time...It was...It was dark when I finally tried to put it back on. It hurt too much. Everything hurt...Nobody came looking..." She wasn't even aware she'd been crying again, or how hard until warm hands rested on her shoulders, the heat of his breath such a comfort that she dared to cry harder. At one point, she let them come so forcefully that she was almost sure her bones rattled.

"Nobody can hurt you anymore, baby girl, I promise..." he murmured. Of course in a lot of ways he knew that wasn't true but she had to know that at least here, he wasn't about to let any of them finish what they started. "None of them are going to touch..." As much as she wanted to believe him, the small voices in the darkest spaces of her mind said otherwise.

"Will you still touch?" she asked, her voice small. How ironic that the one thing she ran from was the one thing she'd asked of him, a man with just as much power to do with her what he wanted. And yet... "I...I like it...It doesn't hurt...Not like them..." Even while fearing that she would interpret it as something more than they'd already explored, he found himself nodding slowly. Emily knew better than to expect anything more than their designated safe zones but even then, his hands were always so much gentler. Derek's touch was something healing with the potential to slowly wash away anything they left behind. "I'm sorry I'm not pretty..." If he wasn't already trying to keep her together, he would have pulled back in surprise. An expected apology, he knew that but even hearing the words made his heart hurt.

"You're beautiful..." he whispered running a finger softly along her jaw. He was only able to stop the insistent shake of her head with his own two hands, a trail of feather light kisses brought across every inch of her face. No matter how spent she was, Emily still managed a light blush, the sight of it making him smile a little. "Hi pretty girl..." he mumbled. Upon hearing those words she wanted to clamp her hand right across his mouth. Who gave him the right to spout of these lies? Nothing about her was worth even the slightest gaze. And here he was showering her with everything meant to tell her otherwise.

"No...Mama even said..." It suddenly struck him that her mother probably didn't have a choice in whether or not to be cold. He was almost certain she was an equally viable source for their pleasures. The realization of this could only mean one thing. If in fact he was right, there wasn't the slightest bit of love in that house. Not because her mother didn't want to but because she _couldn't_. To be cold and numb was the easiest way to let things like this go right up and over your head.

"What about what I say?" he murmured. While he held her close, she thought for a minute. He hadn't lied to her yet but who's to say that this wasn't the first of many? The chances that he was spouting them just to help her feel better about herself was a higher likelihood than the hope that he might mean it. As much as she fought herself not to, Emily found herself nodding again, the act barely noticeable. "I'm so proud of you, sweetheart..." At that she said and did nothing, deciding for herself that Derek was clear out of his own mind. Proud of what? The fact that she had been a toy for a handful of men, never doing it right and still allowed to breathe? How fitting that they made it so that she had to practically gasp and claw for every single one she took. They stripped her until she was left with nothing. No. She was nothing. Plain and simple. And still, from the moment they met, even with familiar anger, this man made her feel everything...Like she might just be everything. At least to him.

"I wanna believe you..." she whispered. "But I...I can't," she confessed. "What's it supposed to feel like?" Looking at her carefully, his brow went up. "Love?" Derek licked his lips, trying to find the right words to describe the indescribable. Before he began, he found a way to wrap her up even tighter. She'd said it so many times, dared to think that Derek did in fact love her. But that was only because he was everything neither of her parents ever were.

"How do you feel right now?" he asked. She just blinked. What did this have to do with her question?

"I...I don't know..." She let him press a strand of hair behind her ear, his lips to her temple. The feel of them allowed her eyes to spill over again. Before she could think to brush them away, the pads of his fingers seemed laden with feathers as he brushed them up with his thumb. "Soft..." she whispered, though she'd only meant to describe how they felt against her skin. "His was hard...Mama's were cold...Always cold. But you...You're warm. She...She let it happen. She let him come. She let them all come. But...you won't. You won't 'cause you promised." He nodded slowly, trying harder than he should have had to, to keep the sand out of his mouth. "You hold me when I'm scared...You hold extra tight when I'm sad. I...I don't have to sleep outside..." Despite the fact that it sounded like she was revisiting a more recent time, he had to wonder if her parents had ever sunken that low. "There's food in my belly...And you don't get mad when it makes me sick. The water's always warm...You let me stay, even though it's not my bed."

"That's right," he mumbled. "That's exactly right." Emily came to that realization even before he said it and in doing so dug her fingernails into him even more than she already was. It seemed that her eyes would never stop swimming with tears. Even more astounding was the fact that Derek invited them, allowing them to soak him almost completely while she kept her face buried in his shoulder like a child. Before Emily, he'd never seen so many shed in the span of just a day. But Prentiss was filled to the brim with surprises. Yes, most of them were downright revolting but others just left him floored at her strength.

"Will you love me always?" she asked quietly, her voice so incredibly low that he wouldn't have heard her if she wasn't already so close to his ear. It seemed like such a loaded question. In reality, they'd only really "met" two weeks ago. And here this woman was, tucked into his heart so closely that he didn't have a hope in the world of getting rid of her. Derek surprised even himself with the realization that he didn't really want to. Not just because of where he knew it would leave her but, she'd found an opening right below the surface of his skin. Rather than speak it, he nodded, letting her slight fingers trace the outline of his ear.

Emily wasn't even sure why she was doing it. Tracing seemed to be their subtle sense of gratitude but even so, why this part of him? Was it because on some level he'd always heard her? Was it the fact that even in silence he listened for the things she couldn't say? Or was it more that for the first time in her life, the story she had to share wasn't looked at as some kind of freak show?

"You wanna take this downstairs?" he asked. Emily felt herself stiffen, the thought of moving almost painful. More than that, there were windows. Lots of windows. People would see. And this went far beyond the fact that she sat in his arms in nothing more than a pair of his underwear. Noting her tense muscles, another kiss landed at her ear. "It's just me...Nobody's going to see. We'll even cover up if it helps..." Even he knew this had nothing to do with how little she was wearing. No amount of clothing in this house would make her feel any less exposed. Nodding slowly, Emily eased back, arms up over her head to invite the warmth of his sweater. When he brought the rest of her wear up her legs, she froze. She watched him back away, almost looking as though he might be apologizing for being intrusive. Shaking her head, she let him continue, though she was almost positive these weren't the pants she was wearing before.

The truth of it almost slapped her clear across the face, leaving in its place a purpled blush in place of the usual welt. Almost as quickly, he placed her embarrassment, quietly shaking his head. No, this wasn't okay. It couldn't be. It didn't matter that she had no idea how she'd done it. The fact was that she'd done it at all. They never even moved so that could only mean...

"I'm sorry..." she mumbled, her voice quiet as a mouse. Again he just shook his head as he helped her to her feet. She seemed to regain some of her earlier strength, instead just using him as a leaning post for shaking limbs. She'd stupidly forgotten about Clooney in all of her pathetic fan fair, nearly jumping out of her skin when he brushed up against her leg. "Oh..." she breathed, trying for the slightest of smiles when he whined.

"Why don't you two go hang out while I go find us something?" Derek mumbled. When the retriever pressed up against them insistently, he laughed, ruffling the dog's ears as he pulled away. "I'll be right over there," he said pointing to the other side of the wall where she knew his small kitchen was. Even while knowing she would feel his absence as soon as he walked away, Emily nodded. "He'll make sure you get all situated. He's even figured out how to throw on a blanket if you need it," he mused. Despite her slight haze, the brunette raised a curious brow. "He'll show you. I've got extra sweaters in the dryer if you need to layer up. If they come out cold, spin them for ten minutes and you'll be good to go." She had to wonder why sweaters of his just magically ended up fresh out of the laundry but said nothing to it, simply grateful that she was welcome to them. Derek on his part wasn't even entirely sure why he still kept them there ready and waiting.

In the early days of his own recovery, Penelope always insisted on keeping them warm for him for whenever he might want one. Despite being worlds more intact than he once was, the truth of the matter was, an episode could spring at any moment, leaving him to reason that they were always nice to have. Just in case. Emily had to laugh at the fact that he seemed to be guiding her in that very direction, not even offering his owner a glance as he walked away.

"Alright, alright I get it..." she mumbled, though given her unsteady step she was silently grateful that at least one of them knew where they were supposed to be going. She blinked when he seemed to step directly in front of her, the weight of his body a familiar warning to sit exactly where he decided it was necessary. "Right here?" she teased, offering a subtle snort when he barked quietly. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you were human," she smiled letting him lick her palm after finding his place right next to her. "Real up close and personal, right?" In response he just buried his nose in her lap.

Emily wasn't sure how much time came and went before the weight of his enormous body wasn't throwing as much heat as she would have liked. She'd never actually been in the laundry room but she'd heard it running often enough to know which door it hid behind. Making her way inside, she almost threw open the dryer, a knot lodged in her throat as she took in the warmth his clothes always seemed to keep. It didn't even matter which one of them had left it that way, the machine or him. All she cared about was the fact that it hugged her in all the right ways. _I'm sorry he wasn't your daddy_ she thought rubbing absentmindedly at her nonexistent belly. Noticing a handful of scattered dryer sheets she sent down with her burst of excitement, she stretched to reach behind the slight gap between the machine and the wall. In a blind search for what she had dropped, Emily froze when she felt something much bulkier than a few leaves of freshner

Believing it to be Derek's bulletproof vest, she shuffled back fearing it might come up and bite her. Or worse, have shells of stray bullets left in the fabric. The mere thought that the one man she believed to be invincible was still able to hurt brought tears to her eyes she didn't try fighting this time. "No...Please no..." Before those words even dared to leave her lips, she'd dropped the contraption as though it caught fire right before her very eyes. When she noticed it fall face up, she stilled. What lay in front of her was a vest. Not just any vest but...the kind worn by...by a service dog.

Flipping through all of her encounters with Clooney, it suddenly made laughable sense. The way he almost knew exactly how to welcome her. The fact that Derek had to pretty much shove him out of the way when it came to the shower incident. Not that she was even present for that but it was the only conclusion that didn't flurry out of thin air. More than any of that, he always seemed to block her in when she was on the verge of a...They didn't have trained dogs for _that_ though, did they? The only other answer was that Derek had gotten the dog for, the idea filling her chest to the brim. But Clooney hardly looked at him like he was a stranger. Why the hell did Derek need a...?

He didn't have to say anything for Emily to sense his presence. It was enough to be aware of the fact that he was just...there. Turning slowly, she met him with eyes that shined with a million questions. Looking down at the vest, he sighed, a hand running the course of his face.

"You're gonna wanna sit down," he whispered. Sit down? People only ever said that when...Well when they gave the kind of story that she just... "It takes a lot of explaining," he mumbled, his words coming out shakier than he intended them to. Emily bit her lip, well aware of his change in voice. If he meant to hide the tremor, he wasn't doing a very good job of it. That could only mean that she was about to hear a thousand things she didn't want to. But what?

Her step was quiet as snow while she followed him back over to the couch, Clooney serving as the only thing that separated them. The brunette watched him roll his lip and waited. She knew that look too well. He was trying to find the right words. The ones that weren't going to scare her right out of her own skin. Even knowing this, she knew they would all deal an equalized blow to every part of her. There was no way he was an epileptic. If you were hired to be on the force, what use would you be if you just dropped down and started shaking so bad you at your own tongue? Even as flame licked her every nerve, she waited for him to speak.

"My dad...He died when I was about ten. He's the reason I do this," he whispered sighing a hot breath in clasped hands. Though she hadn't intended to, Emily's gaze fell into her lap, afraid to meet Derek's eyes. His willingness to tell her anything was already intrusive enough. To watch as emotion played across his face was an all out invasion of his privacy. "That guy was the bravest man I'll ever know." Barely past two sentences and already he knew there wasn't a chance in hell of getting it out without getting caught up in himself. "He made a point of keeping his work life and personal life separate. Who he was with the badge and who he was in front of the flat screen were almost two completely different people. I was three the first time I asked him if I could come watch him arrest a few people," he mused quietly with a wistful smile. He'd always told me that he'd think about it. Even then I knew it was a fancy way of saying no. On my tenth birthday I'd finally worn him down. He promised me one take down and then I had to let him take me home, no arguments. I was too excited to push it with him. We get called in on a chase...Halfway through Chicago before we cornered him. He pretty much yelled at me to stay in the car, like I wouldn't hear him when he told me to in his normal voice," he laughed. "Took me a while to learn that there wasn't much of a difference between normal dad and work dad when he talked to people. He just got louder on the streets. I had to remind myself that this was work dad, not home dad. So I just nodded." Emily watched as his throat seemed to naturally tighten, a tension in his jaw she'd only ever seen in their first few interrogations. Back before she let her name slip into conversation. She was almost convinced that if his real name fell from her mouth when he looked like that, she would get thrown in on bogus charges just for disrespecting him. She had to fight the natural urge to do for him what he'd always done for her. If she made the mistake of trying to provide comfort now—or at all—everything would likely stop.

And then I...I saw the guy draw his gun. I don't think my eyes could get any wider seeing that if I forced them open with toothpicks. Before he could even...Dad went down. It was...exactly like in the movies. Slowest motion I've ever fucking seen. I know what he said. I was planning to listen to him. But I don't think he was planning to go and get shot on my damn birthday." Clooney shifted his head quietly into Morgan's lap offering him the most subtle whine. Since she'd moved in, Emily had never seen him take the dog's fur in such a tight grip. Beaten as her own heart was, she quietly applauded him for having the kind of courage she could barely muster at times like these. "I couldn't just let him lay there. So I did what I'd seen people do on CSI. Stupid but that was another one of those 'wait till you're older' things. When I went home later and told her how I'd saved him, I knew it wouldn't matter. I almost expected them to ask why a little kid was on the radio but they hardly seemed to notice or care. All I picked up on was that they were going to send help. I know he said to stay put but...Even from where I was sitting in the squad car...I knew there was a lot of blood." _Blood..._ In that moment, Prentiss wished that the lightbulb that went off, now knowing the reason for all of his encouragement wasn't such a slap in the face. If she wasn't already so drawn to his story, she would have let herself feel the physical sting. "I...I had to stop it. So I...I did...Or at least I tried. I ummm...I held my hand over the bleed and just...waited. I waited for him to...move, to get mad at me...to do... _something_. But he didn't. All he could barely get out was that he was proud of me." Here he could feel the dam building, unsure of whether or not to just let it spill over. Even with her gaze nowhere near him, Emily naturally closed her eyes, convinced that if she did, she would see nothing, hear nothing of what she knew came next. "My pops wasn't the type of guy to say he loved us. It was always just...something we knew would always be true. But...before I could say anything...his eyes rolled to the back of his head and I could actually feel his heart stop..."

The brunette all but kicked herself when a strangled whine fell from her own mouth. That had to be the rudest reaction she'd ever let roll out of her. She flushed a near purple when the officer looked up at her, tears shining at the corners of his own eyes. She didn't have to look up to know that he'd heard her, or that this unshakable man had finally wavered. Taking a heavy breath, he cleared his throat before daring to go on.

"I...I don't remember getting home...I don't remember anything. I just know that the next morning I woke up...and...and he didn't. For a while I told myself he got some time off for the shot he took. He was just catching up on sleep. Even worse, I hated myself...I hated myself for not listening...for going to see. That had to be the number one reason he was mad at me. That had to be why I hadn't seen him in a week. A month later people lined up for miles telling us they were sorry for...whatever," he almost growled. "I didn't recognize ninety percent of them. The few I did know...They were allowed to be there. They were allowed to say stuff like that 'cause I know they meant it. Because they'd lost someone too...They knew how special he was. Everybody else just wanted karma points." The young woman unintentionally blanched at the statement, too familiar with the venom coating similar words directed at him. ""I...refused to accept that in just a few seconds my dad was taken from this world. Denial took me a long time. I was about thirteen by the time I just let it happen. But he...He left this...hole inside of me, inside of all of us. The thing is, Ma and my sisters just got to miss him. They got to cry. I was left with the dreams and the screaming. It was like it would never really be over. Just when I think I'm taking the smallest step forward, I get sent five giant steps back. Because of how they happened...I don't know what I do. When it hits...I have to be somewhere safe. Somewhere where I can't hurt myself. I always wonder how I don't end up hurting the people around me. Maybe it's partly because of the job he had or just...how much I still end up hating myself." Derek barely registered that Emily was anywhere near him, only made aware of it by her soft touch at his shoulder.

"It's not..." she whispered. He swallowed when she could barely even start the sentence he'd already heard so many times.

"But it is..." he mumbled. "I asked, downright begged him to take me. If he wasn't so busy laying down rules, he would've...seen it and...done something." So used to asking before doing, the request danced at the edge of her tongue and instead she found herself skipping the first step entirely. It still terrified her how easily she fluttered into his lap, how effortlessly his arms found their place. She didn't even have the voice to ask him how his nose ended up buried in her hair. All that did matter was the slow release of tension that surrounded him. If he wasn't so deep in his own head, Derek would have tried for a smile. Even now Emily looked uncharacteristically shy.

I'm not even sure how I'm standing here," he whispered. If she didn't know any better, his tone seemed to get so much smaller, the change gripping her so uncomfortably she almost demanded him to wake up. This wasn't how they worked. Derek was the one who always kept it so...together. She was the mess. And now...Well now that expectation seemed to do a complete 180, though she was still far from put together. "It's...hard when you don't have a dad to...show you stuff, you know?" Even though she didn't, Emily nodded. Her only real experience was...well, not exactly father/daughter. "So you...You find it where you can get it. I grew up with two sisters. Being the only guy it...wears on you. So I got lucky. I found someone who was willing to take me in and...show me the sport,' he whispered. "I wasn't the only one he wanted to see get a scholarship. There were other guys on the team. I was just glad to be gettin' some guy time at all," he laughed, not one shred of humour in it at all.

I was a sophomore when he made me stay after so he could tell me something. At first I thought I was in trouble. Maybe I'd done a few too many drills wrong. Maybe I was too slow. I walked up to him nervous as hell. I opened my mouth to tell him I was sorry and all he said was...how _good_ I was, how much potential I had as a player. If I closed my eyes for just a minute...it might as well have been _him_. If I wasn't standing in the middle of the field, I can tell you right now I would've had some kind of legitimate breakdown. Didn't realize just how much I missed him until that moment..." She could practically hear the sudden smile on his face, the sound of it bringing about one of her own. "I couldn't wait to go home and tell them. Carl Buford was going to make me a star. So we fit in a few extra practices a week. He asked me to stay an extra few minutes after everybody else went home..." The brunette couldn't help naturally stiffening with his rollercoaster of words. She wasn't even sure if it had more to do with her lingering emotions or the fact that now she was face to face with what felt like a complete stranger. A stranger who had opened his home, his own bed, and his arms to her. "He helped me up my game. Exactly like my old man woulda done if he was still here. I was too excited to think much of it. And then...we had more and more "private" sessions..." The tone of his voice alone buried her head in his chest, returning his hold so tightly she feared he would ask her leave. To her surprise, Derek fed into them, one of his hands coming to rest at the small of her back as he started slow circles to calm her. The breath she let pass her lips made Emily shutter. "He went above and beyond...I think it's 'cause he knew my dad was..." Even now he couldn't even say the word. "But even though it happened a few times...Just the lingering touches...He'd stare at me a second longer, I was too happy to do all the stuff my mom couldn't teach me. One weekend...He...took me out to his cabin...got me a little tipsy and...I wish I could say that I don't remember what happened after that. Even after I blacked out...I could still... " Swallowing hard, he felt Emily start shaking against him, his hold on her even tighter now. Not to keep himself checked but to give her a sense of calm while she tried to help him through his most haunting nightmare.

"He...He helps you not hurt," she barely whispered. Emily quietly flipped through all of their encounters wondering how it was that she'd never seen the dog in the squad car before, let alone the station. The officer nodded taking the throw from behind the couch and pulling it around her. "How come I never saw him before? When you used to come get me." Morgan smiled knowingly, still asking himself how such a large dog could make himself so conveniently invisible.

"He would lay on the floor on the other side. He just slept all the time. When we come inside he has his own little corner in the room. I think he's embarrassed so he's not all about the attention. Clooney's proud of what he does; he just doesn't like the uniform. I don't make him wear it when we're at home, or when we go visit. Penelope knows he's still working. When we go see Hotch...He has his son over a lot and they go and do their thing. It took Jack a while to learn that he wasn't just a normal dog. Clooney taught him pretty fast that if I needed him, he had to drop whatever he was doing and come help. Those are the only other places he gets to be normal." Even though his explanation didn't call for it, mention of normal brought a bitter taste to the back of her mouth. When was the last time she was just...normal? _Never_ she concluded, the reason for it clawing relentlessly at her skin. Even as she tried to keep it at an echo in her head, the whimper was shallow enough that she knew she'd been heard.

"Touch..." she whispered. "His hands...They're...They're back..." He quietly nodded hoping that this was just a blip and not a full-blown shutdown. If it was anything like the latter, Morgan knew he would never be able to forgive himself for throwing her right back in. "He's good at that. Helping...He can help more than one, right?" Derek smiled despite the dark cloud he'd brought over them. "Cause he makes me feel good too. Not like you. It's...It's different."

"That's what he's for, honey. It's his job to make sure we're safe," he mumbled kissing her temple. The brunette let out a breath she wasn't even aware she was holding. Why she was afraid he would say otherwise, she wasn't sure.

"Is that why just Penelope's allowed over?" she whispered. Again he nodded, smiling fondly at the mention of his friend. "But...How? People can't touch him when he's..." Morgan just shook his head with a slight laugh.

"He hates the vest. It takes some serious bribery to get him out of the house. Even he knows he _has_ to put it on in public. I'm not sure why he doesn't mind Hotch but Penny spoils him," he mumbled rolling his eyes. "More than that though, he figured it out pretty quick that they were on the same side. Both of them are here to take care of me. I think that's all that matters to him." Such a phrase wasn't meant to make her feel inadequate and somehow it still managed to do so. _Both of them are here to take care of me_. What about her? What purpose did she serve? She hadn't intended to come in here and take everything given with nothing to give back. And yet, that was the core of their entire relationship when you really got down to it.

"I'm sorry...I'll do better," she whispered. "I'll help more. I wanna help..." He blinked unsure of what made her think otherwise. And then it hit him. Shaking his head hard he traced softly along her lip.

"You do help," he said softly. "You help so much." Emily in turn shook her head so hard Derek worried it would spin right off her neck. "You make it less lonely. Even after a really hard day, I get to come home to someone who makes me smile...helps me forget all the bad stuff." _Right...Just to come home to more bad stuff_ she thought. "Dinner's actually warm when I sit down and eat it. Not just 'cause you make sure it's here waiting but...It feels different when you have another person to share it with." Despite herself, the brunette flushed. "That's partly why she came over so much. I mean, she still does but now she doesn't have to worry anymore. Living by myself gets real lonely. It's not lonely anymore," he grinned. No matter how much all of those things helped with her guilt, there was still one question remaining. Over the past weeks, she'd only ended up in his bed out of fear. How was that one not completely her fault? All the effort to keep from being intrusive and they seemed to overlook the most blaring detail. A selfish one that made her feel so ridiculously safe. How the hell was she going to survive outside of these walls? The sudden realization made her teeth chatter. "Relax..." he whispered, the reminder pressed right up against her ear. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring it all back."

"No..." she denied softly. "I...I stole your bed..." she mumbled lamely. This reasoning paled by comparison but it was really all she had at the moment. If she wasn't so frightened he would have laughed at her confession.

"Sweetheart, it's a king. There's plenty of room for both of us." Still shaking his head, he wound her dark hair around his fingers quietly. "You stay as long as you want, okay? If it helps you, you can stay." Without meaning to, she felt herself go white as a sheet, her grip on him probably leaving tiny cuts in his skin. How was she supposed to tell him that she didn't want that day to come, that such a time scared her more than just about anything?

"No..." she whispered through a strangled sob. "Please don't make me...I...I don't wanna be alone..." Derek frowned, almost certain she was waiting impatiently for the day when her own nightmares became bearable enough. "I'll...I'll be good." He sighed, shaking his head. "Please don't make me go..." When the hell did this become about getting rid of her? Maybe by Monday he'd have ways of getting her past these dips faster.

"Everybody's staying right here," he murmured.

"And they won't come?" Running a finger up her jaw, he shook his head. "You won't let them touch, right? 'Cause it's not okay..."

"Nobody's going to touch."

"Except you 'cause it's soft..."

"Except for me," he echoed the why of it all hanging on the edge of his tongue. Logic said she shouldn't be within ten feet of him. And here they were ghosting over a very prominent line. "Can I ask you a question?" Derek mumbled. He felt her go still then, toying with the ends of her hair to calm her nerves. When she let out a shallow sigh he could feel the rest of her give way to some measured relaxation. "Why aren't you scared of me?" Emily just blinked wondering why he would even... _Oh._ When she really considered it, her ability to confide in him didn't quite add up. She'd spent well over a decade as a square peg being shoved in a round hole, twisted and bent to _his_ liking. And now, rather than run screaming from the general source of her pain, she always seemed to run right into it as fast as her shaking legs could carry her.

"Because we're the same," she whispered. Sure, she'd only just learned this but his telling her finally evened out this equation of unanswerable curiosities. "Because you talk to me like I'm normal, even when I'm not," she swallowed. "Even before...You would get mad but your eyes were nice. The other ones would yell and their eyes were mean..." He considered this for a minute. Was that why he quickly became the only one to bring her back to the station? Did other officers see something in her and just not put a name to it? Or was it really as simple as plain sick and tired of doing the same thing week after week? "They wanted to put me inside and walk away. Nobody cared that I was scared...that I couldn't breathe. You're different. You saw inside..."

Considering the unraveling of the weekend's events, how the hell was she going to make it through work tomorrow? How was she going to last the entire week? Morgan by now could keep himself together pretty well. There were days when it felt like he was just bringing Clooney to work because he wanted to.

"You wanna take him to work tomorrow?" he mumbled. Emily offered him wide eyes, hairs standing on the back of her neck. Until it was mentioned, she completely forgot about how she ended up here in the first place.

"But...He's your dog. I can't just..."

"I think I can keep it together for a few days. If it'll help to have him there, you can take him. I'll let the manager—"

"No!" she said much too loudly. It was one thing for Derek to know all of her secrets. She even hated that Penelope knew just as much. But to tell Steve? No. She would get even more shit than she did on a normal day.

"I'm sure he'll understand...He doesn't get in the way. It's like at the station. Won't even know he's there," he smiled softly. To say that it wouldn't be nice to have that extra security would be a lie. The problem was, Steve already thought so little of her. How much smaller would she get in his eyes when he realized she was a basket case?

"I..." she stammered. "I don't know..."

"Either way he'll have to suit up. Clooney's not picky. We both know he likes you more than he likes me but this one's not up to him." When she nodded slowly, he wasn't sure which part of the question she was asking but chose to leave it alone for now. Derek had to wonder how it was that she showed no real sign of fighting sleep. Both had only slept a few hours. "I think we're going to need an early night," he mumbled. Looking over at him, it took her a minute to realize what he was referring to. Her entire body was just too heavy. Everything weighed down on her in ways she'd spent years trying to avoid. How was she going to find sleep after a day like this?

"I...I don't think I like my bed..." she admitted. He didn't even need time to process that. She'd proven as much over the last few days, the time in her own bed so minimal he didn't even contemplate which direction to walk them when sleep washed over them.

"I know..." Hearing that should have made her feel guilty. Instead it had a way of filling her with relief. Not only did it seem like he didn't mind but, it had slowly become something unspoken that she didn't have to explain. "Do you want to grab some lunch before we try and take a nap?" There was that word. Try. The tone of voice used when he broached the question spoke of someone who knew the chance of them achieving it was small. Even with food being the last thing on her mind, she found herself nodding. She had to hope that even when she attempted to put something in her stomach she wouldn't have to rely on him to put it in her mouth. Despite being flat out embarrassed about that, Derek had a way of making it acceptable somehow.

"After, would it be okay if you just...held me?" she asked meekly. Even though she already kne the answer, asking made her feel only slightly less needy.

"I think that can be arranged," he nodded. She found herself swallowing past a knot in her throat, barely able to find the threads of confidence for the one thing she knew would be truer than any other. But the reality was, the feeling was still so fresh.

"Please don't stop loving me..." It came out in no more than a whisper and it still managed to fill and her many empty spaces.

"Couldn't if I tried," he promised softly.

"I still wish it was you...With you I could have kept her safe...But I...I had to. He would've let them hurt her worse..."

"I know..." he offered surprising himself when he noticed how easy it was to agree to both accounts. "They can't hurt you anymore. We won't let them."

"We?" she mumbled. Nodding silently, he turned his attention to Clooney who rested at their feet with his eyes closed, his tail sweeping the carpet slowly.

"Do you honestly think he's going to forgive me if he doesn't get a word in?" he mused. Emily just laughed, and with that sound came the silent parting of all the night's fears. She didn't have to ask herself why it was she suddenly felt so free. The answer was and would always be wrapped carefully around her.

* * *

 **A/N: Congratulations on making it this far. *Hands you a cookie***


	8. You

**A/N: Yeah...this one wrote itself. I had this really epic plan and then well, this happened instead. Fear not! Epic plan is still happening. Just...later.**

 **Disclaimer: *See chapter 1***

* * *

His voice came in soft waves, the words he spilled enveloping her so tightly that the desire to leave this very position was even more of a struggle than countless times before. As she slowly drifted to consciousness, Emily became aware of the tight circles being drawn along the small of her back. The subtle consistency of innocent touch was one that drew a soft whimper from her mouth without fail. Today it came through as a strangled sob. Derek felt his entire body stiffen, fingers hovering just over the area of skin he had just dared to touch. He better than anyone should know that waking up was almost always painful. A dream was never just a dream. A memory was never something could be easily brushed away and forgotten.

"I'm sorry," he offered quietly, neither of them awake enough yet for level voices. His apology left a shallow breath trapped in her throat. Slowly, she pieced together the chain of events from moments before. Only one reaction warranted such words. As quickly as they came together, she shook her head, a pale finger coming across his heated skin, her trail stopping deliberately at the base of his throat. _I like it when you talk_ she thought. _Nice words come out. They make me feel warm_. It was always a shock to her system though, no matter how gently he spoke them. Derek was the only one who ever spoke them at all. She'd been here for days and still felt so undeserving of his subtle gestures. Emily knew that he would never understand just how nice they were to hear, how unfamiliar they felt and sounded as they hugged her tightly.

Morgan brought his fingers carefully through her hair, massaging tenderly at her scalp. The brunette groaned when a quiet chuckle tickled her ear, heavy eyes coming down carefully to rest once more. "I wanna stay," she said sleepily. Unlike all the other uses for this string of words, he knew by her tone that this was not necessarily a plea to stay wrapped around him but in their bed. Knowing that there shouldn't be, there was still something so natural about acknowledging the fact that he never went to bed alone anymore.

For years the officer wondered why he bothered with so much space when it was only ever just him. Not even Clooney took up that much room. He always reasoned that it was the unconscious fear born of his torment that justified such an extravagant purchase. To have so much open space surrounding him when something jostled him helped Derek rationalize that the images that flashed before him in sleep were not about to crawl into his reality. Carl Buford was now just a product of his imagination. Just because a constant fear gripped him, it didn't always translate to the man's ability to materialize at the foot of his bed. But Prentiss was different. His acceptance of her presence was less about how she looked and more about how she felt lying beside him.

"I hear you," he mumbled with a subtle yawn. "But if we don't start moving now, we'll never get out of this bed." The brunette's perfectly prepared glare made him laugh outright. The haze in her eyes seemed to add perfectly to the overall effect.

"Not funny," she growled, promptly throwing her face back into his chest. No matter how tired she was, bed was always the option that trumped anything else. Derek knew that part of it was the novelty of having one to sleep in, which is why he made sure to rattle her at 5:30 and give her the remaining half hour to make the decision herself. Or more accurately, show the retriever an exposed ankle for him to lick, readily taking the blame off himself. He'd only ever seen Emily get frustrated with him a handful of times. Her wake up routine it seemed was never one of them. He felt her foot jerk reflexively and smiled. "That's cheating," she whined. "I'm supposed to be mad at you, not him."

"How's that working out for you?" he teased. He practically choked on a laugh while a pillow came sailing toward him. Instinctive receiver skills blocked the overall impact. "Nice try," he grinned. Derek could literally hear the string of profanities she didn't offer with the violent roll of her eyes. "Come on, Prentiss. You take the shower. I'll come back and use whatever's left." Even while saying so, he already knew there wouldn't be much. Whether it was Emily wanting to soak up as much of it as she could or the fact that he'd lost points for waking her up so early, Derek was already used to his punishment.

Despite moments before, she almost tumbled into his touch, her entire body singing when he stepped toward her and kissed her forehead. She knew better than to entertain the idea that one day the water would cascade down both of their bodies, Derek's arms wrapped around her tightly from behind. If letting him play with her hair made Emily hazy, the possibility of his hands across every inch of her bare skin made the young woman's head spin. "Morning," he whispered.

"Uhhuh..." she breathed lamely. This same exchange had happened so many times already that it wasn't even worth kicking herself over anymore. She'd been downright pathetic in the presence of this man. The same touch soothed her when she was absolutely inconsolable. He dared to hold her when she was practically naked. Derek even played along with her childish games, thinking no less of her when she lost complete control of basic function as a human being. Even Emily knew what she looked like at times like that. How she reacted when she was fully aware was no fault of her own. The same officer who built her up day in and day out, turned her knees to jelly just as easily. And all he had to do was open his mouth to do either.

She could still feel his fingers along her skin as she stepped into the shower, no amount of hot water able to wash it away. Prentiss couldn't even remember the last time she relished in a lingering touch. Nothing before Derek, that much was sure. The fact that he settled in places and remained potent enough that no amount of lathering could wash him away was one of the only reasons she survived her time at the store at all. When she finally found her way out of the heat, she froze, unsure about how any of this was even going to work.

How was she supposed to survive the next twelve hours? How did she go about her day now that she'd offered him all of that information? Morgan could be trusted with it, that wasn't the question. Now that her walls had come down, how was she going to pretend they hadn't? What if she had a moment right there in the store? It took her only a minute to remember that he'd offered Clooney for the day. The dog would know exactly what do in the event of an emergency. But what would become of her if she actually had one? If her manager didn't already think she was a complete disaster, watching her crumble under the phantom pressure (that was all too real for her) would seal the deal. How would she feel if something happened to Derek and the dog wasn't there for _him_? Like shit. That was an easy enough answer. Simple and true. Emily would show herself out before even beginning to forgive herself for that.

Changing for the day into her own clothes (and the godforsaken uniform) felt almost foreign now. She'd spent the last two days in the warmth and protection of his oversized sweaters and to wear something that fit properly felt odd and almost uncomfortable. The quiet sigh that fell from her lips as she padded down the stairs was met with a friendly nod, his own plate still untouched.

"You don't have to wait for me," she mumbled. Derek knew this but the fact that he did so anyway was comforting. There wasn't even anything extravagant about this morning's breakfast. He made a point for saving them for the end of the week, a kind of reward for the fact that they were both able to show self-restraint in the presence of stupid people. Emily hadn't exactly disclosed her problems with Steve but she knew firsthand that what he went through wasn't easy. On days when he came through the door completely spent she found herself mumbling a quiet apology for everything she'd ever done to him and people like him. _You didn't do anything_ he would say and even then she knew it was a lie. She wasn't stupid. Emily knew that there were times she drove him to his breaking point but, always the best at his craft, Derek made sure she never saw it affect him.

"I know," he said. No matter the time schedule they were on, a part of her always took an extra moment to embrace the pallet in her mouth. One day she would be able to turn around and do the same for him. Right now Emily knew she would fail miserably. Not only did she not know the first thing about making her way around the kitchen but she would look like such an amateur by comparison on the little she did know about food consumption.

"Thank you," she said, a hint of a smile playing on her face. The slight sparkle in his gaze when he looked up at her made her heart stop. "You can't do that..." she whispered. Derek blinked, a slight smirk playing on his mouth. "And that..." she muttered shaking her head. Morgan quietly shrugged letting his eyes fall back onto his plate. By now he knew exactly what he was doing, secretly loving the natural blush that came across her cheeks when he dared to push her buttons. It wasn't even so much about the attraction (he would be stupid to ignore the slight pull he always felt when she blushed or how the smile she rarely wore made her entire face light up) as how much lighter the air around them felt when he was able to make her laugh. The fact that he specifically had done so, made their nights survivable.

"I'm not doing anything," he said innocently. Emily rolled her eyes with a quiet growl. When both plates were cleared a few minutes later, Derek stood, already giving the brunette a pointed look. "Leave the dishes _in the sink_ ," he stressed. As was their custom, she nodded, both knowing that he would come back down to a clean kitchen and washed dishes anyway. "Dog first," he sighed shaking his head.

"Always," she smiled. Before he was even halfway up the first set of stairs, Prentiss was already moving. Clooney stayed close at her heels as she worked, already knowing that breakfast was about to fall right in front of him. "You too?" she mumbled letting his tongue tickle her knuckles. "Between you and me, you've got a lot more patience." To say so was a moot point. Both had more patience with her than she knew what to do with. Now that she knew what it was for, Emily had to make a conscious effort to remind herself that it was something he wore to tell the world that he too was a protector and not an open target to be harmed.

The minute the vest was draped over him, Emily could swear she saw the distaste in his expression. _I thought he was kidding_. "If it makes you feel better, you get to come to work with me today." The momentary brush of his tail was brief at best.

"That's more than I get," Derek pointed out. Turning toward the sound of his voice, she poked her tongue out childishly. "Save it. I know he likes you better. He's not exactly good at hiding it." He didn't even have to look at her to know that Emily was beaming from ear to ear. "Alright, everybody ready?" Prentiss just shrugged. Ready or not, she had to get her shit together and make it work. If not for herself then at least for him.

The drive to the store was relatively silent, save for the dog's even breathing from the backseat. Though she hadn't meant to, Emily found her hand gravitating closer to his across the console. There she took firmer hold of it than she knew was necessary, hoping Derek wouldn't mind if her nails left small impressions on his skin. Even as he focused on the road ahead, his thumb drew quietly along her trembling hands.

"He won't let anything happen to you," he mumbled. The nod she offered was instinctive, but not at all reassuring to the rest of her nervous system. "I'll be here at seven, alright? Not a minute later." Another nod, even while daring to imagine the possibilities if keeping to that promise was out of his control. Derek watched her shiver discretely as the shop came into view. Pulling over to the shoulder, he turned to face her. "Look at me," he murmured. Every cell of her body demanded diversion, her gaze drawing particular interest to the threads in her knees. "Emily..." he whispered. Not for the first time she momentarily regretted giving him permission to use it. Just the sound of it had the power to unravel her completely. Prentiss openly shuttered when she met his eyes. She was more than glad when he didn't prompt any reply, instead tracing ever so carefully along the curve of her mouth.

"No..." she choked as tears poured over the sides of her face. He had to know that in doing that, Derek gave her every reason to stay in the confines of this vehicle. How was she expected to step outside of this tiny bubble and survive in a world where people around her made no secret of wishing she was dead? She had to bite back a quiet groan when he tangled his fingers in her hair. Every touch, every private metaphor was meant to give her the courage to push forward. At home these notions worked their miracles.

Sitting idle outside the workplace, Emily was tempted to drag him along with her. Derek wouldn't even look out of place if he took his post outside the store. To anybody else, he would just look like the heightened security the homeless girl brought in. If it meant his protection, Emily would let Steve tell himself and the public whatever he felt was necessary.

"It's going to be okay," he promised, even while trying to even out his own blood pressure, a steady ringing in his ears. To know that she hadn't even made it out of the car yet and was already begging to turn the car around spoke to how rattled she still was. "If you need _anything_ ," he stressed. She had to fight the urge to throw up while trying to offer a convincing nod. The attempt to do so wasn't even close to genuine and they both knew it. Derek sighed quietly, checking for his badge before readjusting his belt. "Come on," he mumbled. "I'll walk you in."

There was no escaping the irony. Walking in by herself felt odd enough. She no longer had to be secretive about her reason for being in there. For Derek to be the one to walk her into a place he was often seen dragging her out of was even more bizarre. She wanted to tell him he didn't have to, that she wasn't an invalid. But even that was a lie. Comparatively, Emily Prentiss was a nobody, disguised as a somebody. Such an identity wasn't going to last forever. She knew better than to allow herself to get comfortable in the skin she currently wore. The disgust she so often swam in deepened when she found herself accepting the invitation. How small would she be in the manager's eyes now?

She mentally congratulated herself when she was finally able to stand upright, at least able to pretend she had a shred of dignity to call her own. Curiosity ate at her slowly when two of his fingers sat along the small of her back. How the hell did he go about hiding that? What did it look like to passersby? At least by cuffing her there was some kind of normalcy. But to make that part of the illusion would circulate a new swarm of rumors that neither was ready to deal with. And the fact that she almost curled into him the moment he did so? Well that was just petty. But the reaction itself was so natural that she wasn't about to teach her body to reject a notion she would be feeding from in mere hours.

Derek met her step for step, equalizing their gait to offer the illusion that both were equally important. Emily knew that he thought highly enough of her, no matter how much she swore his sanity was in question when he did. But no matter how much she'd come to believe his system of morals, there were still parts of it that made him wonder. In the last few days she'd confessed to shoplifting, prostitution, and murder. And that was only the three she could easily access in her tangled web of misdemeanors. She'd offered him many more nuggets of truth and he still had the decency to lay out his heart for her.

"I can do it," she said confidently. Derek nodded slowly, knowing full well that she could. But over the years he'd also learned how storefronts treated the ones who coasted busy sidewalks when they had nowhere else to go. Their actions weren't exactly against the law. Stealing was stealing. But the tiny slip Prentiss made the week before was still tucked in the back of his mind. Her word choice wasn't anything surprising. It came out in the way she spoke them, how rigid she became when all he did was ask her a simple question. This wasn't the first time he'd asked it. They both knew it wouldn't be the last. But there was a difference between going home exhausted and closing out the day wishing you didn't have to go back. Nobody _enjoyed_ working at the corner store. But tied to Emily's reason for being there was a freedom she wouldn't be allowed otherwise. _She shouldn't have to feel trapped_.

He found out rather quickly that she wasn't the only one. They carefully made their way through quiet crowds of expectant hopefuls, fear of Derek's very presence rolling off of them in waves. There was a handful who dared to throw disgust in Emily's direction. There was no secret in that. If she wasn't so focused on making it through the door, she would easily absorb their venomous stares. _How the fuck did she get out? What the hell is she doing with a cop? What's her going rate for sex with_ _ **that**_ _every night? Where can I get some of that? Why didn't you take me with you? Stupid bitch, I thought we were your family._

A good ten minutes passed before a man no older than Derek came through the storage room. In just seconds all the air in the room went up in smoke. The tension he had learned came off Prentiss in quiet waves was easily displayed by the man in front of them. If he didn't know any better, Morgan would say the kid had just been caught red-handed. For that reason and various others, his concern for the brunette far outweighed any reflexive behaviour for the owner.

"Officer, is there something wrong?" he asked. If he wasn't so good at keeping a straight face, Derek would have raised a questioning brow. He didn't have to look at Prentiss to know that she was honing her skill as a master of the mask. Whether she was hiding the awkwardness or honest fear, he would have to specify later.

"Everything's good. I just wanted to make sure she made it into work today without any problems." Steve's thick brows shot up almost immediately. What kind of incident? Did she really hate storage so much that she had to go and bitch to her...whatever the fuck he was? "Is there something I should be aware of?" Steve shook his head, almost too quickly. "Good. I'll be back around closing. If you see anything...just let me know." _Right_ he thought doing well to keep his face expressionless. If there was any real problem, Officer Morgan would be the _last_ one he'd call. Knowing that he likely took a whore to bed every night spoke volumes of his so-called "professionalism".

"Actually," he began. He wasn't exactly keen on opening up the lines of communication with this guy but he would probably be the only uniform he saw for the next few days. No matter how frequent an occurrence, the city didn't give a damn about the rat infestation. "The chain was looking into further investment. More specifically a security upgrade. The camera's we've been using are ridiculously outdated. I've opened the store a few times this month and they aren't even trying to hide the fact that they lifted." Emily knew better than to think that he was speaking directly to her, though with such an accusation he might as well be. She watched Derek remove a pad and pen from his breast pocket, her eyes hard as she faced the man before them. In that moment it didn't even matter that she took direction from him behind these doors. He'd just brought the hammer down on people who were the closest to family she'd had for years. Steve on his part met her evenly for what very well could be the first and last time.

"I'm pretty sure we learned real quick not to take from you. Contrary to popular opinion, a lot of us actually have a pretty solid conscience." The words she let come out were painfully familiar to Morgan. In the last few days she'd given herself over to something so different that it took him a full minute to regain his footing. Though he knew he shouldn't be, part of him was secretly proud of her for having the guts to call on that part of herself, no matter how automatic a setting it was for her.

"Prentiss," he warned, more for show than the legitimate duty as an officer. She hadn't even been working for Steve all that long. What built inside of her was a piling disgust for his treatment of Emily herself and those like her. "Get back," he said pulling forward some of the familiar gruffness for which he was so well-known. The young woman just scowled, her eyes sharp when they narrowed in his direction.

"It's alright," he Steve offered kindly, though Prentiss could see through the act like a damn x-ray machine. None of this was "alright" as he so plainly put it. He was the one who wreaked disgust for people no better than himself. He was the one who shoved her in a corner because it was so much easier to brush the homeless under the rug than to admit that they were simply less fortunate people. "We all have a right to our opinion," he said forcing a smile. If she didn't already fully understand his "opinion" (if anyone could even call it that) she might be willing to ignore just how much work he had to put in forward to make it even fractionally believable. She knew more than hoped that Derek saw right through it.

"Yeah well, I'd be willing to accept your opinion, except that I think it's fucking stupid," she muttered. Derek took a firm grip to the upper arm he'd taken earlier hold of and growled. "It is!" she snapped practically throwing his arm off so that she could step closer to him. "It's no secret that we've made our way around this city. We're a quick study when it comes to knowing the good and the not so good places. Food is top of the list in Survival 101. Where to get it, what certain places have to offer to those of us who are lucky enough to find a couple loose dollar bills in the streets. The newbies just think this store has a history of assholes. If I wasn't such a seasoned 'citizen', I'd say they're right. But in its past, management has been pretty damn good to us. That's why we come in such big groups. A lot of us are naive enough to hang out and wait for change. But there isn't gonna be a change. No one side is going to give. You come here to make a living. Good on you, I hear that's real important. You set the bar for yourself and the establishments around you. But those people out there? That's my family. They've had my back while the rest of the world just sits around waiting for us to die. Lucky for you, we are. One by one. Life is picking us off like flies. And you wanna know the sick part? We can't even cry about it anymore. It happens so goddamn often that it's _expected_. The only "mystery" in any of it is _how_ we go. Even though the list for that is pretty freakin' short too.

You really wanna know why there's drugs? We wanna get the fuck out of this hell. You want the truth about why there's so much of it? People sell it to the ones who can put up the money. And yeah a lot of us just use that money we get to buy more drugs but the truth is, a lot of us use that income to look like everybody else. We wanna be able to buy the food we eat, the stuff we need. The slammer isn't a half hour of playtime. The warden doesn't call you inside for snack time when it's over. You just get thrown back into a box. Over and over and over again. The number of people who can come up with that kind of cash is minimal compared to the ones who can't. That's what it means to be homeless. When you don't have the means of providing for yourself.

Stella and Carlo? The ones on the corner? They lost their house. They lived in their car for another three months before repo came to collect. Jeremiah? The one who tagged your window two weeks ago? The ones you made me scrub? He's a foster kid. Not even aged out yet but nobody hides the fact that everyone wants a cute little baby. He's fourteen and he knows he's fucked. Laura. Laura's the closest thing I have to a mom out here. I've been out here for eleven years. She's been doing this shit for the last 30. Husband skipped town one day and took the kids with him. Apparently the fact that she's a _medicated_ bipolar doesn't mean anything. Most of the time she can't even pull enough in to buy her meds. On days when she couldn't even see straight, I was the one who got her food. I was the one who pulled in enough to get her a refill. You don't even _wanna_ know what got me thrown out on my ass. And as of two weeks ago, the how and why is irrelevant.

Officer Morgan cut a deal. Part of that deal is paying off my debts to assholes like you. If he wasn't so damn sick of dragging me out of places like this, I wouldn't be here pissing you off. But you know what? I am. I'm here busting my ass for you, Monday to Friday for _free_. And yeah I know that's part of the deal he made but at the very least you could _pretend_ I'm just like you. Because I was...Once upon a time. We all were. More of us than you think. Or maybe you do know and just don't give a shit. Because money's just that easy for you. Life hasn't hit you like a truck yet. You haven't had to watch someone you love die while you sit there helpless because there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop it." As much as he knew she had gone too far, Derek also knew that there was no way to stop her now. Emily was speaking for more than just herself and Steve (as he'd learned via his name tag) looked like the kind of guy who needed a reality check. "So unless you wanna be known as the one guy who fucked it up for the poor, you're going to start looking us in the eye. I'm not saying you have to feed us, though it'd be awesome if you did every once in a while. But if you could just...pretend that we matter..."

The words he knew he should say sat trapped in his throat as Derek watched the potential train wreck unfold before him. If his attitude wasn't enough to go on, Emily's little speech hit him right where it hurt. He'd be singing his praises like a mantra tonight, that much was certain. Steve couldn't even hide the shock of his expression if he wanted to.

"Well...what are you doing just standing there? Arrest her already," he muttered.

"On what grounds? I heard every last word of that and besides being...painfully honest, she hasn't offered anything concerning."

"Hell if I know!" he snapped. "But she shouldn't be allowed to speak to me like that in my store. She's been employed at my discretion and I will not have the reputation of my workplace further destroyed by a..."

"Whore?" Emily sang. As easily as the word fell out of her mouth, it made the officer sick to even hear it. His reluctance to speak it was ten times worse than if he shaped it with his own lips. "Bet your next question goes something like 'How'd you get out', right? I kinda already answered that question but I'll simplify it for you. I got lucky. I've been caught so many times that Officer Morgan finally got the hint. Jail doesn't work for me. I'll do my time but it won't be long before I get thrown right back in for doing the same shit. I have my own list of haunts. All of us do. It's the same as you hitting up your favourite bar after a really long day. Or taking your girlfriend to her favourite restaurant on her birthday. You go there 'cause you like how it tastes. Maybe it's as easy as 'it's cheap and tasty' or something. Sometimes we hit the jackpot. The rest of it's just going after what we can. So it really doesn't matter how many times I get thrown in the back of a squad car. I'll always come home. Working for you is supposed to 'teach me something'?" she bit out, the words like poison on her tongue. As it was Emily wasn't learning a damn thing. She already knew too well that the guy had his head shoved up his ass.

"Mr. Peters," Derek finally managed. "If Ms. Prentiss working for you was going to be a problem..."

"Oh no, it wasn't a problem," he said quickly. "I'm more than happy to help."

"You haven't done shit," she whispered. Emily could feel two sets of eyes dart toward her, the expression she wore hardened considerably, if only to survive this next bit of conversation. "You throw me in the back and forget I'm here. I get that you're scared I'm gonna lift your stuff but I'm not stupid enough to expect that I'm gonna get away with it. Once a rat, always a rat. I own that. Very rarely am I proud of it but today I am. At least for the next five minutes, I'm proud I'm standing here right now. Sure it meant I had to take some but you know what? Karma's a funny thing. It comes back to people who do good. My 'mom'? I took care of her 'cause she took care of me. I know I didn't do it the right way but I did what I could. I did my best. I don't know for sure if she's still getting her meds but I think I'd know if she killed herself or just...died. Word spreads pretty fast. I haven't seen her for a long time though. Maybe she got lucky too. Maybe she found someone like Morgan who thought that maybe she was worth saving. I like to think so. To do what she does for three decades? That takes balls. Guts that a lot of people in her situation don't have. She taught me everything I know about making it out there. Everything.

Every last one of us, no matter how we did it, earned our freedom. We have to work a hell of a lot harder to gain what we lost. But you? You make us feel like we're better off dead. You'd rather see us piling bodies at your door than stepping inside to put some kind of food in us. Just because you're afraid we're going to take it all. You're so damn scared of it, I can't even run the till. I'd get it if you thought I didn't know how but I've been out here since I was _sixteen_ not six. I learned how to count about twenty years ago. How am I supposed to find a job if I don't even have one in the first place. People can stack boxes in their sleep. It's like playing blocks. But talking to people? How am I supposed to change how they feel about me if you don't _let_ me?"

"I..." he began. Emily just nodded, knowing long before this moment that she had shoved him into an even smaller corner. After a performance like that, Derek knew he would have to call ahead to Garcia to prepare something real special. As important as he knew it was that she go, any and all progress she'd just made would demolish in the presence of a therapist. "I'm sure your shift has already started," Steve recovered, his eyes gravitating to the uniformed officer. "And your dog has been out there a while now."

"Actually, I was just getting to that part. Clooney's a service dog. He'll be working with Prentiss today as well as all other shifts in the future." _Great...Now he's going to think I belong in the psych ward. Thanks Derek..._

"A service dog?" he asked dumbly. The woman had yet to exhibit any need for one. Considering her new living arrangements, to think this was all part of a charade wasn't that much of a stretch. She had practically slept her way to the top, so to speak. To have a pet follow her around on the grounds of a medical condition could be just as easily fabricated. "I had no idea..."

"You wouldn't," Derek mumbled. "So far we've been pretty lucky. She's kept it together well. But under extreme pressure, there's no telling. Pressure brought on by stress, overexertion..."

"Dealing with the public is often very stressful," he nodded. "Which is why I'm sure she'll be a lot more comfortable in the back room. It's far less stimulating." If he wasn't in uniform, Derek would be punching this guy _for_ her. Did she not just list all the reasons it _wouldn't_ be helpful to keep her there?

"That's why the government trains dogs like Clooney. They're around to make sure that this remains an equal opportunity workspace. In order to do that, a service dog is provided as a precaution to any onset symptoms that may present when triggered." If she didn't already know how serious he was about this, Prentiss would have laughed at how medical he was sounding then.

"Did the dog come with her from the...?" The fact that he couldn't even say it was the final nail in the coffin.

"Yes," he nodded. The answer came so easily that she had to stop herself from staggering back with surprise.

"And why is the first time we're meeting?"

"Clooney's been sick lately. Because she's done so good in the last few days, it didn't seem like a problem." Even while knowing it was basically part of his job description, it still shocked her how easily he could make up a believable lie.

"I see," he nodded, though it was clear he thought the whole story was utter bullshit. If she was being completely fair, Emily would have thought so too if she didn't already know otherwise. "Well, so long as he knows how to keep his nose out of the way, we shouldn't have a problem. "I was actually going to start you on till tomorrow but...since you're showing such an interest, I don't see why we can't start a little bit early and see how it goes."

"That be great," she offered dryly already taking her place behind the counter. The retriever followed her easily enough, promptly positioning himself across the majority of the counter and easily falling asleep. Before she could ask where Morgan had gone, she saw him standing just a foot from the door.

"Have a nice day, Officer," Steve nodded.

"Just thought you'd like to know. Called ahead to my guys at the station. I'm the one who usually makes it down this beat. Done it quite a few times actually. Pretty sure I've gotten to doing it with my eyes closed. Until you get the money for that extra security camera you've been wanting, I'd be more than happy to make sure nothing gets too suspicious."

"Oh...I'm sure that won't be—"

"From what you've said, I'd say it's very necessary. We don't want anyone thinking they can just come in here whenever they want and take what isn't theirs." Even while knowing that Emily could handle herself, something about her story struck various cords. It also helped that Steve thought of himself as such hot shit. If he was the officer lucky enough to bring him down a few pegs he'd call it a good day. Making a moron see the light wasn't going to get him a promotion but it would feel just as satisfying, if not better.

"I...That won't be—"

"It's fine. Really. I like coming out here. I've been waiting for a nice easy Monday. The station's been swamped with everything from crackheads to serial murderers. I few hungry people is nothing. We might even have ourselves a nice big picnic," he smiled. If Steve didn't already deserve it so much, Prentiss would be laughing at his passive aggressive scare tactic. If he fucked up badly enough, she wouldn't have to work here anymore. A notion that had both good and bad outcomes tied to it. If she had no real reason to walk this beat, she wouldn't be able to see with her own eyes how the others were doing. Moving to another store would probably be a massive blow to Steve's ego. The second thought was one she could easily live with.

All the owner seemed capable of was a quiet nod of agreement. Whether it was the attire that did him in or the actual reasoning, Derek didn't particularly care. All that mattered was the overall outcome. Today he'd seen Prentiss speak for herself in a way he'd never seen before. At least for the moment, he could see confidence dripping from her pores. On a more personal level, Derek could rest easier while still doing what his job required. Better than all of that combined was the knowledge that after this, Emily would be able to stand that much taller. Her moments came in waves. He knew that. But at least with today's events he could cite for her a moment that made him ridiculously proud of her. All he had to do now was hope that Emily believed him. Whether or not she would when the time came he didn't exactly know but it was worth the try.

She carefully eyed Morgan from the back of his head as he made his way toward the door, trying hard to stay limber when hot breath met her skin. What followed was a merry-go-round of colour and sound that sent her to her knees. Somewhere in the distance she strained to push past the distorted voices, Clooney's bark an inescapable echo. An indescribable pain shot through her as she awaited the inevitable crack of her skull against the floor. Instead she found herself balancing on a bed of fur, her shaking legs slammed tightly together.

"No..." she whispered, a flood of tears clogging her throat. "Please no..."

She didn't even have to look him in the eye to know what was about to come out of his mouth. It wasn't enough that he already pegged her for buying his affections. Emily herself had taken one swift blow to his pride and reputation all by herself. Prentiss would congratulate herself later. Right now she just hoped Derek's sixth sense would kick in. She froze when the manager took a death grip on her arm, quickly letting the sense of calm the officer left her with earlier wash off of her. Once more she was drawn to the constant duality of touch. Not once had he left a single mark on her skin. Any and all marking was usually done by her and her constant paranoia. Now, she was left with the rising fear that the bruise Steve left for her would be inescapable. With his prime observation, Morgan would find it in seconds.

* * *

 _"Let go of me," she whispered trying to shake him off. Her request only served to tighten his grip making Emily bite down on her lip until she could taste the blood of broken skin._

 _"No wonder prison didn't do anything for you. Never let correctional officers do their jobs. A lot like the way it's working out right now. So used to having it your way that I can't even do_ _ **my**_ _job without you calling up your boyfriend to come protect you," he whispered. The stiff laugh he sputtered turned her eyes to ready slits. "That's right...Get pissed all you want. It won't change anything. Doesn't matter where you find work. It's not gonna make a difference who hires you or doesn't hire you. You'll never be rid of your past. You'll always be that little bitch who spread her legs for Daddy."_

* * *

Derek let the hair of his neck stand tall when his dog sounded from inside. He considered for only a moment whether or not to let Clooney help her ride it out on his own. That moment came and went like a sudden flash of light, the bulb going off in the officer's head without hesitation. Add his already heightened senses that Steve hovering over her became clearer and clearer with every step and it took everything in him not to nail the man to the nearest wall.

"Hey!" he hollered effectively throwing himself between the man and the tangle that was paws and human limbs. "Step back," he snarled. "Step way, way back." If it wasn't for the fact that he was already on the clock, he would gladly take this kid by the collar of his pollo shirt. If he wasn't so focused on doing his part to keep her calm, Derek would have given himself ten seconds to care about the fact that he'd broken out into a nervous sweat. As it was, his attention stayed on the fact that he'd touched Emily. He'd triggered her in ways he wasn't supposed to in public. For most it would be accidental. But the vibes he was getting off of this guy told him that they were intentional, no matter how small.

"I...She just...she fell over," he confessed shakily. "I was just...giving her a final run through of how the register worked. I didn't even fucking touch her, man. She just...she went over and...Well, she would've smashed her head open or something but the dog acted real fast. I swear I didn't do nothing."

"You sure as hell did something. Sit down!" If he wasn't already so terrified of the officer, he wouldn't have bothered. His nerves, tied together with the fact that he couldn't keep his footing because of it, forced him into the closest chair. Thankfully the store wasn't all that big so finding a place to sit was easy enough. It also helped that this made it so his only option was effectively on the opposite end of the store.

"I'm sorry."

"Shut up." Now fully focused on her, Morgan made sure he had her completely hidden and protected before his fingers brushed her face. "Come on, baby. Come back to me," he whispered, his voice countless octaves lower now. Emily remained silent and still for a full five minutes before her head lulled to the side and her eyes inched open. "Can you tell me your name?" Half of her was tempted to leave the question unanswered but considering where she was and the edge of panic in his tone, she would save her gravitational pull toward sarcasm for something else. "Prentiss..." she breathed. "Monday September 21st, 2015."

"Good. We're gonna roll you onto your side really carefully okay?" She wanted to tell him that she was fine, that he didn't have to go crazy and give her a full first aid work up but couldn't find the wind for full sentences right then. Instead she gave him a solid shake of her head, coming to rest her cheek on the incline of his thigh.

"He...He touched," she whispered. Morgan gently shushed her, his fingers working of their own want as they made their way through her hair, the other brushing his knuckles along her flushed face. When the rise and fall of her chest began, he could feel himself breathing along with her with relief, the weight of a thousand suns being taken off his chest. "Hi..." he murmured softly. He watched as she tried to pry herself free of the unseen man, a sob threatening to rip out of her throat before he thought better and guided the edge of his finger along the shape of her mouth. Only one person had any idea what that meant, what that did to her. The other one had taken her so forcefully that her first thought was to...

"He touched," she mouthed, trying and failing to form the words with all of her mouth. He knew that wasn't the whole truth. The asshole had set her off, yeah but he hadn't exactly done anything about it once she hit the floor. Shaking his head slowly, his gaze canvassed her entire body in search of anything else he might have tried.

"Tell me where," he mumbled fully aware of the fact that Steve was rolling his eyes at them from the other side of the room.

"Oh please..." he scoffed. "I didn't do shit to her. She's just making a big show of it 'cause she knows you'll swoop in and save her. Look buddy, I get that she's your little play thing," he drawled. His variation and word choice stilled Derek in a matter of seconds. If he wasn't so focused on keeping her present, the guy would be flat on his ass. "But I have a store to run. I can do that with or without her. After her little act a few minutes ago, I'd much rather be a solo act today. This is my home away from home. If she's going to spout that shit in here, she's wasting my time."

"You know, just 'cause I didn't make it to the station today, doesn't mean you won't. So unless you're all for letting my partner read you your rights, I'd keep it quiet."

"What the hell would I be dragged in for?" he grumbled. "I didn't _do_ anything." Steve looked up to see the man mocking him with a dry laugh.

"Equal opportunity employment is a thing now. Add the fact that you don't even have to pay her and you still get that extra set of hands...Instead of sitting there whining, you should really be thanking me. But if you'd rather have Officer Hotchner hear about it 'because he's a white guy,' go for it. No matter which one of us you decide to talk to, you're still closed for the day. I'll send your little crowd down a block to the soup kitchen. At least there they can't be turned away because of their 'difference of opinion'."

"I never said anything about having a problem with the fact that you're black," he muttered. "My problem is that you told me in a roundabout way that I'm getting arrested for some kind of bogus crime."

"It's not a bogus crime," he pointed out. "You agreed to these guidelines. Instead of backing out when you realized it wasn't going to work, you do this thing where you pretend she's not a person but your work still gets done. That may be how your world works but, It's wrong on various levels in this one, starting with the whole discrimination thing. If it were up to me you'd be taken down on the fact that you're just a world class jackass but unfortunately, that's not our legal system works. So unless you can be an adult about the fact that you just let a woman lay here unconscious, sit tight and wait for the rest of my team to get here."

"Well she's responding, isn't she? I don't see you having to perform CPR on her or something." _It's more like 'or something'_ he thought bitterly. From then on, he expertly blocked out the other man's verbal rampage, having just enough sense to check and make sure he hadn't moved periodically. What remained of his energy was zeroed in on Emily and getting her to sit upright. He watched the dog expertly readjust himself to provider her proper support, barely shifting when she landed on him haphazardly. "Come on, Prentiss. I need you to try and sit up for me," he said quietly. He could easily do one better and carry her out to the squad car but that would draw more eyes than either of them needed right now. "Can you stand for me? You can lean on him if you want," he reminded her while nodding over to Clooney, a watchful resting post.

When she finally staggered to her feet, the officer quietly brought an arm around her waist, encouraging her to lean as much of her own weight as necessary while she found her footing. The subtle whine in the distance of sirens made Emily jump, her first instinct drawing her closer into Derek's arms.

"It's okay," he whispered. "They're for him..." When Hotch finally came through the door, his eyes found Morgan i seconds, Prentiss practically his own personal attachment. "Over there," he grumbled aiming his chin in Steve's general direction.

"We're gonna need her down at the station..." The station? What for? What did she do? As those three questions circled in variation, Emily could feel herself begin to panic. He was going to take her back. She'd done something wrong. She did something wrong. Really, really wrong. Again. It seemed she was always doing something wrong. But this something wrong meant that she was going to go away forever. They were going to take Derek away, this time for good. If she had just been strong...If she'd just let him touch...

"I got this one," he said firmly. "I'll ask her prelims at home. If she says anything that might help with...I'll let you know. But the station is the last place she needs to be right now. I still have to take her in and have her looked at for a concussion." _A what_?

"Morgan..."

"Hotch," he muttered meeting him evenly. "I cut the deal with Rossi," he reminded him. "I'm not done until she's okay." Okay? What did he mean by okay? And what was this about being done? With her? It couldn't' be with her. Derek had promised. Though she gave no visible indication, fresh tension in her shoulders told him he had explaining to do.

"This isn't a sick day. Tomorrow isn't either." Derek nodded. His partner didn't exactly make the rules but as one of the only people who heard him out and didn't think him completely crazy for what he was doing. He understood that Aaron had a means to cut the cord on him and chose not to. Push the man too far though and the entire plan gets blown to shit.

"I know. I'll take the cut," he muttered. "If it takes her a while, I'll get Garcia to stay with her." Garcia. The blonde one. The nice lady who made dinner for her sometimes. Yeah...she was nice. She was nice but she wasn't Derek. He could teach her how to do the right stuff when he wasn't there but it wouldn't be the same. But if she had a choice. If she really had to choose...

"Derek..." Yes. Derek. Always Derek.

"Aaron..." How was he supposed to explain the complexities of their relationship without outing himself in the presence of a stranger? The fact that he was now cuffed and twisted like a pretzel wasn't going to stop him from speaking. His mouth wasn't bound. _Yet_ he thought.

"This isn't in your job description," he whispered. "You've done more than enough..."

"I think I get to decide what 'enough' means, Hotch."

"When you realize what this is doing to your career, let me know." His career? What did that mean? Did taking care of her suck up so much of his time that he didn't even show up for work anymore? No. He went to work. He always went to work. Emily saw him go all the time. He dropped her off and went. At 7:00 _Not a minute later_ he was there to take her home. They ate dinner and watched movies. Sometimes he even let her fall asleep on the couch. But when morning came she was always in a bed. His bed. Sometimes he even kept her in his arms.

"But he said it was okay," she whispered, taking a moment to realize she'd said so out loud. Jeopardizing his career was the furthest thing from okay. To think that she would be the reason Derek became like her made Prentiss wanna throw up. "No...No, no, no, no, no..." she muttered shaking her head as she backed away from the two men. She ripped herself away before he had a chance to catch her by the arm and keep her there, watching as she sailed out of the store.

"Thanks..." he growled, turning to catch Emily, quick on her heels. He didn't even turn back to see if Steve had been properly secured in the back of the car. His goal was Prentiss and getting her to a more logical plain than she was already on, which was none. "Emily!" he called, not even caring about the backlash he would get when they got home tonight. As much as she hated it, her first name was the quickest and easiest way to get her attention.

This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be happening. Not to her. Not to _him_. As confusing as it was to wrap her head around, part of it made all the sense in the world. After 25 years of life the good came in shallow waves. Derek and his luxury, his love was a short-lived dream that she was now being pulled out of. It didn't even matter that the shift was going to be forceful. It would come no matter what. Better to get it over with now than to let it drag on and allow it hurt more later. As much as her ending would be justified, life without at least the presence of Derek Morgan would mean nothing after this. If because of her he lost his job, she would never even _see_ him again. If letting him keep the job he loved, the job he was better at than anyone she knew, meant that she would have to be sentenced, she would make it work. She had to.

Maybe this time they could put her away for murder. She could justify that. She would work ten times harder to make that livable. She _deserved_ that end. _Or maybe..._ she thought when she barely registered the blaring of an oncoming car. Whether it was a willingness or complete paralysis, she didn't care. To go out like this was better. To go out like this would make sense. Nobody cried when someone got hit by a car. People cried at funerals. People cried when the ones they loved lost battles with cancer and other illnesses. They didn't shed a tear for the ones who _were_ a cancer. Even Derek would move on from that. Thanks to him...because of him, she could leave, understanding at least on the surface what it meant to be a real person, to be loved.

When the world begins to slow, it's not anything you're prepared for. No matter how many times you've faced the crawl of the earth, you're never ready to bear witness to what lies in front of you. He's lost count of just how many slow motion films he's let pass before his eyes but this one...This one tore him right down centre.

Her name was coming from far away. So far away it didn't even matter anymore. Only one person in all of Chicago knew what it was. How ironic, how fitting that it was the same person she would be sparing the labour of loving her, of caring for her. All at once, it made all the sense in the world. _This_ was probably what it meant to _really_ love someone. If she didn't even have to think about dying so that he might be able to live, that was love. If taking herself out of this world so that he could continue to save the people in it, it was really no contest. She had to do it. Derek Morgan was too good to give up his entire life just so she could have one. This was better. This way everyone would be happy. She barely had time to process the thought completely before a sudden weight drew all the breath out of her. In seconds she was on the ground, mere inches from the vehicle assigned to kill her.

"Stop the car!" he shouted, the words sounding so alien as he spoke them, though he wasn't even sure why. How was he expected to be heard over the blare of hundreds? What more could he expect of a single driver when the person in front of them couldn't even register what she was doing in the middle of a busy street? "Please! Stop...the...car," he breathed, tripping over his own feet as the man came to a stop. The slew of questions he had for her seemed never ending but his instinct to prioritize took over then as Derek tried his best to signal thanks before he carefully moved Emily onto the nearest sidewalk. It took the familiarity of his body and its radiating warmth to pull Prentiss out of herself. It was...quiet now. No more cars, no more lights. Everything was just...still. But inside? Inside was a painfully familiar tornado of torment.

Never before had it been this hard to breathe. If three weeks ago she couldn't pull out more than two words, today she was brought down to none. Every bone in her body screamed red anger. Every cell in her body felt as though it was being put through a grinder, forced into smaller and smaller pieces. Not until he fully enveloped her did she let her insides turn to water, the natural tendency to press herself as close to Morgan as humanly possible more intense than ever.

Once she'd plastered herself to him, the officer felt as though he just might be able to remember breathing again. He inhaled her like the famished, drank her in like the thirstiest of any man. And that was just on the grounds that she'd lived. This was his extent of gratitude for the simple miracle that she hadn't become a mess of mangled bones. It didn't even matter that for right now they were hitched and sparing. The fact that Emily was doing so at all would be enough for the next couple of minutes.

"In and out for me, sweetheart," he murmured, his prompting tailed with tears that built in the back of his throat. "Try for real slow." No matter how logical any of that was, the sound of Morgan's voice invited a fresh mess of tears. For the first time in her life she didn't care who saw. Loose strands could be glued to her face for hours afterward and it wouldn't even phase her. She'd been saved. In the eyes of the one man who mattered, Emily was worth the air she dared to breathe. "That's it..." he crooned. "Nice and easy..." Her entire body went slack against his, every muscle weak with the effort of dying. "Shh..." he whispered as shock finally gave way to violent sobs that sent her body in every known direction. For the first (and hopefully last) time, Derek let the sound tear him to pieces. As painful as they were to hear, her fear was a sign of life. His grip on the brunette was something fierce, if for no other purpose than to keep her on some kind of solid ground.

"Tight, tight, tight!" she howled, the single word her first in what felt like hours. In truth it was likely mere minutes but the sound of her voice was a necessary element to his settled nerves. Once he knew she could still form words, he could begin to process what the fuck had just happened.

"I am," he promised, tears flowing through him more freely than he ever imagined possible. "I promise I am."

"I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go!" As ready as she was to do just that, being wrapped in Derek recalled every reason not to. The fact that she was only moments from it...The kind of fear that became of her was an endless loop of nightmares in the waiting.

"You're not going anywhere, baby. I won't let you," he murmured. "Not now, not ever." Unable to find the proper words, Emily just nodded, a small crack of her neck brought on by her confirmation making what would have been a small whimper an all out sob. "I know..." he mumbled softly, thumb and forefinger finding the sensitivity in her neck. "You're okay. I promise you're okay." How sure of that could he even be anymore? After the stunt she just pulled, how was _she_ supposed to believe that?

"You have to save all the people," she whispered, the words muffled in his uniform, now drenched with her pain. "You have to...money so you can live. I take all that away. They're gonna take you away 'cause I was bad...I tried to be good...I tried so hard...But he said..." No matter how disjointed her speech was the impact was all the same. Hotch had given her words to interpret how she wanted, in ways that made sense in her warped reality.

"I heard what he said, honey. Don't believe any of that for a second." How could she not? How was she supposed to just ignore the truth of it all? By walking into Derek's life, she'd effective put everything about him on hold. According to his friend, he wasn't even doing his job properly anymore. The fact that he threw all of that energy into making her feel loved was so fucking small by comparison. He was a hero to thousands. She couldn't be the selfish one to take up all of his time and attention.

"You have to save them. You have to..."

"I do sweet girl. Every day. And because of you? Because of you it matters more. Because of you _everything_ matters more. For a long time, I woke up sad every day. Sometimes I didn't even wanna get out of bed. It hurt. It hurt a lot. I had good days and bad days. There were a couple times I wanted to do what you just did. Just go out there and see who would come for me. But by the end, I just wasn't brave enough. So I lived with it. I let it eat me because I didn't wanna know what it actually meant to feel your heart stop. Today...Today I did," he whispered. "Today I learned what it felt like to watch your world just...stop. It happened only two other times."

"Him..."

"Yes," he whispered. "It happened over and over and over, like a movie. It did that for a really long time. Eventually it didn't hurt so bad."

"You got better," she concluded. Rolling his lip, Derek tried not to shake his head. It wasn't necessarily about the situation being _better_ but easier to swallow.

"A little...A few years later it happened again," he mumbled, finding barely enough willpower to keep the grains of sand at the corners of his eyes exactly where they were.

"The one that touched..."

"Mhm...He took a long time. A really long time. But do you wanna know who made it better?" Closing her eyes, Emily thought hard. She didn't have many to choose from here. Very few even earned a whisper of information.

"Penny did," she mumbled. Even with the easy smile that came with the blonde's name, Derek shook his head.

"Nope. She does a lot of good things but this time she only helped a little..."

"The puppy?" she asked quizzically. She'd learned what he was taught to do for him. It was the only answer that still made any sense. When he remained silent, she thought harder. "I...I don't know..." When his lips brushed her temple, Emily was left to feel more confused than ever. What she ever do? "I don't understand..."

"Yes you do," he murmured. "You know better than anyone why it hurts. You know that no matter what people say it's never going to not hurt. You don't say the things that everybody else does. You stick to the stuff that matters. Sometimes you say nothing and it's the same thing. Because sometimes there's nothing you can say. Sometimes you just sit and you hold me and it feels good," he whispered. "It feels really good."

"Because you taught me..." Morgan quietly shook his head. Nobody was ever "taught" love. A person either understood how to give it or they didn't. Regardless of how little she'd been shown by her parents, she had years of it stored for moments like this.

"I didn't teach you love, baby. I just told you what it was. I never showed you how to do it. Because you can't. When you love someone, it's in the stuff you say, in the stuff you do for them to make them feel safe." Prentiss contemplated this concept, still not entirely sure how it got to be such a long explanation. It sounded simple enough, she figured. So why did he have to use so many words?

"Can...Can we go home now? I wanna go home..." As many times as she'd referred to it, they'd never been so easy to say. Before, to admit it seemed such a struggle. As much as he encouraged it, there was always a shadow of doubt surrounding the idea. In only moments, the world could take it all away from her. Was the truth of it all really that simple? To be wrapped in the arms of someone who cared. Was it also as tragic as the fact that she was seconds from taking it all away from him? How cruel a notion when he'd come to trust her with the fact that he'd already lost so much of himself to others.

"Yeah...I think it's time we go home..." he smiled. He'd offered the term countless times. Today it sounded like Prentiss had finally come to understand what it really meant. For days she dared to taste the word before letting it slip out of her mouth. As anything she said was meant to do, watching her make the words left him warm. To let himself think that she finally believed in them? That was warmth intensified.

"Cause...Cause I wanna make you feel safe..." Derek nodded slowly, wondering how her hair was still so damp, the smell her shampoo hugging him almost as tightly as her arms always did. "I want Derek to know I love him. I want him to know that I love him lots..."

"I know you do," he mumbled. "Sometimes that's all I know. It's all I have to know."

"More than anything," she whispered tracing lightly along his jaw. Catching her finger as it came across his skin, he placed the lightest of kisses along its surface. "I'm gonna do it for a really long time..."

"I'd like that. I'd really, really like that." Prentiss just nodded. There was no mistaking her vacant eyes. Ironically, this seemed to be the brunette at her most honest. It wasn't exactly a drunken haze but he knew on experience that it got pretty damn close sometimes.

"Can I maybe do it forever?" she inquired shyly. Kissing her forehead, he let a smile spread across it as he considered the question.

"Forever sounds good," he mumbled. Again he wondered if she had any recall of these moments at all. The last two weeks told him she surfaced with no honest idea of the things she said. But just for now, her spotty memory didn't add or take away from how those confessions made him feel. He would be sure to tuck them away quietly and call on them when he needed to be reminded.

"Derek?" she whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you..."

"For what?"

"For not letting that car hit you 'cause I would be really sad if it did."

"You have no idea..." he sighed. Pulling back to look him over, she shook her head slowly.

"I do though...I understand best...But you have to keep being not brave. Because if you get brave it'll happen and then I'll be alone again. I don't wanna be alone again..." How would he go about reassuring her that he was fucking terrified? How would he explain it in a way that didn't scare her in return?

"But that means you can't either, okay? You have to fight. Even when it hurts. Even when fighting doesn't make any sense..."

"I know...I...I think I changed my mind..." The officer blinked with confusion. Did they not just have a conversation about this very thing like...five seconds ago?

"Changed your mind about what?"

"When we get home, I'm always cold. But you're always warm. So if we switch and I go first, it'll work better."

"Makes sense," he nodded.

"Derek, can I ask you something else?" She took no answer as invitation to keep going and sighed. "Do I have to talk to Steve again?" Morgan tried not to go completely rigid at the sound of his name.

"No."

"Not even if I make another mistake?" He swallowed hard, the very thought of Emily behind any set of bars turning his blood in vicious circles.

"The biggest mistake you'll be making is not waking up when the alarm goes off," he said, easily sidestepping the conversation. Even though he knew she didn't mean to bring it up, it was still way too early for anything like it. "You ready to go?" When Emily nodded, he quietly walked her back over to the car, letting out a measured sigh before he shifted into 'Drive'. Derek made sure to mentally record just how many times she'd told him she loved him. He would have to tuck those away and fucking treasure them because by the time they got to Friday, she would turn right around and hate him for everything he was worth.

 **A/N: Alright so, for those who are wondering, yes there is an alternate ending to this chapter** **that I hated so I took it out** **. If anybody wants pain, go ahead and message me and you'll soon find out why it was a really bad idea.**


	9. Me

**A/N: Hey guys! I'm so sorry for the ridiculous delay. As I am still in school, that has a tendency to get in the way of my creativity time. Hopefully this will hold you over long enough for me to find my next break.**

 **Disclaimer: *See Chapter 1***

* * *

As carefully as he tried to turn the ignition, the quiet gasp Emily let fall from her lips fell almost in sync with a soft jump that seemed to travel her entire body. The steady shiver that followed prompted him to reach into the backseat while he coasted to the shoulder of the road. When he finally came to a stop, the officer noted the glassy-eyed gaze that seemed all too frequent now. As often as he'd found himself in the emotionless pit, watching it find a place on other faces brought an entirely different sense of horror. Biting his lip, Derek tried his best to keep to himself the urge to sigh. Instead he laid the fabric gently across her shoulders, the weight of the object pulling out quiet tears.

He watched while they quietly travelled down her cheeks, still void of colour as they both tried to wrap their minds around the possible outcome moments before. The warmth of his skin jarred the brunette, her entire body going still upon contact. She could know him for years and still not understand completely how it was he stayed so warm. Her own hands felt like led weights as she let one of them rest on his, silently pleading that just for a moment he keep it there.

"Can you sit forward for just a second?" he whispered. As much as she wanted to comply, her muscles remained immobile, the moisture in her eyes a careful flood across her face while she stared into nothing. "This should keep you from getting too cold." _Cold_ she thought. That was the understatement of the year. She was downright freezing. There weren't enough blankets in the world to stop her bones from coming apart.

"C-cold…" she stammered. Derek nodded pressing his fingers lightly on the small of her back to coax her forward. Stalling for only seconds, Emily's weight slowly shifted, her gaze out across the dashboard unwavering. She let the blanket be cocooned around her without a word, pressing back into the passenger seat almost immediately. How her body could accumulate this much exhaustion still confused her. "So tired…" The words were barely out of her mouth before the warmth of his touch returned, this time in the form of soft lips along her temple. As much as she wished to be curled up in bed, parts of her needed to feel safe right _now_. There was no telling if and when Steve would track them down again. They weren't exactly helping anything with the fact that the car was only inches from the end of the parking lot. "Could we start?" she mumbled. "I…I don't want them to come." Just the look on her face put a fist in the officer's throat.

C'mere," he mumbled. He opened his mouth to warn her about the console that kept them apart but slowly closed it again when he realized that for her, it hardly seemed to be a problem. In moments, wires of dark hair tickled his nose, the heat of fresh tears concentrated in several spots of his uniform. "I'm not about to let anything happen to you, you hear me?" Tempted to remind him that he couldn't exactly stop them, Emily nodded stiffly, her nose brushing the base of his throat. When the unmistakable blend of aftershave and sweat washed over her, Emily swallowed hard.

"They're gonna come…" she whispered hoarsely. While his index finger rested in a thread of her hair, she dared to ask herself how many more of these moments she was going to be allowed before her father took Derek away too. "He always knows…" Despite knowing exactly who she was referring to, Morgan felt his blood run ice cold. "He's mean to everybody. He isn't allowed good things because of all the stuff he did…" Whatever that other stuff might be, he wasn't exactly in a position to care. His current concern was shaking like a leaf in his arms.

"Thinks the rest of the world should suffer with him," Morgan finished. Prentiss carefully bobbed her head, trimmed nails digging lightly into the soft skin of his neck. As logical as it all sounded, it didn't excuse the son of a bitch for letting his buddies do this to his daughter. Whether the sick bastard would stand there and watch or he was twisted enough to do something himself didn't make one bit of difference. "Did he touch you, sweetheart?" Even the question made his stomach whirl in disgust. It took her a minute but when the question finally fell on her ears, Emily froze. How the hell was she supposed to know who had and hadn't? Her father and his group of friends were smart enough to make sure she was completely out of her mind before they even tried anything. But that didn't take away from the fact that she felt their every touch, heard their every word. Who and what belonged to each individual person wasn't exactly something she had the time to think about. But Derek had already asked her that. She'd told him as much of the truth as she could remember. That could only mean he was talking about…Recalling just his face made the woman tremble with fear.

"You saw…." She whispered. Morgan went still then, shaking his head slowly. He hadn't seen anything, the realization now making him wish that he'd never turned his back. He was still standing outside of the store before Clooney called his attention. If the officer had witnessed anything, Steve would be good as dead. Even Emily knew that wasn't entirely true. If Derek had been watching, he wouldn't have let anything happen. But it was easier to say as much. Anything was better than explaining everything she saw and felt in those moments. She let herself curl into him even more then, as if her attempt to become a single person would spare her the memory.

"Did he say anything to you?" Prentiss whipped her head from side to side so quickly that they both heard an obvious pop causing her to blink back her pain while he smoothed out the subtle ache. _He did_ she thought. _But it happens all the time_. Once a whore, always a whore no matter who she let between her legs. A soft rumble built at the base of his stomach, slow to work its way up to his throat and out of his mouth, the result only a soft groan that stayed muffled in her hair.

"Please don't be mad," she whispered. "All the stuff he did? I deserved it…" The officer rolled his lip, trying hard to find the words to explain otherwise to the shaken woman in his lap who for days now spent her time in the mind of a scared little girl just looking for answers.

"No Emily…" he sighed. "Nobody deserves that. Especially you." Prentiss couldn't help but drink in his every word. All her father ever did was tell her the most terrifying versions of the truth, the touch of his hands and the sound of his voice forever a part of her. Whether they were true or not, she'd learned quickly that Derek's words were meant to protect her. Even if he had to tell lies, the man had been nothing short of amazing to her. She had given him various stories of her past, often when sleep took over and put to rest all of her protective barriers. Even in a fog she could make some sense of his responses, each combination of words feeling like the warm blankets she was never offered growing up. The life she knew was one of biting truth and honesty that resulted in pain she would carry for days. Derek always felt like a promise. Though no harm had come to her since, this life felt too much like a dream to be real.

"Daddy had rules…Lots of them," she muttered. "I never liked them. I thought most of them were dumb. But Mama said that if I didn't follow them, he would be sad. For a long time I thought it meant he was going to cry. I didn't want him to. I made sure I was always good. I went to school, even when I wasn't feeling good. I did all my homework. I made sure that when they came to school to talk to the teacher, she didn't have anything bad to say. It didn't take me long to realize that no matter what the teacher said, he was never going to be happy. He was always going to find a reason to…" she whispered. "I told myself it was because I was smarter than him. I had to remind myself that he was my daddy. He was supposed to be able to teach me stuff. The problem was that I already knew everything that he knew."

"He didn't like that you were smart," Morgan mumbled. The brunette quietly nodded. With each one of her careful confessions the fact that the guy was never exactly a candidate for Father of the Year became increasingly obvious.

"But I liked school….I liked knowing that every day I would get to learn something I never knew before. On my seventh birthday, he told me he had a present for me. Mama said that my eyes lit up like she'd never seen before. How could they not? I never got presents before. We could barely find enough to make sure I had a cake every year. I would've been okay with not having them but I think it was to make sure I didn't go to school and tell everybody that we didn't have money." Despite the ache he felt every time she unraveled her childhood, Derek had to remind himself that she hadn't even gotten to the worst of it yet. "I was confused about the present but I was smiling so much my face hurt. And then he said….He said that I didn't have to go to school anymore. He told me that I'd learned enough and that I was allowed to stay home now. I didn't mean for it to happen but he saw my face change. I tried hard not to but I know that I started crying. He tried to make it better but I just ran up to my room and didn't come out for the rest of the night.

But I did what I was told. I knew that if I didn't, he would get sad. By now I knew that Daddy didn't cry. His face would get all red and he would yell. Sometimes he would say words I didn't understand but you don't need to know all the words to understand that you did something bad." _No you don't_ he thought resting his thumb on the small of her back, the silent gesture making her whimper.

"Shh…You don't have to tell me anymore if you don't want to." Emily shook her head. If she didn't tell Derek, he was going to make her tell Penelope. The lady was nice and everything but she would never understand. She tried to. She always said nice things. But it was part of her job. If she ever knew the real truth, the blonde would start looking at her with more pity than she already did. She knew that Derek did too but she never saw it on his face, and somehow that made it okay for him to feel those things. Quietly releasing the buttons on his uniform, she shook her head, slight fingers tracing along the newly visible part of his chest. Emily never knew why but touching him always seemed to calm her. Derek silently tracked her movements while he adjusted the blanket around her.

"I listened for two weeks….Then one day, when I knew he was at work and Mama was too busy with chores, I got my backpack, put all my books inside it and made sure I was really quiet. When she wasn't looking, I tiptoed out the door and ran just to make sure she didn't have a chance to see me leave." Derek was glad Emily rested just under his chin. She had missed the sudden flash of pride that tangled with disgust that came across his face. As proud as he was that she'd found a way to fight for her education, the fact that she'd been perfecting escape since the second grade sounded so unreal. In no more than a minute he was struck with the realization that in all the time he'd known her, Prentiss had never tried to run from them. Now that he knew she had it in her to do so, the truth was that the woman had always been _asking_ to be caught. He understood even better now why that was. "I told myself that all I had to do was graduate high school. After that I could leave and never come back. They wouldn't have to worry about me anymore." _Sounds like they didn't worry at all_. "I could make my own rules. But the best part was that Daddy wasn't gonna be sad anymore…"

"Sweetheart…" Derek whispered. Emily couldn't help but love that word. Being called things like that was the reason Morgan was allowed to lie to her like he did. Unlike her father, his words made her feel good. He would never accept that there was nothing sweet about her. Her heart, if she had one, was cold as stone. But still, it sounded nice.

"Mama said that he only got mad because he cared about us so much. That's why I tried to listen. But I just…There was so much I wanted to know. I missed all my friends. If I didn't come back they would be worried about me, they would miss me. I already made Daddy sad every day. I didn't want to do that to them…So I kept it a secret. I would leave my backpack behind this big tree when I got home. I made sure she wasn't in the room when I snuck back inside." Derek brought his lips softly across her knuckles when those same hands took hold of the blue fabric. He didn't have to look up to know that her expression had changed, her body gone rigid with fear.

"I was twelve…The leaves crunched every time I walked. For a long time, I told myself that's how I got caught. I was too loud. They heard me because I wasn't careful. I made it up the first two steps before the hair on my neck felt funny. I stopped breathing…When I turned around his breath was on my face. I would've said I was sorry, but that would be a lie. He used to tell me that if I told one, there would be consequences. I liked school. That was the truth. But I knew he didn't wanna hear…

That night…He came into my room...He told me that he was sorry. I just got confused. He didn't have to be sorry for being sad. It was my fault for making him sad…And then he said…He said that I was old enough now. It was time for me to start making grown up choices. He told me that if I really wanted to go to school, he wasn't going to stop me anymore." _He would just find other ways to regain control_ Derek thought, the mental image that sprang to his mind making his blood boil. "I couldn't help it…I smiled so big…I smiled and I….I hugged him. I never did that before but this one time, just this one time…." Emily's voice had fallen considerably, now no more than a whisper. "He put his hands on my back…like you."

"Like me?" he mumbled. Instinctively, he brought both hands to his sides, the sudden absence of his touch clouding her eyes with confusion. When she caught them out of the corner of her eye, she could tell that Derek was fighting anger, connecting the dots so she wouldn't have to. Still, she continued, knowing that once the words were out, she wouldn't have to hide them anymore.

"No…" she corrected herself. "Your hands are soft. They make me feel safe. You're always warm…You always say nice things to me. Daddy's eyes were cold. His hands were always so hard. When I felt them at night, I knew I was in trouble…"

"Emily..." Her name always sounded so safe inside his mouth. Not for the first time, she couldn't quite meet his eyes.

"Please put them back…" she whispered. Even though he hesitated, Morgan nodded letting one hand place a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Though hers were cold and shaking, she made sure that one of them kept his hand there, the softness of his eyes making her lips quiver. "His friends would come…And they would…"

"Shh…" he murmured, his palm and fingers soaked with her tears. "Did your dad ever…?"

"No…He made his friends do it. When I asked him why he didn't stop them, he told me it was because I wasn't a kid anymore. He said that if I was old enough to walk to school by myself, if I thought I was old enough to make my own rules, he wasn't going to treat me like a baby. He said that the only way it was going to stop was if I didn't go to school anymore…"

"But you still went to school," Derek whispered, half of his words caught in his throat. The brunette nodded. She'd told so many of these stories that she knew exactly what she would see in them when she finally managed to look at him. "Why?" he asked, trying to hide the shock in his words.

"When I went, I only had to see him at night. And it was only when his friends came over. I could handle that. It was the price I paid for wanting to be smart. But then they would call me these names…They would tell me that I wanted it this way, that it made me feel good. This was the kind of stuff big girls did. I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry all the time. I knew that if I did, it would just go on longer. When I couldn't keep it in anymore, they would hit me…Some of them hit so hard my teeth hurt. After a while, I just laid there. I let them do what they wanted to me. I knew that they would eventually get tired, that Daddy would get bored and send them home…" Emily had no idea she'd given way sobbing until the fine lines of his neck began to swim before her eyes.

"Let's get you home, alright?" he murmured pulling her free of the blanket and letting her arms wrap tightly around his neck. The girl was crying so hard she couldn't form words, even if she wanted to. Derek did his best to hold her tightly hoping that anchoring her in some way would ease the pain. "We'll go home and you can get some rest." After the morning they'd had and the added breakdown, it was a miracle she didn't just fall asleep in his lap. _Rest_. If her bones weren't already so worn she would've laughed at the idea. Emily didn't know the first thing about rest. From the time she could talk, her life had been all about survival. "Prentiss I won't let anything happen to you…" he said softly.

"I like that…" she mumbled shyly. "When you say my name. It's like I'm important…When you say it I don't feel dirty…I don't understand why but I don't. It's like I'm…special to you…"

"Because it's true," he mumbled. She wanted so badly to tell Derek that he was wrong, that there was nothing about her that was worth remembering. She'd learned long ago that there wasn't, no matter how many nights she wished otherwise.

"He says that I'm not…He says there's nothing special about people who like sex as much as I do. I…I don't…I don't like it…I don't like it at all…" Morgan sighed, quietly listing the various other things he didn't like about the way she described herself. He had an even longer list of qualities for the man who was sick enough to put these thoughts in her head. "But I had to…I had to or they were gonna hurt me worse…" The officer sighed, wishing more than anything that they weren't having the most revolting of conversations.

"What kind of things did he call you, baby?"

"I….I don't wanna say…." Derek wanted even less to hear them.

"It's okay. You know that the things he called you aren't true, right?" Emily rolled her lip, shaking her head so hard she had to keep from letting dizziness take over.

"He….He said that I was a…I was a big girl. That it was time I knew the truth about myself." Some truth that was. The saddest part was that this man had been working her for so long that her sense of right and wrong had been warped to something unrecognizable. "Daddy called me a…whore. When I went to ask Mama what that meant, she said it was a word that described people who liked the stuff they did to me. But he was wrong…He was always wrong…I didn't like it at all. I didn't want it…" Something about hearing the word pass her lips made the officer's head spin. What kind of twisted mind would teach a twelve year old the meaning of such an ugly word? Tracing his finger lightly along her jaw, Derek pressed his nose to her cheek, wet and flushed with confession. "He said he was doing it 'cause he knew what was best for me…That I had to learn that the world was bad so I wouldn't get hurt…

When I was thirteen they started going inside…After a year, it happened so much that I didn't even say anything. I just…I let them. I wanted my own rules so bad that it seemed like the least I could do to keep it that way. It was their favourite game…They said so. I felt like one of those games at the carnival. When one of them got tired, someone else would go. On a good night, he would just keep going until Daddy said that they could come back tomorrow. I never told him how much it hurt. 'Big girls don't cry' he said to me. They deal with the consequences of their actions. He said that it was the last lesson he was supposed to teach me. When I finally got it, he would tell them to stop coming over. I never learned….I…I don't even know who her daddy was. But…he said that Skye was supposed to teach me something because I wasn't listening to him…He told me that she was going to ruin my life, just like I ruined his…By the time she was born I would know better. I asked him what I was supposed to know but he just shook his head and laughed at me.

And then she started to grow inside of me. Every time I thought of her, I got this funny feeling inside. It was like my heart was growing too. I used to think about what she would look like all the time. Would she have my eyes? I hoped that…I hoped that all the time. I didn't want to look at her…and see him. I would remember what he did to me and how we made her. And I would be just like Mama…."

"What do you mean?" he asked, even though every cell in his body already knew the answer to that.

"He was always mad at her. No matter what she did it was always wrong. Even when we did everything right, he still got sad. Her heart didn't grow when she looked at me. My name always sounded funny when she said it. Like she was afraid to. Like it wasn't allowed. That's all I ever wanted," she whispered. "To make her heart grow…Maybe then she wouldn't cry as much as she did. Maybe just once I'd see her smile. But it didn't work. He already made her believe all of these things. Not even I could change her mind. I knew Daddy never loved me…I didn't realize until I ran away that she didn't either. That's why I don't understand…"

"Honey, she didn't know how…" he said gently. Trying to smooth the edges of her throat, Emily nodded, her face now buried in his chest.

"My heart grows…" she mumbled. "When I think about my baby my heart grows…"

"I know," he said, wishing more than anything she didn't have to describe it in this way, as beautiful as it was to hear.

"I never thought it would happen again…And then you put the bracelets on…" Only now was Morgan realizing that Prentiss drifted in and out of naïve and sophisticated speech almost effortlessly. Only briefly he wondered if she knew that about herself. For a few extra moments he considered if it mattered. "You were the first one who asked me my name. My real name. Nobody else ever did."

"Took you a long time to tell me what it was," he pointed out. "But I'm glad you did. I really like it," he smiled softly.

"You're the only one who calls me that," she sighed, the sound one of relief. Resting her head on his shoulder, she lightly tickled the outline of his ear, the knot in her chest finally erupting while she whimpered and sobbed.

"Emily, I'm sure if you told them…"

"They don't care…They stopped coming to get me. You never did…You always came, even when they said you didn't have to…"

"They never told me I—"

"I heard them on the radio….Your boss said that you guys could just ignore it, that it was just going to happen again tomorrow. But you always said…"

"I always said that we had it covered," he nodded.

"Derek, you were the only one who never let me get too cold. Even when you put me in the box you made sure I had enough food…You gave me extra blankets…"

"You caught that, huh?"

"Uhhuh…It made my heart grow…." Derek breathed a deep sigh. Now was not the time to tell her exactly why he'd done those things. Even so, he'd made his own confessions earlier that week. To some degree, she already knew. He'd spent over half his life so cold he was sure his bones were layered with ice. It would be years before she told him anything but even then there was something about the way she looked at him. "You never forgot me…"

"You know you'll never have to go back there, right?"

"I…I don't?" she asked, her eyes wide with curiosity.

"No," he whispered gently pulling her back in against him. Emily's nose met the dip in his neck once more, her attempt to breathe him in an endless activity. She wanted so badly to absorb every ounce of his kindness, if for no other reason than to be selfish with it. But Derek always seemed to regenerate, his heart only getting bigger with each recharge of the goodness in him.

"But when this is over I…"

"When you're done, we'll find you something, okay? You're not going back out there."

"But….I don't want it." The officer let his eyes go wide as she uttered words he'd heard so many times before. To get off the streets is the one thing she'd been begging them for years. It didn't make any sense.

"Emily, you're not thinking of…" His words washed a sense of terror over her, her hands paled with intensified grip.

"I don't wanna go….You said I didn't have to go..."

"And you don't…" he affirmed. "You'll just keep seeing me over and over again anyway," he chuckled, a finger tracing the curve of her nose, a gesture that made her smile only a little.

"But you said that I…" Derek let her words roam for all of a minute before they fell into place, earlier conversations coming back to him now. "Did I do something wrong?" she asked meekly. "Cause if I did I'll…I'll do better. I'll fix it. I…" Shaking his head, a warm finger fell against her lips.

"You haven't done anything wrong, baby girl. I just don't think that living with me is a good idea."

"Oh…" she said quietly, her entire body giving way to disappointment. Not that she shouldn't already be used to moments like these. But Derek was different. He wouldn't….At least not until now. She should have known better than to think he wasn't capable of it. It was too much a pattern to ignore.

"As much as I would like that," he continued, "we need to get you your own place. I'll help you with everything. We'll get you a job, an apartment. But I promise you, you'll never have to go back out there, okay?"

"Who's gonna keep me safe? Whose gonna hold me when I have bad dreams? Who's gonna talk to me when I can't breathe?" Not for the first time that day Morgan was reminded that you didn't have to blast a weapon to get someone right in the heart.

"Honey, no matter what happens, I'm not going anywhere," he murmured.

"Yes you are!" she shrieked, the rise in her voice deafening to her own ears. "You're gonna leave just like everybody else! And then I'm gonna be alone…Daddy's gonna make you go away too."

"Hey, slow down," he whispered. "Nobody's making me go anywhere, you understand? We got a long time to think about what's going to happen after this is over. We don't have to think about any of that right now." He might not have to but she sure as hell did. She had to prepare for the day when the rug got pulled out from under her. Once Derek was gone, what did she have left? Nothing. Her baby was dead. Her dog was gone. And one day soon he was gonna leave. Just like their deaths, she had no control over this. What she did have control over was how she would handle it. Shutdown. Go cold. Feel nothing. It was the only way. She would have to start doing that right now. And she would. Soon. But in this moment, in these few seconds, what she knew she had to do and what actually happened were two completely different things.

There was no holding back the tears that choked her so effectively she couldn't find a place between them to breathe. There were no words to properly describe how small she felt in his arms. Nothing could take away the sense of all-consuming fear that only her father had ever really planted. A fear that had grown and matured to one of pain and agony; emotions she'd sworn off for years.

"I promise I'll be good. You won't even know I'm there. I'll…I'll…I'll…I'll help more. I won't be mean to Penny anymore. I'll answer all her questions…I'll…I'll get better. I'll sleep in my own bed. I…I…I won't get sick anymore. Just please don't make me go."

"Emily, I need you to look at me…" he whispered. Even with her chin resting on his forefinger with the intention of meeting his gaze she just couldn't. Instead she kept her eyes closed, silently hoping that the minute she opened them, this would all be some kind of dream. "Baby, I need you to open your eyes…" The tone of his voice always did the most unexplainable things to her. That's why, as much as she begged her body not to care, her eyes drifted open slowly. "You've done nothing wrong, okay? You're doing everything right. I promise."

"You want me to go away. Just like everybody else." Morgan shook his head, unable to find the words to tell her exactly what he meant by them. "When we go home, I'll show you. I'll show you how much I…" she trailed, her lips working along his neck. "I'll make you feel good…" Derek softly shook his head, trying hard to peel her off without making it look like he was flat out rejecting her advances. "I don't understand…I know I said I didn't like it. But with you it's gonna be different. It's not like them. Because you love me….And I love you. And that's why it's okay…"

"Prentiss…" he sighed. "You're right….But I'm not like that, okay? You don't need to prove anything to me. You don't have to do anything better. You just have to be you. That's good enough for me."

"You still want me to leave…That means you…"

"Sweetheart, we've got months until we have to figure something out, alright? You don't have to worry. I'll be right here for you, no matter what…" As logical as it all sounded, as much sense as it made, he knew even then that taking her out of the house would cause more problems and stress than either of them needed. "We'll find a way to make it work."

"What does that mean? Do I get to stay?" As childish as this conversation sounded to anybody else, her every word made too much sense. If he put her up somewhere else, at the end of the day he was no better than her father. What sense did it make to have her get used to the house, only to force her to readjust to something completely different? _Who's going to talk to me when I can't breathe?_ Those words haunted him more than anything else. She was right. No one else really could do that. He seemed to be the only one she bothered to listen to. If something happened to her…

"Yeah, you can stay," he nodded. The smile he found when he finally dared to open his eyes was blinding, her face seconds from falling to pieces. "Prentiss you know why I say no, right?" he asked quietly. She had to know that his rejection had absolutely nothing to do with her as a person. If every time she did what she could to keep him they had this conversation…

"You're not like him…"

"No, I'm not."

"You would never hurt me…But I already know that. You say no because it's my body and I get to say when…"

"That's right."

"You don't think I'm a whore…" Morgan gulped, those words more cutting than almost anything he'd already heard her say. No matter how softly she spoke them, they still seemed to pack the same vicious punch.

"I don't want you using that word anymore, alright?" She nodded, trying to find other ways to describe it. She would have to start using words that didn't make him sad. But she wasn't entirely sure what those were yet. "You're a beautiful woman. One day, when you're ready, someone's going to show you just how much they love you," he murmured kissing her temple. She silently wondered if Derek was talking about himself or somebody else. For the sake of her own heart, she hoped it was the first option. Before him, she had never been shown so much love and respect. But even now she knew that she would only find them in small amounts in everybody else.

"You make my heart grow so big…" she mumbled shyly. "P-please don't stop. It feels good…Only my babies ever made me feel that…"

"I know," he smiled. "Emily?"

"Yeah?"

"You know that no matter what happens, I'll do whatever I have to do…"

"I know. You won't let Daddy get me." Even while his head bobbed quietly, Morgan had to fight the tang of bile as it rose in his throat. "Can we go home now? I wanna lay down. I promised that I would help you feel safe….I wanna help your heart grow…" The officer smiled, knowing that everything the brunette did for him did unspeakable things to the organ in his chest.

"You already do," he mumbled. "All the time. Every day."

"You have to remember that. No matter what."

"I'll remember," he said softly, a thumb working down her cheek. He knew even then that such a promise was one of the few things he would always remember. "Let's get home…" While the words worked their way out of his mouth, Emily's stomach growled quietly. "First thing we're gonna do when we get there is get you something to eat."

"And then it's my turn…" Stopped at a light a few moments later, he smiled. "I won't let him hurt you either," she promised. No other words were needed to clarify who she dared to bring up. Derek also knew that if in some other universe the two crossed paths, Buford could and would do ten times as much to her, just to get back at him. Squeezing her hand gently, he quietly made his way down the street, her new secrets making his skin crawl as they echoed in the small space of the vehicle.

Even after knowing he'd promised it to her, something about the things she'd shared with him made any other option more painful to think about than he ever expected. Yes, he'd volunteered to have her stay with him. He'd been the one to find an alternative to serving time in a tiny box that would one day kill her. But even in this short time, there was so much more to it than that. There were no words to properly explain it. It wasn't exactly about feeling responsible. It wasn't about pity. _Who's going to talk to me when I can't breathe_? For a long time, his answer had been no one. Penelope had done him wonders. She'd done far more than necessary to help him get to where he was now. But Garcia could only understand so much of it before she just…couldn't.

"I know…" he whispered. Part of him knew that it was her way of returning the favour. Derek had told her on more than one occasion that she didn't owe him anything. He wasn't keeping tabs on how often he became what she needed to feel put together. "You know what you can do for me?" he mumbled. Emily met him eagerly, her body humming with excitement at being given a way to help him.

"I won't say that word anymore…But he was right. I'm not very good at listening. Even when I was little, I always did what I wanted. He just couldn't do anything about it until later…"

"Emily, what your father did to you…It's not okay," he said quietly. The man had so many other ways of helping her understand and he chose to leave her with ghosts that would follow her for the rest of her life.

"It worked…" she shrugged. "He didn't get sad anymore. And I got to learn. I got to be with my friends." _You were a little girl_ he thought. Something about the phrase kept those words in his head. There was no telling who he was speaking to. More and more he was coming to understand that it didn't matter as much. All her life she'd suppressed all of the pain her family had inflicted. Now that she had a safe place to explore those reasons, the little girl came and went whenever she needed her to. Her dog's heroism became more and more important with every conversation they had.

"Who got you your puppy?" The words alone brightened her up in ways she hadn't for hours.

"She followed me home from school. I tried to hide her as best I could…But Mama found out. She let me keep her though. I tell myself it's because she was gonna keep me safe." Points to the woman for at least _trying_. Not that it excused the rest of her behaviour but at the very least the animal made her daughter happy. "But then she died…She lost so much blood…And she told me it's 'cause I wasn't careful. She got taken away because I never listen….Just like the baby inside…"

"Prentiss none of that happened because of you..."

"Yes it did. If I just did what I was told…" Following directions wasn't going to put an end to her father's twisted fantasies. His obsession with them would make the child she eventually gave birth to inevitable. Even more likely was the ending that resulted in two deaths and a girl without a home wandering the streets of Chicago, silently crying for help.

"Baby, your dad was sick. He needed a doctor to help him. You didn't do anything wrong, okay?" It wasn't the first time she heard those words leave his mouth. But now that he knew more, now that he seemed to understand, how was it that Derek didn't paint her as a selfish mother?"

"Skye died because of me. Bear died trying to keep me safe. That doesn't make me a good mom…"

"Emily you did what you thought you had to do to keep her safe. You tried your best. And that's all you can do. I don't think any less of you for making those choices. I know how hard they were."

"How can you say that? I let him _kill_ her." Morgan nodded, those words sharp as knives when she spoke them. "Almost all her blood was on my hands…And then after he was done….After he was done he just left me there. After what I did to them…I deserved to lay there cold and alone."

"And if she was alive right now, where would she be?" Emily couldn't help feeling like he'd just slapped her, the words so unexpected it took her a minute to realize that they'd come out of his mouth.

"I…She would be ten…" she thought wistfully, the idea making her chest ache. "I would've run away after she was born…I would take Bear and we would never come back."

"Where would you go?" he mumbled gently, the image he'd already painted in his head one that made every part of him hurt.

"I…I don't know. But I would try. I would try really hard to fight…I would wait for you…" The fact that she seemed to believe in him so much, heartwarming as it was felt like an equally forceful punch to his gut.

"You would wait ten years for me?" he said quietly. "Honey, I don't know if…"

"Why are we talking about this? They're already gone. I won't get them back, ever."

"Emily, at some point you're going to have to stop blaming yourself. You did what you thought you had to do to keep her safe. Exactly like a mother should. And sometimes when you love someone so much…You have to decide to do things that hurt. You can't replace them. And no person in the world is going to tell you that you can't be sad or angry that it happened. But knowing what I know about Skye, she knows that you loved her. You loved her so much that you didn't care what happened to you, as long as she didn't have to feel pain…"

"He would've touched her…" Morgan nodded, his face falling when his eyes landed on her defeated expression. "I'm not my mama…I wasn't gonna stand there and watch her hurt….I had to…I had to…"

"Shh," he offered quietly. "You were being a good mom. The best mom…"

"I think she would've liked you…" Emily smiled, though the curve of her mouth didn't quite bring light to her eyes. No doubt he would feel the same way about her. She could already tell as much by the way he talked about her. Derek made her sound like something sacred, like a treasure. And he would never know anything more about her. If her mother was anything to go by, caring about the little girl wasn't even something he'd have to think about. Not until the driver's side door opened did Emily realize where they were. She was too afraid to ask him how long they'd been sitting in his driveway. Instead, she smoothed her top and sighed, biting her lip as she scanned outside the window. "Thank you…"

"What for?"

"All of it. Because of you I don't have to sleep outside. I…I don't have to be in that box anymore. And when I was…When I was you didn't leave. You stayed to make sure I was okay. Nobody thinks twice about the homeless girl. And now, because of what you did, I'm not that girl anymore. Derek I don't know how I'm supposed to thank you for all of that. It means so much…"

"You just did." As much as she tried not to, Emily flushed. The fact that he thought nothing of his kindness told her how unaware of himself he really was. "Just keep finding that pretty smile for me, okay?" The rise to her lip was almost immediate, her expression reflected back through him making her insides warm. "That's the one. We ready to head inside?" Emily nodded, her fingers lacing with his when his arm found its place around her waist.

* * *

"I want you touch me…" she whispered. "Please…" Her sense of time had been nonexistent for some time now. Work was an endless cycle of repetition she knew was necessary. But just because it had to be this way didn't make waking up any easier. She wanted to ask Derek just how long they had before she was put at another one of her many locations but she couldn't for the life of her find the right words. After this morning, she really didn't want to. What she wanted, what she needed was this; the calm and quiet that washed over them while he held her. No matter how often he did so, asked or otherwise, he always held her as if she were something precious, someone who might just matter to the person beside her. As often as she'd heard the words, been given the promises that she did, it still didn't feel normal. Emily had a strong feeling it wasn't going to stop feeling alien to her for a long time. She didn't have to face him to know that he was shaking his head. The question had been asked so many times and still he gave the same respectful decline. As much as she wanted to show him just how grateful to him she was, she didn't know if there would ever be a time when every part of her was ready to feel like that again. Prentiss knew it would feel different, that Derek would hold her and love her in ways that those men never had…But the fear was too much. "I want….I want you to know…"

"Shh…"

"No I…I don't know any other way to…" He could think of at least a dozen in only seconds. They were doing one of those things right now. _You don't know anything else because of him_ he thought. Even in his head they felt like a physical blow.

"Just lay here with me, okay?" he mumbled adjusting the comforter so it covered her sufficiently. "You don't have to anything else. Just…be here with me."

"Okay…" she whispered slightly unsure. What he wanted sounded so simple. Emily was so used to feeling men everywhere. Twenty-five pairs of hands could roam her body in the span of days and she would still remember every place they'd ever been. She was constantly haunted by the way each of them felt while they sat inside of her. But Morgan had…He'd given her words and touches so gentle they brought tears to her eyes every time without fail. "Steve scares me," she confessed. He quietly bit the inside of his cheek. While he left Emily cowering in fear, he left the officer blatantly disgusted. "He makes the hair on my neck feel funny…He's not one of Daddy's friends but…He touched. When we were in the store…His hands were cold…His eyes…They were dark. And when he talked…When he talked it was like he wanted something from me….And then he said….He called me a…It's not a nice word. I don't think you would like it…But he called me that. He told me that no matter what, I would always be known as the one girl who always spread her legs for him…" Morgan swallowed hard, the exchange giving him at least a dozen added reasons to hang this guy by his own belt and watch the life leave his eyes.

He kept to himself the fact that moments afterward he'd seen her eyes glaze over. There was a good chance Steve had said nothing like that, but his general presence still left him with questions. Emily still had mysteries of her own that not even he had the means to uncover. As much as he wanted to help her, there was only so much he could do for her. His minor in psychology was meant for police work, not full-blown therapy. If they had any hope of working through these secrets, if he was going to do everything he could to keep her together, he needed help.

"I have another friend coming over in a few days…." Emily's eyes widened. Was it not enough that she'd been forced to talk to Penelope? Didn't he understand that she didn't want to talk to anyone? They were just going to ask her more questions than she had answers to. They would hear all about the fact that Derek shared his home with a girl who still littered every inch of his house with the inescapable grime between her toes and under her feet. "She just wants to meet you, I promise."

"Like Penelope," Emily whispered. Derek nodded, unsure of how to tell her it was a little bit more than that without watching her shut him out completely for not being honest about his intentions.

"She might ask you some questions…"

"I don't like questions…I don't want anybody else to know…."

"Jennifer's different." Emily quietly rolled her eyes. He'd said as much about Penelope and now she knew almost every single detail of her shame. "She just wants to help." Alright so he had yet to make such a phone call but that was easy enough once he worked with her to get the okay to do so.

"You said that last time…And now she knows too much…"

"JJ just wants to help you be less scared…" _Great…another one of those nicknames_ she thought. Being scared couldn't be helped. A person either was or wasn't. Derek knew that better than anyone. And here he was ready to throw her at some kind of therapist.

"I'm scared of everything…" she admitted.

"Are you scared of me?" More quickly than she realized, she shook her head. Derek had already asked her that and the answer was still as easy as it was the first time. "Are you scared of Clooney?" Another easy 'no'. "Why?" Emily blinked. He already knew why.

"Safe…" she whispered tracing the vein in his palm with her finger.

"They're just questions, honey. You don't have to answer them if you don't want to."

"Why does she have to come?" she mumbled. She liked it just fine the way things were now. The blonde came and went from time to time but she slowly came to accept that nothing about that was going to change. She didn't know the first thing about this JJ person. And yet, she was going to be forced to tell her secrets. Sure he'd kept that part out, but it didn't take a rocket scientist to know what his real intentions were. "I'm…I'm too much work…" Derek blanched, pulling back only fractionally when the words left her mouth. "I…You wanna give me to somebody else…"

"No…"

"Yes. First Garcia and now this other person. I'm…I'm sorry….I know I..."

"Baby, listen to me." No matter how many times that word and others like it left his mouth Emily had to remind herself that there was no one in the room but her, that they were terms meant for her to hear, even if they weren't true. "You haven't done anything. She just wants to help, that's all. Just like me. But there are some things I can't ask you…"

"Yes you can…You can ask anything." The officer shook his head. At times like this, the number this man had done on his daughter was painfully evident. There was no reversing her pain, only learning to cope with it. And as much as he wished he could, there was only so much Derek could really do for her in that way.

"Can we try it? Just once? If you don't want to do it we'll stop. She just wants to meet you and see if she can help…"

"She can't…Nobody can…"

"Please?" When the grip on his hand tightened, he sighed. "I promise I'll be right here…" he murmured.

"Can you hold me? When she comes can you hold me?" Again he found himself nodding. If this worked out, he couldn't exactly make a habit of it. But for now…For now what she wanted from him made all the sense in the world. "She can come….She can come but you can't go…Please."

"Okay," he whispered, a soft kiss eased onto the crown of her head. "I think she'd be okay with that." All the reading in the world never told her if it was true or not. But in that moment, she had no other choice but to believe him. If Emily had any hope of even showing her face to the woman, she had to believe it.

"I'm sleepy…."

"I know." It was about damn time her body asked to call it quits. Her fear had done more to her system than Derek himself could handle in her shoes. That alone told him more about her strength than she ever gave herself credit for. "I'm proud of you, Emily."

"You say that a lot…."

"Because it's true." The young woman sighed. At this point telling him otherwise wasn't going to do anything. Derek could keep his illusion if he wanted to. She herself knew otherwise.

"I don't understand…"

"The story you told? I know it wasn't easy…But you did. You pushed through and you told me everything you felt you needed to. You didn't have to say anything but you did, even though it was hard, even though it hurt."

"It made me sad…"

"I know it did." It flat out devastated her. Given the right circumstances, it had the power to quiet her completely. But she'd given him every word, no matter how ugly. And that in itself was its own form of beautiful. "But I'm glad you told me…."

"I told because you understand…" For the most part that was true. What didn't add up was how sick a man had to be to allow such terrible things to happen to his own child.

"And you're sure he didn't touch you…."

"I…I don't think so…" Now that she thought about it her father was all kinds of poison. "And if he did, it doesn't matter. He can't touch me anymore…I can't do anything about the stuff he did to me." Maybe not but he sure as hell could. "He was just being my daddy…."

"Emily…."

"I know, I know…I don't remember. There were so many drugs. He made sure I didn't see anybody's face." If the bastard thought he was being smart about it, he'd easily forgotten that he could be tracked down in at least twenty other ways. "I…I don't remember anything else, I'm sorry… she whispered.

"It's okay. Right now I just need to remember one thing, alright?" The brunette bit her lip nervously, already nodding. "What that man did…..That's his fault. You had nothing to do with that, you understand?" The poor girl was just a convenient target for his not so subtle rage. "You're smart. So smart. You're strong and you're brave. And your heart is good. They didn't teach you any of that. It's a part of who you are. All of those good things are there because of choices you made to be better than they are. You're here because you wanted _more_. You're here because you wanted to learn and understand. Nobody taught you to be good. You did that all by yourself…."

"Okay…" she whispered, unsure of exactly what it was she was supposed to say to such kind words. She'd never been one to ask for praise. The notion itself just seemed so petty. But the fact that he made a point to constantly give her that kind of acknowledgement? She'd be lying if she said it didn't make her feel good. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Anything."

"Why do you care? Why do you treat me special? I'm not the only homeless person in Chicago. There are thousands of us…"

"That may be true but as far as I know….There's only one Emily Prentiss. And to me….To me she's very special."

"You didn't answer my question…"

"I didn't?" he smirked.

"No," she chuckled. "Why did you choose me?"

"Why not you?" he countered.

"But I hurt people….That doesn't make me good…"

"When you spare the people you love, that's different from hurting them. You did what you did because you care. You did what you did so that they wouldn't know pain like you. Sounds pretty special to me. And even if that answer's not good enough for you, you're here. You're warm and you're safe and that's more than enough for me, okay? None of the rest of it matters."

"I'm not telling her any secrets..."

"That's okay."

"I'm not going to like her," she said confidently. Derek tried his best not to laugh, instead concentrating his energy on the soft twist of her hair around his fingers.

"I've heard that before..."

"Yeah well this time I mean it. Garcia has to know because of what the judge said. This one doesn't."

"Fair enough," he mumbled. She would never openly admit that the social worker almost demanded that much of the people around her. And somehow, it was never about anything she did. Not once did she ask to be liked. Much like Derek, the love she had for people dripped from every part of her, so much so that it became an infection to those around her. Emily had no choice in the matter. And she loved Derek. That much they had in common. If she cared for him that much, at the very least she could try. With this one, not so much.

Derek laughed as a small yawn slipped out of her mouth, her face almost instantly buried in his chest. "Go ahead…."

"Stay?" she whispered

"Can you close those eyes for me?" When her lids folded over, he smiled, the warmth of her breath soft across his neck. "Good girl," he murmured, fingers gently pressed to her stomach. She hadn't asked for it but if today's conversation said anything, she would be asking for it soon enough.

"She loves you so much…" she muttered tiredly. He still had no words for something like that. No matter how frequently she toed the line between her present and past, coping with the loss of her baby was not going to come easily at all.

* * *

 **A/N: There we go! I know these tend to get rather heavy, but it seems I have very little control over where this is going most of the time.**


	10. Different

**A/N: HELLO! Goodness, I don't even remember the last time I touched this thing. I am so incredibly sorry. I know it's super-duper short but I'll have to ease into the long chapters again. I realize that this one is kind of on the slow side but I think it was necessary for the content of the chapter.**

 **Disclaimer: *See Chapter 1***

* * *

As difficult as Derek knew the meeting was going to be for her, he wasted no time in arranging it. Even while knowing that making the call was the best move for everyone involved, Emily's words still managed to gnaw at him. In the last few weeks the poor woman found the strength to pour her broken soul out to him. As angry as every story made him, as uneasy as he felt while listening to them, there was always a sense of calm that came over them when she finally fell silent again. And now he was just…handing her off to someone else. His friend had been a healer for years, and still, he couldn't help thinking that there were parts of Emily's pain she would never understand as well as he did.

No matter how many times as he'd watched her break, he was constantly surprised by how quickly and cleanly she put herself back together. Jennifer had scheduled a home visit for the following week, giving them seven days to prepare. Each night Derek made sure to give her gentle reminders, each of them making her muscles tense along every inch of her tiny body.

"Easy…." he murmured massaging a finger lightly along her collarbone. Even though she understood that it was all done as a means to make her feel less scared, tonight's touch dissolved her to a quivering lip, her bones collapsing against him in an attempt to stay hidden. "It's just going to be for a couple of hours…" _Two hours_? The very idea of such a long stretch of time made her body quake. In that time, a woman she knew nothing about was going to expose her one question at a time. By the end of everything she would be as good as naked in Morgan's lap. Not that she was too concerned about what he saw. Her paranoia had everything to do with this new person. When she finally noticed how tainted she really was, what would she say? What would she do?

He'd seen this enough to know, practically felt her shrink every time. The air around the room even travelled differently. Emily's vacant eyes were a clue he didn't even have to see it anymore to know that it was there. As many times as she'd' come and gone, what went through her head when she left him was still a complete mystery.

"Emmy has to hide." Her words were barely a whisper. "Emmy has to make sure they don't see." The officer could feel his throat begin to throb. She'd never thought to hide from him. Perhaps it was the threat she saw in JJ, who was really only going to help him better understand how to help her.

"It's Derek," he murmured. "It's just Derek…You can come on right back, alright?" Could she though? Was it really safe? "I promise you it's nice and safe. I won't let anything happen to you…" As honest an answer as it was, he couldn't exactly safeguard her from the questions JJ had. That wasn't to say that he saw the blonde as a threat to her shaky disposition but Emily for the moment seemed afraid of her own damn shadow.

"Daddy…" she choked. For any other little girl a plea for her father was one for help. As simple a word as it was, the tornado of emotions it brought to the surface for her were dozens of brands of fear.

"He's not going to be there." This wasn't the first time the question came up. Nightfall seemed to be the prime opportunity for Emily to do away with any form of shielding she had. It didn't take Derek long to realize that the darkness brought on most if not all nightmares in her past. _I only had to see him at night_. No matter how twisted a trade it was, spending her days in a classroom had probably saved the young woman's life. She stated it with a breath of relief. In the smallest ways, he figured it probably was. A few hours of grace, as far away from the face of a monster as she could get. Derek let the words echo almost constantly, each syllable layering handfuls of dirt in his own mouth. The mental image was almost too much to bear. Little Emily Prentiss making her way to school as fast as her little legs would carry her wearing a smile as bright as the sun. He wondered if on the other side of that day her feet might drag as they struggled to function under the weight of heavier bones.

"He's always there," she whispered, shaking fingers knotting around their sheets. "His hands are really big…His hands hurt…." Letting out a soft sigh, he brushed his lips softly along the nape of her neck, the few seconds of affection increasing the flow of her tears. "They hurt real bad," she sputtered. "Derek's friend is going to take off all my clothes…" The officer cringed, wondering if Emily knew her tendency to sometimes speak in metaphor. If she didn't, being stripped of everything that hid her away was a constantly cycling terror he'd promised to stop. "And he's going to see. He's going to see all the pieces…"

"Emily," he whispered tenderly. "I swear to you. She just wants to meet you." Now that they were inching closer to the perspective day, Morgan almost wanted to cancel everything. Maybe it would be better if they did it another time. When Prentiss felt more put together than she was right now. _The longer she sits with these secrets, the smaller she becomes_. "I'll make sure she doesn't ask any questions. If you're not ready to answer, she won't ask."

"Hold…."

"Of course I will." Agreeing to that part of the deal was the only way he even allowed himself to pick up the phone in the first place. Threading carefully through her hair, he sighed when she barely seemed to react to his touch.

"Hold now." Derek didn't have the heart to tell her that they were in the middle of that very activity. If his own torment had taught him anything it was that embraces could never be tight enough. Not when the intention was to scare off the one person who made you piss yourself in absolute terror.

"More?"

"Uhhuh…The floor hurts my back…" Morgan blinked, wondering once again how she was able to be so aware of him and so far gone all at the same time. Every time she found the need to hide, the officer added five more reasons to shoot the man in cold blood. Whether or not he lost his badge in the process….Not at all important.

"Did you fall off the bed?" Black hair stuck to new pain when she seemed to shake the thought loose from her head.

"Emmy doesn't have a bed…They sleep on the floor." An easy enough conclusion to draw from the bastard's delusion. Really, it should've been one Derek already came to by himself. On most days he did, the idea twisting his stomach into unrecognizable knots. Though the others were far less frequent, there were times he allowed himself to hope that her father was capable of a second's compassion.

"Can you lay on your tummy for me, baby girl?" Emily seemed to consider this for a moment, nodding slowly. This bed was soft. Laying on her belly wouldn't make it hurt.

"Make it better?" Derek smiled despite himself, still wondering how on Earth she'd chosen him for trust over every other woman on the planet. Over Penelope Garcia, a woman whose hands alone were charged with the power to heal even the most destroyed of humanity. Pulling back far enough so they could rearrange themselves, his heart thudded painfully when he saw just how much trust she had in her usually clouded eyes. Still fully clothed, he noticed once more just how much of her he'd been allowed to see.

"Mhm…" Just as he went in to start on the small knots in her back, Emily trembled violently drawing Derek's touch back instinctively.

"I cold…." Morgan frowned. He couldn't think of any other way to keep what little heat she had. Over the last few hours she'd brought every viable sense of cover to the room, insisting that he wrap her in it.

"I know, sweetheart, I'm sorry. You're already using all the blankets. Maybe a hot shower will help." To his surprise, she nodded vehemently, slowly folding the blankets back despite her urgency. Luckily, neither of them had very far to go. In no less than a minute he heard the thundering of running water, no doubt turned as hard as possible. Shaking his head slowly, he took his usual place at the foot of the bed, a familiar routine that came to light within the last few days. Even when he wasn't going to be inside, she somehow felt more at ease in knowing he was just on the other side of any door. Derek would be lying if he didn't feel exactly the same. If something went wrong, he would be there. He wouldn't have to find her on the titled floor in the midst of something terrifying.

When she poked her head back out moments later, he smiled reassuringly. That was usually enough to tuck her back inside. Five minutes passed before he slowly brought himself to his feet.

"What's wrong?" Those were usually words that gave her permission to unravel. Instead he watched her barely shake her head, the door inching open slowly. "Something wrong with it?" he asked. Prentiss just rolled her lip, blinking slowly as she tried to ease her nerve. Noting her frantic expression, he stepped in closer. "Do you need me to come inside? Without a word, she nodded, allowing the cloud of steam to billow out into the room. The minute he did, Derek did everything he could to ignore the fact that the temperature was nearly enough to suffocate them. "What is it, Emily?"

"Both," she mumbled shyly, her cheeks flushing a violent red. Though one wouldn't really know given the wave in the small room that already coloured her face.

"Both what?" As comfortable as he'd gotten with her regressed communication, this was the part that frustrated him the most when she fell back on it. The only thing that made the worst unbearable was knowing how much she _really_ wanted to say and simply couldn't.

"Derek too…" Morgan rolled his lip, more unsure now than he ever had been about finding an answer. To her, it was an innocent question. But at the same time, intimacy was all she seemed to know. An intimacy that spoke of ownership as multiple men broke her repeatedly.

"Honey, I can't…" he mumbled. As quickly as pain crossed her face, she seemed conditioned to wash it away. For only a moment, Derek allowed himself a flash of anger he made sure to keep off of his face. _Son of a bitch_.

"He said he would make it better," she said softly. _Well, not quite like that_. "This way we don't hurt the baby."

"How about you get all washed up first? When you come back out, we'll fix it." He didn't need his detective skills to see her whole face fall. _She's probably reading it as rejection_.

"Oh…"

"I'll be right outside, alright?"

"But….I want him to touch…" _Trust me, I know_. "His are really soft…and warm. When Derek does, they can't…"

"I know…"

"Please? I won't tell. I know how to keep a secret." _Shit_ … None of this was about keeping anything "a secret". It was about damn respect. A notion that no other man in her life had ever been taught to practice. "He can hold me while the water makes my bones warm." Once more Derek was reminded of the one thing that probably kept her alive for the last 25 years. Stubborn, bullheaded determination.

"Okay…" It didn't take long for her face to light up, the shift in her mood pulling at his heartstrings. "But I'm keeping my clothes on." Emily on her part cringed at the idea, shaking her head with a look of disgust. "I'm not going to get sick." Only partially true. The rest of it was a shot in the dark that nothing would actually happen afterward.

"No. If you get sick your friend can't come." Morgan laughed. Sure the idea of being fully clothed was stupid in some ways but he wasn't about to violate what little privacy she still had. "We'll make it work. C'mon. Before the water gets too cold." Stepping in slowly, Emily let the scalding hot water ease the chill in her veins, happier than she should really be at the idea of Derek finally agreeing with her. Of course they weren't going to have sex. That's what beds were for. At least, so she'd heard.

With a bit of a heavy sigh, which thankfully the shower head drowned out for him, Derek slipped I behind the curtain, having removed only his socks. Needing only to sense his presence, Prentiss almost immediately molded herself to him. Pure habit wrapped his arms around her, this time inviting him to feel just how soft her skin was. Perched on the edge of her toes, she feathered her lips along his jaw, one hand holding the other as she brought his chin along her shoulder.

"Is this better?" The question was barely out of his mouth before he saw the brightest of smiles come across her face.

"Make him feel good…" The officer bit his lip, hesitation coursing through him. That was not…But what could she really do while he was fully clothed? "I wanna make you feel good…." she repeated, though her tone had done a complete 180. Derek slowly cleared his throat, completely thrown by yet another shift.

"Emily, how old are you?" Dark eyes narrowed in response, a scowl coming across her features.

"What the hell kinda question is that?"

"Uh…" How was he going to answer that without sounding like a complete liar? "Well, just a second ago you were…You know what, nevermind. I'll…let you finish and…"

"Finish what?" A very flustered man motioned to the shower head, flushing deeply when he moved onto Prentiss's very bare….everything. Once able to make the connections, Emily flushed an even deeper red, suddenly wishing she could liquefy and find her way down the drain and into the sewers below. "I ummm…." Her next choice in words knocked her almost completely off balance, the simple act rehearsing them tightening the grip she already had on him, simply to stay upright. "I'd actually….I'd like to…stay. If it's not….too weird I mean." Weird? This was weird as hell. "I….Nobody touches me like you. I was…I was hoping that….But I guess it's stupid, right? He's never really going to go away…"

He wasn't even sure which part of any of this hurt more. The fact that this was the first time he'd spoken to his equal in what felt like days. Or the fact that, no matter her headspace, she turned to him to "wash away the dirt".

"Prentiss, that's not the way to solve this…" Emily nodded slowly knowing that in capacity he was right. But there were other parts of it that being with him _would_ solve. He was just too good a man to entertain it.

"I know it won't 'solve' anything right now. But he's everywhere. I can't shake him. I have to be able to…for when your friend comes to ask questions. I need some of it to..."

"You know where I stand on that…." Emily rolled her eyes. He made it crystal clear that he wasn't'going to be the one to violate her. And for that she would always be grateful. But now, she was a consenting adult, finally allowed to dictate _who_ she pleasured. No matter how stupid…how rushed it seemed…she owed it to him. She owed it to herself to learn the difference.

"Derek Morgan, I need you to touch me," she restated, her tone hardening to one of authority. To say he was shocked to see her forcefulness would be a lie. She had always been able to express herself like this. The times in which her own memory allowed her to do so was the only difference.

"Excuse me?" Prentiss frowned, noting that he had in fact kept to his word about staying completely clothed. Her heart swelled when she realized exactly why he'd done it, the whole idea seeming incredibly bizarre in any other setting. Pivoting in his arms, she sighed, nipping lightly at the soft skin of his neck. The sigh that tumbled out of his mouth in response was one that demonstrated just how much his mind and body were willing to betray him.

The soft smile that inched across his skin should have been enough to ease his worries. Instead, it only seemed to make him more anxious. He couldn't actually go through with any of this with a clear conscience. Just five minutes prior she was no better than a toddler, simply looking to him for protection and warmth.

"Let me make you feel good," she offered huskily, quietly fumbling with his belt.

"Prentiss…." He breathed…."This isn't….'

"You…get to call me Emily," she corrected. As much as every nerve in his body knew to fight her off, Emily's tone and the soft breath that wrapped around it kept him still, completely compliant to her touching. Watching his jeans fall to his ankles, she smiled, almost giddy in her success. Given the situation she would have been too, if not for one not so minor distraction. The muscle shirt he'd stayed in was nothing but water, clearly exposing his chiselled chest. No wonder he was the only one still able to chase her across town.

Scanning further, her breath finally caught. Before Derek, she had never been given the time to…admire a client. But then again, Derek wasn't that. He was a choice. Her choice. He was someone who waited for her before so much as breathing in her general direction. No amount of hot water could disguise what she knew she'd done, the idea making her heart hammer to the point of near explosion. With slow and careful fingers, she inched his boxers further, slowly freeing him of his self-made confines.

"I did that, huh?" she smirked. The officer's head bobbed dumbly. "Do you want umm…a little help?" she teased. Did he? Wasn't this supposed to be about her? Making her feel validated in her decisions? Giving her a safe touch? Before he could offer a decent response, Emily was already falling to her knees, her mouth warm as it kissed his tip. Even so slight a touch made the man shiver, making him wonder just how hard he would have to pray for forgiveness after something like this. Taking him into her mouth, she grinned around the size of him, rubbing gently along his trembling calves.

Derek wasn't even sure when he finally let his eyes close, giving into the fact that he was on the way to breaking every single damn rule he'd put in place for himself. For Emily. Sure the water was running ice cold now, the water pressure itself fell into the background, his only real concern being that the two of them had to make it out of…whatever this was, alive. And hopefully with certain someone on solid footing in her own head. Taking hold of the wall behind him, he began a slow release, keeping an extra ear on any sudden changes in her behaviour. "Stop thinking…"

"I'm not….I'm…."

Shh…" she warned returning to full height. Pressing their lips together had become the most fluid motion. She would have to thank the touching exercises for that. In the last few weeks she'd traced these lips so many times she could feel them in her sleep, for even in dreams he was keeping the demons away. "Don't…speak. Hold me," she demanded winding his arms around her. Removing what remained of his attempts to be respectful, her mouth quickly found the centre divide between Morgan's defined breast plates.

Derek Morgan was an extremely attractive man, one who frequently made her body hum with anticipation of some kind. Anticipation she hid with learned expertise. The last person she would ever think to hand her body over to was a man of the law. Because when you survived on breaking them, what kind of sense did that make? Right here, right now, he wasn't Derek Morgan the officer. She could tell as much by the long line of gentle rejection he uttered at the sight of her sculpted body. No. This was Derek Morgan her protector. Derek Morgan, the only man who had ever cared enough about her to continuously avoid any advances she thought he wanted to see. _That ends tonight_.

"Derek?" The man in question blinked, his expression clearly that of a man being pulled from a minor trance. "I want you to take me to bed…." His natural pull toward hesitation was stopped, a soft finger pressed to his lips. "Just nod," she teased. When he finally did she hoisted her own weight across his hips, grinning into the curve of his neck.

Carefully folding her into the sheets, Morgan finally came to the full realization of the current string of events. He'd entered the shower almost completely covered…completely safe and now, he had joined Emily in a shower's natural state. Once again he was reminded of just how convincing a woman like Prentiss could be. Or maybe it was just the effect she had on him. Tonight he'd taken "I'll do anything to keep you safe" to an entirely different level. Hopefully this one would keep her present longer, even if the cost of her own freedom brought on a battle with his own good sense.

Bringing his lips along the surfaces of her soft skin was an act of magnetic tendency, one in which his own brain was hardly functioning properly. Only the moments in which he toyed with her breasts did he really have to fight himself, wondering if sensitivity like this would reverse the intended goal. Any reassurance he found himself seeking was affirmed in the gentle pressing of his face between them, her lengthened nails gliding across the edge of his neck. Letting her heels dig into his back, she sighed arching to meet his every touch.

"Emily…I don't…."

"It's not sex," she clarified. Just pretty damn close. _It's love_ she corrected. And love would give her the room to decide whether or not to have Derek inside of her. "I just….kiss me," she nearly pleaded. The request brought him up against her mouth faster than almost anything she'd ever asked him. In the twining of mouths, he couldn't keep from hoping that even this would be enough to keep away the voices if only for five minutes. His own experiences said that it wasn't an all-together cure for the bad but a numbing…a silencing.

"You're absolutely beautiful, Emily," he murmured nibbling gently at her ear. A compliment she expected from him. One that for barely a second, she actually believed. _Because he let you speak. You were in control_. The realization brought new tears to her eyes. As many times as he'd promised to wait for her….As much patience as he'd shown, actually seeing the reward in his face, the want in every cell of his body was something brand new. Yes, he'd fought it. Yes, he hesitated. And even now she wondered if he was starting to regret anything they'd done. But all of that was the consequence of a golden heart in a beast of a man who did nothing more than love her.

"You too…" she said softly. While he might be speaking of her physical appearance, Prentiss couldn't help but be drawn to all of him, with special attention to his soul and spirit. No matter how many times Derek had heard them, he couldn't help but think the compliment at its most genuine coming out of her mouth. _Because we're the same_. "Derek?"

"Yeah baby?" She'd heard it a million times but in this very setting, the general words made her heart soar.

"Thank you…"

"What for?"

"Showing me different." Morgan shook his head softly.

"This isn't different, sweetheart. This is how it's supposed to be."

"With someone who loves you…."

"Yes."

"So you love me?" she mused.

"You say that like it's a secret," he mumbled. Lost for words, Prentiss just sighed, her head pressed against the pillow while she let her fingers work across the top of his head.

"Next time….Inside." Derek's eyes widened, all too aware of her history with actually going through with the entire process. "Because I trust you. Because you won't hurt me. And because….Because I love you….I….I wanna lay like this….Together. I wanna keep feeling you all over." Smiling softly, he fell onto his elbow for support as he fell in underneath her.

"Is this better?" Nodding enthusiastically, she buried her face in his chest and giggled.

'Cause you're bigger and might crush me." Derek rolled his eyes, carefully pulling the covers around them. Pressing a kiss to her temple, he let it linger while winding her dark locks along his fingers.

"Goodnight beautiful girl. Tomorrow will be better."

"Better than this? I doubt it," she chuckled. After a moment it hit her. Even though she knew he meant it every single time with every part of himself, the promise came on instinct now. "This is good. This is really good. This is best." Realizing how close together they were, he cleared his throat softly.

"Are you sure you don't want to….In case…."

"In case we make a baby?" she mused. Despite the joking tone, the very idea of such a happy accident was one she might be willing to risk. Watching him nod nervously, Emily shook her head. "I wanna know everything, Derek. Everything that makes you special to me."

"If you change your mind..."

"I won't," she said firmly. "Now shut up and hold me. Please."

"You know I would've done it with or without that," he teased. Kissing her nose produced the softest squeak imaginable. "Try and stay with me, okay?" These words were offered much softer, repeated in his head as he sent a prayer to any and every god he could think of. When her soft breath came in more rhythmically against his skin, Derek finally allowed his own eyes to close, for the first time not afraid to discover who woke up beside him.

* * *

 **A/N: For those who are still with me….**


	11. Shadows

**Disclaimer: *See Chapter 1***

* * *

What had only been a few weeks sometimes felt like an entire lifetime. The memory of sharing a decently-sized home with just Clooney (and sometimes Garcia) was fading fast, Emily now feeling as constant as the paint on the walls. In the days leading up to her most recent breakthrough, Morgan often found himself waking up in a panic, the fist of worry only releasing its grip when he let himself take in the subtle rain of a busy shower. No matter how much curiosity nagged at him, he kept quiet when her shadowy figure slowly crawled back into bed long before the sun was even high enough in the sky. Derek could only smile softly when the smell of freshly washed hair blanketed every inch of the room, her damp hair tickling his nose. He knew then that she was dressed head to toe in only something he would wear, her slight frame making it at least three times too big for her. He noticed that she had a tendency to float between crying herself back to sleep and laying there in absolute silence. Both occasions usually demanded as much entanglement of their two bodies as she could manage. This night was no different.

When the comfort of the shower could be heard, Derek let his shoulders fall readjusting himself so his arms could be manipulated to fit her need. In an attempt to rest his eyes while he waited, he relied on his four remaining senses to help in the awareness of Emily's presence. Usually protected from head to toe, Derek could feel nothing more than skin. Naturally, his heart was halfway up his throat while she found her final position.

"Emily?" he whispered more concerned than ever. He could barely make out the soft sigh that passed her lips when his hands found her breasts. He would be lying if he said he wasn't fighting the urge to do the same. Raised by his mother or not, Derek Morgan was still a man. Thankfully, the smallest of voices kept him almost perfectly still, surprise this time only playing a minor role. The truth was that she had never asked for him like this. Up until a few hours ago, the very idea left Emily paralyzed with fear, despite the number of suggestions she made on the topic. Her lips where barely a butterfly's touch against the inside of his arm.

With any other woman it was often enough to get even the smallest rise out of him. But Prentiss was different. The kind of different put on this planet, in his life to show him something else. Because as much as she went on about how different _he_ was, she was the first of his runaways that set out to teach him even more about himself than even she knew. Being with Emily was never about the traditional intimacy he often found in the occasional girlfriend. This…whatever they were was meant to heal both parties, hopefully long term.

"I….All the hot water's gone," she whispered meekly. Derek nodded. This wasn't the first time. It sickened him to think that it wouldn't be her last either. When the falling water felt like ice against her skin, Emily barely shuffled out, feeling three times dirtier than when she stepped into it. It was still everywhere. _He_ was everywhere. In her head, on her body, _in_ her body. No amount of running, no amount of scrubbing was going to silence him. But that didn't stop her from trying one more time. Just to see if this time would be different.

"That's okay." Prentiss shook her head. No, it really wasn't. Nothing was okay. Nothing was ever really going to be "okay". She'd been looking for it for so long that she couldn't even recall what the word really meant anymore. He sighed. Both knew that the heat pump had nothing to do with the comment. "You're not dressed." Her hair swished with a careful nod. That was the point.

"I need you to help me forget," she whispered slowly pivoting in his arms to face him. That wasn't hard to puzzle out either. He just wasn't sure how they were going to go about that without…."I want you to hold me like this." The officer rolled his lip wondering how much of her anxiety this was actually going to solve. "I want your hands everywhere…" Her request wasn't necessarily laced with fear. If anything her words came through with an urgency he hadn't seen before.

"Tell me what you need," he whispered. Now it was Emily's turn to bite her lip in concentration. If she was being completely honest, she had no idea what more she wanted. She wasn't sure how to go about instructing him on the elimination of a ten year old ghost. The only solution she could think of was…No. To ask for that so soon after was...Well, it made her no better than a word she could no longer say.

"I…I need you to…I need you inside," she confessed, her cheeks warmer than they'd ever been. If it wasn't for the fact that he had learned to read two very distinct tones, Derek could say that the switch had flipped yet again. "I know it's…" Emily groaned, now hating herself even more as a result of the words that tumbled out of her mouth.

"Baby, do you know what time it is?" His comment just made her flush deeper, the natural urge to turn and hide burying her face in his forearm. "We can't….Not right now." As cruel as it sounded, part of him hoped she would forget even asking. When she suggested going all out, Morgan figured it would come later. Much later. "But right now I can hold you. I can hold you just like this…" he murmured. The calming air of his words nearly brought her to tears.

Not until he offered it to her in that moment did she realize just how little she'd been held as a child. It was a wonder she even understood the concept at all. Maybe what Derek had said had more truth to it than she originally thought. _They didn't teach you any of that. It's a part of who you are_. It was that subtle echo that brought to light who her parents really were. So far as she knew, her father had never touched her with love. Up until that fateful day, he'd never even touched her at all. Her mother had likely done it in small doses of obligation. Just enough to ensure that she stayed alive. Beyond that….Nothing.

"I….Nobody's ever just held me before." Derek had lost count of just how many times he'd heard those words. Whether they came out of her mouth or through her hands, she said them more often than anyone should have to. There were times he heard it in how close she managed to get to him.

"Shh..." It broke his heart to know that the only hands of kindness she'd ever known were his. To think that it took a person 25 years of life to understand any show of kindness was simply disgusting. As unfamiliar as the feeling was, there was a comfort in knowing that the touch belonged to Derek that made her feel like she had known his hands her entire life.

When he pressed a light kiss to the base of her neck, Emily couldn't help but squirm, every bit of his offered warmth making her organs dance unexpectedly. When she finally went still again, he brought his index finger along her chest, stopping at the top of her stomach to see if doing so brought anything back for her. Even when she began to cry quietly, Prentiss did nothing to stop him, silently hoping they would make it as far as her waistline before he thought to stop. As he began tracing along her hipbones, she slowly brought his hand to rest at the inside of her thigh. This brought his usually lazy travels to a sudden halt, the shake of his head making her chest constrict. _He doesn't want me_.

"Please…" Though there wasn't any sense of pleading in her words, he outlined before pressing lightly along her sensitive folds, the sensation making her buck instinctively, the sense of pleasure that followed rattling her entire body. She'd been forced to make her body behave this way for so long that the thought of it being something she wanted, something she asked for was still new.

"Just this," he warned gently, neither of them in any positon to use up all of their energy and resources. It didn't escape him that given the circumstance, pressed with a strong enough hand Emily could push herself through it but he would have to be dead and buried before she found herself in such a situation ever again.

"Just this," she breathed. Before now, she had always been forced to keep her eyes open. If and when they began to close, men (especially those who knew her father) took it as an insult. Either that or they got their charge out of watching all kinds of fear and pain cross her face. Emily figured it was a little bit of both, with a bit more influence on the latter, the revelation making her stomach twist. But this was Derek. Derek was touching her in a way that felt good. His hands were on her body but she was safe. He always made sure of that. This time, she could close her eyes. This time, she could like it. The minute she did, she almost instantly regretted it, her eyes snapping right back open, her entire body jarring as she gripped the sheets to steady herself.

 _He's here_. As many times as she tried, there was no forgetting eyes like those. Emily wasn't necessarily raised on religion. To be frank, her parents hardly had time to…be parents. But no one had to sit you down and explain the concept of evil. Evil was in a person's eyes. It was in their hands. It was in their words. It also helped that they were the blackholes she stared into almost every single day of her life since she was no more than four years old.

When she started to rock slowly, the twisted smile he always wore sat front and centre in her memory, the image branded to her brain. Emily let out a caged whimper, the reaction not at all tied to the pulsing of her desire felt moments before. Hearing it, Derek froze, running his hand swiftly back up along her hip. The absence of his touch brought on an entirely new sense of panic. He was standing _right there_. He was watching. "No!" Prentiss nearly shouted desperately, the word choked in her tears.

"What?" he asked frantically, naturally looking over every inch of her body to see where he had caused her injury or pain. "What's wrong? Where does it hurt?" Derek rattled off these questions with his heart in his ears, the light of the moon and stars giving him just enough to see by. Good. One less way to startle her.

"Put it back, put it back, put it back!" To say that he was confused would be an understatement. Reactions like that taught him to back the hell off. It never seemed to do a damn thing for Buford but anyone with a good moral compass and a decent dose of common sense knew fear.

"Prentiss, what is it?" Barely a second passed before she took it upon herself to put him back inside her, rocking against his touch like it was the most natural progression she'd ever known. Because it was. Being with Derek in any capacity was like breathing new air. Fresh air. Air that kept her alive. Her father was going to see that. He had to. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that he would try and fight him off, to "take her back" as it were but Derek wouldn't let him. Derek would keep her safe. With at least a dozen questions racing through his head, he resumed his slow paces, hoping it was enough to bring her iritic breathing back down to something normal.

"Put it back, put it back, put it back…"

"Shh...Nice slow breaths, alright? I can hear your heart from here." Usually a joke, the quiet that surrounded them alerted him to how anxious she was.

"He found me…." Morgan knew better than to ask who, his entire body going cold at the idea that even her most private moments could be invaded like this. They'd spent the last half hour trying to lose him and he still managed to find them anyway. "We have to keep going so he knows…" The officer knew that no physical display of anything was going to shake him but with visions that clear, it didn't really make a difference. Still, he slowly brought his hands back up around her face, fully intent on keeping her focused on him.

"Emily, look at me." There was no end to her fear as she shook her head hard. He was staring right at her, inches away from Derek. One wrong move and he would be… He watched her eyes dart in almost every other direction, doing what she could to look at literally anything else. When they finally settled, he saw them directed at something directly behind him, the invisible figure making her tremble violently. "Eyes right here. Look at me. Forget him. It's just you…and me, alright?" As much as she wanted to, as much as her body craved it, she couldn't.

"He's mad…He's really, really mad…" Despite the unevenness, he could make out every word, the pain in them so evident he could feel his own body replicating them along his bones. He wasn't even sure if it had more to do with the sympathy or the fact that they had been down this road too many times to count. Either way, he barely flinched when she took him in a death grip, her sharp nails digging into his skin. "He says you have to keep going. You have to….He wants you to…he wants you to…He wants you to…to make me come…" she whispered, not daring to say such a thing out loud. If he wasn't so intent on keeping her present, the growl that was ready to rip out of him would have echoed through the room. Instead, he ignored the comment knowing that the so-called "request" had nothing to do with Emily herself.

"He can't hurt you anymore," he whispered, the fist around his heart tightening when he realized she had found a way into his lap, even like this. "It's just you and me….I won't let him anywhere near you." As many times as she heard the words, as much as she believed them, it was something else entirely when the object of her fear was sharing a room with them. The sick knowing smirk on his face didn't help either.

"You have to touch me. You have to touch me so he knows." Even while she said the words, every hair on her head told her he did. Her father knew with startling clarity who Derek was and what he intended to do to her. Imagined or not, the man still managed to look as though he was encouraging the display, taking bets as part of a game she knew all too well.

"I'm not doing anything until he leaves," he said quietly. "He might like an audience but I sure as hell don't." No matter how scared she was, Emily still managed a small smile, making a mental note to thank him properly in the morning for everything he was already doing.

"You're not like them…" she mumbled. Saying the words aloud helped to reassure her that no matter what the monster wanted, he wasn't about to play into his games. Because he was good. Because he loved her. Wrapped in his arms, she felt a sudden chill travel the length of her body, tapping each of her insides before flowing out again.

"Good. That's good. Just breathe…" Nodding wordlessly, she ccomplied, her second wind felt deep within her muscles while she kept her tight hold on him. "Close your eyes if you have to," he mumbled. No. Closing her eyes gave her father every opportunity to hurt him. Derek had already been hurt so many times before. She wasn't about to let her sick father be yet another nightmare they had in common.

"Daddy's going to hurt you," she choked. "He's going to hurt you like he hurt me." Morgan sighed softly, a firm kiss eased to her temple while he ran his fingers gently through her damp hair.

"Focus…It's just you and me in here. Through me, remember?" Right. Through him. One shot and he would go down just as easily as Bear did. "Close your eyes, pretty girl. I'll be right here." The softest sniffle was muffled with the bulk of his shoulder. The tender flow of his words made her believe that maybe...just maybe such a thing was possible.

"Derek?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper. "This is…I know it's weird but could you…Can you sit inside me till I fall asleep? I just…If he…If he thinks we're…he won't touch me…" In the most twisted of ways, her logic had some sense to it. The only thing stopping him was a list of at least ten different things that made it equally horrendous. "It…It's not sex….I…I fell asleep with them inside me all the time. I…I never liked it…It…It made me feel dirty. To them I was garbage. If….If you…Because of you I feel pretty. When we touch, I'm special…You….You want me. All I…All I can remember is that they made me...They forced themselves inside of me…"

"Emily…." The softest kiss she'd ever laid upon his lips stopped any attempt at words he had. "Baby, I don't think that's a good idea…" As much as he understood _why_ , the idea in general was twisted beyond recognition.

"But…"

"We're not protected," he pointed out. No matter how much skin on skin contact managed to calm her down, without a safeguard for the fact that they were _this_ close was just going to turn up rocks that didn't need looking under for a long time, if ever again.

"Yes we are," she corrected. How else did he think she managed to give men what they wanted when they refused to come prepared? Just because she didn't have a roof over her head didn't mean she didn't know her way to the damn clinic. Sex was meant to be a way to stay alive, not dead. Just because she was a disease didn't mean she wanted to make everyone else around her suffer the same fate.

"I don't have…"

"You know that free clinic you go by every time you come get me?" she mumbled. Even while he nodded, Derek didn't miss the way she arranged her words. Whether or not It was simply because she was too used to talking about it like that didn't stop the quiet pang from knocking him completely off guard.

"Sweetheart, you're not going back there." Emily blinked going through her response quietly in her head.

"I know," she whispered, her head pressed to his chest. "I guess I just…I'm used to saying it," she admitted, her entire face lighting up with embarrassment. Just the fact that those words had become her norm made Derek sick to his stomach. "I…I go there to…get stuff. It's…They're free."

"I know they are." That didn't make the fact that she needed to use them at all any easier to swallow.

"We won't make a baby," she said. Even if those words were meant as a comfort for them both, a part of Emily felt a moment of sadness about it too. Given the opportunity to have Derek's baby inside of her would bring her more joy than he would ever really know. _Maybe one day….When I'm better. When he doesn't have to take care of me all the time. When I'm not scared…_ Despite the comfort it brought him, the way she reassured him wasn't missed. In that moment, he couldn't help but think he struck a nerve. "We already know I'm not very good at it…"

"Shh…That's not true." Emily just shrugged. No matter how anyone chose to look at it, he _did_ ask him to take a shotgun to her stomach. She had ended a human life, no matter what the circumstances might have been. "And that's also not why. You'll have a baby when you're good and ready. When you're healthy." She knew Derek was right. He almost always was. That didn't make the idea anymore appealing. It didn't make her any less sad to know that a baby…his baby was probably never going to happen anyway. It then struck him that he'd never actually seen her take anything. "Wait a minute….When do you take them?"

"They're in the bathroom…" she mumbled. "I'm not always…here but…For five minutes right after? My head is better and I'm me. That's when I take them. I never forget. Because even if I forget once…"

"Something might happen." Again she nodded, quietly bringing her hand down into his lap. As much as he wanted to put an end to this idea, he really wasn't sure how to anymore. She was intent on forgetting her pain. Derek helped her replace that pain with good feelings. She was protected. Beyond outright telling her no, there wasn't much else he could do. When he was finally settled himself, the sigh of contentment fell out of his mouth without warning, the sound spreading the biggest smile across Emily's face. _I did that. I made him feel good_. Carefully readjusting herself in his lap, he sucked tenderly at the soft skin of his neck, finally letting her eyes close.

"Now he can't come…" she sighed willing herself to become impossibly small in his arms. This time it was more out of wanting to surround herself in him than the original fear those words usually brought up. "He can't come because you're already here. You're inside me. He can't come because you love me…"

"….and he doesn't know the first thing about love," he sighed.

"Daddy doesn't have to know that it can feel good. I…I can keep a secret…" Biting his lip, Derek presed a light kiss to the crown of her head.

"Stay with me, pretty girl. Stay with me…." Much like hours before, he couldn't quite make sense of what exactly brought them from point A to point B. But here they were, in very much the same questionable position. Even though it didn't make all the sense in the world, letting her explore affection she had clearly never been exposed to before managed to keep her present. For tomorrow's meeting with JJ, Emily needed to be as aware of herself as possible. At the same time, he also hoped that she felt safe enough to disappear behind her mask. There was a good chance that Emmy had a better understanding of how to help Emily than Emily did. He would be lying through his teeth if he didn't at least admit that falling asleep like this had very evident perks. He only hoped she didn't _need_ it all the time. No way in hell was he willing to be compared with a good for nothing bastard. Not in any capacity. Even if he was "good". Even if he did love her.

* * *

 **A/N: Yes, yes, I know. Another impossibly short one. I'll be back next week(ish) with more.**


	12. JJ

**Disclaimer: *See Chapter 1***

* * *

Despite how easily she'd fallen asleep, Emily struggled to pry her eyes open at the first sight of the sun. Since her run in with Steve, seven days wove into one another more swiftly than she would have liked. Only three days after her unexpected breakdown, Derek found her a second storefront where the manager was supposedly less intimidating. Even though her body was rigid with hesitation, she managed to make it to each of her shifts, the hours coming and going before she had very much time to put significant thought into it. With the idea of yet another one of Derek's connections imposing on her limited privacy, she quietly welcomed the distraction. With something to do, she had very little if any time to consider just how much JJ was going to ask of her when the day finally showed itself. The fact that now she shot upright, her heart hammering in her chest, the easy blend of seven was currently taking significant pause.

Not until she pressed a sweaty palm to her chest in a lame attempt to slow its rhythm did she remember how they had fallen asleep. In the presence of anyone else, the smile she found wouldn't be as genuine and smooth as the one that crawled across her mouth now. Next to her, the officer was still fast asleep, the arm outstretched behind her likely numb with the weight of her body. For only a moment she felt guilty at the idea. Easing a soft kiss to his lips, she quietly walked around to his side of the bed picking up one of many discarded shirts. How long it had been laying there untouched she didn't know. All that mattered was that it was still bathed in his natural perfume and long enough to cover parts of her that only he had ever seen.

Quietly slipping out of the room she met Clooney at the foot of the stairs, lightly rolling her eyes when he nipped at her heel with a soft grunt. With so many changes, at least she could rely on one or two consistencies. After filling the retriever's bowl, she set to work on her next task; making breakfast for the two of them. It was really the least she could do after everything she'd put him through in the last few days. Taking in the muffled sound of the shower just above her, her body hummed with new found anticipation. Finally she could give herself brief moments of an exercised imagination, though what she now pictured was something she'd seen with her own two eyes. Minutes later Derek's familiar step came in closer, turning her attention to a muscled officer dressed in nothing more than a towel.

"Morning," he mumbled, his natural scent wrapping around her like the blanket she didn't think she needed until he pressed a routine kiss to her forehead. Though she hadn't meant to, Emily found herself stepping in closer, soaking in every bit of reassurance he had to offer.

"Hi..." she whispered, more confidently than she had in past exchanges. After a moment, she shuffled back, the strong smell of coffee reminding her why she forced herself out of bed that morning.

"Something smells good," he mumbled brushing a thumb lightly along her lower lip. The combination of comment and touch brought a light blush to her cheeks, even while being absolutely certain he wasn't referring to her at all. At least, she hoped he wasn't. Not right now anyway. Derek had a tendency to leave her thoroughly distracted and she had to rein in as many coherent thoughts as possible. Noticing the flush out of the corner of his eye, Morgan smirked tugging at a ringlet of her hair before stepping around her.

"I…I hope you don't mind. I kind of…did some digging around the kitchen to…"

"You didn't have to make me breakfast, Prentiss." The young woman bit her lip nervously, dreading the thought of him absolutely hating it.

"I…I made you pancakes too. The strawberry ones, with extra whip cream. I…I know you like them best." Derek smiled plating a short stack and finding a place at the kitchen table.

"Thank you," he grinned, a little bit surprised that she seemed so nervous. They had both been floating around this kitchen for weeks. Today, it was like she could barely set foot in it without looking over her shoulder. "You wanna have a seat?" he mumbled pointing a fork at the chair next to him. Emily quietly complied, watching his every expression out of the corner of her eye. Catching her gaze, he frowned. "What is it?" Hoping to keep any concerns to herself, her lips began to form words without warning.

"What if she finds out that something is wrong?" she muttered, stretching her hands in an attempt to keep them occupied. With a fork hovering at his mouth, he looked up, trying to process her question while providing a sufficient answer.

"She just wants to talk to you," he affirmed. Even while she nodded, meeting Garcia gave her enough indication that things like this usually meant a lot more than that.

"But what if there's something wrong?" she repeated. "What if I don't come back after?" Derek sighed, keeping to himself that pulling out her mask was somewhat of an ideal situation. Squeezing her hand across the table, he wove his fingers in silently.

"I'll still be here," he mumbled. No matter how many times she'd heard those exact words, something about hearing them now seemed to settle frazzled nerves she didn't think she had until he spoke them.

"And you'll hold me? No matter what?" A second nod pulled a sigh of relieve from her plumped lip. "Please don't leave me alone with her," she mumbled. "Even when she asks you to?"

"She won't," he mumbled. After a few encounters there was a good chance of that but today wasn't supposed to be about digging too deeply into her past. If it happened, it happened. If it didn't, there were always other opportunities. Derek had lost count of the various ways he offered the same reassurances. Considering how much she kept hidden, it wasn't all that suprirsing either. He would be labeled a hypocrite if he didn't understand the same secrecy about his own demons.

"You keep saying that but…Garcia was supposed to just be your friend…Now she comes over all the time, just to make sure I haven't stabbed myself," she mumbled. The officer rolled his eyes, remembering all too well the impromptu shopping trip both women forced him to attend just the other day. The time to hold Garcia's secondary role against him had come and gone a long time ago.

"You two were pretty cool over the weekend. If I remember right, you worked together to max out my credit card." Mention of their spree made Emily blush, the sheer amount spent on various articles of clothing making her feel tremendously guilty.

"Sorry…." she whispered, her voice equally small. "I…It's not like me." Derek just smiled squeezing her hand gently.

"I never said I had a problem with it." Money was tight in general lately but seeing as Prentiss was just starting to experience life, he figured it was a small price to pay. Just the fact that she'd been able to smile more readily was all the indication he needed that this was the better alternative.

"Derek….I'm not supposed to do things like that," she mumbled, each one of her proxy family members flashing right before her as some kind of warning. "It…It's not fair. I get to live in a castle while they...I'm lucky to see them at all most of the time. He nodded slowly, his heart throbbing as she spoke of her Chicago family.

"Emily, you're allowed to treat yourself…" The short excursion offered Garcia the chance to observe without any real pressure, an added plus he made a point not to mention. Thankfully she noted that Prentiss was making "good progress". She hadn't exactly gone onto explain it too much but he took the assessment gladly.

"They're my family, Derek. All they've done is take care of me. And the first thing I do is jump at the chance to leave them behind. They're right to call me a selfish bitch. Because I am." Crossing his silverware on an empty plate, he folded his hands, trying to find the proper words.

"Survival isn't selfish," he whispered. "Every last one of you deserve that." Emily shook her head. This wasn't about making it out alive. This was about the chance to sleep in a bed. She now got three meals a day. Just months before, it took three of them to find just one source of food. "Look at this way, Garcia needed new shoes. Do I look like the kind of person who has a believable opinion on that kind of thing?" Trying her hardest to hide a smile at the mental image he'd put in her head, she shook it slowly. "There you go. You just saved me a bunch of whining."

"You two are pretty close, huh?" Morgan nodded slowly, unable to recall a time in his life when the blonde wasn't somehow by his side.

"In case you're wondering, I have guy friends too," he said, making a point to say something about it before the follow up question left her mouth. "And no, Garcia and I have never dated. She's like a sister to me." Prentiss bobbed her head slowly, silently relieved to be given the reminder. "Both the best and worst thing to happen to me," he laughed. "Always finds a way to make almost anybody smile. That kind of thing is hard to find."

"Is…Is she coming over too?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I think it'll depend on what she needs for your assessment. Would it be terrible if she did?" Emily thought about that for a moment, still not quite

"I…She's going to ask really personal questions. Maybe not today but later." Derek nodded slowly, already mentally preparing for the slow unravelling.

"I know," he said remembering all too well how personal his own counsellor often was. "But she does that to help you." Without meaning to, she let her gaze drop, mentally stumbling over her words hoping they wouldn't just pour out of her mouth.

"You said that sometimes you can't be there," she whispered. Again Morgan nodded, the uneasiness more than clear in the way she spoke. Even though every part of her wished he could be, she couldn't be so damn dependent on him. She was almost certain that if he didn't care about her as much as he did, her neediness would give him reason to snap by now. "Would it be okay if I….When you can't be there…" she stopped, clearing her dry throat, once more working diligently to avoid his eyes.

"All you have to do is ask." Even though she hadn't yet, Derek already knew that someone like Garcia would jump at the opportunity. She had a tendency to stick her nose in almost everything. When it came to someone needing her help? Well, that just made her more determined to do something. "I'm sure she'd love to. It might even be easier for you to have her there instead of me."

"She doesn't understand like you though."

"You'd be surprised," he mumbled. Emily raise d a curious brow, silently wondering if she had unintentionally pulled at a thread she shouldn't have. "Penelope doesn't _get_ it but she knows better than almost anyone how to make you feel safe. I know you don't want to but I promise you, you can tell that woman just about anything."

"I'm not weak," she nearly blurted.

"Nobody said anything about you being weak, Emily."

"She has to know that…She has to know that I fought. I'm alive because I fought…"

"Yes you did. Now, you think you're ready to try? JJ's going to be here in a few minutes." Prentiss sighed. This wasn't exactly her idea of a Saturday. She was supposed to feel calm and relaxed. Currently she was ready to claw at her own face as she swam in anxiety.

"I won't like her," she grumbled. Jennifer might be his friend but he couldn't help but agree at least a little bit. He wasn't best friends with his therapist either.

"Tell you what. If you're still up for it after, we'll head to the park." Emily swallowed hard, remembering all too well what happened to her the last time they had gone. "We'll find a nice quiet spot and just…"

"No," she shot back much too quickly. "I told you before that I wasn't going ot go back," she added on the edge of panic, her chest already filling ot the brim with unease.

"We don't have to talk to anyone. We don't even have to look at anyone. If we go we can just…"

"They're going to see…"

"I'll make sure they don't." Emily couldn't help but think that an impossible task. The park was public property. Anyone could come and go as they pleased, draw their attention to anything that caught their eye. "Will you at least think about it?" Prentiss hesitated. She didn't have to say yes. But she could tell by the look on his face that he hoped she would. Still unsure of a solid answer, she nodded. Yes, she would think about it. She just hoped he wouldn't hate her if the answer was still no.

* * *

Both had taken their place on the couch almost an hour earlier, Emily's body blaring with uncertainty. She had taken his hands on instinct, quietly begging him to wrap his arms around her as tightly as he possibly could.. This time, the request was not so much about her unborn child as the hope that having them there would keep her from throwing up in their living room. When the doorbell sounded, Emily almost jumped clear out of her skin, a soft cry falling out of her mouth.

"You'll be okay," he murmured. Hearing the soft click of an opening door, she let her eyes dart in every other given direction. She had been reassured that JJ was absolutely no threat to her but as true as that was, the woman was about to be given access to everything that scared her to death. Daring to bring back her unsure gaze, she smiled only a little at the sight of familiar shoes much too strappy and bright for a doctor.

"Hey baby girl." The gentle greeting gave Emily yet another glimpse into just how important this relationship was to him. Already her presence took an enormously heavy weight off his chest. The realization that she was the one who probably put it there made her feel guilty all over again. Slowly, she slipped off his lap, watching the two embrace brought unexpected tears to the young woman's eyes. She could only hope that she filled an equally big void in Derek's life.

"Hello my loves," she chirped lightly squeezing Emily's shoulder soon after. Her ears perked at the unmistakable pluralization of the word leaving her to wonder once again why Penelope Garcia cared so damn much about a woman she barely knew. _Because you're important to him_ she rationalized. Derek would say that it was a lot more than that but for the time being, her own conclusion had to be the most logical. For that reason, she forced herself to relax when the woman touched her, offering a hint of a smile in response.

"Hi Garcia…" For a minute she was almost sure she hadn't been heard but when expressive eyes turned her way, the blonde's smile only seemed to grow.

"You look good," she whispered. Even if it was meant to be a compli ment, she wasn't quite sure she believed it. If any bit of that was referring to the fact that she felt better than the last time they'd seen each other, then yeah, maybe she did look good. "I hope you don't mind that I tagged along." Only a small part of her did mind but she wasn't about to say that. Penelope wouldn't be making a big deal of the fact that she would be curled up tightly in his lap. In fact, she seemed to encourage it sometimes. "JJ says she has some ideas and. I'd just like to…know how I might help you more." Prentiss nodded uneasily. Wanting to "help her" was only part of the reason for her being there and on some level everyone in the room knew that.

After sitting in silence for what felt like forever, the sound of the doorbell made Emily jump, her nails digging harshly into Derek's wrist on impulse.

"Shh..." The soft kiss he pressed to the base of her neck drew a heavy sigh. Half expecting to be knocked off her safe perch, several other nerves fell silent when Penelope rose to let her in. Looking up as the woman stepped into the room, the officer gave a soft smile, though his eyes were not nearly as expressive as they had been moments before. If she dared to think about it, he almost looked…protective. Given the circumstance, she wasn't quite sure if it was for her benefit or his own. "Hey JJ, thanks for coming to us." The soft click of her heels brought Emily's focus back to the couch that sat across from them, her natural tendency to size up the occupant coming over her without warning.

"Not a problem, Morgan. A lot of the time, house calls are easier." Emily's gaze shifted once more, hoping her face looked steady when she finally chanced a look at the unfamiliar guest. "Hi Emily, I'm Jennifer. You can call me JJ. It's nice to meet you." Despite the small greeting sitting on the edge of her tongue, Emily remained silent, glancing between the only two familiar figures in the room.

"Okay."

"So…How do you two know each other?" Prentiss had to fight the urge to roll her eyes. That was not only a stupid as fuck question but an answer she already had." To that, she chose to shrug.

"Usually outside the7-11," she said honestly. "Sometimes I'm at the grocery store. Guess it depends on the day." Even though she knew that wasn't even close to the truth, she wasn't about to say anything about restaurant dumpsters and their occasional meeting outside of _Planned Parenthood_. The answer seemed sufficient enough as nobody chose to correct her.

"How long have you known Derek for?"

"A while," she mumbled.

"Would you say that you two are friends?" Over the last few days they had taken "friend" to an entirely different level but she figured that wasn't even close to an appropriate answer.

"I guess," she shrugged. "I mean, he's the only one who actually comes to get me anymore."

"Where does he usually come to get you?" _Where else?_ she thought _I was a rat. Sometimes I still am._

"Outside the store," she repeated dryly. "He has to because it's his job."

"Where does he take you after?" _He puts me in a box. A really small box._

"He puts me in jail." Behind her Derek frowned, trying hard as hell to ignore the fact that she spoke about it so presently. He had to remind himself that she had to if they were going to help her.

"What does he put you in jail for?" she asked, noticing Penelope stiffen beside her.

"Because I take stuff."

"What kind of stuff do you take?"

"Food and water."

"Is that all?" Emily nodded silently leaving out the part of her answer that made it no more than a white lie.

"Yeah." These were questions everyone in the room knew the answers to. For that reason she found herself answering them as simply and quickly as possible. She also knew that asking them was all part of the woman's job. _It'll make him happy_ she thought. Given the week from Hell she'd dealt him, she couldn't stand the thought of disappointing him more than she already had.

"Would you say that you like it there?" At that Emily stiffened, the words she was ready to spill doused with fire.

"What the fuck kind of question is that? You'd have to be a freaking lunatic to _like_ it in there. We go there because we have to. It's not exactly Disney World." Granted, she only knew how "happy" a place it was based on the commercials she saw on TV. It was one of the last things she saw before her dad set it on fire. Only later would she learn that he was drunk off his ass when he was her in front of it. She still wasn't sure what set him off that day, though an even bigger part of her didn't really care. She could be walking around in socks and the man would go off on her.

"That's true. But you've been in there quite a bit over the last few years."

"I'm not crazy," she shot back quickly, ready to debunk that part of the argument the woman held.

"I'm sure you're not. Is there another reason you kept finding yourself in there?" Prentiss swallowed hard, looking to Derek for some form of reassurance. In that moment she hoped he could provide her with a decent enough answer. Anything she said would make her look like a pathetic loser.

"I don't know," she mumbled. "He was stupid enough to come get me." Derek rolled his lip, hearing the blame she didn't have to put into words.

"So it's officer Morgan's fault you ended up in jail."

"I guess."

"Did you ever think to stop?" Prentiss opened her eyes wide, hearing the accusation JJ intelligently kept in her mouth.

"That's a stupid fucking question," she said stiffly.

"Why is it stupid?" Emily sighed, every part of her mouth coated with frustration.

"Because it is," she grumbled. "That's like me asking you why you go to work everyday. I did what I did because doing what I did kept me alive. I didn't steal for drugs, I never took a single thing of alcohol. I stole to stay alive. You would too…." The second part she added with a touch of hesitation, dropping her gazed to Derek's hands, choosing to play with them in an attempt to avoid the stare she knew to be on the woman's face. She wasn't the first one to judge her. She wouldn't be the last one either.

"Chicago has a lot of kitchens and shelters. Did you ever go there?" Slowly, she nodded, her eyes still drawn to the fine lines of Derek's huge hands. "And what happened when you did?"

"There was no food. Everyone already took it all. When I needed a bed, they were all full." Hearing this, Garcia frowned, her heart slowly chipping away while she dared to imagine the girl struggling to meet her most basic needs. "The ones in jail are really hard. They hurt my back. But there's food there. And Derek takes care of me…"

"How does Derek take care of you?" The question made Emily squirm uncomfortably in his lap, her hands unconsciously tightening the hold on her he already had.

"Whe-When I went to jail, he brought me food…" It wasn't anything extravagant but it was something. Something she didn't have to almost die to get a hold of. "At bedtime he brought me extra blankets…Because he knew."

"Because he knew what?"

"He knew that I was cold."

"That was really nice of him." Emily softly shook her head.

"He did it because he was supposed to…" Morgan blinked, the tone he'd already grown so familiar with slowly beginning to show itself.

"Stay with me…." he whispered. Hearing the warning, she quickly tightened her already firm grip, hoping that doing so would keep her in her own damn head, just this once. When she made an effort to stand a couple inches taller, the air shifted once more.

"You and Derek live together, right?" She nodded. "Do you feel safe here?" Another nod. "What does he do to make you feel safe?" Again the young woman shrugged, ignoring the fact that she had already asked the question earlier.

"It's warm…"

"What's warm?" _His lap…His breath…His arms…His bed_. She had to make a conscious effort to keep the real answer to herself.

"Derek doesn't make me sleep outside so I guess that's good."

"It is good. It's very good. Do you like it here, Emily?" Even though she allowed it for the sake of earlier pleasantries, only one person was ever allowed to call her that.

"Don't call me that," she grumbled, her voice laced with warning she hoped the woman wasn't stupid enough to ignore.

"She prefers Prentiss," she heard Garcia offer quietly

"I'm sorry." When she rephrased the question more appropriately Emily only managed another shrug. "What don't you like about it?" As much as she wanted to retract her earlier statement, deep down she knew she wasn't allowed to like it so much. Soon enough she would have to give it up, no matter hwo often Derek made a point to tell her otherwise.

"I don't know." How could she lie without lying? Deciding to keep it at that, she hoped JJ wouldn't press the issue. When the room suddenly fell silent, Emily unconsciously pressed her weight into his chest. Was she done? Could they go to the park now? After scribbling on in her notes for what Emiily figured was the hundredth time, the unfamiliar blonde slowly rose. As much as JJ was ready to point out the sudden shift in posture, she made a note of it for a later time. She had promised Derek that they would stay away from anything too personal for at least the first meeting.

"Prentiss….would it be okay if I came back later? I was hoping visit a little bit more." Just the thought of it made small hairs stand at the back of her neck. _No. Once is enough._ If she came back again, she would ask her _real_ questions. Questions that made her want to hide. After so much fight to come back out she wasn't about to let this lady send her back. Especially in front of Penelope, who she was sure had a lot of things to write in her own file about how "good" she looked. Instead, she chose to shrug, offering a sense of indifference. "If you don't want me to, you're allowed to say that." _No I'm not_. She wasn't about to tell the woman how she felt in general. Just because she knew her name and a few details left in every single file across Chciago didn't mean she was suddenly allowed inside her head.

"If you want…"

"I'd like that. Thank you." She couldn't help but wonder if the entire team would be present at every one of her "meetings". At least for now, there was a certain comfort in the thought of it. Not only was Derek ready to step up for her but this proved that Penelope was as well. She hadn't exactly provided anything extra but knowing she was still in the room was…comforting. She was now beginning to see why Derek took such a liking to her. Garcia had a calm about her that nobody intentionally asked for. For only a moment she considered asking the woman to stay for dinner. Hearing the front door click, she turned expectant eyes over to Derek.

"Can we go now?" The inquiry came through in nothing more than a whisper. It would have been missed entirely if Derek wasn't already so well-versed. Watching her friend nod, Garcia finally gave into her slight curiosity.

"Where are you guys off to?" Letting her eyes shift for only a moment, she slowly found her words.

"The park. Y-you can…You can come if you want." She kept to herself just how much she wanted the woman there. Garcia would bring her nerve back down just by being there. It wasn't Derek but it was just as good. As much as he had always done for her, her guard was nonexistent when they were alone. Unless she made a conscious effort, everything she had done in the past few days would revert back to nothing.

"I would love to," she smiled."

"C-can Molly come too?" She had only met the small pug a few times but she was nice eough. She certainly had a way of bringing Garcia down a few notches. She was no Clooney but a dog's company was almost as effective as their human counterparts.

"I don't have a problem with it," Derek shrugged. When Garcia nodded enthusiastically, Emily let out a sigh of sudden relief. _Three times the protection_.

"Just in case…."

* * *

 **A/N: There we go! :)**


	13. Hearts

**Disclaimer: *See Chapter 1***

* * *

With exception to the questions she'd been asked, it wasn't hard to see that at least today she didn't have a lot to say. If she spoke at all, most of it was in her ways rather than her words. Derek had the slightest suspicion that it was for the most part an attempt to stop any kind of triggering JJ might try to bring to the surface. When finally she did speak, her hushed tone offered the most obvious hint; she hadn't meant to let any of that out, a notion that further confused the police officer. Before he could find the proper stringing together of words, Garcia turned to her slowly.

"Just in case what?" she aked trying to extract the question herself. It wasn't necessarily to gain information. Emily Prentiss was unfortunately as textbook as they came. To engage her in any form of conversation would at the very least keep her occupied and at least moderately conversational. Hearing her words echoed back, the young woman cleared her throat, scouring the floor for a focal point. Moments later she met Derek nervously, his head slightly tilted in his friend's general direction. Prentiss shook her head. Just because she was finally starting to feel oay about having her over so much didn't suddenly translate to open discussion of any kind. Just because Derek trusted her in life and death didn't mean that Emily had to. At least…not yet.

"The boy," she offered flatly. Penelope could draw from that what she wanted. Unless Morgan was going to specifically ask her to, she wasn't at all comfortable with sharing more than she already had to with the woman, no matter how brightly she smiled at them. Upon her quiet confession, Garcia saw her friend toy with his badge out of the corner of her eye.

"What about the boy?" Bothh watched as the young woman's eyes shifted nervousl, hands subconsciously reaching around her own stomach. "Prentiss….?" As much as she had only given Derek permission to speak her first name, hearing that come out of Garcia's was starting to feel equally strange. Probably because over the last few weeks, the blonde seemed to have a small dictionary dedicated to pet names. Her throat often went dry with the realization that the woman reserved that kind of play for those she seemed to care a lot about.

"I…We went to the park before. He said it would be a good idea to try something different, get me out of the house. We…We were cuddling and it was…nice. And then…he starts calling me names. Really mean names. Not the kind of stuff you guys call each other. It…It definitely wasn't the kind of stuff that he says to me. Because what he says to me makes me feel good. It makes me feel special. He…He called me ugly. He laughed at Derek because I'm garbage," she mumbled. As was common practice, Morgan felt himself mentally preparing for the slow spiralling Emily often sent herself into. To his surprise, her usually timid response was replaced with a hesitant look to Garcia. The two were equally painful to watch cross her face but at the very least she was looking to more than just him; an improvement he knew wasn't going to show itself for very long but for the time being, he just watched them silently.

Even if deep down some variation of such ugly words was coming, the delivery of them still sat heavy on the blonde's heart. Thankfully she didn't look torn. Instead Penelope managed to detect a moment of gentle sadness in her eyes. Almost as though she had come to accept it about herself without the usual hostility that most of her clients held. "He tod him to leave us alone but even after he left, I wanted to leave. I wanted to come home." Regardless of the weight of her careful confession, this was the first time Garcia had ever heard Emily refer to living with Derek as home. Progress. Barely any but still progress. She was finally trusting the situation enough to try and find her own footing.

"I understand. I don't like being called names either." Emily bit her lip, watching her probation officer with a new curiosity. There was no question that the woman before her made a conscious effort to defy every logical form of conventionality but she often admired Penelope for her ability to keep people from getting under her skin.

"People are mean to you too?" Based on the small smirk that crossed both of her friends' faces, she quickly realized that it was a bit of a stupid question. "I mean, I guess I understand why I just…You always look so happy. I don't think I've ever seen you sad before." When Garcia's thumb lightly brushed her cheek, Emily only held stiff for several moments before slowly allowing it. Feeling her go rigid, the blonde let her touch hover, only floating back over when her muscles relaxed slightly.

"There are a lot of mean people in this world. Even the pretty ones get a little bit of shade." Derek smiled softly at his friend's calming effect, knowing all too well the gentle power of her words. "But you know what you gotta do? Hold your head up." high. You hold your head up high and you strut."

"Huh?" The words weren't lost on her as much as the momentary mental image her suggestion created.

"Walk tall and proud." Emily had to bite back a laugh. How the hell was she going to accomplish that when she was purely disgusted at what she'd become over the years? "And keep walking. Because what they have to say doesn't matter. You know who you are." _A slut_. "You know who loves you." _Derek loves me._ "When you realize that…none of the rest of it matters. "The ones who do, they're in this room. That's it. That's all you have to remember." Recalling something similar, she couldn't help but think that Penelope was the source for all of his motivational speeches.

"Derek loves me," she whispered, the one thing she was growing more and more certain of barely able to come out of her mouth then.

"Yes I do," he confirmed gently. "Whether or not we go is entirely your choice. But you gotta know that I won't let anything happen to you."

"I do," she whispered toying with her hands in an attempt to hide the embarrassment that came across her face.

"And this time, we've got back up." Those words slowly brought to mind their fury counterparts, though further reflection reminded her just how much the man a few feet from her looked up to the woman who without her knowledge managed to take Emily's hand. If there wasn't so much love and trust slowly flooding the small room, her natural tendency to pull away would have been terrifyingly automatic. If she had any clarity of mind at all she would have done exactly that. The slow rolling of mental fog only drove her to grip the woman's hand more tightly, though she made no attempt to step any closer.

"Well, I'm not sure how much physical help I'll be but I can certainly try. Between the two of us, the actual takedowns are his job," she teased. Upon hearing those words, Prentiss could feel her heart begin to hammer in her chest. What if it really came to something like that? What would she do? What would they do while he ran after the guy? Who would eep them safe?

"That's why you've got Molly," he joked, the comment making Prentiss smile despite herself. Based on the few times the five of them spent time together, the most "attack" she'd seen in the pug was playful at best.

"I don't know…" she mused. "Molly doesn't look like much of an attack dog." Derek's eyes widened.

"You're kidding me, right? First time I met Molls she was ready to take at least half of my fingers into the backyard." Both women simultaneously rolled their eyes at him. "You don't believe me…"

"No," they answered together.

"Well believe it. There's a scar and everything."

"Right…." Derek offered nothing more than that, more than happy to see a moment of light dancing in Emily's eyes. He may have stretched the truth just a little bit. Molly had in fact been nothing but good to him, though he wasn't above questioning the pug's ability to tear into flesh if it meant protecting her owner. If the dog was anything like her owner, there was not a doubt in his mind that they both had sharp claws only ever used for appropriate reasons.

Garcia found her own smile when she felt Emily carefully pull away from her, quietly shuffling across the room to where Derek stood. She stood before him for less than a minute before quietly wrapping her arms around him; an action that earned an almost immediate response.

"I'm proud of you," he whispered. Today's meeting hadn't been much at all for most people but Emily still found fear in her own shadow sometimes. Her defensive nature came out screaming around those she didn't know well enough, especially those intent on getting a story out of her. She nodded slowly, her face buried in his chest in an attempt to conceal a few seconds of embarrassment. No matter how many times she'd heard them, the words still left her irrationally excited. More than likely because only Derek had ever dared to say them. "I know you didn't want to, but you did."

"I wanted to hide," she admitted. "But I knew it would make you sad so I…I didn't." Morgan frowned, the reason for her nails' impressions offering a momentary burn to his wrists.

"It wouldn't have made me sad. I know it was hard but you did it. You held on."

"'Cause you were there. You made me feel safe. It made me wanna be brave." From where she stood, Penelope slowly brought herself back down into a chair, watching the exchange with new clarity. None of this was anything she hadn't already heard before. And yet…there was a shaking confidence in which Emily managed to hold herself. "I don't know if he's going to come. But I know you'll keep me safe You'll keep me safe because you promised."

"Emily, we don't _have_ to go. It was just an idea. A little bit of fresh air might help." He hadn't said that the first time they'd gone but it wasn't hard to figure out then either.

"I said I wanted to. I'd just feel better if everybody went. I…I don't know what he'll do. He might hurt you." Morgan bit his lip, almost absolutely sure that he'd handled way too many teenage boys to let him be a problem. Still, he subconsciously held her tighter, hoping that his touch would be enough to level her back out after her nerves took a sudden spiking. The soft sigh that slowly fell from her lips was all the answer he needed.

"I think we might have to. Clooney didn't look to happy about being left behind last time." Her shoulder's suddenly fell lower, a quiet pop alerting her to the tension she'd been keeping in them. "We can make a day of it. "

"And maybe a movie when we get back," Emily suggested.

"Sounds like a decent plan to me. We'll just have to make sure Ms. Garcia keeps the wine to a minimal," he laughed. The blonde softly glared at her friend, flushed with her won sense of embarrassment.

"If she doesn't, it's okay. She can have my room. I don't use it." Penelope eyed the two of them curiously, mentally working through Emily's choice of words in her head. "Penny can have fun too." The probation officer made a mental note to ask for some kind of clarification, her own eyes answering to her quiet curiosity.

"I'll try my best," she grumbled. "It really depends what kind of movie we watch…" Derek chuckled softly, finally pulling back just enough to round up the four-legged creature. "I actually have a few snacks I've been meaning to bring by," she admitted. "Your fruit and veggie count leaves quite a bit to be desired, angelfish."

"Thanks…I think."

"No need to thank me. I was just at the store the other day. Molly doesn't appreciate my concoctions nearly as much as you two do."

"Guinee pigs," Emily mumbled. At the sound of a much lighter voice, Penelope turned.

"I personally prefer to steer clear of all forms of animal testing because frankly, just thinking about that makes me feel sad and heartbroken."

"I think she meant us, baby girl. We've been your test subjects for over a month now." The woman's face slowly lit up, variations of unspoken excitement working across her face.

"Oh well yes, when you put it that way, I suppose you are. I hope that's okay." Derek blinked before rolling his eyes, even while detecting her thick humour.

"This is me you're talking to. Have I ever complained before?" Garcia stood pensive for a minute, mentally going over her most recent recepies.

"Not that I recall…"

"See, the fact that you had to even think about that, stings." In response Garcia just smiled, her self-assured demeanor coming through in the way she seemed to float toward the front door. As often as Emily found herself in the middle of these exchanges, there was still a novelty to the way they treated each other. Even while being lightly offended, Derek's eyes were still happy. Penelope's words weren't meant to hurt him at all. "Alright, on with it. Let's go get the girl before it gets too dark."

"It's 2'ocklock," Emily pointed out dryly.

"See, the problem is, Derek thinks he's funny when in reality, I'm the one with the good jokes."

"Come on now. You know that's a shared responsibility."

"That's what you think…." Behind them, Prentiss smirked, for once giving herself permission to enjoy the flow of energy. She wasn't quite to the point of understanding it yet, but the little she did know counted for so much. Morgan wasn't her father. And so far as she could tell, Penelope Garcia was most certainly not her mother. Unlike at home, these two could keep it respectful while still having fun with each other.

Once piled into Garcia's car (everything about the vehicle an obvious extension of its driver), she was only slightly surprised to see Derek pull up behind the wheel, not at all disturbed by its eccentric nature. His own vehicle was extremely tame by comparison. Clooney followed suit, quietly laying at Emily's feet. Molly offered quite the opposite as she stumbled haphazardly into her lap, nipping relentlessly at the tips of her fingers, the level of energy making the young woman laugh.

"See, this is usually the part where we…But you look lie you've got your hands full." Not until he actually spoke did Emily realize that Garcia had quietly slipped into the backseat of her own car, not at all bothered by it.

"Sorry," she mumbled. "I…I didn't mean to…" Penelope smiled softly, a wave of her overly decorated hand dismissing any oncoming apology.

"Esther and Derek have a very…interesting relationship." Emily raised her brow, a slight smirk crossing her lips.

"She loves me," he joked.

"You say that about all women…"

"I do not." Her point seemed further proven by the fact that Molly had no problem demanding his attention, forcing him to maneuver the vehicle with one hand. "Like mother like daughter," he chuckled.

"Shut up," Garcia muttered from her place in the back. She wasn't above admitting that she could at times be a touch demanding but she couldn't be _that_ bad. What remained of the ride continued in comfortable silence, Morgan instinctively reaching over the centre consol. Without much thought, Emily found herself weaving their fingers together, suddenly hit with the realization that Garcia would take notice and probably say something about it. She didn't know about _that_ , did she? She couldn't. Prentiss wasn't quite sure whether to call what they were now engaged in illegal but she was equally certain it was frowned upon by a few people. And still, she was far too familiar with the practice to pull away. _His hands are warm_ she thought, any remaining uncertainty washed away with a single touch.

Nearing their destination, she found her grip tightening without warning, every inch of a quiet apology sitting on her tongue.

"Easy…" he whispered. Ready to call Molly off her lap to give them space, Garcia watched as she gripped the small dog for added support. The pug barely yelped burrowing her nose in the young woman's stomach, the puppy's reaction flashing quiet fear across her eyes that Derek knew better than to miss. "You and me…"

"You and me…." She echoed, the sudden tension producing a whine from the retriever below.

"We can wait as long as you need," Penelope murmured. Emily turned to the voice, hoping beyond all hope that the reason for her fear wasn't actually written on her face. Though she wasn't entirely sure what had done it, something had gone and changed her entire demeanor, the little confidence she had moments before slowly falling away. Another careful question Garcia made sure to file away for a later time.

"Okay," she whispered, a heavy sigh flowing out of her in preparation for the unknown. Handing off the smaller dog, Clooney fell in step right alongside the pair, keeping closer than he had in a while. At first Prentiss wandered aimlessly, sure to avoid the small boxed in areas that held everything about her she would much rather forget. This time, Morgan thought nothing of it, though his anger and frustration slowly boiled. When she finally found an appropriately open space, Prentiss took care to fall upon it quietly, consciously aware of making too much noise.

Falling in beside her, with Garcia turned to face them, she was silent as the unspoken unravelled before her. The young woman's breath caught for all of a minute as Derek slowly removed her shoes and socks, her body a solid shiver as they slipped in between his callused hands. _They're so dirty and he still doesn't care_ Emily thought, the idea making her want to cry. _I'm dirty and he still smiles…_ Any attempt she would have made to stop him would have to wait, as soft tongues met each of her hands after both animals pulled up beside her.

Even while knowing she shouldn't be bothered, Garcia's hands began to ache with their uselessness. Nearly all of them had found ways to be useful; ways to make Emily feel better.

"Prentiss?" she asked cautiously. Hearing her name, Emily turned her head, the acknowledgement starting to sound as strange as Derek's attempts to use it.

"You…You can call me something else," she whispered. Garcia blinked, surprise flashing across her features before she forced her expression back to neutral.

"What would you like me to call you?" she asked. In return the woman shrugged. Anything she wanted really. Because even though parts of her were still unsure, there was a love unparalleled that followed Garcia everywhere. She wasn't Derek. Nobody was. But she was nice. She was kind. Her heart grew, especially around Derek.

"Just the people who don't love me call me that." Penelope nodded, her heart hammering especially hard at her choice of words.

"Who calls you Emily?" she asked gently. Innocent question or not, she watched the young woman's expression harden with warning.

"Please don't call me that…" Garcia nodded, all the answer she needed in the way she spoke her words.

"He makes it sound special, doesn't he?" Biting her lip hard, she nodded. Nobody had ever made it sound special before. The first time Derek said it, something inside of her changed, though at the time she made sure her face gave nothing away.

"It's like he's holding me…When he says it, I know nothing bad will happen." Penelope nodded slowly. She more than anyone knew exactly what Derek's words could do to a person." It was during moments like this that Morgan wondered why his friend spent so much of her time in probationary work. Most of the time she came off as a guidance counsellor, though he figured the dual nature of her personality worked together to make her as successful as she was.

"I understand," she mumbled. "Maybe I'll find you some names," she smiled. Emily nodded. Even though she hadn't meant for it to happen, her neutral name sounded strange in her mouth too. _Because she loves him…and you._ "You know, when I was little, I used to love it when my mom played with my hair…" Emily blinked, trying and failing to recall sharing that with her own mother.

"I've never done that before…" she admitted.

"Would you like to try?" Even while every nerve in her body told her that touch by Garcia would just be…too weird, she slowly nodded. When her acceptance was met with a soft smile, a light breeze danced over the heels of her feet when Derek finally let them drop. Instead he found a relinquished hand massaging it slowly. The kiss he rested across her knuckles brought an easy smile, even as she shivered.

To onlookers the sight of two fully grown adults and their dogs rallying around her was laughable. But for Prentiss, there was an enveloping of warmth that not even her Chicago family could grasp. Not that she expected them to. As much as they looked out for one another, survival was a priority that left no room for anything more.

"That feels…nice," she whispered, the words so careful as she explored the feeling of touch she'd only ever learned to come from him. Minutes passed when finally her hair fell back onto her shoulder, an extensive braid stopping just at the beginning of her stomach. Not until then did she realize just how long she'd actually allowed her hair to get. She couldn't for the life of her remember the last time anyone dared touch it.

"We can go get you a trim if you like…" Naturally, Emily had ends over ends over ends, though her lifestyle didn't leave a lot of room for proper self-care.

"Uh….We don't….You don't have to," she hesitated. Penelope quickly corrected that she _wanted_ to, the notion making Emily feel slightly guilty. As many times as she wondered what it felt like to be cared for, being shown these courtesies was almost pinch-worthy. "If..If…."

"She wants to," Derek finished. For a moment, she wondered which one of them he was answering for. For her own benefit, she hoped it was Garcia because the idea that he could already read her _that_ well was… _It's Derek_. A soft sigh coloured her cheeks, causing Emily to duck her head in a weak attempt to hide. "Trust me, the day you figure out that fighting Penelope gets you nowhere fast, things will be much easier." If that was meant to give her any sense of relief, it really didn't. "She wants to spoil you, babe. I promise you it's harmless."

Prentiss turned her head quickly, subconsciously waiting for a look of disapproval. Instead the blonde just smiled. The fact that Garcia just seemed to accept the slip almost made her feel worse somehow. But if she was to accept it so easily, she must have known that Derek wouldn't even think to hurt her. The woman was his best friend for fucksake. What _didn't_ she understand about him? Suddenly, she felt moderately lighter.

"You know…" she mumbled. Garcia carefully nodded, her eyes shining so stupidly bright she couldn't help but feel pressured to do better by him.

"You forget how long I've known this man," she chuckled.

"Reads me like a goddamn book…."

"You appreciate that."

"Sometimes yeah…." The blonde just smirked. "Other times it's an invasion of a man's privacy."

"Honey, since when do you and I believe in privacy?" Derek rolled his eyes.

"Something to think about…" Garcia shrugged.

"Alright, I'll think about it."

"For what? A whole minute?" he laughed.

"For you, two minutes." In return Morgan simply smiled.

"See what I have to deal with?" he muttered turning to Emily in hope for some form of moral support. In return, she only bounced her shoulders.

"Is this the part where I'm supposed to say I'm sorry?" she giggled. "Cause I don't think I can do that…" Derek sighed, looking between the two women dumbly.

"Oh, so this is how it's gonna be. Two against one?" A soft growl easily corrected him. "I'm sorry, three to two." Emily softly shook her head.

"We all know he likes me better…"

"That may be true but in times of war, men stand together." Emily and Penelope softly eurupted in joint laughter.

"And he's still convinced I'm the dramatic one…."

"Baby girl, you're already making me look bad…You don't have to make her hate me…" Garcia softly rolled her eyes. Based on what she'd been a part of over the last month or so, Emily thinking little of Morgan was about as likely as the sky going from blue to green.

"I'm just giving her the truth…"

"Course you are…"

* * *

 **A/N: Here we go! Something on the lighter side for once :)**


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